Heyo, lately I’ve been feeling really self conscious about my body, do you mind writing a collegeAU FurutUi where Fruit feels self conscious about gaining the freshman fifteen (or thirty, really) but Ui shows him that he loves him even if he is a jerk, so of course he’ll love him even if he is chubbier. Sorry if it bothers you, and thank you!

Absolutely! I relate to body insecurities, too. ❤ ❤ ❤ You’re not alone, and though it’s cliche, it’s true: you’re beautiful the way you are.

Trigger warning for body issues/fat shaming.

“Hey, piggy.”

Furuta oinks back at the rude middle schoolers, because when people bully you, you should turn it into a joke and hate yourself more, right?

He can’t believe he’s gained this much weight. He wants to carve his oily flesh off.

He remembers taking Ami to prom to humiliate her for her weight. Well, now the tables have turned, and to be honest, this might be karma.

But Furuta is dishonest to his core, so really he’s just uncomfortable because he’s above Ami and right now he doesn’t look it. Right?

“Hey, Fruit-chan!” Ui Koori, that dork, hurries towards him.

“Ooh, he’s shaped like one,” yells one of the middle-schoolers.

Ui’s mouth drops. “You’re seriously letting three adolescents bully you?”

“They can’t hurt me,” Furuta lies.

“Stop it.” Ui narrows his eyes.

Furuta braces himself for the inevitable ethics spiel.

But instead, he feels Ui’s lips on his.

Furuta jerks back. “Excuse the fuck me?!”

“Ahem – you know I like you. You’re perceptive.” Ui shakes his head. “And if I like you despite the compulsive lies born from insecurity and your mean girl nature, maybe I don’t care if you’ve put on weight.”

Ui sighs. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Nope.” Furuta grins.

But he’d like to.

Despite himself, he feels his hands taking Ui’s. “Do you want to go read Gintama together? I have the latest in my dorm.”

Ui’s eyes shine. “Yes, I do.”

As they walk back to campus together, Ui slips his arm around Furuta’s midsection. “Dude, as long as I can still wrap my arms around you, you’re fine.”

Furuta feels an ember of hope that he might escape his dead end lies after all. And if someone can love him, messy on the outside and in, anything is possible.

Hajime regretting that he killed his two friends

“They made me work for it,” Hajime says with a grin.

And in that moment, he truly feels proud. He didn’t hesitate, even when Ui Koori did, even when Yusa screamed Rikai and Ui stepped in front of him. And then Shio had dove in front of Ui, yelling don’t touch her, and it happened so fast, but he won. Hajime won.

Would Mom and Dad be proud of him?

He doesn’t fucking care.

In the next week, though, Hajime finds himself crying himself awake at night. He remembers Shio’s awkward hugs and Yusa telling him about the realms of Narnia, Middle Earth, and the Wizarding World. He remembers Rikai’s shy smiles.

They were weak. He was strong. Why does he care?

Because now there’s no one left to love him, though Hajime will never admit this to himself.

Ui hasn’t looked at him the same since. Now his expressions might as well say you ghoul, ghoul, ghoul.

Hajime throws back his head and laughs. He can’t afford emotion. Furuta taught him well. The Bureau Chief likes him.

When he finally drifts back asleep, he’s awoken to two dark figures in his room.

“Who the fuck are you?” His voice, which has only just begun to deepen, cracks. Fuck.

It’s Hirako and Yusa, isn’t it, come to kill him.

“Do you remember me, Hajime?” A flashlight turns on, and Amon Koutarou stands there, flanked by Mado Akira.

“Traitor!” Hajime snarls at Akira.

“When everything came down, I didn’t betray my friends,” she replies stonily.

Hajime snarls.

“We’re not here to hurt you.” Amon extends a hand. “I was transformed by Dr. Kanou, too. We’re here to take you home.”

If Hairu was still alive. Hairu mourning the death of Shio.

Hairu totters closer to Kaneki Ken’s body, to the bloodstained, pale indigo head…and the pale blue one. Kaneki starts, and Hajime Hazuki laughs.

Shio.

Hairu’s first instinct is to scream, to collapse and wriggle on the ground with Kaneki. There is nothing she can do.

Ui, you were supposed to bring them back to me! Where is he?

Hairu can’t bear to look at the head, to imagine Shio’s final moments. My god, what have we done?

She’s long known Shio was innocent. If he and Squad Zero fought Hajime, they must have had a reason to follow Hirako rather than Ui.

Hairu feels tears in her eyes, and she’s crying, but she’s walking forward.

Hajime Hazuki feels himself lifted up by his hair. To his surprise, he sees Ihei Hairu holding her quinque at his throat.

“How would you like it?” she shouts. “Hmm? Would that make you feel good?”

She throws him to the ground. He has to know she would never.

Hajime bares his teeth.

“Did you feel powerful? Did you feel like the ghouls who murdered your parents?” Hairu laughs. “You are just like them!”

“Take that back!” screams Hajime, scrambling to his feet. For a moment, he looks like a terrified kid. Terrified like Shio was.

“Siding with traitors, are we, First Class?” Furuta sneers.

“I’m siding with my family! With Arima and Rikai and Shio!” Hairu fires T-human at Furuta, and in the chaos grabs Kaneki. She flees, far, far away from Shio’s head, as if outrunning him will undo the past.

“Where do we go?” Was this how Hirako felt when he fled? Where is Hirako, anyway? “I’m not letting you die, Ken.”

Because this is how Ihei Hairu mourns, with tears and firepower. She will honor Shio’s legacy and protect the one he fought for.

Uihai playing a good game of monopoly

“You’re being so mean.” Ui pouts.

“I’m being mean?” Hairu gasps.

“You threw me in jail!” Ui crosses his arms.

“That’s because I’m bankrupting you,” Hairu says gleefully, moving her battleship along.

“I’ve never lost Monopoly before,” Ui growls. “We’ll see who bankrupts who!”

“If Arima were here, he’d win for sure.” Hairu giggles.

“I’m good at this, too.” Ui sniffs. Hairu sticks out her tongue.

But he is good. So good, in fact, that when Arima, Hirako, and Squad Zero return to CCG the next morning, they find the two still battling at Hairu’s desk.

“Have you been here all night?” Arima is amazed.

“Children, never do that,” Hirako adds.

“I’m so close,” Ui whispers through bloodshot eyes.

“I won’t cave. I’ll be strong, like you taught me, Arima,” Hairu replies, not taking her eyes off the board.

“Someone’s gotta film this.” Shio flips open his phone.

“What’s going on?” Suzuya Juuzou runs in. “Ooh, that looks fun!”

He grabs the board.

“Noooooooooooooooooooo!” Ui stands in slow motion. Hairu falls backwards.

“It’s a draw,” Arima declares. “Now both of you go home and sleep. You’re in no shape for battle.”

“I was a battleship,” Hairu says dreamily.

“Preferably together,” Hirako adds. The kids burst into giggles, and Arima glares at him.

The misadventures of baby masanori

Everything is a misadventure with baby Masanori.

Hairu and Ui first learned he could crawl when he disappeared from his room one night. As Ui melted down and called Arima in a panic over their kidnapped child, Hairu found baby Masanori in the bathroom. He was splashing toilet water.

His first word was “mwah.” It’s what Auntie Eto told him to say.

Masanori’s first sentence was “I love you,” to his daddy. Ui melted and Arima (after a poke from Eto) told Ui he was proud of him.

He once decided to give Mommy a haircut. She woke up to her bangs snipped off with scissor. Hairu was more upset that she had to wear her hair different than Ui than she was about the actual haircut.

Masanori once tried to convince Auntie Eto to give him human flesh to eat. Just to try it. Ui nearly passed out and Hairu was pissed.

When he grows up, he wants to be Uncle Uta or Uncle Shio.

His favorite day of the year is his birthday, because Uncles Shio and Yusa, and Auntie Rikai, play water balloons with him. Next year he’s planning to rig traps that dump dozens of balloons on his enemies at once. Hairu encourages this, and Ui will be helping build the traps. It’s only fair because Hirako is preparing the rest of the Zero Squad kids.

Shio, Rikai and Yusa buy Masanori a phone (probably with hirako’s money) and he losses and breaks it the first day he gets it.

Obviously with Hirako’s money. Those hellions. 😀

“Now, only use this in emergencies and to play Candy Crush,” Shio tells Masanori.

The kid’s eyes are the size of the phone. “It’s all mine?”

“Yes.” Yusa made sure to buy a heavy case for it.

“Thank you!” Masanori screams, throwing his arms around Shio, Rikai, and Yusa one by one.

“I put all of our numbers in there to be safe,” Rikai tells him.

“You’re the best.” Masanori holds the phone to his ear. “I’m like an adult.”

Masanori knows Shio told him not to use it much, but he can’t imagine taking selfies is wrong. Mommy loves selfies.

He climbs onto the toilet to get a full image of himself, like he’s seen Mommy do.

His foot slips, and with a cry, Masanori’s foot and his phone splash into the toilet.

“Uh – oh.” Masanori has a bad feeling about this.

“Everything okay?” Daddy rushes in. “Masanori, your leg!”

“It’s fine. My phone is not.” Masanori holds up a dripping iPhone. His leg remains twisted.

“Mommy can tend to your phone.” Ui grabs Masanori. “Let’s make sure you can still walk.”

Hairu approaches. She bursts into laughter upon seeing that Masanori is okay, but his “phone” is dripping. “Whose phone is that?”

“Mine. Shio, Rikai, and Yusa bought me,” he says sadly. “They’ll be very sad.”

“I think Hirako’s wallet will be sadder,” Hairu says with a grin. “Ui, time to call up Take.”

Uihai can’t even do the do anymore because Masanori started walking and is haunting them around the house

Hahahaha! Of course he is.

Ui rolls atop Hairu. “I miss you.”

“Hmm, we haven’t done this in a while, have we?” Hairu gives him a wicked grin and starts pulling up her shirt.

“Mommy?”

Ui tumbles off Hairu, who sinks her naked chest under the covers. “Masanori?”

“Can I have some water?”

“Of course. Daddy will help you,” says Ui. Hairu flashes him a grateful look.

When he returns, Hairu is still undressed. She winks at Ui.

“I think the minion’s asleep.” Ui pulls off his own shirt and climbs back onto the bed.

“Daddy?”

Ui pulls away, and this time Masanori knows something’s up. “Why is Mommy naked?”

“Daddy was just helping Mommy get dressed for bed,” Hairu says, quickly hauling on her T-shirt.

Masanori, thankfully, seems to buy this. “I wanted a kiss goodnight.”

“We’ll both kiss you.” Hairu approaches him.

“Why is Daddy undressed when he was already in his pajamas?”

“I was too warm,” Ui says quickly.

“Okay.” Masanori kisses both his parents and skips off to bed.

It takes another half an hour for both Ui and Hairu’s heart rates to subside before they try again.

Masanori watching a scary movie when he was told not to and gets scared afterwords.

“Can we watch It?” Masanori waves Uta over. “It has clowns!”

“Did your parents say it was okay?” Uta cocks an eyebrow.

“No, but it’s rated R, so they didn’t even consider that it has clowns,” Masanori says sadly. “They’re biased.”

Uta eyes the clock. They do have time, and he does want to see it.

I’m going to hell. Uta sits besides Masanori and selects the movie.

“Do you think Aunt Itori would like this? Or Uncle Fruit?”

“It’s Aunt Itori’s favorite, and Uncle Fruit would be too scared,” Uta replies as the movie begins.

That evening, Hairu and Ui arrive him to a Masanori who has his back pressed into the wall and fears the bathroom.

“Masanori, what is the matter?” Hairu finally asks.

“You’ll float too,” he whispers.

Ui’s face turns green. “You watched It, didn’t you?”

“I wanted to see the clown! With its big scary teeth! But I didn’t realize it was going to haunt me and eat me!” cries Masanori.

Hairu dials a number on her phone. “Hi, Yomo? Kill your husband for us. You can ask him why.”

She hangs up. “It was fiction, Masanori.”

“But ghouls eat people. What if Pennywise was a ghoul?” he whispers.

“Then your parents just happen to be investigators skilled in defeating it,” says Hairu.

“O – okay.” Masanori shivers. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

“We won’t get sleep if you don’t,” Ui jokes, and Masanori sticks his tongue out at his dad.

“Yes. We’ll even keep our quinques out, okay?” Hairu hugs their son, and he clings to her. “Let’s be off to sleep, then.”

She smirks at Ui. They can have a talk about obedience later. Right now, their child is scared and needs comfort.

Uihai family vacation

Masanori bounces up and down on the bed where his parents had, up until now, been snoozing. “Wake up, wake up! It’s Kaiyukan Day!”

Hairu squints in the pale morning light. Oh yes, they’re in a hotel, in Osaka. “Hmm? Yes, we’re going to the Kaiyukan today.”

“Uncle Shirazu told me to see the whale shark. He said it’s bigger than Auntie Eto’s kakuja!” Masanori pretends to faint. He angles himself to collapse between his parents. “What will you do if it tries to eat me?”

“Rescue you, of course. Quinques and everything,” Ui says, stroking the child’s pink bob.

“Yay!” Masanori giggles.

“We’ll have breakfast first, then arrive in time to see the river otters fed, okay?” Hairu smiles. She glances at her phone. “It’s early.”

“I was too excited to sleep!” Masanori wriggles out of bed and races towards the bathroom. “Sharks!”

“Did we give him sugar last night,” mutters Ui.

Hairu shakes her head and arises. “Well, we’re awake now.”

“Indeed. Happy morning.” Ui pecks her on the lips as Masanori calls, “Hurry and help me get dressed!”

When they arrive at the Kaiyukan, Hairu is nearly as excitable as her son, and Ui is alternating between wonder and terror that they’ll fall in.

Surely they’ll tired before they’ve explored the entire exhibit.

“I want a penguin!” Masanori leans over the railing.

“Be careful.” Ui overreaches for his son and feels his balance tipping. “Wait -”

“Ui!” Hairu shrieks.

He hears yelling, and a splash, and the water is cold, and penguins are staring down at him.

“DADDY!” Masanori tries to dive over, but Hairu wrestles him back. Divers are already on their way.

Blood rushes to Ui’s cheeks as he’s escorted out of the penguin pool, a swipe of penguin poop on his forehead.

Once the workers are satisfied Ui wasn’t showing off on purpose, he’s allowed to rejoin his family after a brief shower.

“That was the coolest thing.” Masanori’s eyes are like saucers. “Are they fluffy?”

“Kinda rubbery, actually,” Ui says, forcing a smile.

“I can’t wait to tell everyone my dad touched a penguin.” Masanori races ahead.

“Gotta admit, you looked really cute all dazed and surrounded by penguins,” Hairu says lightly.

“Did I?” Ui smiles back, releasing his embarrassment away.

Yoshitoki and Marude walk in on Ui giving hairu flowers 🌺 🌹

“I feel like a failure as a Washuu,” Yoshitoki admits to Marude in a rare moment of stress. “And a father.”

Marude regards his friend soberly. “I see. Let’s take a walk.”

The two men leave Yoshitoki’s office and round the corner to see a truly mammoth – owl kakuja sized – bouquet of flowers.

“What the hell?” Marude grumbles.

Yoshitoki laughs. The person uses the flowers as a shield and shuffles over to First Class Ihei’s desk.

“Ui, are you serious?” Marude asks.

Ui’s face peaks out from behind the flowers. “How did you know it was me?”

“Son, even I can see your feelings,” Yoshitoki tells him.

Ui pales.

“What’s all this?” Hairu skips into the room. “Oh!” Her eyes glow.

They’re all pink to match her hair. “Ui, I love them!” She races over to him and tackles him in a hug. “Let me take pictures for Arima! Isn’t my boyfriend so nice?”

Now Ui’s face reddens.

“Very nice,” Yoshitoki tells her. He winks at Ui, who is now squirming. This was supposed to be private, dammit.

“Ooh, smell the roses, Ui.” Hairu holds out one and winces as she pricks her finger.

“Bad rose!” Ui gasps.

“Let’s go.” Marude guides a grinning Yoshitoki out, unsure why the sight makes him so happy. For some reason, he seems to have a soft spot for the Garden children.

“Finally.” Hairu breathes at the two men leave. She plants her lips right on Ui’s.