Miki tells off Papa Koori for smoking please

“Daddy!” Miki stomps up to Ui the second she and Masanori arrive home from school.

“How was school?” Hairu hugs Masanori.

“Daddy smokes!” Miki screeches. “We learned about smoking. It is BAD and it will KILL YOU. YOUR LUNGS ARE ASH!”

She begins crying. “Daddy has ASH LUNGS! He’s like Cinderella, only inside!”

Masanori screams. “No, Daddy’s stronger than that!”

“Daddy will die!” Miki sobs.

Hairu blinks slowly as Ui gives her a desperate glare. Help me.

Ui cringes. This on-again, off-again habit of his has finally bit him in the ass. “Miki, Miki, Daddy’s not leaving you.”

“You won’t have a choice,” she hisses.

“Your Mom will donate some of her ghoul stem cells,” he teases.

“Hey!” Hairu sticks out her tongue. She’s secretly pleased Miki is all upset. Maybe Ui will finally kick his habit for good this time. “Not if you don’t stop, I won’t.”

“I’ll stop. For you, Miki. And you, Masanori.” Ui pulls his daughter closer to him. “I never want to lose you.”

“And Mommy?” Masanori asks.

Hairu grins. I raised me a good kid. It’s oddly touching. Maybe because she and Ui didn’t have many good models in their lives.

“Of course.” Ui holds out a hand to draw Hairu to his side. “Now…come help me throw out my cigarettes.”

He’s scared as hell, but for his family, he can do anything.

A study of Hairu’s body comes back after the Rose Operation and it turns out she was pregnant with Ui’s baby when she died

Well I’m dead and you have killed me.

“Are you sure?” Arima’s skin is almost green. Hirako sticks close to his boss as the autopsy doctor walks away.

“What is wrong?” Ui stumbles up to them, his eyes bloodshot from crying. Hairu is dead.

Just last night they were giggling together under the covers in his apartment. He broke his ethics just to be with her. And he’d been planning on proposing soon – well, just as soon as he told Arima.

And now that future is ruined. That fucking ghoul removed her head, as if she were a toy and not a beautiful, brilliant, witty person.

Arima glares at him.

“No wonder Hairu slipped up. She wasn’t at her full capacity,” Hirako says quietly.

“What do you mean?” Ui cries.

Arima briefly fantasizes about punching Ui. “Did you know?”

“Know what?” Ui looks panicked.

“Ihei was pregnant,” Hirako says tightly.

Ui’s world spins. He slumps to his knees.

“You were the father, weren’t you,” Arima says quietly. “I should have paid more attention.”

“I didn’t know!” Ui wipes his eyes. No, no, no. “I should have stopped her. I – I did this to her!”

Hirako bends down to lift Ui up. “Hold on to me.”

“Let’s go into my office,” Arima says. “I’m not upset with you, Ui. Just surprised.”

“I loved her,” Ui cries. “I did.”

“I’m glad,” Arima tells him. Hairu was happy when she died, he is sure of it. Because all she ever wanted was to be loved.

Masanori’s teenage years

Masanori continues to be a hellion well into his teenage years. He breaks curfew constantly – not out of malice, but out of sheer forgetfulness.

Tonight is no different.

Eventually, Hairu falls asleep. But Ui can’t. He stays up, waiting nervously for his son’s return.

Around 2 am, the door bursts open.

“Dad! I’m sorry!” Masanori’s voice cracks. “I stayed out late watching Harry Potter with Furuta.”

Of course, my son’s the only person who stays out late to spend time in prison. Ui sighs.

“Did you finish the eighth movie? That one’s my favorite.” Hairu blinks back sleep. She stands in the doorway to their bedroom.

“Furuta’s favorite character is Lucius. I think he wants a bad dad who would give up everything for his son.” Masanori looks sad.

“Oh.” Ui can’t help but pity Uncle Fruit. “Well, who is yours?”

“Since Sirius is dead, Ginny. She reminds me of Mom.” Masanori smiles at Hairu, who grins back.

“You’re like Bill, Ui.” Hairu winks.

“That would make me your brother!” He sticks out his tongue.

“Uh.” Masanori pales. “I’ll be off to sleep now. Sorry for the wait!”

Oh god nsfw uihai with ui fulfilling hairu’s praise kink

“Hairu, you’re an amazing investigator.” Ui serves her his most winsome smile as soon as they walk in their door. It’s late at night, and for sure they’re both tired, but he also kinda wants her.

Hairu eyes him slyly, in a way that communicates she knows exactly what’s up. “So are you, Sir Lord of Ethics.”

“And you’re a kind, happy person.” Ui pulls her closer, before their coats are even off.

“Koori, you are so strong,” Hairu whispers back.

He laughs and gestures towards their room.

Hairu is having none of it. “Why wait?”

She yanks off his jacket right there, in the hall. She presses his back into the wall with a ferocious kiss.

“Hairu, you’re so good at this,” Ui whimpers pulling off her coat and pushing up her shirt. “Wow.”

He goggles at the frilly, ribboned bra she wears. “You’re also a magnificent planner.”

“I am,” Hairu agrees, unbuttoning his shirt. It tumbles to the floor.

Ui would love to use his mouth to remove her bra, but he isn’t that coordinated. So Hairu has to offer her assistance, and he’s blushing like crazy as she pushes down her pants and then his.

“Hairu, I don’t know how you’re this good,” Ui moans, letting her sink onto him. He lets her press him further against the wall. “Ihei Hairu is the best. The sexiest. The kindness. The funnest. I love her so much.”

“Dooooo you,” she purrs, increasing their rhythm. “Because Ui Koori is smart, justice-oriented, brave, and oh-so-talented.”

Ui gasps as he feels his climax nearing. “H-hairuuuuuu.”

She loves when he calls her name as he comes. How he looks at her with utmost love and appreciation. How he sees her as not a ghoul-human hybrid, but a full person and the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

She loves him.

The ships as weird couple stock photos?

Touken –

Hidekane –

Shuuneki –

Akiramon –

Seiaki-

Takirona

Nishikimi –

Irimi/Koma –

Irimi/Take

Yoshimura/Ukina –

Ayahina –

UtaRen –

Utatori –

Tsukikana –

Tsukichie –

Arieto

Uihai-

Nakimiza –

Yoriko/Takeomi –

Suzuhan –

Matsurie –

Urisai-

Mutsurie –

Mutsuki/Kaneki

Shiraiko –

Saiko/Hsaio –

Maruchika –

Fururize –

Higemaru/Hakatori (Higetori)

Okay, who did I miss?

updated to include take/irimi and higetori.

Can you write something about Hairu’s boobs?

Can I.

Yes, I can, but Ui does it better.

So soft. So perky. He loves them.

Hairu loves how Ui looks at them.

She loves it even more when he squeezes and kisses them.

He treasures that she lets him see them.

tl;dr Hairu has amazing boobs we should all envy.

What songs do each of the tg re pairings (canon or not) remind you of? In my opinion HideKane currently makes me think of Wolves by Selena Gomez and Mutsuki x Kaneki/Sasaki from Mutsuki’s end

Hidekane – Wolves by Selena Gomez

Touken – Warm Blood, Flor

Shuuneki – All My Heroes, Bleachers

Akiramon – Aquaman, Walk the Moon

Seiaki – Rotten, The Naked and Famous

Mutsurie – Unconditionally, Katy Perry

Mutsuki/Sasaki – We Sink, Chvrches

Urisai – Hold Back the River, James Bay

Saiko/Hsaio – Boom Clap, Charlie XCX

Shiraiko – Gone Gone Gone, Phillip Phillips

Tsukikana – XO, Beyonce

Tsukichie – Young Blood, The Naked and Famous

Utaren – Wallflowers, The Chain Gang of 1984

Utatori – Look What You Made Me Do, Taylor Swift

Suzuhan – Let’s Hurt Tonight, OneRepublic

Maruchika – Walking the Wire, Imagine Dragons

Nishikimi – Gravity, Jai Wolf

Takirona – Something Just Like This, The Chainsmokers

Fururize – Bad Blood, Taylor Swift

Uihai – Shut Up and Dance, Walk the Moon

Arieto – F**K with You, Cardiknox

Ayahina – Beating Heart, Ellie Goulding

Yoshimura/Ukina – The Energy Never Dies, The Script

Nakimiza – The Cure, Lady Gage

I don’t know why they’d do this… Ui and Hairu bring Masanori to his first fancy restaurant.

“We’ve gotta bite the bullet sometime,” Hairu mutters to Ui.

He gulps. “I guess.”

“Whoa. So pretty.” Masanori gazes at the vaulted ceiling and beautiful arabesque walls. “I want to climb them.”

Ui sends Hairu a panicked look. He still hasn’t recovered from Disneyland Tokyo. They only just released the bird back into the wild.

“Mommy, can I try your wine?” Masanori asks. “If I whine enough.”

Hairu has to giggle at the pun. “Did Kaneki tell you to say that?”

“Uh-huh.” Masanori sucks down his soda. “I want to taste it please.”

Ui sighs and holds out his glass. He doesn’t trust Masanori enough to hold it on his own. “Just one sip.”

Masanori puckers his lips. “It’s bitter.”

Ui nods.

“Why do adults like icky food?” Masanori eyes the menu.

“Because when you’re an adult, icky food tastes good,” says Hairu.

“That sounds sad.” Masanori pauses.

“They have shrimp tempura,” Hairu teases.

Masanori’s eyes widen. “I like the crunchies.”

Ui breathes a sigh of relief.

In fact, they make it almost the entire way through the meal before disaster strikes. Sure, Masanori has crumbs all over his face, but he’s happy.

And then.

He reaches for his soda. It falls onto the white tablecloth.

“Oh no!” Masanori clutches the tablecloth, accidentally yanking all their dishes along with it. “Ah!”

Plates, glasses, and silverware crash to the floor. Masanori is covered in tempura remains and sake.

Waiters rush over, and Hairu has to laugh. Ui has to refrain from crying as they apologize.

“I’m sorry,” Masanori whispers.

“It’s okay.” Hairu wipes her eyes and grabs Masanori to carry him to the restroom to wash off. She had expected nothing less this entire night. But she just wanted Masanori the chance to experience a fancy restaurant, the kind she never got to visit as a kid.

Ui nods as he helps the waiters. It’s embarrassing, every day with Masanori is adventurous and embarrassing. And he loves it.

I think we need Ui and Hairu playing monopoly against Arima and Eto. I’d love to see a really competitive Arima and Ui and the girls are literally just sitting there.

Yassssss.

“The God of Death might just go down,” Eto murmurs, watching Arima grow paler and paler.

He’s fine during combat. But board games? His nerves takes it very personally.

“Arima, no! Don’t give up!” cries Hairu.

“Why are you rooting for him?” salts Ui. His knuckles are white. I will…defeat…I will take Marvin Gardens before him. I must.

“I’m rooting for you both.” Hairu scoffs.

“Ha!” Arima laughs with glee as Ui draws Go to Jail.

“Okay, but which jail?” Hairu asks.

“Definitely Cochlea.” Eto grins. “SSS rate cells.”

“Fuck all of you.”

“Language,” Arima mutters, carefully constructing his next five moves in his brain.

“I’VE BEEN PUT IN JAIL.” Ui whimpers. “Hairu, I don’t deserve it.”

“You don’t,” Hairu agrees.

“You do,” says Eto.

“I will not fail,” Arima mutters.

But after two more hours, Eto is bored. Hairu is bored. Their husbands, less so.

So Eto swoops her hands down onto the board and knocks the pieces off.

“Eto!” screams Ui.

“Why?” Arima gasps.

“I’m the One-Eyed Owl, fucking shit up.” Eto grins. “We’ll call it a draw. Enough pride for you two?”

Arima and Ui tentatively nod.

“Oh thank god,” says Hairu.

The Uihai family goes to Disneyland Tokyo…! Where they loose Masanori again! (Love your writings by the way)

Why thank you, Nonny-Mouse!

“Of course. Of course, we’ve lost Masanori again,” Ui mutters.

“Where could he be?” Hairu cranes her neck. “I don’t see him anywhere!”

They push their way through the crowd.

“Maybe he’s in the swings,” Hairu says desperately. She can’t help but fear that someone kidnapped a quarter-ghoul child for vengeance.

“Let’s check his favorite characters,” Ui suggests.

“I have a better idea,” Hairu says weakly. She lifts a shaking finger behind them.

“Huh?” Ui turns around. He shrieks.

Because Masanori is scaling the castle roof.

“Who taught him to climb?” Ui cries.

“Eto is his aunt and Shio and Furuta his uncles; how are you surprised?” Hairu shoots back.

They race towards the castle base, where security is already trying to coax him down.

But, naturally, he doesn’t listen. He just climbs higher.

“Masanori!” Hairu wails.

“You know this kid?” demands a guard.

“He’s our son,” Ui says weakly. Parents walk by, shaking their heads at them.

If they found out he’s part ghoul, they’ll hate him even more. Would the guards even try to rescue him? Ui’s anger ignites. It isn’t fair.

“Do you think you can talk him down? He’s awfully high.” The man is sweating, and Ui kinda hates him.

“What’s he looking at?” Hairu notices a speck on the roof as Masanori hoists himself onto the ledge. Her heart pounds.

He cradles it in his palm and totters back towards the edge of the roof.

“Be careful!” Hairu yells.

“Well, careful for being on the roof of a castle surrounded by security,” Ui says.

Security rushes through with a ladder, and Ui breathes easier. “Hang on, Masanori!”

When Masanori finally reaches the ground again, Hairu and Ui rush over. “What were you doing?”

Masanori holds up a bird with a broken wing. “I saw a birdy fall and I wanted to save it, Mommy.”

Ui sags against Hairu. His boy is truly the best.