Koori trying to put together IKEA furniture

Whoever you are, Nonny-Mouse, I love you for this ask.

Ui Koori closes his eyes, leans back, and screams.

“Wow.” Hirako Take leans around the corner, from where he and Arima Kishou are constructing a bed for Koori and his newlywed Ihei Hairu. Arima has had zero problems putting together this blasted furniture; in fact, everything finished can be attributed to him.

“I hate all the tiny, tiny pieces and pieces and more pieces and more pieces! Give me ghouls any day.”

“Koori!” Hairu hurries in from the bathroom, which she just finished decorating with the seashells they collected on their honeymoon. “What’s wrong?”

Ui points to the misshapen cabinets. “I fucked-ed it up. Wah. Help me.”

“Koori.” Hairu giggles and sits beside him.

“I read the instructions even,” Ui complains. Arima didn’t even have to. He just knew.

Arima would be a better husband to Hairu.

Hairu delivers a knowing glance. She can sense his insecurity.

“You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” She tickles him, and Ui squeals.

“Aieee!”

“Now, two brains are better than one, right team?” Hairu smiles and opens the guide again.

Half an hour later, the cabinets are finished, but Hairu herself keeps muttering about Arima’s uncanny furniture ability.

Ui winks at her, and she nods.

Their plan is set.

Arima walks by, carrying their couch by himself, and they both dive at him. Ui grabs his feet, Hairu his neck. “Tickle tickle!”

Arima just stares. “I’m…not ticklish.”

“He’s the inspector without flaws, remember?” Hirako calls.

Ui frowns, but Hairu shoots back, “Does that mean you’ve tried this too?!”

Urie despite his lack of ability to cook, decided to cook sth for mucchan bc of him bad mood :’)

“Oreo Cookie, what are you doing?” Saiko peers into the kitchen, where a flour-covered Urie is cussing while he slams pots and pans around.

“Nothing!” he yelps.

She crosses her arms. “You’re clearly doing something.”

“I’m making Mutsuki a cake. He’s sad and he deserves one.” Urie smashes an egg and whimpers when its shell splatters into his clucterfuck of a bowl.

“Let me help.”

“No!” Urie waves her away. “I want it to be me.”

“Oh, do you?” Saiko raises her eyebrows. “I seeeeeeeee. Well, have fun.”

She strides off, leaving a stammering Urie alone in the kitchen.

When Mutsuki arrives at the Chateau, Sasaki and that blue-haired bitch consume his thoughts. He doesn’t notice the smell of charred hell wafting from the kitchen until he’s passing the room.

With a start, Mutsuki rushes in. “What’s happening?”

“Oh!” Urie, spattered with runny emerald icing, looks up. “H – Hi, Mucchan.”

“Are you okay?” Mutsuki tries not to vomit from the smell.

“Yes! Look!” Urie holds out an emerald cake carved into a heart. We love you is written in red piping.

Mutsuki takes a moment to realize that it’s for him. “Did you make this for me?”

“Uh, yeah. It probably won’t be very good.” Urie gestures to bowls of putrid batter and a stack of burned cakes. “But at least it looks edible?”

He also tasted it, and it’s not terrible. He hasn’t puked yet.

“No – no one’s ever baked me a cake before.” Mutsuki’s eyes are enormous.

He feels loved.

He throws his arms around Urie. “Thank you!”

Urie fights back a wave of nausea. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“Of course i do.” Mutsuki wipes his eyes.

This is worth it. Urie bends over to soothe his stomach. It can’t be the cake. It can’t.

“Are you sick?”

“No,” he muttered, just as his gorge rises.

“Urie!” Mutsuki shoves the cake onto a counter and holds his friend over the sink. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” Urie breaks into tears. “I’m sorry! I’m supposed to make you a cake and I – I got myself sick – I’m such a bad friend – and I wanna be your boyfriend -”

Whoa.

Mutsuki looks shocked. “Urie?”

“One minute.” Urie feebly points at Mutsuki before gagging up the rest of the cake.

“I’m glad to have a cake, even if it’s poison,” Mutsuki says, his sweet self once more. “But Urie -”

“I know, you love Sasaki.” Urie wipes his mouth. “I didn’t mean to come onto you like that.”

“No, that’s not it.” Mutsuki wrings his hands. “I didn’t realize, that’s all.”

“I do, I do love you,” Urie mumbles. No taking this back.

“I’m crazy,” Mutsuki protests.

“I like crazy.”

Mutsuki isn’t sure how to feel. A – a window has opened he never dreamed of. But he can’t quite release Sasaki. Can Urie live with that? Can he? Not forever, he knows.

Still, he dares himself to say, “I might wanna be your boyfriend, too.”

After that Mulan-Mutsurie mashup, I dare you to write Disney-film mashups for: Ayahina, Touken, Takirona, Akiramon, Uihai, Nishikimi, Tsukikana, Arieto, and Shiraiko. Ty and good night.

I love you, Nonny-Mouse. I’ll be posting these once a day (probably) until the list is done!

Mulan/Mutsurie Mashup: Here.

Sleeping Beauty/Ayahina

Ayato and his posse of underworld fighters gape at the wriggling kagune. It impales two ghouls and throws them into flames. It breathes fire like a dragon. Several CCG investigators fall back, screaming and rolling on the ground as they roast alive.

The CCG director laughs behind it. “Now you’re all going to die!”

The reaper Ayato was fighting hesitates. He’s not surprised that this was all a plot; in fact, he almost looked relieved.

“Truce until we wreck that?”

“You bastard!” Touka charges at him. “Hinami’s back there!”

Ayato’s blood boils. “What?!”

“I didn’t – I didn’t know – we have to let her go!” The investigator clutches his scythe. “She’s probably dead.”

“Oh hell no.” Ayato did not bring up reinforcements to save the day just to lose Hinami,

“Ayato, she’s halved,” Touka says, tears in her eyes.

Ayato punches the investigator straight in the face.

“Stop, he used to be Kaneki’s friend!” cries Touka.

“I don’t fucking care.” Ayato whirls around, but kagune brambles are already filling up the path between he and Hinami.

“We’re going to help!” Touka, Investigator Suzuya, and a tall, nervous investigator run after Ayato.

Ayato fires Rc shards over and over. The kagune springs forth an undead mass of flesh that grabs Ayato, but the tall investigator quickly dispatches it.

“No!” gasps Furuta when he sees Ayato nearing him. He leaps forward.

Suzuya, Hanbee, and those loathsome Kirshimia halt.

“Now you shall have to deal with me, sweet prince,” Furuta taunts. Doubtless the boy is concerned for the barely-alive Yotsume behind him. “And all the powers of hell!”

In a blast that sends Suzuya tumbling back, the kagune dragon reattaches itself to Furuta. He grows and grows, until his full kakuja is displayed in all its reptilian inglory.

Hanbee screams, and the dragon lunges straight for Ayato. He narrowly avoids it, but fire quickly surrounds his three companions.

“This way!” Touka waves him into a nearby tunnel, and Suzuya grabs his arm before another blast of fire.

“We need a plan.”

“We’ll distract him. Rabbit, go.” Suzuya hands Ayato an Rc-suppressant tinged knife.

Suzuya, Hanbee, and Touka leap out of the tunnel. Fire shoots at them, and they’re slowly losing ground.

With a scream, Ayato uses his ukaku to fly straight for Furuta’s heart. He aims the knife and hurls it.

Furuta shrieks, and his kakuja begins to dissipate. It melts off his skin like the reptile he is, and when he regains consciousness, he will find himself too full of suppressants to protest.

Ayato, however, dashes for Hinami. She’s regenerating half her body and barely conscious. “Hina, Hina, it’s all right. I’m here.”

Tears prick his eyes, but he knows what to do. He’s seen it time and again with Aogiri.

Ayato grabs her lower half and presses it against her midsection. Slowly, bonds began reforming.

Hinami opens her eyes to Ayato’s desperate lips on hers.

I feel kinda guilty for liking this ship, but maybe something JuuzouxSeidou? I’ve also always wondered how they would react if they ever met in :Re since you know, Seidou hated his guts in the original because he’s a jelly bean.

Ooh don’t feel guilty. All ships are welcome and enjoyed (unless they feature something inherently abusive, a la Mutsuki x torso). And jelly bean is a phenomenal description of him!

“Go away!” Takizawa Seidou screams as investigator after investigator pile up on both sides of the tunnels under the 24th ward. He doesn’t recognize any of them, but that doesn’t make him feel better.

He’s not supposed to kill them anymore. Kaneki wouldn’t like it. He wouldn’t like it.

“Prepare to die.” Suzuya Juuzou, that brat, saunters forward.

And pauses. Seidou’s white hair, his deranged eyes –

Was I a good boy, Mom? He’s once again hurling knife after knife into restrain guests as they plead for mercy he doesn’t remember how to give.

How many good boy points did I earn? Shinohara’s standing there, dressed in armor, quinque ready, seeing a human behave like a ghoul. And Suzuya hates how this old man looks at him – with pity and something like kindness.

Seidou is different though. He is now a ghoul, while Suzuya never was.

Seidou doesn’t fight.

“You don’t intend to try?” Suzuya asks, heart wavering.

“Why bother? My life is gone.” Seidou glares at him. “I didn’t ask for this, you know.”

Suzuya remembers the consequences Akira faced for saving Seidou. He can’t make the same mistake – what will Mr. Shinohara say?

Or is he the Mr. Shinohara of this moment?

“Suzuya.” Hanbee wavers.

“Kill him.” Keijin aims his quinque.

“I – I can’t. No, I can, but I won’t,” Suzuya declares. “We can take him prisoner instead. He must know secrets of the ghoulification process, after all.”

“Indeed.” Mizurou isn’t fooled, but he is secretly happy for his friend.

——————————————————————–

CCG has fallen. The government has declared a treaty among GOAT.

But tell that to the CCG gang surrounding Seidou.

“He killed several investigators.”

“Stop!” Suzuya dashes forward and stands in front of him. “You don’t know what he’s gone through. I would have done the same – I did do the same, and you all like me.”

“They’re all disgusted by me,” grumbles Seidou, although the investigators do stand down per Suzuya’s orders.

Suzuya turns to him. “They are usually disgusted by me too.”

Seidou’s face falls. “I used to be one of those. I – I – I’m sorry, and I’m sorry my apologies are worthless.”

“They’re not!” Suzuya takes Seidou’s disguised face in his hands. “You’re worth it.”

“You’re inspiring,” Seidou admits. His voice is thick.

“So are you. You got transformed into a ghoul, after all.” Suzuya smiles at him, and Seidou has the wild urge to kiss him.

He takes his hand instead, but their touch is no less meaningful. Suzuya feels it too, and he seems surprised, but not unhappy.

“We’ll find life after together,” Suzuya promises.

Ui and Hairu switch bodies

Dr. Kanou quivers with excitement. On Furuta Nimura’s suggestion, Ui Koori and Ihei Hairu are about to become his newest subjects.

They clink their glasses of soda together and take sips.

Kanou sweats with glee. They each think the other has provided the special sodas that appeared on their disks, and Koori’s inability to ask and Hairu’s trust are about to deliver the shock of their lives.

“Uh.” Ui falls first. His can spills onto the floor.

Hairu stands and tries to yell his name, but she too crumbles before she can finish.

When Ui awakes, something feels different. His hair is pink.

And he’s staring at himself.

“Am I dead?” he asks aloud, trying to ground himself in reality.

But no. He has – well – breasts now, and he’s wearing lacy tights. Damn are they uncomfortable.

“What am I?” Ui’s body screams.

“Hairu!” he yells in Hairu’s voice.

“Koori?” Hairu stares at the pink liquid oozing over the ground. “Collect it! We have to – this is some mad ghoul magic!”

She pauses. “Koori, why does your body have to go to the bathroom.”

“Don’t!” Ui yelps.

“Do I have a choice?” Hairu-as-Ui retorts.

“What do we do? Is this even real?” Ui wails.

Arima pokes his head in. “Is everything okay?”

“We just switched bodies,” Hairu-as-Ui says.

Arima raises an eyebrow. “Have fun.”

“He doesn’t believe me!”

“Why would he?” Ui-as-Hairu exclaims. He has to use the bathroom too, but no, he won’t – he won’t do that to Hairu.

“Maybe if we drink it again, we can reverse it.” Hairu shakes. “Otherwise, we’re doomed to have no one believe us.”

“Maybe we’ll just become more each other.” Ui scowls.

“Don’t be a naysayer!”

But Hairu’s idea fails, and after they’ve shipped the drink off to CCG’s lab, Arima announces their next mission.

“I’m sorry,” Hairu tells Ui as they ready their briefcases. “But I need to pee so much I’m going to get us all killed.”

Ui watches her stride into the bathroom with a red face.

Of course, she winks at him when he returns, and Ui wonders if maybe their solution isn’t to allow themselves to be killed by ghouls.

“Calm down. I’m not going to be an ass,” Hairu says in a small voice.

“I know.” He squeezes her hand, and they ready themselves for battle, though Ui does exchange their briefcases. No way they should risk fighting with unfamiliar quinques.

When they return, HIrako is eyeing them. “Why did you fight with each other’s quinque?”

“We switched bodies for a day,” Hairu-as-Ui tells him.

He scoffs, but the kids are giggling and quickly distract him by constructing their own body-switching ideas.

Hairu finds a message on Ui’s machine from a lab technician, detailing exactly what enzyme has switched. A quick google search turns up how to undo the binding mechanism, and she immediately races to the lab.

Ui hurries after her. “Aren’t we going to get in trouble for breaking in?”

“Shut it.” Hairu rolls her eyes and scrummages through the cabinets for the correct enzyme. “Here.”

She pours them shots – because of course she has shot glasses – and they each gulp down the chemicals.

When they awaken, Hairu cheers. “Ui, I’m back.”

Ui nods eagerly. He’s about to ask if he can kiss her now, when she shrieks, “Oh my god, didn’t you use the bathroom?!”

“I was trying to be a gentleman!”

Hairu sticks out her tongue. “Remind me to kiss you after.”

Watching from the shadows, Dr. Kanou has to admit he’s impressed.

uihai adventures on Father’s and Mother’s Day!

Featuring Masanori as their demon child, from @hamliet‘s “The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT.”

“Do you think Mommy will like it?” Masanori holds up a painting of cherry blossoms.

“I think it’s perfect,” Ui tells him, marveling at his paint-splattered son. Urie, the one whom Masanori begged his art lessons from, nods.

“Goody.” Masanori has another idea, but he’ll do it later so Daddy doesn’t get scared.

Daddy doesn’t like scary things, but Masanori does, and Auntie Eto loves telling him scary things.

The next day, Masanori holds out his picture to Hairu. “Look!“

Cherry blossoms. Hairu squeals and hugs him. “You’re such a talented boy.”

“I made you another drawing, too. I had to sneak into Urie’s studio later.” Masanori radiates pride.

Hairu rolls her eyes at Ui. “Sure. What is it?”

“Look!” Masanori waves a picture of Hairu – probably – lying down, with Ui kissing her. “Auntie Eto said you died once and Daddy brought you back wth a kiss, just like the movies!”

Hairu’s mouth drops open, and Ui looks ready to murder Arima’s mischievous wife.

“Is that okay?” Masanori senses his parents are upset, and he didn’t mean to hurt them. He loves them.

“Of course.” Hairu has to laugh. If Masanori wants to view her past through the fairy-tale sense, she won’t stop him. “I’m dressed like a princess, after all.”

“We do look cute, don’t we?” Ui smirks at Hairu, and she kisses him.

“Ew.” Masanori knows he drew them kissing, but still. Real life is sometimes scary.

————————————————————————

“Daaaaaaaaaadddyyyyyy!” Masanori flies into his parent’s room. “It’s father’s day!”

Ui gasps, and Hairu immediately leaps off her husband. “Masanori! Good morning!”

Her suggestions to make Ui a father again were perhaps ill-timed. Her husband now looks catatonic.

Hairu smiles from under the covers. “Go get Daddy breakfast food, and I’ll be right down.”

“Okay!” he sings.

“That was close,” Hairu whispers to Ui. “I’ll make it up to you later, once your heart rate is back to normal.”

“With this child, that will never happen.” Ui struggles out of bed and reaches for his pajamas. “Hirako was right. It’s karma.”

He smiles at Hairu. “The best kind of karma.”

Smol Fruit and smol Rize in the Garden.

***Clutches what remains of my heart***

“Were you also…bred?” Souta trembled. He was finally doing it – he was talking to the pretty girl.

“Yes.” She ought to hold out her hand like a polite little girl. Instead, she shoved him. “But I’m a full ghoul. I have a kagune. Want to see it?”

“Yes!” Souta clapped his hands. She was delightfully unlike anyone else here. “I’m Souta!”

“I know,” the girl said. “You know I’m Rize.”

“I like your name.” His face turned red.

“I like you.” She giggled and activated her kagune. It slithered towards him. “You look delicious.”

Furuta Souta would have been okay with her eating him. She was so pretty. “Wow, that’s a pretty big kagune.”

Rize stroked it. “They say it’s special.”

“You’re special.” Should he have said that?

Rize took his hand, and he felt certain he knew what heaven was like. “We’re all special, right?”

“I dunno.” He never felt special. Dad – Tsuneyoshi, as Mom always reminded him never to call him Dad – never paid him attention. “Can I touch your kagune?”

Rize nodded. “Ooh, that tickles.”

“I like it! I wish I had one.” He ran his hands down the slippery red tentacles. Maybe then Tsuneyoshi would like him.

“We can pretend it’s both of ours.” Rize pulled him closer. “One condition, though.”

“What?” He felt so happy in her arms, her kagune wrapped around him.

“We start a book club. I stole all the books from the library. the trick is to only take one, and then they don’t notice, and when you put it back, you take another.” Rize fished a copy of The Black Goat’s Egg from her dress. “This is supposed to be a scary one! They said I’m too young for it. Wanna read it together? Please, Souta? I have no one to read with and Mommy says you’re smart.”

Furuta’s eyes widened. “O – Okay.”

She tackled him. “Don’t worry, I’ll hold you if you get scared. Now, for chapter one.”

I think Hajime needs some friends. Maybe a fun day with the zero squad kids?

Our boy needs serious friendship. And possibly a time-out.

Hajime kicks a stone. It skitters across the street only to be trampled by some unfortunate’s tires. Good.

“Hajime!”

Three kids he knew from the academy race up to him.

“Squad Zero.” Hajime frowns. “What do you want?”

He’s gonna be a ghoul soon. Partially. He can avenge Mom and Dad. It’ll be great.

He just hopes he’s not betraying them.

“Fun!” Shio stomps his feet.

“How are you?” Rikai smiles at him. Hajime is cute, though he can’t see it.

“Wishing I could be an investigator already. I wanna stop these ghouls.” He grins, then hesitates. “I’m sorry about Ihei Hairu.”

“Me too,” says Yusa, staring at the ground.

“Well. You should come out with us, then. Are you free this afternoon? Of course you are.” Shio tugs Hajime down the street. “Lots of investigators feel bad, so they give us candy or money. We’re gonna go eat hamburgers and the feast on the candy.”

Hajime hasn’t had candy in a long time. What if this is his only chance? Will his taste change after the surgery? He licks his lips. “Okay.”

“Hurrah!” Shio cheers, and Yusa hugs him.

“No mushy stuff!” Hajime yells.

“Oh, stop being such a turd.” Rikai opens the restaurant door. The smell of fresh burgers incites her stomach to growl.

“Are you happy as investigators?” Hajime asks, once they’re seated and drinking soda. He loves soda. Mom and Dad use to reward him with soda whenever he did good in school.

“Yes,” says Shio.

Yusa shrugs. “It’s okay.”

“I wish we didn’t have to kill,” says Rikai, and Shio’s face falls.

“So none of you are.” Hajime’s long since kissed happiness goodbye, but it still hurts. A life without happiness.

“We love our teachers.” Shio’s eyes mist over.

“I’m sorry.” Hajime remembers what it’s like to lose those you love. Maybe he’ll spend his Oggai money not on weapons, but – well at least partially – on more candy for his friends.

Uihai date at the beach

So precious!

Ui’s heart pounds. He might vomit.

“Calm down. Now, off with your shirt.” Hairu waves sunscreen before his eyes. “You’re not turning into a sauté for the next ghoul we encounter.”

Ui pouts but obeys.

Because he’s actually scared of her seeing his bare chest.

“Ooh, you look strong,” she teases, dousing him with coconut-scented lotion. Her hands rub his back, and he’s scared to admit he loves when she touches him.

“Boop.” Hairu pokes his nose, leaving a dab of sunscreen on it. She paints his face with the oily goo, then hands the bottle to him. “Can you get my back please, Koori?”

Ui swallows and nods. She’s wearing a beautiful mint bikini adorned with jellyfish, and his pulse races every time he looks at her.

“Thank you.” She kisses the top of his head. “Do you want to help me look for seashells?”

Hairu invents a story for every shell they find, weaving together the colors and cracks to form myths Ui would have liked to read, back when he made time for reading.

“You should write them down.” He’d make time then. He knows he would.

“Maybe.” Hairu squeals as the waves wash over her feet.

“Better be careful.” Ui’s not sure what came over him, but he tosses seaweed onto her shoulder.

Hairu shrieks and kicks a mini-tsunami of salt water at him. Then he’s chasing her deeper into the water, and she stops at the last second to send him toppling into the waves.

“Not – fair!” he gasps, struggling. He submerges himself and yanks Hairu’s feet out from under her.

“Wheeeee!” Hairu cheers.

After two hours in the sea, Hairu’s teeth are chattering.

“Nooooo.” Ui lifts her onto his shoulders, above the waves, and carries her back to shore. “Let’s warm ourselves in the sun.”

He’s not sure why he was so worried before. Her skin on his feels so natural.

“I love you,” Hairu whispers, and he smiles.

Mutsurie where urie saves mucchan from being mortally wounded during a fight, and ends up confessing to him 😍😍😍

Mutsuki spins, freeing a tornado of knives at the ghouls surrounding him.

“Ow!” No-Face transforms into Sasaki. “Mucchy.”

Urie looks over across the battlefield and does a double-take. Mutsuki is inching closer to Sasaki, holding out his arm out.

“No!” Urie screams and launches himself over Suzuya and Saiko, over three ghouls, and into the path of No-Face’s kagune.

His neck and chest are nearly swallowed by the kagune, and Urie doesn’t even feel pain. He doesn’t see or smell. He just hears…buzzing, like flies.

Urie gags up blood, and then Mutsuki is screaming and throwing knife after knife, until No-Face fades into darkness again.

Mutsuki knows he should chase, but Urie is real and dying before him. “Urie!”

He kneels besides him. “Please don’t die. Urie! Kuki!”

Musuki shakes him. “I can’t lose you, too!”

Urie is kind and here for him.

“Pah.” Urie spits up more blood. Both kakugans shine at Mutsuki, and now Mucchan knows every secret of his. “I framed out a long time ago.”

Mutsuki shakes his head. “I don’t care about that! I care about you! I can’t let you die.”

“I won’t.” Urie closes his eyes, to rest. Just a bit.

“You can’t die for me. I am awful, and you are perfect.” Mutsuki sobs.

Urie regards him with as much sternness as he can muster. “You are wonderful. I love you, Mutsuki.”

Mutsuki chucks a knife at a passing ghoul, then returns his attention to Urie. “Me?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m a fool. A disgusting fool.”

“I’ve been worse than you.” Urie smiles. He must be healing, because color returns to his face with a vengeance.

Mutsuki’s entire world shatters. Urie loves him. Urie is here, and Urie just saved his life while knowing he would be exposed as a disposable full-ghoul. Urie must trust him, and even if that’s a mistake, Mutsuki is awed by him.

“It’s okay.” Mutsuki cradles his friend. “I’ll protect you. You’re – the best part of my life, Urie.”

Another ghoul runs up. Mutsuki will have to turn around again to fight, but not before he makes his decision. “I love you too, Urie.”

He kisses him, ever so briefly, before turning around with renewed vigor. For them both, he will fight.