Masanori wants to know how babies are made

Masanori is getting his own asks! @hamliet you should be proud. The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT live on. 

“Daddy.” Masanori frowns at his rice. “Uncle Shuu and Aunt Karren are having another baby. I don’t understand how.”

Ui spits out his water. He freezes. Across the table, Hairu smirks at him.

“Well, have you heard of the stork?” Ui asks nervously.

“The stork is a lie. Auntie Eto told me the baby is in Karren’s belly.” Masanori cocks his head. “I want to know how.”

Ui’s hands are now clammy. “Uh…”

“How did you make me, Mommy?” Masanori’s eyes pierce her.

“Well.” Hairu finds this both amusing and horrifying. She’s going to kill Eto. “See, when a two people love each other very much – they can – um – fit their bodies together in a certain way – and a baby can result.”

“What way?” Masanori’s eyes are round. He’s going to have to tell all his friends. 

Ui’s practically hyperventilating. “You’ll learn when you’re older.”

“That’s a cowardly answer, Daddy.” Masanori looks so crushed, Ui almost feels bad.

Hairu sighs. “Okay, time for an anatomy lesson.”

“Can we not?” Ui shrieks.

“He has to learn sometime. Better he be informed.” Hairu stands. “Help me with this, Ui.”

When she finishes explaining, Masanori’s mouth hangs open. “You guys did that?” 

Ui babbles incoherently.

“Yes, and it’s something you only do if you want to. It’s special,” Hairu says, patting Masanori on the head. Strangely enough, the more she talked, the more comfortable she felt. 

As soon as he leaves the room to ponder his newfound wisdom, Hairu dials Eto’s phone. “Hi. We hate you.” 

Saiko and Shirazu get together and Mutsuki and Urie do too, and Sasaki comes home to the shock of his life.

Bless you.

“Mucchan.” Urie pouts at the base of the stairs. “I just want to kiss you over and over.”

Mutsuki blushes. “You can.”

Urie brushes back Mutsuki’s green locks to see his eyes better. “You wanna go to my room?”

Mutsuki nods, embarrassed but thrilled. 

—————————————————-

“Look at them.” Saiko peers around the corner to watch them head upstairs. “I’m so happy for them.”

“I am too. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have earplugs to put in.” Shirazu pushes past.

“Hold on, hold on!” Saiko is offended. “You can’t possibly pass this up.”

“Pass what up?” Shirazu is thoroughly confused.

“These!” Saiko pushes her chest up.

“Oh – oh!” Shirazu looks both terrified and elated. “Saiko. Wait. Do you actually – you feel that way – about me?”

“Of course I do, silly.” Saiko smirks. “If you’d like to touch them, you can.”

“I, uh, I like you.” Shirazu splutters. 

Saiko wraps her arms around him. “Shall we go upstairs?”

——————————————————

Sasaki Haise whistles as he enters the Chateau. “Hello?”

He hears a shout from upstairs, and with a smile, heads towards the noise.

“Saiko, you’re amazing,” he hears Shirazu groan. She giggles in response.

Haise is now very confused. 

He backs towards Urie’s room. Sane, grumpy Urie.

“Urie, I love you,” Mutsuki’s voice sobs.

“I love you, Tooru,” Urie whispers. “And you have a beautiful body.”

Haise stumbles backwards and nearly throws himself down the stairs. He frantically dials Arima’s number. 

“Haise?”

“My squad is – they’re – engaging in activities of a – sensitive nature,” Haise squeaks.

“Hmm. Ui and Hairu should learn from them,” Arima muses.

“No!” Haise hangs up and calls Akira. “Akira! Help! My squad is making love!”

“All together?” Akira sounds scandalized.

“No.” Haise is appalled. “Urie and Mutsuki, and Saiki and Shirazu. I can hear them.”

“Oh. Hmm. About time.” Akira clears her throat. “Want earplugs?”

Tsukikana/The Little Mermaid

Anonymous asked: After that Mulan-Mutsurie mashup, I dare you to write Disney-film mashups for: Ayahina, Touken, Takirona, Akiramon, Uihai, Nishikimi, Tsukikana, Arieto, and Shiraiko. Ty and good night.

I’ll be posting these once a day (probably) until the list is done!

Mutsurie/Mulan: here.

Ayahina/Sleeping Beauty: here.

Uihai/Tangled: here.

Akiramon/The Hunchback of Notre Dame: here. 

“You’re coming with me, wench!” cries Kanou, dragging a resurrected Kanae along with him. “V has need of you.”

“Kanou, stop!” Mirumo jumps in front of them, kagune drawn.

Kanou merely laughs. “Why Mirumo, how are you?”

“Let her go!” She’s his niece, and Mirumo isn’t abandoning her again.

“Sorry, but I can’t do that. We made a deal. She got to see your son again, and we got to keep her as our test subject.” Kanou licks his lips.

“Mirumo, I’m sorry – I -” Kanae struggles against the cloaked V agents that swarm her. “I had to see Shuu!”

Mirumo stabs are Kanou, but the doctor’s laughter grows malevolent. 

“See this medicine?” He holds up a vial. “If I don’t give it to her, she’s dead. She’s going to do as I say, forever.”

Mirumo starts.

“However, I can always be persuaded to bargain.” Kanou grins. The origins of the Tsukiyama strength? He wants it, because with the father will surely come the son. “A better exchange, if you will.”

Kanae shakes her head. She knows what it’s like to lose a father – this cannot happen to Shuu.

—————————————————

“Where are you going?” Kaneki cries.

“I already lost her once! I’m not losing her again!” Tsukiyama Shuu runs towards V’s headquarters.

————————————————————-

“You give her the medicine right now. Then you’ll have your deal,” Mirumo whispers.

“No!” Kanae screams. He doesn’t need to prove he loves her. She always saw him as family. But Kanou has already thrown the medicine at her, and V swarms Mirumo. 

“You – you monster!” Kanae uppercuts Kanou. Blood spurts from his nose, but he only seems more pleased. 

And then he takes a bite of Mirumo’s shoulder. The elderly Tsukiyama moans on his knees as a bloody-mouthed Kanou laughs and laughs.

Kanou begins to transform. He grows larger and larger, at least three times the size of the one-eyed Owl kakuja. 

Kanae barely dodges his swipe. And then Kanou yells –

Tsukiyama is atop him, stabbing his kakuja through the back. 

“Shuu, look out!” Kanae shrieks from beneath Kanou’s arm. 

Spikes shoot out of the kakuja, and Tsukiyama tumbles to the gravel, into the arms of V’s agents.

“Get away!” Kirishima Touka shoots Rc bullets and Kaneki Ken uses his rinkaku to impale the scattered agents.

“Oh. That’s it.” Kanou’s eyes darken, and he turns back to Kanae. Hideous tentacles pin her to the ground. “You’ve caused too much trouble this time, missy.”

He stabs her over and over. Kanae can feel herself weakening from blood loss – GOAT won’t be able to fight through V enough to reach her.

“So much for true love!” Kanou exults, and it’s then that Kanae sees Master Shuu lunging straight for Kanou’s head.

“Ahhhhhhhh!” Kanou bellows as Tsukiyama’s well-aimed koukaku pierces his head.

As Kanou sinks to the ground, agents of V fall back. Their grotesque, experimented faces begin to normalize. They look human again, ever so gradually. They drop their grip on Mirumo. 

“Shuu!” Kanae frees herself and grabs him.

“Karren.” He whispers that special name, tears in his eyes as he hugs her. Then he turns to embrace his approaching father. “Dad.” 

“She really does love you, son.” Mirumo nods. “And I love her like a daughter already.”

“A daughter-in-law, I hope,” Tsukiyama huffs. He draws Kanae to his lips, and she knows herself the happiest woman in the world. 

uihai wherein hairu finds out she is pregnant and ui does not yet know she is part ghoul. bonus if arima is still alive and hairu is worried about telling ui about her pregnancy and if hirako and 0 squad kidlets make an appearance. the ghoul thing should come out somehow… some way… and give ui another existential crisis

I mean Ui is basically one walking existential crisis. 

SO much Uihai angst! Much love. 

“Hairu is – I mean – um – Hairu is pregnant,” Ui tells Arima, gripping his lover’s hand. “We’re going to keep the baby.”

To his surprise, Arima isn’t angry, but he does exchange a long, firm look with Hairu. “I’m assuming Ui is the father.”

“Yes,” Ui says quickly.

“Congratulations,” Arima says, albeit stiffly.

When they leave his office, Hirako is waiting with a smirk. “Finally, Ui, you learn what it’s like to disappoint your father.”

“It’s as much me as him,” Hairu cuts in.

“Hey, I’m happy for you both. Arima is too. He’s just emotionally constipated.”  Hirako shrugs and wanders into Arima’s office.

“Don’t worry.” Ui hugs her. “If worse comes to worse, I’ll distract the gossips and you punch them.”

But that’s not why she’s worried. 

Arima texts Hairu an hour later. You need to tell him.

My child needs a father, she replies. 

Don’t think so little of him, he types back. 

Oh, like you told Hirako and not Koori? Hairu sighs. She ought to be happy right now. She and her beloved Koori are having a baby. She’s always wanted to be a mom. Sorry, Arima. 

But when her genetic tests come back in her fourth month, Hairu plans to burn them before Ui sees the Rc count. She crumples the paper on her desk and staggers to the bathroom first. 

But before she can, she spins around to see Ui reading them, with all the excitement of a normal father to be. 

“Uh.” Hairu freezes.

“They’re Rc-count is wild. Is this a joke?” Ui looks horrified. “What if someone’s been poisoning you? Hairu! How do you feel?”

“Cranky and fat,” she tries to joke.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Kijima appears with a gaggle of guards behind him. “Ihei Hairu, you are under arrest under suspicion of harboring a ghoul’s child.”

Ui gasps. “How dare you!”

“You aren’t touching me or my baby!” Hairu knocks Kijima back. She turns to Ui. “It’s yours, I swear.”

“I know.” Ui is perplexed. “Why is the Rc count so off?” 

Kijima twists Hairu’s hand behind her back.

“Get away from her!” Ui cries, shoving him.

“It’s off because we are Washuus.” Arima Kishou storms his way in. Hirako, Shio, Yusa, and Rikai are on his left; Haise Sasaki and the Quinx at his right.  “We have an abnormally high Rc count.” 

His lips curl. “The result of interbreeding humans and ghouls. In test tubes.” 

Ui grips the desk to keep from falling. “Hairu, is it true?”

Hairu nods. She slumps over in the Kijima’s arms. He must have special plans for a pregnant ghoul.

“Release her,” orders Arima. 

“Do you have the authority, ghoul?” Kijima laughs.

“I’ll say he does,” Sasaki says, and Hirako affirms.

Ui meets Hairu’s eyes and mouths a word.

“Look!” Ui gasps and points behind Kijima.

The inspector whirls around, and Hairu punches him in the back of his head. She leaps into Ui’s arms.

“I don’t care what Hairu is or what our baby is. Get away,” Ui seethes.

“You’re surrounded by hybrids. I’d do as he commands,” Shio adds.  

“Well, it’s happening. Congrats, you two are gonna bring down CCG.” Arima shrugs.

Ui cups Hairu’s face in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was s-scared, Koori. I want you. The baby needs you.” 

“And I need you both.” Ui embraces her. 

“Hi.” Hirako waves his hand. “Hi, lovebirds. We have a Bureau to overthrow.” 

uihai spend the night together (maybe slightly nsfw?) and in the morning furuta shows up to tell ui hairu’s part ghoul. cue angst.

I love this. Credit to @hamliet for dreaming that Hairu would ask Ui if he’s a virgin.

“Koori, you don’t have to go.” Ihei Hairu tugs him closer.

“I don’t?” Sweat beads Ui’s brow. 

“No.” She shakes her head.

Ui kisses her gently, but she’s already ravenous. She wraps her legs around him, and he hoists her up.

He shouldn’t. 

But he wants her. He wants Hairu. 

“Are you a virgin?” Hairu winks at him.

Ui flushes. A lump rises in his throat, and he can only nod. 

“Me too,” she whispers, unfazed. “Wanna help each other out with that?”

“You’re precious.” Ui begins kissing her heavily, and she’s helping him lift her shirt, and he’s gaping at her perfect chest. Then she’s tickling him until he returns the favor.

“So strong,” she teases, running her fingers down his chest.

“So are you.” Ui has never felt this whole before. 

The next morning, he awakens to see Hairu smiling at him.

“How long have you been waiting?”

“I don’t know. I was lost to time looking at you,” she says over-dramatically, drawing a laugh from Ui.

Their door bangs open. 

“Well, well, well.” Nimura Furuta stands there, his face entirely too pleased.

“What are you doing?” Ui shrieks.

Hairu, however, is dead white. “P – please.”

“Nah.” Furuta saunters closer and drags a naked Hairu out of bed. 

“Koori!” Hairu cries out, but Furuta’s arm is locked around her neck. 

“Get your hands off her!” Ui is sans clothing himself, but Hairu is more important.

“Ah, ah.” Furuta chuckles, pulling her further back. “Wow, you’re small. Anyhow! Don’t worry, I won’t fuck your bitch. We’re practically siblings. That’s, like, incest. Oh! Want to know how we grew up?” 

Hairu jerks. Tears pool in her eyes. Anything but that. 

Ui frowns. “Siblings?”

He’s so innocent. He’s going to hate her. Hairu shakes her head wildly. 

“Tell him, dearie.” Furuta tightens his grip around Hairu. “Tell him what you are. What all of us Washuus are.”

Hairu sobs.

“I said tell him, or I’ll kill him.” Furuta whispers. 

Hairu’s mouth opens. She speaks as quickly as she can. “We’re part ghoul.” 

Furuta doubles over. “You fucked a ghoul! Ui Koori fucked a ghoul!”

“No!” Hairu screams and, with a well aimed kick, sends Furuta’s head cracking into her wall. 

She fixes her eyes on him, lest she see Ui.

Should she have told him? When? Hairu frees another sob.

“H – hairu?” Ui is shaking. “I’ve seen you eat. It can’t be true. What does he have on you?”

“He has … that it’s true.” Hairu turns around. Her eyes are bloodshot. “We’re all part-ghoul, we garden children. I didn’t – I didn’t ask for this.” 

Garden kids? Arima, too? Shio and Rikai and Yusa? Ui’s mind spins. The betrayal – the lies – 

He leaves her room, and Hairu collapses besides Furuta’s unconscious body. She heaves sob after sob. 

Her door opens again, and she can only assume Ui’s called CCG to arrest her, naked and ashamed.

He stands there, still naked himself, with tissues. “We’re going to call CCG on him for harassment, and then we’ll talk over breakfast. Okay?”

UI hasn’t believed ghouls capable of love.

But he recognizes the relief in Hairu’s eyes. And he knows he loves her, too. 

“We’ll get through this. I’ll listen.” 

Ui seeing hairu die infront of him

Why would you do this to me.

Ui is busy fighting three of Tsukiyama’s bodyguards all at once, but he still spies on Hairu across the yard. She’s battling that lady bodyguard, Tsukiyama’s knight, the one with the nasty koukaku.  

And just when Ui has knocked down the last bodyguard, he’s pleased to see that Hairu is holding her own.

And then – she slips.

The Knight impales her abdomen. 

Ui screams, but Hairu draws T-human and fires lighting at the Knight. She stumbles back.

He’s running but not fast enough. Another bodyguard jumps in and – just like that – Hairu’s head falls.

Ui’s scream can never be shrill enough, angry enough, painful enough. He screams until he wishes he were dead, and the ghouls wish they were dead. 

Before leaving the scene, Matsumae watches the black-haired investigator strike Mairo’s head over and over. So he, too, is motivated by emotion.

The investigator wails again, checking for a pulse on a decapitated body. 

Matsumae feels a twinge of – well – for just a moment – she wishes she hadn’t killed the investigator. 

Mutsurie – urie calls mutsuki tooru for the first time 😍

Okay was I the only one who got very emotional when Aura called him Tooru after he was electrocuted? 

“I think you’re wonderful, Mucchan.” Urie traces Mutsuki’s face with his fingers. “I love your green hair. I love your eyepatch. Your nose is little and cute.”

Mutsuki giggles. They’re on a park bench at sunset, and Urie has insisted on showering Mutsuki with praise. He’s not sure he deserves it.

“Your lips are lovely and they kiss very well.” Urie sniffs, but Mutsuki can see the color on his face. “Your cheeks are blushing!”

“So are yours!”

“True,” Urie allows. “Um, you have very expressive eyes. And I love you, Tooru.”

Mutsuki’s breath catches. Urie’s told him he loves him before, but he’s never called him Tooru. 

He feels as if that one name means more. 

“Is it okay to call you that?” Urie probes.

“Yes.” Mutsuki sniffles. He loves him, he really does. “If I can call you Kuki.”

Urie gasps. “Yes. Please do, Tooru. you have a beautiful name.”

“So do you, Kuki.” Mutsuki draws him closer. The sun dips below the horizon. 

Akiramon/The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Anonymous asked: After that Mulan-Mutsurie mashup, I dare you to write Disney-film mashups for: Ayahina, Touken, Takirona, Akiramon, Uihai, Nishikimi, Tsukikana, Arieto, and Shiraiko. Ty and good night.

I’ll be posting these once a day (probably) until the list is done!

Mutsurie/Mulan: here. 

Ayahina/Sleeping Beauty: here. 

Uihai/Tangled: here.

“The time has come,” Kanou Akahiro announces. “Mado Akira, you stand accused of harboring not one, but two, ghouls. Repent!” 

He leans in close. “If you will consent to my experiment, you will live. Choose me!”

Akira spits in his face. She doesn’t struggle against the ropes that bind her. If she’s going to die for ghouls, so be it. Despite her alliances, Father will be proud of her, and Mother, too. She knows this in her soul. 

Kanou tosses the torch on the straw surrounding her. 

—————————————————————-

On the roof of CCG, Takizawa slumps against his chains. Akira, of all people, cannot die for him. 

“Takizawa Seidou!” A blue-haired girl bursts onto the concrete. She grabs the chains. “Don’t give up!”

“We have to defeat Kanou,” adds a pink-haired boy.

“He’s already won,” mutters Takizawa. “Leave me alone.”

“We’ve done all we can,” protests a tall, black-haired girl. “You’re full ghoul. Only you can help her.”

Takizawa lifts his eyes to see the flames rising. He sees Akira flinch. 

He screams and bites at the chains.

“Hold on.” A green-haired boy emerges onto the roof, followed by a purple-haired one. They carry saws. 

As soon as the Quinxes cut the chains from his wrists, Takizawa grabs one. “Don’t let this drop.”

He leaps off CCG and swings downward, flying like an owl. Kanou looks up in horror as Takizawa snaps the binds on a coughing Akira. With her in hand, he leaps back, and the Quinx pull them both to safety.

“Sanctuary!” cries Takizawa, lifting Akira high. 

The Quinx rush downstairs to defend CCG from the coming assault, while Takizawa tries to rouse Akira. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

“If I were you, I’d be a bit more sorry for myself.” A voice oozes out from behind him. “

He’s not sure how much time has passed, but somehow Kanou is here. Takizawa can see him from his shadow. 

“I never realized how miserable you were.” Takizawa sees a knife rise.

“No!” Takizawa hurls Kanou across the roof. He grabs Akira and jumps to the slippery ledge below. It’s a precarious balancing act, but thy’ll make it – they have to.

“Leaving so soon?” Kanou peers over the roof. He raises a quinque and swings for Takizawa. 

Takizawa throws Akira through a window to safety, but he’s barely hanging on. 

“I should have known you’d risk your life rescuing someone you love. Just like your parents died trying to rescue you!”

“What?” All this time, Takizawa thought he killed his parents. 

“Ha!” Kanou hurtles the quinque towards Takizawa again.

Takizawa dodges, but he’s falling –

“Seidou!” Akira grabs his hand.

“What!” Kanou howls and tries to aim for Akira, and she can see the realization his eyes before she sees him begin to fall.

“Seidou, hang on. No, don’t – hang on!” Akira grunts as her friend’s wrist slips. “Seidou!”

He hurtles down CCG’s facade.

“Got ya!” Amon Koutarou, himself a pariah Akira had hidden in CCG, uses his kaduna to catch Takizawa. 

Takizawa gasps as Amon yanks him throughout the window. Even though Amon’s still in kakuja form, he throws his arms around his friend. 

“Seidou!” Akira rushes in. “Oh my god, thank you!” She hugs him, and then pauses to look at Amon. 

Takizawa knows what he needs to do. He takes both their hands in his, his best friends’ hands, and joins them together. Then, with a smile, he steps aside.

Amon can’t believe he almost lost both Akira and Seidou, just because he refused to use a kagune. Akira can’t believe she might actually have a future with him.

She kisses him.