The misadventures of baby masanori

Everything is a misadventure with baby Masanori.

Hairu and Ui first learned he could crawl when he disappeared from his room one night. As Ui melted down and called Arima in a panic over their kidnapped child, Hairu found baby Masanori in the bathroom. He was splashing toilet water.

His first word was “mwah.” It’s what Auntie Eto told him to say.

Masanori’s first sentence was “I love you,” to his daddy. Ui melted and Arima (after a poke from Eto) told Ui he was proud of him.

He once decided to give Mommy a haircut. She woke up to her bangs snipped off with scissor. Hairu was more upset that she had to wear her hair different than Ui than she was about the actual haircut.

Masanori once tried to convince Auntie Eto to give him human flesh to eat. Just to try it. Ui nearly passed out and Hairu was pissed.

When he grows up, he wants to be Uncle Uta or Uncle Shio.

His favorite day of the year is his birthday, because Uncles Shio and Yusa, and Auntie Rikai, play water balloons with him. Next year he’s planning to rig traps that dump dozens of balloons on his enemies at once. Hairu encourages this, and Ui will be helping build the traps. It’s only fair because Hirako is preparing the rest of the Zero Squad kids.

Masanori watching a scary movie when he was told not to and gets scared afterwords.

“Can we watch It?” Masanori waves Uta over. “It has clowns!”

“Did your parents say it was okay?” Uta cocks an eyebrow.

“No, but it’s rated R, so they didn’t even consider that it has clowns,” Masanori says sadly. “They’re biased.”

Uta eyes the clock. They do have time, and he does want to see it.

I’m going to hell. Uta sits besides Masanori and selects the movie.

“Do you think Aunt Itori would like this? Or Uncle Fruit?”

“It’s Aunt Itori’s favorite, and Uncle Fruit would be too scared,” Uta replies as the movie begins.

That evening, Hairu and Ui arrive him to a Masanori who has his back pressed into the wall and fears the bathroom.

“Masanori, what is the matter?” Hairu finally asks.

“You’ll float too,” he whispers.

Ui’s face turns green. “You watched It, didn’t you?”

“I wanted to see the clown! With its big scary teeth! But I didn’t realize it was going to haunt me and eat me!” cries Masanori.

Hairu dials a number on her phone. “Hi, Yomo? Kill your husband for us. You can ask him why.”

She hangs up. “It was fiction, Masanori.”

“But ghouls eat people. What if Pennywise was a ghoul?” he whispers.

“Then your parents just happen to be investigators skilled in defeating it,” says Hairu.

“O – okay.” Masanori shivers. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

“We won’t get sleep if you don’t,” Ui jokes, and Masanori sticks his tongue out at his dad.

“Yes. We’ll even keep our quinques out, okay?” Hairu hugs their son, and he clings to her. “Let’s be off to sleep, then.”

She smirks at Ui. They can have a talk about obedience later. Right now, their child is scared and needs comfort.

UtaRen/Hercules

Anonymous asked: After that Mulan-Mutsurie mashup, I dare you to write Disney-film mashups for: Ayahina, Touken, Takirona, Akiramon, Uihai, Nishikimi, Tsukikana, Arieto, and Shiraiko. Ty and good night.

Anonymous asked: Can you also do saikohsiao utaren and suzuhan for the fairytale Disney mashup? Bless your heart

I’ll be posting these once a day (probably) until the list is done!

Mutsurie/Mulan: here.

Ayahina/Sleeping Beauty: here.

Uihai/Tangled: here.

Akiramon/The Hunchback of Notre Dame: here.

Tskukikana/The Little Mermaid: here.

Nishikimi/Snow White: here.

Takirona/Frozen: here.

Shiraiko/Beauty and the Beast: here.

Arieto/Cinderella: here.

Touken/Aladdin: here.

“If you keep going forward, you will lose your life.” The masked man stares at his former lover.

“I don’t have a choice.” Yomo Renji forces his way forward. He doesn’t expect Uta to help. Why would he?

Uta’s almost hurt by Yomo’s lack of acknowledgment. Accuse me, fight me, do something.

But Yomo moves on, towards his family.

Uta watches. This is why he can’t live with Yomo.

But he still wants Yomo to live.

————————————————-

Yomo expects the screams and clashes of battle ahead, but he does not expect the laughter.

He rounds the corner to see Hajime Hazuki, that Oggai, and several deranged investigators slashing at Hirako and the Zero Squad children. Only a few yards beyond, Touka stands with terrified children. Hinami is nowhere in sight.

She can’t be dead. Yomo draws himself up.

He sees Itori and Nico peering around another corner. Yomo’s fears rise.

“Hahahaha!” CCG’s laughing Director appears with a squadron behind him. “Oh, No-Face, just in time!”

The lead investigator – the little Arima – opens his mouth, and Yomo turns to scowl at Uta – just as a massive kagune rips through the walls.

A chunk of the tunnel hurtled downward – and Touka screams Yomo’s name – then Uta watches his friend crushed under Dragon.

The world echoes around him. Uta warned Renji. He was a good friend.

A good friend who just watched his best friend die.

Uta staggers against the wall. He knew this would come.

“Everyone, meet the dragon!” Furuta spreads his arms wide. “It’s a living quinque made from all the Washuus!”

“Washuus?” asks the little Arima, his eyes wide.

Touka lunges for the investigators. “You bastards!”

Uta notes her stomach is rounder. So Yomo was about to be a great-uncle.

But now he’s dead.

And he got Renji killed.

Uta can’t take anymore. He marches straight through the battle for Furuta. “You.”

“I?”

“Give me the medication.” Uta doesn’t care. He’s bringing Yomo back from the dead. Fuck it.

“Hmm, the most powerful clown fighting the most powerful kagune dragon? Is there a downside to this?” Furuta taps his chin.

“Fighting?”

“See, your raven’s swimming with a new crowd these days.” Furuta drapes an arm around the ghoul and points towards Yomo, whose body is being absorbed by dragon. Several screaming investigators meld with the kagune.

“Not a chance!” Uta flies towards the dragon.

“You’ll be dead before you defeat him!” Furuta calls cheerfully.

Uta dives into the rubble and struggles towards Yomo. He can feel himself being absorbed – slowly – and the farther in her goes, the weaker he feels.

Good. Because Uta knows something Furuta doesn’t.

Suddenly, CCG, GOAT, and Oggai alike watch four kagune types spring from Uta’s back. Each tattoo swirls open to form a kakuja. His eyes glow, and he easily cuts through the kagune to rescue Yomo.

“H – h – how?” Furuta stammers. “You’d have to be – have to be -”

“A Washuu.” Uta turns around to face Furuta. “I’m your original One-Eyed King. Your struggle is over, son.”

He snatches Kanou’s wretched medicine and pours it into Yomo’s mouth. “Come on, swallow.”

“Uncle Yomo.” Touka rushes to his side.

Suddenly, Yomo gasps and spits up directly into Uta’s face. Which Touka thinks he deserves.

“Remember, I can’t live without you,” Uta whispers.

“What are you?” Yomo is amazed. He can feel his limbs. He feels better than he has in ages.

He feels Uta’s love.

(based on one of @midnight-in-town‘s Uta theories).

Oh golly, I was the one who asked for Fruit having a lil sister and aaw I absolutely adored it, thank you! So is it fine if we ask for more scenarios with Tsubaki?

Yes please. Much like her brother, Tsubaki loves attention!

“You sure you’re okay? He was your father, after all.” Uta peers at Souta from behind his mask.

Furuta snickers as he lounges on Tsuneyoshi’s desk, besides Daddy’s dead body. “Nah. He didn’t even know what I looked like.”

Donato laughs, but Uta hears hollowness in Furuta’s voice.

Donato pauses suddenly. His eyes narrow.

“What?” Uta asks.

The Priest holds a finger to his lips and springs towards the air vent above Tsuneyoshi. “Ha!”

“Go away!” calls a defiant child’s voice.

Furuta gasps now. Donato yanks open the vent, and down tumbles a little Washuu who looks eerily like Souta.

“Tsubaki?” Furuta is terrified. If Tsuneyoshi so much as touched his sister, he’s going to mutilate his corpse until there’s nothing left.

“I was supposed to be spying on him because he’s ignoring people in the garden but I was so scared when you came in I just hid – I’m sorry!” Tsubaki bursts into tears and launches herself at her brother, who catches her.

The girl stops suddenly. She slaps Furuta over and over. “Why? Why? Why?”

“You know our father was a piece of – garbage.”

“You aren’t. Why are you continuing his murder spree?” Tsubaki looks at Donato and Uta angrily. “Why don’t you help my brother?”

“We are,” Donato says.

“I don’t like you. I don’t think you are.” Tsubaki clings tighter to Furuta. “I don’t think he’s happy.”

“I’m happy with you, Tsubaki,” Furuta whispers. He tries to wink at Uta, but fails miserably.

Uta smiles. He isn’t lying.

Melodrama, it runs in the family.

TG Characters & their Disney Theme Songs

Kaneki: Two Worlds

Touka: God Help the Outcasts

Hide: Friend Like Me

Nishiki: A Whole New World

Kimi: Part of Your World

Hinami: Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

Ayato: I See the Light

Tsukiyama: Be Our Guest

Karren: Reflection

Amon: Kiss the Girl

Akira: How Far I’ll Go

Seidou: Hakuna Matata

Kurona: Almost There

Aogiri as a whole: Court of Miracles
Eto: Friends on the Other Side

Arima: Jack’s Lament

Matsuri: I Just Can’t Wait to Be King

Ui: I Can Go the Distance

Hairu: Once Upon a Dream

Juuzou: Out There

Urie: I Won’t Say I’m in Love

Mutsuki: Let it Go

Shirazu: A Girl Worth Fighting For

Saiko: Someday My Prince Will Come

Hsiao: I’ll Make a Man Out of You

Higemaru: Honor to Us All

Aura: Not One of Us

Furuta: Hellfire

CCG as a whole: Mob Song

Itori: Poor Unfortunate Souls

Roma: Try Everything

Donato: Be Prepared

Uta: Circle of Life

Yomo: Zero to Hero

(bought to you by the exhausted and crack brains of @trashyhumanespresso & @hamliet)

But guys what about Rize? I nominate Les Poissons.

Uta asks Yomo “are you a virgin?”

soutasnotebook:

This is the best.

“Ha.” Uta tosses an eyeball into the air and catches it in his mouth. “So juicy.”

Yomo frowns, but says nothing.

“Ever so stoic.” Uta tilts his head. They’ve been trying out friendship for the last few months, and he’s already bored. "Sometimes I think you don’t even need a mask.”

Yomo rolls his eyes. “You couldn’t bear it if I died.”

“That’s true,” Uta admits, sitting on his desk. “Is that all we are, though? Acquaintances who hope the other don’t die?”

“It’s called friendship, Uta.” Yomo blushes.

“Your face is red. Hell, you really are emotionally constipated.” Uta snickers. “Are you a virgin?”

Yomo splutters. He steps back to collide with the wall. “Don’t ask people that.”

“I just did.” Uta narrows his eyes. “I can’t tell with you, though, Renji.”

“We all know you aren’t.”

Uta gasps. “Are you calling me a tramp?”

“You broke many men’s hearts last year.”

“But not yours.” Uta bestows his special puppy eyes upon Renji.

“I’m confident you can.” Yomo shrugs.

Uta sidles up to him and runs a hand down his friend’s arm. He can feel Yomo stiffen under that stupid coat. “So you are a virgin.”

“No,” Yomo mutters, his face a brilliant red.

“No?” Uta gasps. “Who is she?”

“He and I was drunk at the time. Sorry I don’t have details.” Yomo tries to brush past Uta, but his friend grabs him by the arm.

“Want practice?” Uta puckers his lips.

“Are you seducing me?”

“You’re not very romantic, are you?” Uta grins. “Oh well. Kiss me, Renji.”

Yomo glances around the shop. No one around. This isn’t a joke.

He kisses Uta.

@hamliet

“Thank you,” Uta murmurs. “You sure you don’t want to kiss me again?”

“Stop teasing,” Yomo says gruffly.

“I want to make love to you. Sober.” Uta crosses his arms. “What do you want?”

Yomo looks at the floor. Of course he wants to. But – should they?

“I promise not to wear a mask.”

Yomo breaks into laughter. “Sometimes I still hate you.” And then he kisses Uta again, and Uta is leading him upstairs, to his flat.

Uta slowly undoes Yomo’s coat buttons as Yomo caresses his hair.

Uta can’t resist nibbling Yomo’s chest, and Yomo has to laugh again. “I should have guessed you don’t take this seriously.”

“I take everything too seriously to never sprinkle in some fun.” Uta’s eyes widen. “Wanna pull off my shirt?”

When they’re both fully undressed, they stroke every inch of each other’s bodies.

“You’re so strong,” Uta whispers. Yomo is still red, like a virgin, but he looks happy for once. “I can’t live without you.”

“Stop the fatalism.” Yomo shakes his head.

“Sounds good.” Uta rolls on top of Yomo and asks quietly, “Are you ready?”

Yomo nods.

“I’ll let you do me later.” Uta winks. His bed shakes beneath their rhythm, and he keeps whispering Renji’s name.

“How long have you wanted this?” Uta asked when they lie side-by-side, panting.

“Since I realized you liked me. Last month,” Yomo mutters, still painfully shy. “You?”

“Since I realized I’m not lonely when I’m with you.”

Uta asks Yomo “are you a virgin?”

This is the best.

“Ha.” Uta tosses an eyeball into the air and catches it in his mouth. “So juicy.”

Yomo frowns, but says nothing.

“Ever so stoic.” Uta tilts his head. They’ve been trying out friendship for the last few months, and he’s already bored. "Sometimes I think you don’t even need a mask.”

Yomo rolls his eyes. “You couldn’t bear it if I died.”

“That’s true,” Uta admits, sitting on his desk. “Is that all we are, though? Acquaintances who hope the other don’t die?”

“It’s called friendship, Uta.” Yomo blushes.

“Your face is red. Hell, you really are emotionally constipated.” Uta snickers. “Are you a virgin?”

Yomo splutters. He steps back to collide with the wall. “Don’t ask people that.”

“I just did.” Uta narrows his eyes. “I can’t tell with you, though, Renji.”

“We all know you aren’t.”

Uta gasps. “Are you calling me a tramp?”

“You broke many men’s hearts last year.”

“But not yours.” Uta bestows his special puppy eyes upon Renji.

“I’m confident you can.” Yomo shrugs.

Uta sidles up to him and runs a hand down his friend’s arm. He can feel Yomo stiffen under that stupid coat. “So you are a virgin.”

“No,” Yomo mutters, his face a brilliant red.

“No?” Uta gasps. “Who is she?”

“He and I was drunk at the time. Sorry I don’t have details.” Yomo tries to brush past Uta, but his friend grabs him by the arm.

“Want practice?” Uta puckers his lips.

“Are you seducing me?”

“You’re not very romantic, are you?” Uta grins. “Oh well. Kiss me, Renji.”

Yomo glances around the shop. No one around. This isn’t a joke.

He kisses Uta.

Yomo finds out just how involved Uta is in all of this.

My boy Yomo better live so this can happen. *falls on face, prays to Ishida*

Uta lounges in HySy Studio, sketching designs for another mask. This one is inspired by dragons, or whatever chaos that runt Souta has planned.

No one will wear it. That’s okay.

He slips on his No-Face mask and dances around the studio. So much fun.

Until someone’s fist blasts him into the wall.

Uta leaps to his feet, barely bruised – and sees a livid Yomo there, flanked by Touka Kirishima, some sassy middle-schooler, and … Suzuya Juuzou?

He laughs. “To what do I owe this motley visit?”

“Being a two-faced bastard,” Touka shoots back.

Yomo steps forward, clenching and unclenching his fist. “Is it true?”

“What? Is what true?” Uta bats his eyes.

“Don’t do that.” Yomo’s voice is strained. He curses. “I knew you were a Clown, but…”

“You impersonated Mr. Shinohara.” Suzuya looks like he wants to cry.

“You’re working with our big leader,” sings the middle schooler. He has a tongue piercing, and that alone warms him to Uta.

Uta sniffs. “You’re a half-ghoul.”

“No, I’m an Oggai, shithead,” says the kid. “Want to know what happened? Here we were, slaughtering the ghouls in the 24th ward – our leader really took a shine to slicing up your Yomo –”

“When Kuki Urie and the Quinx Squad arrived to tell us we were all being played by ghouls like Nimura Furuta. So we struck a truce. I didn’t like Furuta anyway.” Suzuya crosses his arms. “And I don’t like you.”

“And I remembered you!” The kid giggles. “So now we’re confronting you. Ain’t life a bitch?”

“Please stop swearing,” Yomo says automatically.

Uta chuckles. “You never change, Yomo.”

“Did you? Or were you always this cruel?” Yomo steps forward. He could have died today. The two rogue Quinxes are currently imprisoned with half the rebellious Oggai, but if the lead Quinx hadn’t arrived – he’d be dead. Would Uta care?

“I’m lonely.” Uta smiles at him and shrugs. “So what are you gonna do? Kill me? Torture me? You won’t get far.”

“Don’t you care?” Yomo bellows. “Touka nearly lost her baby! I nearly died! Don’t you feel anything at all?”

He shoves Uta against the wall. His eyes blaze. “What is wrong with you?!”

At his touch, Uta blinks back the image of Yomo’s head rolling along the tunnels of the 24th ward. It’s distinctly unpleasant.

“I – I don’t know,” he whispers. Wait, Touka is pregnant?

“Well, you’ll have time to figure it out, because we’re arresting you.” Suzuya beams at him.

Yomo turns away, and everything in Uta screams for him to look back.