“What’s wrong?” In the tunnels under the 24th ward, Kaneki knows Tsukiyama is not happy with his pacifism. He also knows Tsukiyama may not be pleased about his recent marriage. He’s prepared for many accusations.
But not this one.
“I can’t sleep,” Tsukiyama admits. Dark circles ring his eyes. “I keep thinking about Karren.”
Karren, Kanae von Rosewald, the ghoul Kaneki killed.
Sort of. He was trying to kill Tsukiyama. That doesn’t really make it better.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?” Tsukiyama glares at him. For once, he needs to say it. “Why did you insist on killing me, when you remembered me? Why did you kill her – she deserved so much more –”
“I don’t – I don’t know,” Kaneki says lamely. “Because it was my job, I think. And not all my memories of you are pleasant.”
Tsukiyama cries. “So I killed her.”
“No!” Kaneki gasps. He hates what he’s done. Sometimes he wants to die for it. “I did! It’s my fault. I’m in the wrong. Geez, how many ways can I say it? I didn’t – I really thought she needed to die.”
“I needed to before her!” Tsukiyama wipes his eyes. Sometimes he wants to voyage back in time and save her at his own expense. “I don’t deserve her. I never did.”
“I don’t serve Touka. Touka thinks she doesn’t deserve me. You should see how most people view their worth.” Kaneki takes a deep breath. Shame, shame, he deserves an avalanche of shame. “But you didn’t deserve to be hunted down like an animal, especially when you were suffering so much – and yes, Shuu, you were.”
Tsukiyama rests his chin in his hands. “What do I do now? I can’t get her back.”
“You live your life, the life she died making sure you could live.” Kaneki swallows. “And I could sure use some advice on moving forward, same as you. Maybe we can learn together?”
Tsukiyama reaches for Kaneki’s hand. “In the name of Karren.”
“In the name of Touka.”
“I’m guessing Yomo’s a good place to start?”
Mercy and Magic 