oh oh ui and hairu were planning on having a simple New Years party for just the two of them but brooke (my best girl) and the rest of her squad (and maybe the zero squad kiddies because something tells me they’d be all over this) totally crash their party by making it totally wild and fun much to ui’s displeasure.

Also based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Now this is my idea of a party,” says Ui, pouring two glasses of wine for Hairu and he. “Just us.”

“Hmmm, and what else can we do before New Years,” Hairu murmurs, a seductive grin on her lips.

Ui leans towards her. Her fingers unbutton his shirt.

“Surprise, elected hosts!” Their door crashes open. Ui gasps, and Hairu sloshes her wine onto her blouse.

“Oh my.” Brooke blinks at the sight of Ui desperately trying to mop Hairu’s blouse. “Kids, don’t look. This isn’t a sight for innocent eyes.”

“He’s just trying to clean her shirt,” Shio says in confusion.

“Let’s agree to that,” Brooke says quickly.

“It’s okay, Ui, it was an old shirt anyways.” Hairu smiles. She wasn’t planning on wearing it for long anyways, even it’s not exactly off for the reason she expected.

“We heard you weren’t coming to any parties, so we decided to bring the party to you,” Rikai says shyly, holding out an offering of cake.

“Apology accepted,” Hairu says, sniffing the pan.

“Ui, your fly is open,” Brooke says.

“What!” Ui gasps, but of course, it’s not true.

He glowers at her as the Zero Squad kids howl with laughter.

Their doorbell rings.

“Who else did you invite?” Ui asks with dread. Koharu’s on a date. Carma is moping, Marie is helping her, and Michiko is with Mizurou. That leaves…

“Surprise!” Brooke whips open the door as a dozen kids pour in.

“What a nice apartment!” shouts Hajime.

“Can you believe we get to stay up til midnight?” Mayazumi yells back.

“How do the Oggai have better manners than you?!” Ui fires at Brooke. He will have to inform Koharu about this. Definitely. New Year’s is canceled.

But when he turns around, Hairu is already cranking up the stereo, and Hajime’s asking her to dance…and even Ui Koori has to admit, they’re pretty cute.

Ui kneels in the office for whatever reason and Hairu thinks he’s proposing, while everyone is present

Yasssss.

Ui curses silently as his pen drops to the floor of their meeting room. How will he be able to take notes without it?

He drops to his knees before Hairu, who is distracted by her conversation with Hirako.

Hirako raises his eyebrows to cut Hairu off. She spins around and gasps. “Koori!”

He opens his mouth in confusion. “Huh?”

“Say yes!” Shio cheers.

“Yes, of course, yes.” Hairu’s face is as pink as her hair.

“Wait, what?” Ui’s mouth drops. “You all think – wait – Hairu – I’m not actually – I’m grabbing a pen.” He holds it up.

“Oh.” Her shoulders slump. Now her face is cherry red. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ui stands and leans in close. “I’d make it far more romantic than in a morning meeting.”

Hairu giggles.

“Wait, so you’re not engaged? Come on,” Yusa complains. “How long are you gonna keep us waiting?”

Ariam strides in. “We’re running on time, Yusa.”

“No, we’re talking about Ui and Hairu not being engaged,” Rikai says.

Arima frowns. “Come again?”

“You really haven’t noticed?” Hirako exclaims.

As the room descends into bickering chaos, Hairu leans over to Ui and plants a peck on his cheek. “Well, at least now you already know my answer.”

hi i’m that person who asked for masanori with his aunt and uncle last time. could i request another one like how about shio and koharu take masanori and miki to the beach and are competing to be the favorite in numerous activities?

hello there. Of course you may.

Based on characters from @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign” and @hamliet‘s “The (Mis)adventures of Goat.”

“Auntie Koharu, do I have to wear sunscreen? It feels so icky.” Miki juts out her lower lip as they arrange blankets on the hot sand.

Koharu winces. Shit. There’s no avoiding being the bad guy here. “No, because you’ll get sick otherwise.”

Shio smirks at Koharu, who responds by sticking out her tongue.

“Wait, you can stick out your tongue? Can I? Daddy doesn’t let me.” Masanori sticks out his tongue at Miki.

“Hey!” she yells, responding by poking out her own tongue.

“I’m cool again,” Koharu whispers to Shio. He scowls. “Hey, as soon as Auntie Koharu finishes with the sunscreen, wanna search for shells?”

“Oooh, yeah!” The kids bounce up and down.

Half an hour later, Shio holds up shiny mussel shell. “Look, it’s like a mirror. Miki, you can see your pretty reflection.”

She giggles as Masanori runs around stomping on the shells.

“Masanori, look at this giant clam shell you can smash.” Koharu waves it around.

Shio pouts. “I gave him like ten.”

“But I gave him the biggest,” Koharu says.

Later on, as they swim, Koharu revels that she is, for the moment, still taller than Shio. That means she can tow her niece and nephew into deeper water, hold them over larger waves.

“I like being splashed more,” Masanori says with a shrug, running over to Shio’s side.

“I don’t.” Miki clings to Koharu. “I don’t wanna be p – pull -pulllized.

“Pulverized?” Koharu says with a giggle.

“Yeah. Wheeeee!” Miki cheers as Koharu leaps in unison with the waves, and Shio and Masanori go tumbling head-over-heels.

As they head back to Koori and Hairu’s, they stop for ice cream. Miki frowns, chocolate smeared across her face. “Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh what?” Shio wipes his flushed face. Ow.

Masanori bursts into laughter. “You both were so focused on putting sunscreen torture on us, you forgot it for yourselves!”

Koharu whimpers slightly. “Shio. How long were we in the sun for?”

“We’re gonna die,” he replies, already texting Yusa and Rikai for aloe.

we’ve seen uncle shio before right?? say that he and koharu fight over who’s the better aunt/uncle to masanori?

LOL.

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Masanori!” Shio prances into Ui and Hairu’s apartment waving a bag of cookies. “Look what I brought.”

Koharu stares at him from her position next to Masanori. They’ve been sculpting a kagune castle from play-doh.

And that little shit brought the same cookies she did!

She grabs a handful of play-doh and hurls it at Shio. “I’m the best aunt.”

“That’s fine. I’m the best uncle. My cookie package is bigger, after all.” Shio waves around the bag.

“I will eat both,” giggles Masanori.

“And not the play-doh,” Koharu adds. She’s had to pull it from his mouth two times already.

Masanori pouts.

Shio whips out his phone to get Yusa and Rikai. Buy me edible clay. For Masanori. And science. I will be the best!

Koharu, meanwhile, has her phone out. She and Shio narrow their eyes at each other.

By the time the Beta Squad and Arima Squad appear simultaneously, both with edible clay, Koharu and Shio have managed to convince Masanori to stop sculpting castles and start sculpting food.

“The battle is on,” Shio says solemnly. He will be the Best Uncle!

“Bring it,” Koharu fires back. She will win! She will be the Best Aunt!

some nsfw uihai and koharu accidentally walks in on them.

Ahhhhhh yassssssssssss.

Read @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign” for context. And for Uihai.

“Koori,” Hairu moans as Ui nuzzles between her legs.”You make me so happy.”

“So do you, princess.” Ui gasps as she bends over to leave a hickey on his shoulder. Should be easy enough to cover up so Arima doesn’t see.

“I don’t want to be a princess,” Hairu teases, rolling Ui over. Their bed creaks. “I want to be a knight.”

“A princess knight?” Ui suggests. “I’ll be your loyal sidekick.”

“Not sidekick. Partner. You’re my second half, Koori,” Hairu says, grunting a little as Ui enters her.

“We’re two halves to a whole,” he agrees. Sweat droplets beads his brow, and Hairu lifts her head to kiss them off.

They’re getting into a rocking rhythm, Hairu is squealing and Ui is gasping, they’re only focused on each other and –

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Koharu screams. For a second, her hair turns white.

“Oh, hi, Koharu.” Hairu waves. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“Clearly,” Koharu manages. Or they would have shut the door. “I’ll just, uh, let myself out now…”

She cackles to herself as she exits. She’s never going to let Ui hear the end of this. Oh, the blackmail she will have!

Ui moans, resting his head on Hairu’s chest.

“Now then, it’s not a big deal. Don’t worry so much, Koori.” Hairu kisses his nose. “Where were we?”

Crack head cannon (which is really just a contraction of a previous crack head cannon): Ui Koori doesn’t help with the rumors surrounding the Quinx mentor, and to anyone that askes, he’ll tell them it’s cruella deville’s psychotic cousin

It begins with an un-caffeinated Ui, out of cigarettes and fresh out of bed.

“Ui, who is Sasaki?” asks Yusa.

“Cruella DeVille’s psychotic cousin,” Ui grumbles.

Yusa’s eyes widen, and he races off. Ui slides into his seat, not thinking much of their exchange.

An hour later, Shio appears. “Ui sir, who is Sasaki?”

“The Quinx Leader,” Ui says simply.

Shio pouts. “Why are you boring with me? You told Yusa something funny!”

“I did?” Ui thinks for a second. “Hmm…okay, Sasaki is Maleficent’s brother. Complete with the dragon.”

Shio claps his hands in approval.

Rikai is only five minutes behind Shio. “Who is Sasaki?”

“The personification of decaf coffee and e-cigarettes,” Ui replies, staring straight into her eyes.

Finally, he can get back to work.

“Kooriiiiiii,” sings a voice. Hairu waltzes in, and Ui brightens immediately. “I have something for you.”

“Yes?”

Hairu holds out a sugar cube.

Ui takes it eagerly, but gags after it settles on his tongue. “Hairu!”

“It’s a salt cube! Just like you,” Hairu cheers.

“You heard what I was saying about Sasaki, didn’t you?” Ui complains, spitting out the cube.

“Yup.” Hairu softens. “Be nice, okay, Salt-senpai?” She offers him two more cubes. “I promise these are real sugar this time.”

Drunk Brooke insulting Koori and her squad

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.” Read it if you love OCs, Kanae, and Uihai. And if you don’t, you should. ;P

“We need to get you all home before you disgrace the Bureau,” Ui says. Hairu lifts Koharu and Marie off the karaoke stage they’ve been leaning against.

Ui offers his hand to Brooke, and a sober Carma lets Michiko lean against her.

“You’re the tattletale,” Michiko slurs towards Carma.

“I’m not sorry,” Carma admits.

“You shouldn’t be. They should be,” huffs Ui.

Brooke narrows her eyes. Koharu is her Squad Leader, and she’ll be damned if anyone speaks ill of her. “Koharu, did you shove a stick up your brother’s ass when you were little?”

Hairu chortles, and Ui turns red. “Investigator Akita.”

“No, but really.” The room spins as she takes a step. Brooke curses. “Koharu, I take it back. I blame you. Bad leader. Bad.”

“This is almost entertaining,” says Koharu.

“Carma, you wuss. I wanted to do shots with you. Now I’m sad.” Brooke sniffles.

“Michi!” Mizurou rushes into the karaoke bar to take his girlfriend’s hand.

“No, Michiko. You are a strong woman. Walk on your own!” Brooke thrusts her fist in the air, accidentally striking Marie. “Marie, you’re in my way!”

“Brooke, you’re drunk,” Ui pleads. “Koharu, say something!”

“Something,” says Koharu merrily. Hairu and Mizurou dissolve into giggles, and Ui’s glad the music is loud so no one can hear him scream.

Every ship you can think of’s child’s name if they’re male or female or have a gender neutral name (but Kyou and Tsukiyama should totally adopt Niji)

Touken – Yotsume, girl

Hidekane – Sunny, boy or girl or neutral

Shuuneki – Rin, genderqueer

Akiramon – Kosuke, girl

Seiaki- Kosuke, girl,

Takirona- Nashiro, girl

Nishikimi – Oshin, boy

Irimi/Koma – Fumiko, girl

Yoshimura/Ukina – Eto (oh wait)

Ayahina – Ryouko, girl

UtaRen – Asa, girl

Utatori – Renji, boy

Tsukikana – Rose, girl

Tsukichie – Kanae, neutral

Tsukikyou – Niji. That is all.

Arieto – Kaneki Ken, boy.

Uihai – Masanori, boy

Nakimiza – Chihiro, girl

Yoriko/Takeomi – Iwao, boy

Suzuhan – Yukinori, boy

Matsurie – Danuja, girl

Urisai – Hotaru, girl

Mutsurie – Ginshi, boy

Mutsuki/Kaneki – Kishou, boy

Shiraiko -Gintoki, boy

Saiko/Hsaio – Diana of Themyscira, girl

Maruchika – Kazumi, neutral

Fururize – Hisa, girl

hairu and ui rapping

Hairu grabs the mic. She can’t believe she’s up here, after she and Ui lost a bet with Hirako. Now, instead of Ui’s typical karaoke, they must perform their own rap.

Hairu nods, and on cue she and Ui adorn Arima-style glasses.

Hairu takes it first. “Said little ghoul, you can’t fuck with me, If you wanted to.
These expensive, these is spiked pommel, These is bloody sword.
IXA or Owl, I can use ‘em both, I don’t wanna choose. And I’m quick, perfect my dodge, don’t get comfortable.”

Ui clears his throat. “Look, I don’t dance now, I make quinque moves. Say I don’t gotta dance, I’ll make ghouls move. If I see you and I don’t speak, that means I will fuck with you. I’m a reaper, you a worker bitch, I make bloody moves!”

Hirako motions for them to continue. A light on his phone makes it clear he’s filming, to Ui’s horror.

Hairu raises her voice. “Now Raven says he gon’ do what to who? Let’s find out and see, CCG, you know where I’m at, you know where I be.”

Ui nods. “You in the squad just to party I’m there, I get paid a fee; I be in and out them jails so much, I know they’re tired of me. Honestly, don’t give a fuck
‘Bout who ain’t fond of me.”

Hairu cuts in. “Dropped two SS in six months, what ghoul working as hard as me? I don’t bother with these ghouls, don’t let these ghouls bother me. They see medals, they say goals, Bitch, I’m who they tryna be!”

Ui pauses. “Wait, ghoul? I think you messed up.”

Hey there! Could I request some Ui and Koharu scenarios?

In case you are not aware, readers, Koharu is Ui’s sister as describes in the lovely story “Peace Sign” by @koyuki-tan. She’s pretty great, and so is the story. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422457?view_full_work=true

“Ooh, a melon bun.” Koharu eyes the bag in Ui’s hands.

Ui flushes on his way into his office. “Um…it’s not for you.”

“You just got enough for you and Hairuuuuuu,” Koharu purrs, hardly bothered. “Is tonight the night I’m going to become an auntie?”

“Koharu, shut up.” Ui slammed his office door in her face.

She knows she probably deserved that, but no matter. Koharu skips off to fill the rest of the beta-Quinx Squad in on Ui’s latest date ideas.

“It’s not even his latest idea,” Brooke complains. “Didn’t he do that two days ago, too?”

“Well, yes, but it’s cute,” Carma says quickly.

Michiko blushes. Mizurou and she often split meals in their offices. She finds it very romantic.

“We need to pressure that boy into proposing. Or at the least, confessing to Arima,” says Marie.

“Same difference, really,” Koharu muses. She wants Hairu as her sister-in-law. Hairu is good for Ui.

When Ui and Hairu finally emerge from his office – notably rumpled – Koharu grins slyly. Brooke winks at her.

“Shut up,” Ui mumbles as he passes Koharu.

“Koori, that’s not very nice,” says Hairu. She flashes a smile at Koharu. “Ui bought me melon buns again!”

“He knows you love them because he loves you,” Koharu says.

“Koharu!” Ui turns beet red.

“What?! You do. There’s no shame in my saying it.”

“I know, I just – Koharu – can you not -” Ui is too flustered to eek out a proper reply.

“I love him too.” Hairu turns around, and in full view of Koharu and her squad, kisses Ui.

In the background, Brooke holds up a camera.