Both Masanori and Hairu are sick and Ui is suffering trying to keep up with both of them and their demands.

“Ui, help me,” moans Hairu. She’s got a terrible fever. She can’t stand.

“Just a few sips.” Ui spoons more broth into her mouth. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“M-masanori…”

“He’s okay.”

“Go check on him.” She closes her eyes.

Ui hurries into Masanori’s room.

“Daddy, why can’t you make me better? I thought you could do anything.” Masanori’s chin trembles.

“Take the medicine.”

“I don’t LIKE pills!” Masanori looks more terrified of the pills than the fever.

“I’ll crush them up, okay? And put them in pudding?” Ui pleads.

Masanori nods.

Ui’s no sooner finished that than Hairu is calling for him. “Ui, I have to go to the bathroom and I am too weak.”

“Lean on me.” He holds her up.

He’s just putting her back to bed when Masanori wails “Daddy!”

Frazzled, Ui rushes into his child’s room. “Daddy’s here.”

“I’m not gonna die right?”

Ui wants to cry. “No, no, I promise. It’s just a virus.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I know,” Ui says, stroking his cheek. “I have an idea. Why don’t you stay with Mommy?”

“Yes.” Masanori brightens. Any time in Mom and Dad’s bed is a good time. This almost makes his sickness worthwhile.

Ui carries Masanori into his room. “Special delivery, Hairu.”

“My baby!” She holds up her hands, weakly. Masanori clamors into her arms.

“Cuddles make everything better, right Mom?”

“Right.” Hairu smiles, and Ui treasures the sight of his wife and child.

ui spending christmas alone, missing hairu

Ui’s not sure why he bought a Christmas Tree this year, but he did. And he sits before it every night.

Because Hairu would have wanted a tree.

The only present he wants is her resurrection. But that’s for Easter, right, not Christmas?

Ui touches each colorful light he’s wrapped around the tree. He starts from the bottom and works his way up. As he does, he prays to a different God in the universe for her return.

I’m so lonely.

He cries. ‘Tis the season for hope and miracles, still, and he’s in desperate need for one.

When he arrives up the path of tinsel and colored lights, he squints through his tears at the angel who tops the tree.

He painted her hair pink.

Oh my please i need happy uncle Shio headcanons to distract me from the canon pain™

Don’t we all.

Uncle Shio once brought watercolors to Hairu and Ui’s house. He wanted to introduce Masanori to painting. When Ui and Hairu returned, they found their walls covered in color and Shio with a very guilty expression. Masanori, however, did not look guilty.

Shio taught Masanori all his favorite elaborate flips and spins while fighting.

On the eve of Masanori’s birthday, Uncle Shio once snuck himself, Rikai, and Yusa into the Uihai house to decorate the entire place with glitter, confetti, a piñata, a cake, and more. Ui and Hairu nearly ruined it when they grabbed the quinques, mistaking the three for intruders.

Once, Shio introduced Masanori to his snarky friend Hajime. Hajime dutifully taught Masanori allllll the curse words, which embarrassed innocent Shio. Ui’s hair turned white for a day after that.

Shio has found Masanori scooping ice cream out of a carton not to eat, but to arrange in a swirl that resembles Shio’s hair.

When Masanori was two, he was drop-dead tired and sniffly, as kids do. Shio carried him back home and Masanori whispered “I love you, Uncle Shio,” in his ears. Hairu opened the door, and was puzzled to see Masanori fast asleep and Shio crying.

Masanori admires his father’s ability to ride horses and wants a horse of his own. But first…he needs to learn how to ride.

“GIDDEYUP!”

Ui enters his small apartment to find Masanori yelling atop Hairu, who scampers about on her hands and knees.

She whinnies at the sight of her husband and gallops towards Ui.

“What on earth?”

“I want to ride horsies like you, Daddy. So Mommy is teaching me.” Masanori stretches up his arms for a hug, which Ui gladly returns.

“Mommy’s probably a tame horse.” Ui smiles. To raise this kid, he’s had to develop his own mischievous side. “I’ll try to buck you off.”

Masanori sticks out his tongue. “You’ll fail.”

He climbs on Ui and cheers. “Go, horsie!”

“Neigh!” calls Ui, clamoring forward and shaking his head.

————————————————–

“Is this already on Youtube?” Yusa whispers, peering into Ui and Hairu’s windows.

“It’s live streaming.” Shio smiles as Eto likes the video.

“We can teach Masanori to ride, too,” Rikai suggests.

“Assuming Ui doesn’t kill us.” Shio giggles as Saiko comments her approval below the video.

—————————————————

Ui’s phone lights up. Hirako.

Neighhhhhhhhhhh

He shrieks and stumbles, but to his relief, Masanori hangs on. Maybe he’s ready for a pony yet.

“Shio!” Hairu screams, running out of the apartment. “Get back here, you brats!”

Masanori’s snow day!

“SNOW DAY!” Masanori wakes his parents at 6 am.

Of course it’s 6 am. Hairu rubs her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I want to play in the snow!”

“You’re having breakfast first,” Ui says firmly, dragging himself out from under the warm covers with Hairu. There’s no point in sleeping when Masanori gets going.

Once Masanori’s belly is full, he leaps outside and practically drowns in the snow, which reaches past his shoulders. “AHHHH!’

“Are you okay?” Ui cries.

“I LOVE IT!” Masanori tosses a snowball at Mommy, who shrieks.

“Well, that doesn’t seem fair.” Ui wades through the snow to tackle his son. “Rawr!”

“Let’s make a snowman and dye it’s head pink,” Masanori says. “Will you help me, Daddy?”

“Of course.” Ui grins at Hairu, who’s already beelined inside for pink food dye. “I love my pink-haired angels.”

“I’m an angel?” Masanori is almost offended.

“In the best way,” Ui assures him.

“Good.” Masanori cackles before throwing snow straight into Daddy’s face.

Ui wouldn’t change this for the world.

okay this masanori kid reminds me of a child that would try and cook an ego waffle in the microwave and sets it on fire.

“Masanori, what happened?” Hairu’s mouth drops open at the sight of the smoking microwave.

“I wanted waffles,” Masanori says in a small voice.

“Huh?” Ui stumbles into the kitchen. He yanks open the microwave to see an Ego covered in tinfoil. “Masanori.”

“What happened? Did I do something wrong?” Masanori is more intrigued than scared.

“You can’t put metal in a microwave,” Ui says. “It sparks.”

“Ohhhhh.” Masanori sighs. “are the waffles done?”

“We’ll take you out for real waffles,” Hairu decides. “Before Daddy and I buy a new microwave.”

Masanori grins. “Does that mean I can keep wrecking this one? Auntie Eto told me to try an egg in the microwave.”

Hairu tries not to laugh. “Get your coat. We’ll get waffles and buy some eggs to test when we’re done.”

“Hurray!” Masanori races back to his room as Ui shakes his head at his wife.

“Admit it, you’re curious,” Hairu says.

“Absolutely.” Ui winks.

idol hairu with ui as her no.1 fan

Ihei Hairu is one of the top singers in Japan, and Ui Koori knows far too much about her.

But something about her draws him. She has a mysterious past the media can’t ignore, insightful lyrics, and a cheery personality that inspires him.

So, naturally, he doesn’t buy tickets to her concert. Because she’s a dream, and he doesn’t want to learn she’s an elaborate joke, someone rude and depressing.

“I don’t care. You’re coming with me!” Hirako Take says in horror when he learns of Ui’s fear.

What Hirako doesn’t tell Ui, however, is that he has backstage passes.

Ui finds himself wedged between Hirako and that crazy party-boy, Kuriowa Takeomi. They shuffle him into Ihei Hairu’s room.

“Hi! Are you Hirako?” The pink-haired beauty greets them with a genuine smile and melon buns. “Are you hungry?”

She’s so nice. Ui can’t believe his dreams are real.

“We have to thank Ui for getting us to listen to you,” Hirako says, nudging Ui.

“Oh, really?” Hairu leans forward. “Ui, we have the same haircut!”

He blushes. “It looks better on you.”

“I’m not so sure.” Hairu pokes his nose. She’s so close to him.

Hairu, meanwhile, feels her heart skip at this shy boy. She doesn’t meet many contemplative fans. “Where do you work?”

“We’re consultants. Ui’s the special ‘ethics’ consultant, though,” Takeomi says with a smile.

“Oh, really?” Hairu’s eyes widen. “That’s amazing.”

Ui smiles back at her, tentatively.

“Can I have your number?” Hairu blurts out.

Ui gasps. “Me?”

“No, President Arima. Of course, you.” Hairu winks. “I want to know you more.”

“I do, too,” Ui squeaks. His dream is real, but better.

Because that’s really her.

Uihai playing a good game of monopoly

“You’re being so mean.” Ui pouts.

“I’m being mean?” Hairu gasps.

“You threw me in jail!” Ui crosses his arms.

“That’s because I’m bankrupting you,” Hairu says gleefully, moving her battleship along.

“I’ve never lost Monopoly before,” Ui growls. “We’ll see who bankrupts who!”

“If Arima were here, he’d win for sure.” Hairu giggles.

“I’m good at this, too.” Ui sniffs. Hairu sticks out her tongue.

But he is good. So good, in fact, that when Arima, Hirako, and Squad Zero return to CCG the next morning, they find the two still battling at Hairu’s desk.

“Have you been here all night?” Arima is amazed.

“Children, never do that,” Hirako adds.

“I’m so close,” Ui whispers through bloodshot eyes.

“I won’t cave. I’ll be strong, like you taught me, Arima,” Hairu replies, not taking her eyes off the board.

“Someone’s gotta film this.” Shio flips open his phone.

“What’s going on?” Suzuya Juuzou runs in. “Ooh, that looks fun!”

He grabs the board.

“Noooooooooooooooooooo!” Ui stands in slow motion. Hairu falls backwards.

“It’s a draw,” Arima declares. “Now both of you go home and sleep. You’re in no shape for battle.”

“I was a battleship,” Hairu says dreamily.

“Preferably together,” Hirako adds. The kids burst into giggles, and Arima glares at him.

The misadventures of baby masanori

Everything is a misadventure with baby Masanori.

Hairu and Ui first learned he could crawl when he disappeared from his room one night. As Ui melted down and called Arima in a panic over their kidnapped child, Hairu found baby Masanori in the bathroom. He was splashing toilet water.

His first word was “mwah.” It’s what Auntie Eto told him to say.

Masanori’s first sentence was “I love you,” to his daddy. Ui melted and Arima (after a poke from Eto) told Ui he was proud of him.

He once decided to give Mommy a haircut. She woke up to her bangs snipped off with scissor. Hairu was more upset that she had to wear her hair different than Ui than she was about the actual haircut.

Masanori once tried to convince Auntie Eto to give him human flesh to eat. Just to try it. Ui nearly passed out and Hairu was pissed.

When he grows up, he wants to be Uncle Uta or Uncle Shio.

His favorite day of the year is his birthday, because Uncles Shio and Yusa, and Auntie Rikai, play water balloons with him. Next year he’s planning to rig traps that dump dozens of balloons on his enemies at once. Hairu encourages this, and Ui will be helping build the traps. It’s only fair because Hirako is preparing the rest of the Zero Squad kids.

Shio, Rikai and Yusa buy Masanori a phone (probably with hirako’s money) and he losses and breaks it the first day he gets it.

Obviously with Hirako’s money. Those hellions. 😀

“Now, only use this in emergencies and to play Candy Crush,” Shio tells Masanori.

The kid’s eyes are the size of the phone. “It’s all mine?”

“Yes.” Yusa made sure to buy a heavy case for it.

“Thank you!” Masanori screams, throwing his arms around Shio, Rikai, and Yusa one by one.

“I put all of our numbers in there to be safe,” Rikai tells him.

“You’re the best.” Masanori holds the phone to his ear. “I’m like an adult.”

Masanori knows Shio told him not to use it much, but he can’t imagine taking selfies is wrong. Mommy loves selfies.

He climbs onto the toilet to get a full image of himself, like he’s seen Mommy do.

His foot slips, and with a cry, Masanori’s foot and his phone splash into the toilet.

“Uh – oh.” Masanori has a bad feeling about this.

“Everything okay?” Daddy rushes in. “Masanori, your leg!”

“It’s fine. My phone is not.” Masanori holds up a dripping iPhone. His leg remains twisted.

“Mommy can tend to your phone.” Ui grabs Masanori. “Let’s make sure you can still walk.”

Hairu approaches. She bursts into laughter upon seeing that Masanori is okay, but his “phone” is dripping. “Whose phone is that?”

“Mine. Shio, Rikai, and Yusa bought me,” he says sadly. “They’ll be very sad.”

“I think Hirako’s wallet will be sadder,” Hairu says with a grin. “Ui, time to call up Take.”