myths, magic, and fandoms
Can I.
Yes, I can, but Ui does it better.
So soft. So perky. He loves them.
Hairu loves how Ui looks at them.
She loves it even more when he squeezes and kisses them.
He treasures that she lets him see them.
tl;dr Hairu has amazing boobs we should all envy.
“We’ve gotta bite the bullet sometime,” Hairu mutters to Ui.
He gulps. “I guess.”
“Whoa. So pretty.” Masanori gazes at the vaulted ceiling and beautiful arabesque walls. “I want to climb them.”
Ui sends Hairu a panicked look. He still hasn’t recovered from Disneyland Tokyo. They only just released the bird back into the wild.
“Mommy, can I try your wine?” Masanori asks. “If I whine enough.”
Hairu has to giggle at the pun. “Did Kaneki tell you to say that?”
“Uh-huh.” Masanori sucks down his soda. “I want to taste it please.”
Ui sighs and holds out his glass. He doesn’t trust Masanori enough to hold it on his own. “Just one sip.”
Masanori puckers his lips. “It’s bitter.”
Ui nods.
“Why do adults like icky food?” Masanori eyes the menu.
“Because when you’re an adult, icky food tastes good,” says Hairu.
“That sounds sad.” Masanori pauses.
“They have shrimp tempura,” Hairu teases.
Masanori’s eyes widen. “I like the crunchies.”
Ui breathes a sigh of relief.
In fact, they make it almost the entire way through the meal before disaster strikes. Sure, Masanori has crumbs all over his face, but he’s happy.
And then.
And then.
He reaches for his soda. It falls onto the white tablecloth.
“Oh no!” Masanori clutches the tablecloth, accidentally yanking all their dishes along with it. “Ah!”
Plates, glasses, and silverware crash to the floor. Masanori is covered in tempura remains and sake.
Waiters rush over, and Hairu has to laugh. Ui has to refrain from crying as they apologize.
“I’m sorry,” Masanori whispers.
“It’s okay.” Hairu wipes her eyes and grabs Masanori to carry him to the restroom to wash off. She had expected nothing less this entire night. But she just wanted Masanori the chance to experience a fancy restaurant, the kind she never got to visit as a kid.
Ui nods as he helps the waiters. It’s embarrassing, every day with Masanori is adventurous and embarrassing. And he loves it.
“Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time,” Furuta croons. Well, he will do it. Or, well, Kaneki will do it because the loser can’t do anything on his own. Same thing, really.
“I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red underlined!” Furuta claps his hands. “I check i once, then I check it twice, oh!”
He spins around, trying to imitate the dance that goddess Taylor has done in her video. He imagines making all the CCG wear I ❤ KW shirts.
He’s whispering “I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me,” wiggling his hips and letting the glory of villain Taylor electrify his bloodstream when he hears a gasp.
“Sir?” Ui looks ready to die. “You asked for me, but I probably shouldn’t.”
“Ui!” Furuta crows, dragging Ui inside. This crony would be the first to wear his T-shirt if it meant Hairu returned. “Look what you made me do!”
Ui is even worse of a dancer than Furuta.
Furuta holds up his hand like a phone. “I’m sorry, the old Ui can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, ‘cuz he’s dead!”
Ui tries not to cry or faint as Furuta continues dancing around him.
Yassssss.
“The God of Death might just go down,” Eto murmurs, watching Arima grow paler and paler.
He’s fine during combat. But board games? His nerves takes it very personally.
“Arima, no! Don’t give up!” cries Hairu.
“Why are you rooting for him?” salts Ui. His knuckles are white. I will…defeat…I will take Marvin Gardens before him. I must.
“I’m rooting for you both.” Hairu scoffs.
“Ha!” Arima laughs with glee as Ui draws Go to Jail.
“Okay, but which jail?” Hairu asks.
“Definitely Cochlea.” Eto grins. “SSS rate cells.”
“Fuck all of you.”
“Language,” Arima mutters, carefully constructing his next five moves in his brain.
“I’VE BEEN PUT IN JAIL.” Ui whimpers. “Hairu, I don’t deserve it.”
“You don’t,” Hairu agrees.
“You do,” says Eto.
“I will not fail,” Arima mutters.
But after two more hours, Eto is bored. Hairu is bored. Their husbands, less so.
So Eto swoops her hands down onto the board and knocks the pieces off.
“Eto!” screams Ui.
“Why?” Arima gasps.
“I’m the One-Eyed Owl, fucking shit up.” Eto grins. “We’ll call it a draw. Enough pride for you two?”
Arima and Ui tentatively nod.
“Oh thank god,” says Hairu.
Kaneki Ken – boobs. They’re so squishy.
Nagachika Hideyoshi – like his BFF, he also prefers boobs.
Nishiki Nishio – ass, probably
Tsukiyama Shuu – ass. He does envy boobs, however.
Koma Enji – all about them legs
Yoshimura Kuzen – He’d probably be more innocent, like a “smile man.”
Yomo Renji – ass, but ashamed of it.
Uta – ass and totally proud of it.
Tatara – strong legs to kick the enemy.
Kirishima Ayato – boobs, but they also make him laugh so…
Noro – boobs kinda fascinate him
Yamori – he’ll beat your ass
Naki – shapely legs are delicious in many ways.
Mado Kureo – legs. They’re useful.
Amon Koutarou – boobs. They’re cute.
Takizawa Seidou – ass. It’s sexy, unlike how he views himself.
Urie Kuki – strong legs. make yourself useful.
Mutsuki Tooru – finely sculpted legs.
Shirazu Ginshi – boooobs
Higemaru Touma – quite an ass fan.
Aura Shinsanpei – boobs but like…he’s resigned himself to never seeing them in person.
Washuu Matsuri – Urie’s ass
Washuu Yoshitoki – rather fond of boobs himself
Arima Kishou – boobs both fluster and excite him
Ui Koori – boobs. How do girls move with them? Why are they so pretty?
Take Hirako – legs are beautiful.
Itou Kuramoto – asses are attractive. if you have it, might as well flaunt it.
Suzuya Juuzou – he likes how smooth legs are.
Hanbee Abara – boobs, but they also intimidate him
Mizurou Tamaki – ass
Miyuki Mikage – legs, legs tall enough to reach his height
Keijin Nakarai – ass and boobs. he chooses both.
Kuriowa Takeomi – asses fascinate him
Kuriowa Iwao – his wife’s boobs
Shinohara Yukinori – all about those long legs.
Mougan Tanakamaru – he appreciates a finely sculpted ass. His own, specifically.
Furuta Nimura – Boobs. Rize’s boobs. His own lack of boobs. Boobs.
“Daddy, did I do a good job?” Ui Koori waves his homework, wth a big A+ written in red, before his father. His family maintains a temple, and he’s been waiting all day for his parents to return.
He loves that they love him.
“You did fantastic. You’re smart, you know that?” Dad ruffles Ui’s hair.
“I’ll cook some melon buns as a reward.” Mom smiles at Koori, and he feels like he’s floating.
The TV begins reporting something about people dying in a ghoul attack. Dad immediately switches the channel.
“What are ghouls?” Ui asks.
His parents exchange glances.
“Sometimes, Ui, life isn’t fair. That’s all you need to know right now,” Mom says.
He pouts. “But life should be fair.”
“I agree. You’re one of the good guys, Koori, and don’t you forget it.” Dad winks. “And smart too!”
Why thank you, Nonny-Mouse!
“Of course. Of course, we’ve lost Masanori again,” Ui mutters.
“Where could he be?” Hairu cranes her neck. “I don’t see him anywhere!”
They push their way through the crowd.
“Maybe he’s in the swings,” Hairu says desperately. She can’t help but fear that someone kidnapped a quarter-ghoul child for vengeance.
“Let’s check his favorite characters,” Ui suggests.
“I have a better idea,” Hairu says weakly. She lifts a shaking finger behind them.
“Huh?” Ui turns around. He shrieks.
Because Masanori is scaling the castle roof.
“Who taught him to climb?” Ui cries.
“Eto is his aunt and Shio and Furuta his uncles; how are you surprised?” Hairu shoots back.
They race towards the castle base, where security is already trying to coax him down.
But, naturally, he doesn’t listen. He just climbs higher.
“Masanori!” Hairu wails.
“You know this kid?” demands a guard.
“He’s our son,” Ui says weakly. Parents walk by, shaking their heads at them.
If they found out he’s part ghoul, they’ll hate him even more. Would the guards even try to rescue him? Ui’s anger ignites. It isn’t fair.
“Do you think you can talk him down? He’s awfully high.” The man is sweating, and Ui kinda hates him.
“What’s he looking at?” Hairu notices a speck on the roof as Masanori hoists himself onto the ledge. Her heart pounds.
He cradles it in his palm and totters back towards the edge of the roof.
“Be careful!” Hairu yells.
“Well, careful for being on the roof of a castle surrounded by security,” Ui says.
Security rushes through with a ladder, and Ui breathes easier. “Hang on, Masanori!”
When Masanori finally reaches the ground again, Hairu and Ui rush over. “What were you doing?”
Masanori holds up a bird with a broken wing. “I saw a birdy fall and I wanted to save it, Mommy.”
Ui sags against Hairu. His boy is truly the best.
“MOMMY! DADDY!” Masanori races into their room. “Santa came!”
“Oh, did he?” Hairu smiles sleepily. She checks her phone. It’s 5 am. Hell.
“He did!” Masanori bounces up and down. “I was scared he wouldn’t like ghouls, but apparently he still thinks I’m nice.”
“I’d be more afraid of the naughty part than the ghoul part,” Ui teases, tickling his son.
Masanori shrieks. “Come help me open my presents!”
“Sure.” Hairu had planned to bake melon buns before the child awakened, but she clearly overestimated his excitement. She never got to celebrate Christmas in the Garden, though, so she’s secretly happy he woke up so early.
“Here you go.” Ui plops a Santa hat on Hairu’s head and a stocking on Masanori’s.
“What about you?” Hairu shivers with glee.
Ui shoves a bright red nose on himself. “I’m Rudolph.”
Their family dances downstairs to the Christmas tree.
Let me know if you want any others! These were the first I thought of. 🙂
Kaneki Ken – fetal position
Kirishima Touka – knees bent
Fueguchi Hinami – cuddling her pillow
Kirishima Ayato – whatever looks the least comfortable so he can brag about it later. He’s tried standing more than once
Tsukiyama Shuu – arms spread out
Kanae Von Rosewald – falls asleep on her knees praying for Master Shuu
Yomo Renji – on his side
Uta – arms above his head
Amon Koutarou – on his back
Akira Mado – on her back, a pillow under her knees to support her muscles
Takizawa Seidou – fetal position
Mutsuki Tooru – curled into a ball
Urie Kuki – stick-straight, on his back
Yonebayashi Saiko – on her stomach
Higemaru Touma – snow-angel pose
Aura Shinsanpei – crushed against the wall
Hsaio Ching-Li – she’s not fond of pillows
Shirazu Ginshi – on his back
Ui Koori – on his stomach
Hairu Ihei – drowning in a sea of pink pillows
Arima Kishou – knees bent
Yoshimura Eto – constantly tossing and turning, so really ALL THE POSITIONS
Suzuya Juuzou – fetal position
“Miki, pay attention!” Masanori giggles. “I have something to show you.”
“Okay.” His sister is not nearly as adventurous as he, but Masanori’s sure that’s because she hasn’t tasted adventure yet.
“We’re going to steal cookies from the cookie jar.”
“Isn’t stealing b – bad?”
“No, because they taste good.” Masanori smiles. “I’ve never gotten in trouble. Watch me. The trick isn’t to taking the cookies; that’s easy. The key is not getting caught after.”
“Huh?”
“Watch.” Masanori takes two cookies. “Mommy and Daddy will find the crumbs. So, here’s what we do.”
He leads her back to their room and opens their closet. “See the ceiling door? That’s the attic.”
“How can you reach?”
“I climb my clothes.” Placing the giant cookie securely in his mouth, Masanori climbs his clothes until he dangles beneath the attic door. A ladder tumbles out, nearly impaling him, but Masanori doesn’t care.
“Let’s go up! We can make all the crumbs we want.” He leads a giggling Miki to the stuffy attic and turns on his flashlight. A sea of crumbs greets Miki. “Look, here are my pet ants!”
Mercy and Magic 