crack head cannon; when sasaki was first released from chochela, koori ui still called him by his prison id and Arima told him to play nice with the other kids while haise stared off at the security cameras like he was on the office

“Number 240,” Ui says, “do you have the paperwork ready? I can help you fill it out.”

Sasaki frowns at him, as if he knows there’s something wrong with what Ui just said, but can’t for the life of him figure it out.

“No, think you,” says Sasaki.

Ui does not trust him. He still knew enough to recognize his prison code. How can Arima really trust him? He’s a ghoul.

“Sassan, would you like a melon pun?” Hairu skips into their office, a large, sweet-smelling bag in her hand. “I bought them for the kids, but there’s plenty for us, too.”

“We love you, Hairu,” says Shio, rushing towards his cousin.

“Thank you,” says Sasaki as everyone, even Arima, crowds around Hairu.

“Ui, are you not hungry?” Hairu turns to him with her eyes wide.

“I just…don’t trust 240,” Ui complains.

“Ui, play nice with the other kids,” Arima says before returning to his desk with a melon bun clutched in his hand.

Sasaki forces a smile. Not that he entirely understands, but he knows Ui doesn’t like him and Arima has apparently defended him.

hairu and ui rapping

Hairu grabs the mic. She can’t believe she’s up here, after she and Ui lost a bet with Hirako. Now, instead of Ui’s typical karaoke, they must perform their own rap.

Hairu nods, and on cue she and Ui adorn Arima-style glasses.

Hairu takes it first. “Said little ghoul, you can’t fuck with me, If you wanted to.
These expensive, these is spiked pommel, These is bloody sword.
IXA or Owl, I can use ‘em both, I don’t wanna choose. And I’m quick, perfect my dodge, don’t get comfortable.”

Ui clears his throat. “Look, I don’t dance now, I make quinque moves. Say I don’t gotta dance, I’ll make ghouls move. If I see you and I don’t speak, that means I will fuck with you. I’m a reaper, you a worker bitch, I make bloody moves!”

Hirako motions for them to continue. A light on his phone makes it clear he’s filming, to Ui’s horror.

Hairu raises her voice. “Now Raven says he gon’ do what to who? Let’s find out and see, CCG, you know where I’m at, you know where I be.”

Ui nods. “You in the squad just to party I’m there, I get paid a fee; I be in and out them jails so much, I know they’re tired of me. Honestly, don’t give a fuck
‘Bout who ain’t fond of me.”

Hairu cuts in. “Dropped two SS in six months, what ghoul working as hard as me? I don’t bother with these ghouls, don’t let these ghouls bother me. They see medals, they say goals, Bitch, I’m who they tryna be!”

Ui pauses. “Wait, ghoul? I think you messed up.”

Hey there! Could I request some Ui and Koharu scenarios?

In case you are not aware, readers, Koharu is Ui’s sister as describes in the lovely story “Peace Sign” by @koyuki-tan. She’s pretty great, and so is the story. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422457?view_full_work=true

“Ooh, a melon bun.” Koharu eyes the bag in Ui’s hands.

Ui flushes on his way into his office. “Um…it’s not for you.”

“You just got enough for you and Hairuuuuuu,” Koharu purrs, hardly bothered. “Is tonight the night I’m going to become an auntie?”

“Koharu, shut up.” Ui slammed his office door in her face.

She knows she probably deserved that, but no matter. Koharu skips off to fill the rest of the beta-Quinx Squad in on Ui’s latest date ideas.

“It’s not even his latest idea,” Brooke complains. “Didn’t he do that two days ago, too?”

“Well, yes, but it’s cute,” Carma says quickly.

Michiko blushes. Mizurou and she often split meals in their offices. She finds it very romantic.

“We need to pressure that boy into proposing. Or at the least, confessing to Arima,” says Marie.

“Same difference, really,” Koharu muses. She wants Hairu as her sister-in-law. Hairu is good for Ui.

When Ui and Hairu finally emerge from his office – notably rumpled – Koharu grins slyly. Brooke winks at her.

“Shut up,” Ui mumbles as he passes Koharu.

“Koori, that’s not very nice,” says Hairu. She flashes a smile at Koharu. “Ui bought me melon buns again!”

“He knows you love them because he loves you,” Koharu says.

“Koharu!” Ui turns beet red.

“What?! You do. There’s no shame in my saying it.”

“I know, I just – Koharu – can you not -” Ui is too flustered to eek out a proper reply.

“I love him too.” Hairu turns around, and in full view of Koharu and her squad, kisses Ui.

In the background, Brooke holds up a camera.

Miki tells off Papa Koori for smoking please

“Daddy!” Miki stomps up to Ui the second she and Masanori arrive home from school.

“How was school?” Hairu hugs Masanori.

“Daddy smokes!” Miki screeches. “We learned about smoking. It is BAD and it will KILL YOU. YOUR LUNGS ARE ASH!”

She begins crying. “Daddy has ASH LUNGS! He’s like Cinderella, only inside!”

Masanori screams. “No, Daddy’s stronger than that!”

“Daddy will die!” Miki sobs.

Hairu blinks slowly as Ui gives her a desperate glare. Help me.

Ui cringes. This on-again, off-again habit of his has finally bit him in the ass. “Miki, Miki, Daddy’s not leaving you.”

“You won’t have a choice,” she hisses.

“Your Mom will donate some of her ghoul stem cells,” he teases.

“Hey!” Hairu sticks out her tongue. She’s secretly pleased Miki is all upset. Maybe Ui will finally kick his habit for good this time. “Not if you don’t stop, I won’t.”

“I’ll stop. For you, Miki. And you, Masanori.” Ui pulls his daughter closer to him. “I never want to lose you.”

“And Mommy?” Masanori asks.

Hairu grins. I raised me a good kid. It’s oddly touching. Maybe because she and Ui didn’t have many good models in their lives.

“Of course.” Ui holds out a hand to draw Hairu to his side. “Now…come help me throw out my cigarettes.”

He’s scared as hell, but for his family, he can do anything.

would you fuck your clone tg re edition

Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – No, my clone makes me sad.

Nagachika Hideyoshi – It’d be fun.

Kamishiro Rize – Yes please.

Kirishima Touka – I’d rather fuck Kaneki.

Koma Enji – Ab-sol-ute-ly!

Irimi Kaya – I’m sorry, did you say something?

Yomo Renji – No way.

Kosaka Yoriko – No?

Hinami Feuguchi – Uh…ummmmmm…

Nishiki Nishio – I’d rather fuck Kimi.

Nishino Kimi – I’d do it for science.

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – I’d do it while eating myself.

Karren von Rosewald – If I could pretend it was Master Shuu.

Matsumae – Nah.

Mirumo – 100x yes.

Chie Hori – No.

Clowns

Uta – I’ve already done it. Kagune clone.

Itori – Hell yeah. I’m hot.

Hoito Roma – *giggles* obviously

Nimura Furuta – My answer is a resounding yes.

Rio/Shikorae – ?!

Nico – It’d be so tragic, since you couldn’t be in love with yourself…

Donato Porpora – Technically, that’s not against the Bible…

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – I’m gonna decline to answer this

Tatara – What is wrong with you people

Yoshimura Eto – Never say never

Noro – Why am I alive.

Miza Kusakari – Yep.

Naki – Huh?

Yumitsu Tomoe/Hakatori – Probably

Banjou Kazuichi – I’m scared and my answer is no.

CCG

Amon Koutarou – Amon.exe has ceased to function

Takizawa Seidou – No, because I hate myself.

Mado Akira – I’d rather fuck a kakuja ghoul.

Houji Kousuke- Shh don’t tell.

Marude Itsuki – Hell no.

Washuu Yoshitoki – Hell yes.

Washuu Matsuri – No. Give me Urie.

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – Over and over.

Kuriowa Takeomi – Uh – uh – n – no?

Kuriowa Iwao – Nope.

Aura Kiyoko – I’m not even dignifying that with a response.

Tanakamaru Mougan – I wish.

Itou Kuramoto – Tee-hee. Yes.

Kurona Yasuhisa – I used to have a clone. My identical twin. Sometimes I can still hear her voice…

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Probably

Arima Kishou – Did Eto send you to ask this?

Ui Koori – It’s unethical.

Take Hirako – Who can say?

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Why not?

Keijin Nakarai – I’d rather have someone else interested in me besides me.

Hanbee Abara – Nooooooo.

Miyuki Mikage – OMG YES.

Mizurou Tamaki – Possibly.

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – hahahaha of course.

Shirazu Ginshi – Why the fuck are you asking this?

Urie Kuki – indubitably.

Mutsuki Tooru – I’m grotesque 😦

Hsaio Ching-Li – lol no.

Aura Shinsanpei – That sounds melodramatic, so yes.

Higemaru Touma – lol. lol. lol. uh. Come back later after I’ve thought about it.

A study of Hairu’s body comes back after the Rose Operation and it turns out she was pregnant with Ui’s baby when she died

Well I’m dead and you have killed me.

“Are you sure?” Arima’s skin is almost green. Hirako sticks close to his boss as the autopsy doctor walks away.

“What is wrong?” Ui stumbles up to them, his eyes bloodshot from crying. Hairu is dead.

Just last night they were giggling together under the covers in his apartment. He broke his ethics just to be with her. And he’d been planning on proposing soon – well, just as soon as he told Arima.

And now that future is ruined. That fucking ghoul removed her head, as if she were a toy and not a beautiful, brilliant, witty person.

Arima glares at him.

“No wonder Hairu slipped up. She wasn’t at her full capacity,” Hirako says quietly.

“What do you mean?” Ui cries.

Arima briefly fantasizes about punching Ui. “Did you know?”

“Know what?” Ui looks panicked.

“Ihei was pregnant,” Hirako says tightly.

Ui’s world spins. He slumps to his knees.

“You were the father, weren’t you,” Arima says quietly. “I should have paid more attention.”

“I didn’t know!” Ui wipes his eyes. No, no, no. “I should have stopped her. I – I did this to her!”

Hirako bends down to lift Ui up. “Hold on to me.”

“Let’s go into my office,” Arima says. “I’m not upset with you, Ui. Just surprised.”

“I loved her,” Ui cries. “I did.”

“I’m glad,” Arima tells him. Hairu was happy when she died, he is sure of it. Because all she ever wanted was to be loved.

could you write ui asking hirako to help him relax and they do the do, and ui feel SO MUCH BETTER AFTERWARDS💕(and this could be canon :3c did you see the afterglow on ui’s face in 150 lol)

Omg, AFTERGLOW. THAT MUST BE IT. ❤

“I just…I can’t relax, Hirako. People died, and I helped those kids die.” Ui sobs into Hirako’s arms. They’re holed up in a small motel while they decide what to do.

“Shhhh. It’s okay.” Hirako rubs Ui’s shoulders. Yusa is out buying clothing for all three while he tries to calm Ui down.

“It’s not.”

“You’re right, but it will be.” Hirako draws Ui closer to him.

“I’m the worst person ever. You should hate me.”

“Ui, I love you.” Hirako smiles slightly. Shio and Rikai…they’d want him to confess. He will live for them.

“Me?” Ui chokes. “Why?”

“Because I do. And nothing’s going to change that, Ui.”

Ui looks up at him with a wild gaze, and sinks his mouth into Hirako’s.

He’s a terrible kisser. Hirako likes Ui even more for this. He returns the kiss, and after a few passionate minutes, he reaches for Ui’s pants. After all, who knows when Yusa will return.

“Do you want me to?”

Ui nods eagerly.

Hirako slides his lips below Ui’s shirt.

By the time Yusa re-enters Ui’s small apartment, Ui and Hirako seem slightly more out of breath and disheveled than before. Maybe it’s just his imagination, though.

Ui smiles sweetly as he accepts the clothing Yusa bought for him. As he locks himself in the bathroom to change, he feels a whisper of hope – like he may be worth love after all.

Masanori’s teenage years

Masanori continues to be a hellion well into his teenage years. He breaks curfew constantly – not out of malice, but out of sheer forgetfulness.

Tonight is no different.

Eventually, Hairu falls asleep. But Ui can’t. He stays up, waiting nervously for his son’s return.

Around 2 am, the door bursts open.

“Dad! I’m sorry!” Masanori’s voice cracks. “I stayed out late watching Harry Potter with Furuta.”

Of course, my son’s the only person who stays out late to spend time in prison. Ui sighs.

“Did you finish the eighth movie? That one’s my favorite.” Hairu blinks back sleep. She stands in the doorway to their bedroom.

“Furuta’s favorite character is Lucius. I think he wants a bad dad who would give up everything for his son.” Masanori looks sad.

“Oh.” Ui can’t help but pity Uncle Fruit. “Well, who is yours?”

“Since Sirius is dead, Ginny. She reminds me of Mom.” Masanori smiles at Hairu, who grins back.

“You’re like Bill, Ui.” Hairu winks.

“That would make me your brother!” He sticks out his tongue.

“Uh.” Masanori pales. “I’ll be off to sleep now. Sorry for the wait!”

The aot cast but as ghouls (obv the Ackerman Clan is basically the Washuu Clan so that’s out of the way)

OMG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. MY TWO FAVORITE ANIMES.

Eren Jaeger – Kirishima Ayato

Mikasa Ackerman – Kirishima Touka, or an unnamed Washuu

Armin Arlert – Kaneki Ken

Historia Reiss – Kaneki Ken

Ymir – Kanae Von Rosewald

Reiner Braun – Mutsuki Tooru or Amon Koutarou

Bertolt Hoover – Takizawa Seidou

Annie Leonhardt – Akira Mado

Sasha Blouse – Kamishiro Rize

Connie Springer – Koma Enji

Erwin Smith – Arima Kishou, or Yoshimura Eto

Hange Zoe – Nishino Kimi

Levi Ackerman – Arima Kishou

Kenny Ackerman – Mado Kureo

Rod Reiss – Washuu Tsuneyoshi

Uri Reiss – Washuu Yoshitoki

Frieda Reiss – Kosaka Yoriko

Mike Zacharius – Marude Itsuki

Nanaba – Irimi Kaya

Grisha Jaeger – Yoshimura

Dina Fritz/Jaeger – Ukina

Carla Jaeger – Hideyoshi Nagachika

Zeke Jaeger – Furuta Nimura, maybe, hopefully, please

Eren Kruger – Arima Kishou

Pieck – Miza Kusakari

Porco Galliard – Nishiki Nishio

Marcel Galliard – Hirako Take

Colt Grice – Ui Koori

Falco Grice – Higemaru Touma

Gabi – Hairu Ihei

Zophia – Yonebayashi Saiko

Udo – Arima Yusa

Oh god nsfw uihai with ui fulfilling hairu’s praise kink

“Hairu, you’re an amazing investigator.” Ui serves her his most winsome smile as soon as they walk in their door. It’s late at night, and for sure they’re both tired, but he also kinda wants her.

Hairu eyes him slyly, in a way that communicates she knows exactly what’s up. “So are you, Sir Lord of Ethics.”

“And you’re a kind, happy person.” Ui pulls her closer, before their coats are even off.

“Koori, you are so strong,” Hairu whispers back.

He laughs and gestures towards their room.

Hairu is having none of it. “Why wait?”

She yanks off his jacket right there, in the hall. She presses his back into the wall with a ferocious kiss.

“Hairu, you’re so good at this,” Ui whimpers pulling off her coat and pushing up her shirt. “Wow.”

He goggles at the frilly, ribboned bra she wears. “You’re also a magnificent planner.”

“I am,” Hairu agrees, unbuttoning his shirt. It tumbles to the floor.

Ui would love to use his mouth to remove her bra, but he isn’t that coordinated. So Hairu has to offer her assistance, and he’s blushing like crazy as she pushes down her pants and then his.

“Hairu, I don’t know how you’re this good,” Ui moans, letting her sink onto him. He lets her press him further against the wall. “Ihei Hairu is the best. The sexiest. The kindness. The funnest. I love her so much.”

“Dooooo you,” she purrs, increasing their rhythm. “Because Ui Koori is smart, justice-oriented, brave, and oh-so-talented.”

Ui gasps as he feels his climax nearing. “H-hairuuuuuu.”

She loves when he calls her name as he comes. How he looks at her with utmost love and appreciation. How he sees her as not a ghoul-human hybrid, but a full person and the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

She loves him.