How about Hairu delivering a little sister for Masanori when he’s four years old and she at first wants to name her Arimi after Arima but then Koori convinces her not to?

“Why is Mommy screaming?” Masanori shivers.

“Because Mommy’s getting you a little sister. The baby just need to move out her belly, that’s all.” Shio pats Masanori’s head.

Yusa closes his eyes and prays the kid asks no more questions.

But he wouldn’t be Masanori if he did.

“How does it get out of her belly?”

“Auntie Eto can tell you,” Rikai says quickly.

—————————-

Hairu gasps as her daughter’s cry pierces the stale hospital air.

Ui looks terrified as the baby is placed in his arms. He’s sure he’ll drop her. He can’t be trusted with something so precious.

“Arimi,” Hairu teases.

“Hairu, we settled on Miki.” Ui tightens his grip on their child.

Beautiful story. Hairu smiles. “Just making sure you remembered.”

“I think this kid has my hair.” Ui hands her to Hairu.

“Masanori’s hair was dark, too. It just fell out and regrew pink,” Hairu mumbles.

“I can hope, all right!”

She giggles.

“MOMMYYYYY!” Masanori flails into the room. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Is this Miki? Can I hold her? Can she be my best friend?”

“Support her head like this.” Ui guide’s Masanori’s hands.

Masanori grins. “I’m gonna be the best big brother ever. Just like you’re the best mommy and daddy.”

Okay but Masanori getting lost in the shops then reunited with Hairu and Ui after dramatically crying and running around with his favourite toy?

Masanori adores the fluffy stuffed owl.

It’s on the top shelf, but he is determined to reach it.

He climbs, slowly, determinedly. He will reach it. He loves owls, like Auntie Eto.

Finally he grabs the toy and topples to the ground. “Oof.”

Panic sets in. He thought he’d be able to surprise Mommy and Daddy with his ingenuity, but they’re not here.

“Mommy?” He clutches the stuffed owl. “Daddy?”

What if they’ve been hurt?

What if they left him?

Masanori cries out and runs around the toy store. He can’t find them there, so he races out of the store as alarms blare.

“Come back, kid!” A security guard races after him.

“MOMMY! DADDY!” Masanori shrieks. “Where ARE YOU?”

——————————————–

“Where’s Masanori?” Hairu cries.

“I thought you had him!” Ui looks sick.

“I thought you did!” Hairu drops her shopping bags.

“We can’t – he has to be – oh my God -” Ui can’t breath. He’d rather face an SSS ghoul without a quinque.

“Calm down.” Hairu grabs the bags. “Let’s retrace our steps.”

Sirens sound from the other side of the mall.

“Fuck,” Hairu mutters.

Masanori careens through the crowd, clutching a stuffed owl and yelling their names.

Behind him are three security guards, a store manager, and a train of worried parents.

“Masanori!” Hairu cries.

“MOMMY!” He launches himself into her arms, wailing.

Ui turns to pacify the crowd – and pay for the toy – but Masanori drags him into the family hug. “Daddy, wait, please don’t leave me.”

Shio introduces Masanori to memes.

“Masanori!” Ihei Shio waves his nephew over.

“Is today the day?” The kid quivers with excitement.

“It is,” Rikai intones.

“Masanori, today you begin your training.” Yusa hands a phone to Shio.

“Gaze upon it,” sings Shio, holding the pink-coated device out to Masanori.

Masanori frantically types into the phone. Finally he holds up a image.

“Not bad, not bad,” Shio says merrily. “But watch this!”

“This is Uncle Fruit,” Yusa adds.

Some time later, Uncle Hajime strolls in alongside Ui and Hairu.

“LOOK I MADE YOU INTO A MEME!”

Masanori races over to shove his meme in Hajime’s face.

Hajime subconsciously pats his cute face. “At least I’m cuter than that thing.”

“Shio, you didn’t.” Ui is not prepared for this day.

Hairu is ready.

“Hairu, no!” Ui cries. She winks in response.

Masanori grins. “I made us into a meme, too!”

Ui is almost too terrified to look, but when he does, he’s surprised at the tears that prick his eyes.

Baby Masanori’s first trip to the park keeps his parents on their feet.

“Tweet-tweet!” Masanori wriggles out of Hairu’s arms and races for the bird. It squeaks and flies off.

“Masanori, be careful,” calls Ui.

“I’m careful.” Masanori giggles and hurries over to the fountain.

“Shit,” Hairu mumbles to Ui, just as their child tumbles into the water.

Luckily, the water isn’t deep. Ui fishes Masanori out.

“It’s wet.” Masanori grins and hugs Ui. “Now you’re wet, too.”

“I am indeed,” Ui says dryly.

“Can you take me on the slide?” Masanori points over to the playground.

“Yes!” Hairu grabs him by the hand. “Hold onto me now.”

She helps Masanori climb to the top.

“I want to go in your lap.” Masanori’s eyes are wide.

“Okay.” Hairu sits him down. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

“Wheeee!” Hairu shoves off, and they slide to the bottom, where Ui’s open arms are waiting to catch his son.

Masanori and 0 squad kids attempt to make a cake for Uihai day :)

“All right, you all. Listen up.” Shio leans forward. “We’re baking a funfetti cake for Uihai day.”

Masanori adores the day between his parent’s birthday. His parents are so sweet to each other and get presents for him, too. “Yesssss.”

“I brought all the colors of the rainbow.” Rikai holds up half a dozen tubes of frosting.

“I brought the mix.” Yusa hols up a box.

Shio pouts. “We should bake from scratch.”

“Shio, we’ll burn the house down and then have to explain to Ui and Hairu why their son is dead,” Yusa replies.

“What does dead mean?” Masanori squints.

Shio giggles. “Eh – ask your parents.”

“Not cool! I thought you were the fun uncle!”

Shio gasps. “My heart! No!”

“Tell him.” Rikai makes her way to the kitchen.

“Dead just means you’re not on earth anymore…you’re in heaven where there’s cake all the time and no one ever gets tired,” Shio says, hugging Masanori.

“Okay.” Satisfied, Masanori races after Rikai. Yusa just shakes his head.

When Ui and Hairu return, their apartment smells like burnt sugar.

“Masanori? Shio?” calls Hairu as she opens the door.

“Surprise!” yell four voices.

Masanori wears a virtual kakuja of rainbow frosting, and the Zero Squad children are equally smeared with icing.

Hairu laughs. “Well, well.”

“We baked you a cake!” squeaks Masanori.

“Well, Yusa insisted on taking it over. That was probably a good idea,” admits Shio.

“Then you, what, had a frosting fight?” Ui asks, hands on his hips. Their entire kitchen looks like a thousand Kanekis were released in it.

“Precisely,” Shio says happily.

Masanori beckons Ui down. He wipes green icing on the tip of Daddy’s nose.

“Now you’re one of us.” Shio nods. “No one can escape the icing.”

“I’ll be a ghoul for a moment, then.” Hairu uses her mouth to eat the icing off Ui’s nose. “See, all better.”

masanori wondering why hairu has a dakimakura of ui

“Mommy, why did you turn Daddy into a big pillow?” Masanori’s eyes are enormous.

“Huh?” Hairu turns around. “Oh, Masanori. That’s not Daddy. That’s my cuddle pillow that looks like Daddy for whenever I’m away.”

“Oh.” Masanori holds out his hands. “Can I hug it?”

“Yes.” Hairu hands him the pillow.

Masanori squeezes it. “It doesn’t hug back as well.”

“No, Daddy’s hugs are the best,” Hairu agrees.

“So are yours.”

Hairu grabs Masanori and lifts him on her hip. “Like this?”

She kisses his forehead.

“Yeah, like that.” Masanori leans over so Hairu nearly drops him. “Gotta get Daddy.”

Ui walks in to see Hairu, Masanori, and the his dakimakura enjoying a group hug.

Masanori’s Trick or treating adventure!

“Look at me, Daddy!”

Masanori twirls around, showing off his black bobbed wig. “I’m YOU! Uncle Uta helped me.”

“You look just like Daddy,” Hairu says with a grin. She’s Rapunzel, and Ui is Flynn Rider.

“Yay!” Masanori claps his hands.

Ui is too happy to speak, so he hugs his child instead. “Now, be safe out there.”

“I will!” Masanori hurries outside to join the other GOAT children.

“Trick or treat!” Masanori first rings Touka and Kaneki’s door.

“Yes?” Touka, dressed like a fortune teller, falls back. “It’s a CCG investigator! AHHHHH!”

Masanori giggles. “No, it’s just Masanori!”

Kaneki, having been forced into a purple dragon costume, hands Masanori sugar tubes.

“Thank you!” Masanori skips to Ayato and Hinami’s next.

“Rawr!” Ayato is dressed like a pirate; Hinami, a yellow parrot. They hand Masanori chocolate.

Naki is Frankenstein and Miza his bride.

“Oo-oooooh.” Miza zombie walks towards the children, and they shriek.

“What tasty children!” Pennywise Itori greets them next, with angel Yomo and devil Uta behind her.

“Watch out, I’ll use my quinque,” teases Masanori. “Wait, Uncle Yomo, are those your ukaku wings.”

“With some help from Uta,” Yomo says uncomfortably.

Nishiki is dressed as a spider and Kimi a butterfly, connected by a web, and they hand out homemade cupcakes to thrill the children.

The Quinx mansion is next, and Saiko greets them as Gintoki. Hsaio as a ninja and Shirazu as a shark appear behind her, followed by Aura as perhaps a ghost – a white sheet, as any rate – and Higemaru as some monster of his own devising. Urie and Mutsuki join as Cookie Monster and a cat, respectively.

Cinderella Yoriko and Prince Charming Takeomi hand out more baked goods, and then it’s on to the Tsukiyama’s.

Chie as a bat hangs in a tree, snapping as many pictures as she can.

“Greetings, mortals!” Tsukiyama thrusts open his front door, dressed in rich wizarding robes. Kanae as an elf holds up ring pops.

Arima opens his door, mortified. He’s dressed as a black goat, and sexy witch Eto looks all too pleased with herself.

The children plod over to Hirako’s, where the three Musketeers pretend to attack as a giant Shiba hands them Kit-kats. Hajime appears to chase off the Musketeers, complete as Superman.

Kurona as a vampire and Seidou as a greek god provide Masanori with his favorite gift yet: caramel, the sticky stuff Mommy and Daddy don’t often buy after he smeared it across the entire kitchen.

An enormous version of Maris Stella answers the door at Akira and Amon’s, and the Suzuya Squad as Robin Hood and his merry men – including Hanbee as Maid Marion – swoop in to deliver Skittles.

When Masanori turns around, he sees all the parents gathered. “All right, off to our last stop.”

“Where?” Masanori asks.

“You don’t think your other uncle would miss this, do you?” Hairu asks lightly.

The adults are still wary as they enter the jail. But their reserve soon gives way to laughter when Haise Sasaki greets Kaneki in Furuta’s voice. “Hi, me! We look cute today!”

“I hate you,” Kaneki says.

“I love us,” says Haise. He showers the children with chocolate, and Masanori thinks himself the luckiest kid alive.

Both Masanori and Hairu are sick and Ui is suffering trying to keep up with both of them and their demands.

“Ui, help me,” moans Hairu. She’s got a terrible fever. She can’t stand.

“Just a few sips.” Ui spoons more broth into her mouth. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“M-masanori…”

“He’s okay.”

“Go check on him.” She closes her eyes.

Ui hurries into Masanori’s room.

“Daddy, why can’t you make me better? I thought you could do anything.” Masanori’s chin trembles.

“Take the medicine.”

“I don’t LIKE pills!” Masanori looks more terrified of the pills than the fever.

“I’ll crush them up, okay? And put them in pudding?” Ui pleads.

Masanori nods.

Ui’s no sooner finished that than Hairu is calling for him. “Ui, I have to go to the bathroom and I am too weak.”

“Lean on me.” He holds her up.

He’s just putting her back to bed when Masanori wails “Daddy!”

Frazzled, Ui rushes into his child’s room. “Daddy’s here.”

“I’m not gonna die right?”

Ui wants to cry. “No, no, I promise. It’s just a virus.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I know,” Ui says, stroking his cheek. “I have an idea. Why don’t you stay with Mommy?”

“Yes.” Masanori brightens. Any time in Mom and Dad’s bed is a good time. This almost makes his sickness worthwhile.

Ui carries Masanori into his room. “Special delivery, Hairu.”

“My baby!” She holds up her hands, weakly. Masanori clamors into her arms.

“Cuddles make everything better, right Mom?”

“Right.” Hairu smiles, and Ui treasures the sight of his wife and child.

Oh my please i need happy uncle Shio headcanons to distract me from the canon pain™

Don’t we all.

Uncle Shio once brought watercolors to Hairu and Ui’s house. He wanted to introduce Masanori to painting. When Ui and Hairu returned, they found their walls covered in color and Shio with a very guilty expression. Masanori, however, did not look guilty.

Shio taught Masanori all his favorite elaborate flips and spins while fighting.

On the eve of Masanori’s birthday, Uncle Shio once snuck himself, Rikai, and Yusa into the Uihai house to decorate the entire place with glitter, confetti, a piñata, a cake, and more. Ui and Hairu nearly ruined it when they grabbed the quinques, mistaking the three for intruders.

Once, Shio introduced Masanori to his snarky friend Hajime. Hajime dutifully taught Masanori allllll the curse words, which embarrassed innocent Shio. Ui’s hair turned white for a day after that.

Shio has found Masanori scooping ice cream out of a carton not to eat, but to arrange in a swirl that resembles Shio’s hair.

When Masanori was two, he was drop-dead tired and sniffly, as kids do. Shio carried him back home and Masanori whispered “I love you, Uncle Shio,” in his ears. Hairu opened the door, and was puzzled to see Masanori fast asleep and Shio crying.

Masanori admires his father’s ability to ride horses and wants a horse of his own. But first…he needs to learn how to ride.

“GIDDEYUP!”

Ui enters his small apartment to find Masanori yelling atop Hairu, who scampers about on her hands and knees.

She whinnies at the sight of her husband and gallops towards Ui.

“What on earth?”

“I want to ride horsies like you, Daddy. So Mommy is teaching me.” Masanori stretches up his arms for a hug, which Ui gladly returns.

“Mommy’s probably a tame horse.” Ui smiles. To raise this kid, he’s had to develop his own mischievous side. “I’ll try to buck you off.”

Masanori sticks out his tongue. “You’ll fail.”

He climbs on Ui and cheers. “Go, horsie!”

“Neigh!” calls Ui, clamoring forward and shaking his head.

————————————————–

“Is this already on Youtube?” Yusa whispers, peering into Ui and Hairu’s windows.

“It’s live streaming.” Shio smiles as Eto likes the video.

“We can teach Masanori to ride, too,” Rikai suggests.

“Assuming Ui doesn’t kill us.” Shio giggles as Saiko comments her approval below the video.

—————————————————

Ui’s phone lights up. Hirako.

Neighhhhhhhhhhh

He shrieks and stumbles, but to his relief, Masanori hangs on. Maybe he’s ready for a pony yet.

“Shio!” Hairu screams, running out of the apartment. “Get back here, you brats!”