Masanori’s snow day!

“SNOW DAY!” Masanori wakes his parents at 6 am.

Of course it’s 6 am. Hairu rubs her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I want to play in the snow!”

“You’re having breakfast first,” Ui says firmly, dragging himself out from under the warm covers with Hairu. There’s no point in sleeping when Masanori gets going.

Once Masanori’s belly is full, he leaps outside and practically drowns in the snow, which reaches past his shoulders. “AHHHH!’

“Are you okay?” Ui cries.

“I LOVE IT!” Masanori tosses a snowball at Mommy, who shrieks.

“Well, that doesn’t seem fair.” Ui wades through the snow to tackle his son. “Rawr!”

“Let’s make a snowman and dye it’s head pink,” Masanori says. “Will you help me, Daddy?”

“Of course.” Ui grins at Hairu, who’s already beelined inside for pink food dye. “I love my pink-haired angels.”

“I’m an angel?” Masanori is almost offended.

“In the best way,” Ui assures him.

“Good.” Masanori cackles before throwing snow straight into Daddy’s face.

Ui wouldn’t change this for the world.

okay this masanori kid reminds me of a child that would try and cook an ego waffle in the microwave and sets it on fire.

“Masanori, what happened?” Hairu’s mouth drops open at the sight of the smoking microwave.

“I wanted waffles,” Masanori says in a small voice.

“Huh?” Ui stumbles into the kitchen. He yanks open the microwave to see an Ego covered in tinfoil. “Masanori.”

“What happened? Did I do something wrong?” Masanori is more intrigued than scared.

“You can’t put metal in a microwave,” Ui says. “It sparks.”

“Ohhhhh.” Masanori sighs. “are the waffles done?”

“We’ll take you out for real waffles,” Hairu decides. “Before Daddy and I buy a new microwave.”

Masanori grins. “Does that mean I can keep wrecking this one? Auntie Eto told me to try an egg in the microwave.”

Hairu tries not to laugh. “Get your coat. We’ll get waffles and buy some eggs to test when we’re done.”

“Hurray!” Masanori races back to his room as Ui shakes his head at his wife.

“Admit it, you’re curious,” Hairu says.

“Absolutely.” Ui winks.

idol hairu with ui as her no.1 fan

Ihei Hairu is one of the top singers in Japan, and Ui Koori knows far too much about her.

But something about her draws him. She has a mysterious past the media can’t ignore, insightful lyrics, and a cheery personality that inspires him.

So, naturally, he doesn’t buy tickets to her concert. Because she’s a dream, and he doesn’t want to learn she’s an elaborate joke, someone rude and depressing.

“I don’t care. You’re coming with me!” Hirako Take says in horror when he learns of Ui’s fear.

What Hirako doesn’t tell Ui, however, is that he has backstage passes.

Ui finds himself wedged between Hirako and that crazy party-boy, Kuriowa Takeomi. They shuffle him into Ihei Hairu’s room.

“Hi! Are you Hirako?” The pink-haired beauty greets them with a genuine smile and melon buns. “Are you hungry?”

She’s so nice. Ui can’t believe his dreams are real.

“We have to thank Ui for getting us to listen to you,” Hirako says, nudging Ui.

“Oh, really?” Hairu leans forward. “Ui, we have the same haircut!”

He blushes. “It looks better on you.”

“I’m not so sure.” Hairu pokes his nose. She’s so close to him.

Hairu, meanwhile, feels her heart skip at this shy boy. She doesn’t meet many contemplative fans. “Where do you work?”

“We’re consultants. Ui’s the special ‘ethics’ consultant, though,” Takeomi says with a smile.

“Oh, really?” Hairu’s eyes widen. “That’s amazing.”

Ui smiles back at her, tentatively.

“Can I have your number?” Hairu blurts out.

Ui gasps. “Me?”

“No, President Arima. Of course, you.” Hairu winks. “I want to know you more.”

“I do, too,” Ui squeaks. His dream is real, but better.

Because that’s really her.

Ui decides to intervene and save Shio and Rikai and runs away with them and Hirako and Yusa. (Don’t kill Hajime though please.)

Ishida might as well have beheaded me instead; it would be less painful am I right?

A scream catches Ui’s attention. He turns his gaze away from Yusa as Hajime’s kagune hurtles through Shio’s knee.

Rikai is diving forward, but another tentacle aims for her throat.

“I taught you better!” yells Ui, and then he stabs Hajime.

The Oggai’s eyes widen. Blood spurts from the child’s mouth. “You…”

I just stabbed a child. Ui wishes he were dead.

Hirako recognizes the look on Ui’s face – the dead look, the look he wore after Hairu was killed.

Shio scrambles back on his feet and hacks off Hajime’s kagune while Hirako tends to his leg. “Mister Ui, you saved me!”

“You do love us,” says Rikai. Shio throws his arms around Ui, who remains frozen.

“Ui, will you hear us out?” asks Hirako.

“I can’t leave him.” Ui watches Hajime writhe on the floor, growling and wailing in language that deserves its own spot in hell.

“Then let’s help Hajime.” Shio grabs the kid’s arm.

“Don’t touch me!” shrieks Hajime.

“Poke him,” hisses Yusa. Hajime nearly killed his best friends. His family.

Shio acquiesces, and Hajime hisses. His hands are bound behind him, and Ui can’t believe those are his own hands doing the binding.

Whose side am I on? Who do I fight for?

He sees Shio and Rikai’s faces. Oh right, them.

“Let’s go.” Hirako lifts Hajime by his shoulders, and Ui takes his legs.

“Jesus fucking Christ put me down! AHHHHHHHHH!” Hajime howls. “Ui, you traitor! You son of a bitch! I hate you!”

“We don’t hate you,” says Shio sadly. “I wouldn’t have tried to cut off your head.”

“Liar!”

“You really think Shio would lie? You know you’ve had better training than that,” scoffs Ui.

Where is he going? Why is he following Hirako to treason? To hell?

He sees Shio, Rikai, and Yusa, feels Hajime thrashing against him. These kids will be the death of him, but honestly…

He can see Hairu doing the same thing.

Heyo, lately I’ve been feeling really self conscious about my body, do you mind writing a collegeAU FurutUi where Fruit feels self conscious about gaining the freshman fifteen (or thirty, really) but Ui shows him that he loves him even if he is a jerk, so of course he’ll love him even if he is chubbier. Sorry if it bothers you, and thank you!

Absolutely! I relate to body insecurities, too. ❤ ❤ ❤ You’re not alone, and though it’s cliche, it’s true: you’re beautiful the way you are.

Trigger warning for body issues/fat shaming.

“Hey, piggy.”

Furuta oinks back at the rude middle schoolers, because when people bully you, you should turn it into a joke and hate yourself more, right?

He can’t believe he’s gained this much weight. He wants to carve his oily flesh off.

He remembers taking Ami to prom to humiliate her for her weight. Well, now the tables have turned, and to be honest, this might be karma.

But Furuta is dishonest to his core, so really he’s just uncomfortable because he’s above Ami and right now he doesn’t look it. Right?

“Hey, Fruit-chan!” Ui Koori, that dork, hurries towards him.

“Ooh, he’s shaped like one,” yells one of the middle-schoolers.

Ui’s mouth drops. “You’re seriously letting three adolescents bully you?”

“They can’t hurt me,” Furuta lies.

“Stop it.” Ui narrows his eyes.

Furuta braces himself for the inevitable ethics spiel.

But instead, he feels Ui’s lips on his.

Furuta jerks back. “Excuse the fuck me?!”

“Ahem – you know I like you. You’re perceptive.” Ui shakes his head. “And if I like you despite the compulsive lies born from insecurity and your mean girl nature, maybe I don’t care if you’ve put on weight.”

Ui sighs. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Nope.” Furuta grins.

But he’d like to.

Despite himself, he feels his hands taking Ui’s. “Do you want to go read Gintama together? I have the latest in my dorm.”

Ui’s eyes shine. “Yes, I do.”

As they walk back to campus together, Ui slips his arm around Furuta’s midsection. “Dude, as long as I can still wrap my arms around you, you’re fine.”

Furuta feels an ember of hope that he might escape his dead end lies after all. And if someone can love him, messy on the outside and in, anything is possible.

Uihai playing a good game of monopoly

“You’re being so mean.” Ui pouts.

“I’m being mean?” Hairu gasps.

“You threw me in jail!” Ui crosses his arms.

“That’s because I’m bankrupting you,” Hairu says gleefully, moving her battleship along.

“I’ve never lost Monopoly before,” Ui growls. “We’ll see who bankrupts who!”

“If Arima were here, he’d win for sure.” Hairu giggles.

“I’m good at this, too.” Ui sniffs. Hairu sticks out her tongue.

But he is good. So good, in fact, that when Arima, Hirako, and Squad Zero return to CCG the next morning, they find the two still battling at Hairu’s desk.

“Have you been here all night?” Arima is amazed.

“Children, never do that,” Hirako adds.

“I’m so close,” Ui whispers through bloodshot eyes.

“I won’t cave. I’ll be strong, like you taught me, Arima,” Hairu replies, not taking her eyes off the board.

“Someone’s gotta film this.” Shio flips open his phone.

“What’s going on?” Suzuya Juuzou runs in. “Ooh, that looks fun!”

He grabs the board.

“Noooooooooooooooooooo!” Ui stands in slow motion. Hairu falls backwards.

“It’s a draw,” Arima declares. “Now both of you go home and sleep. You’re in no shape for battle.”

“I was a battleship,” Hairu says dreamily.

“Preferably together,” Hirako adds. The kids burst into giggles, and Arima glares at him.

The misadventures of baby masanori

Everything is a misadventure with baby Masanori.

Hairu and Ui first learned he could crawl when he disappeared from his room one night. As Ui melted down and called Arima in a panic over their kidnapped child, Hairu found baby Masanori in the bathroom. He was splashing toilet water.

His first word was “mwah.” It’s what Auntie Eto told him to say.

Masanori’s first sentence was “I love you,” to his daddy. Ui melted and Arima (after a poke from Eto) told Ui he was proud of him.

He once decided to give Mommy a haircut. She woke up to her bangs snipped off with scissor. Hairu was more upset that she had to wear her hair different than Ui than she was about the actual haircut.

Masanori once tried to convince Auntie Eto to give him human flesh to eat. Just to try it. Ui nearly passed out and Hairu was pissed.

When he grows up, he wants to be Uncle Uta or Uncle Shio.

His favorite day of the year is his birthday, because Uncles Shio and Yusa, and Auntie Rikai, play water balloons with him. Next year he’s planning to rig traps that dump dozens of balloons on his enemies at once. Hairu encourages this, and Ui will be helping build the traps. It’s only fair because Hirako is preparing the rest of the Zero Squad kids.

Shio, Rikai and Yusa buy Masanori a phone (probably with hirako’s money) and he losses and breaks it the first day he gets it.

Obviously with Hirako’s money. Those hellions. 😀

“Now, only use this in emergencies and to play Candy Crush,” Shio tells Masanori.

The kid’s eyes are the size of the phone. “It’s all mine?”

“Yes.” Yusa made sure to buy a heavy case for it.

“Thank you!” Masanori screams, throwing his arms around Shio, Rikai, and Yusa one by one.

“I put all of our numbers in there to be safe,” Rikai tells him.

“You’re the best.” Masanori holds the phone to his ear. “I’m like an adult.”

Masanori knows Shio told him not to use it much, but he can’t imagine taking selfies is wrong. Mommy loves selfies.

He climbs onto the toilet to get a full image of himself, like he’s seen Mommy do.

His foot slips, and with a cry, Masanori’s foot and his phone splash into the toilet.

“Uh – oh.” Masanori has a bad feeling about this.

“Everything okay?” Daddy rushes in. “Masanori, your leg!”

“It’s fine. My phone is not.” Masanori holds up a dripping iPhone. His leg remains twisted.

“Mommy can tend to your phone.” Ui grabs Masanori. “Let’s make sure you can still walk.”

Hairu approaches. She bursts into laughter upon seeing that Masanori is okay, but his “phone” is dripping. “Whose phone is that?”

“Mine. Shio, Rikai, and Yusa bought me,” he says sadly. “They’ll be very sad.”

“I think Hirako’s wallet will be sadder,” Hairu says with a grin. “Ui, time to call up Take.”

Uihai can’t even do the do anymore because Masanori started walking and is haunting them around the house

Hahahaha! Of course he is.

Ui rolls atop Hairu. “I miss you.”

“Hmm, we haven’t done this in a while, have we?” Hairu gives him a wicked grin and starts pulling up her shirt.

“Mommy?”

Ui tumbles off Hairu, who sinks her naked chest under the covers. “Masanori?”

“Can I have some water?”

“Of course. Daddy will help you,” says Ui. Hairu flashes him a grateful look.

When he returns, Hairu is still undressed. She winks at Ui.

“I think the minion’s asleep.” Ui pulls off his own shirt and climbs back onto the bed.

“Daddy?”

Ui pulls away, and this time Masanori knows something’s up. “Why is Mommy naked?”

“Daddy was just helping Mommy get dressed for bed,” Hairu says, quickly hauling on her T-shirt.

Masanori, thankfully, seems to buy this. “I wanted a kiss goodnight.”

“We’ll both kiss you.” Hairu approaches him.

“Why is Daddy undressed when he was already in his pajamas?”

“I was too warm,” Ui says quickly.

“Okay.” Masanori kisses both his parents and skips off to bed.

It takes another half an hour for both Ui and Hairu’s heart rates to subside before they try again.

Masanori watching a scary movie when he was told not to and gets scared afterwords.

“Can we watch It?” Masanori waves Uta over. “It has clowns!”

“Did your parents say it was okay?” Uta cocks an eyebrow.

“No, but it’s rated R, so they didn’t even consider that it has clowns,” Masanori says sadly. “They’re biased.”

Uta eyes the clock. They do have time, and he does want to see it.

I’m going to hell. Uta sits besides Masanori and selects the movie.

“Do you think Aunt Itori would like this? Or Uncle Fruit?”

“It’s Aunt Itori’s favorite, and Uncle Fruit would be too scared,” Uta replies as the movie begins.

That evening, Hairu and Ui arrive him to a Masanori who has his back pressed into the wall and fears the bathroom.

“Masanori, what is the matter?” Hairu finally asks.

“You’ll float too,” he whispers.

Ui’s face turns green. “You watched It, didn’t you?”

“I wanted to see the clown! With its big scary teeth! But I didn’t realize it was going to haunt me and eat me!” cries Masanori.

Hairu dials a number on her phone. “Hi, Yomo? Kill your husband for us. You can ask him why.”

She hangs up. “It was fiction, Masanori.”

“But ghouls eat people. What if Pennywise was a ghoul?” he whispers.

“Then your parents just happen to be investigators skilled in defeating it,” says Hairu.

“O – okay.” Masanori shivers. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

“We won’t get sleep if you don’t,” Ui jokes, and Masanori sticks his tongue out at his dad.

“Yes. We’ll even keep our quinques out, okay?” Hairu hugs their son, and he clings to her. “Let’s be off to sleep, then.”

She smirks at Ui. They can have a talk about obedience later. Right now, their child is scared and needs comfort.