Alternative title: The Roast of the Quinx.
“Was this really Maman’s plan?” Saiko tugs at the door. She and her fellow Quinx are trapped in a small room with Akira Mado, Amon Koutarou, and Seidou Takizawa.
“It sucks. Of course it’s Kaneki’s plan,” Urie grumbles.
“I brought you a shirt.” Seidou tosses him a white tee reading This is our get-along shirt.
“Fuck off,” Urie tells him.
“With ladies present? I think not.” Seidou sniffs.
Urie splutters. “You know I didn’t mean it that way.”
Saiko winks at Akira.
“Make your green goblin friend apologize to Akira.” Seidou crosses his arms.
“Seidou, he was only doing what he thought was right,” warns Amon.
Mutsuki’s eyes fill with tears. “I – I don’t think I’ve ever known that.”
“I forgive you, Mucchan.” Akira smiles at him.
“I don’t. I don’t forgive a one of ya’s. Particularly the purple brat.” Seidou scowls.
“Why me?” Urie clenches his fists.
“Because you remind me of me.” Seidou giggles. “I’m your future. Bah!”
He sticks out his tongue. “Have you framed out yet? That’s possible, right?”
Urie’s face now matches his hair.
“Of course he hasn’t,” Aura snaps.
Hsaio coughs. Saiko stares at the floor.
“Urie?” Higemaru gapes at his hero.
“What happened? Did you try to eat your friends?” Seidou cackles. “Omg, to have been a fly on the wall, watching you eat your words.”
“Shut up.”
“In all fairness, he just attacked me with his kagune, not his teeth.” Saiko says lamely.
Mutsuki’s mouth falls open.
“Urie Kuki,” Akira says firmly. “How many people knew?”
“Just us three,” Hsaio says.
“He’s a ghoul! Their First-Class investigator’s a ghoul!” Seidou rolls around on the floor.
Outside the room, Tsukiyama smirks at Kaneki. “I think it’s going well.”
Of course Tsukiyama was inspired by the grandmother in Mulan. 😉
“You’re a salty bastard, you know that?” Urie spits.
Mutsuki, however, smiles sweetly at Seidou. “I know what it’s like to lose yourself, too.”
“I hear you do.” Seidou holds up his hand for a high five. “Let’s be best friends.”
Mutsuki returns the high five, and Urie scowls.
“Told you we should have used ownership rights over Amon.” Saiko can’t resist throwing a jab at Urie. Amon smiles at her.
“You’re pretty amazing, Yonebayashi.”
“Am I?” She blushes.
“He’s my boyfriend,” Akira says with a wink.
Saiko laughs. “Oooookay. Lucky Miss Mado.”
“You can date Aura if you like tall men,” Seidou calls.
“Ew! She’s like my sister!” screams Aura.
Seidou laughs even more.
“Why are we still here?” whines Higemaru.
“Because Kaneki wants us to sing Kumbaya. And work through our issues so we don’t kill each other.” Seidou shrugs.
“I thought it was a good idea,” Amon says.
“I didn’t, but that didn’t stop me from agreeing.” Seidou grins.
“I hate you.” Urie crosses his arms.
Seidou gasps and sidles up to Urie. “No, you don’t! I will be a good Seidou and a good role model for the new ghoul. I promise. If you haven’t eaten your fellow Quinx yet, you’re already doing better than me.”
He looks sad for a moment, and Urie pities him. If Saiko hadn’t saved him, would he have done the same?
Urie awkwardly rests his hand on Seidou. “There, there?”
“Touch me again and I eat you.”
Urie pokes him.
Seidou pouts, but then they hear a key in the lock.
“Quick!” Seidou waves his hands.
Kaneki opens the door to see the Quinx and Investigators locked arm in arm, swaying and singing Kumbaya.
He hesitates.
“That’s a no.” Tsukiyama shuts the door and relocks it.
“You asshole!” Seidou yelps.
Mercy and Magic 