Do you think that maybe when Ui was younger he used to watch He-Man? That maybe that inspired him to be all into the ‘justice’ thing? As well as the hair style!

OMG

“Ui, he looks like you!” Shio points towards the screen. He quivers with excitement.

“Uh, how?” Ui blushes. He-Man. His favorite hero. Prince Adam was his favorite character growing up. He never quit. He always fought for justice.

“You have the same hair,” Rikai says, smoothing her own bob.

“But he’s blonde,” Shio says.

“Can we be your Masters of the Universe?” Yusa asks.

Ui chokes. “I…”

“Where’s your Power Sword?” Shio demands.

“It’s only half,” Ui retorts, then catches himself. Shoot.

“So you do know He-Man!” Yusa cackles.

“Stop!” Ui gulps.

“Does that make Hairu Skeletor? Since they’re partners, she can be the second half of the sword.” Shio rubs his hands together.

“She would be Teela!” Ui insists. He’s already deep in this hell. might as well descend more.

“Not Adora? I could see her as Adora,” Rikai muses.

“No!” Ui is appalled. Then Hairu would be his sister…and she definitely isn’t. Even in fictional games.

“What’s going on?” Hairu and Hirako race up to see Ui sputtering nonsense and the kids giggling.

“He’s reverted back to his Prince Adam state,” Shio says mysteriously.

Hairu frowns, not understanding, but Hirako collapses to the floor in laughter, as tears stream down his face.

brooke and hajime probably would have a blast throwing snow balls at Ui

Absolutely. Brooke is from @koyuki-tan’s mesmerizing “Peace Sign.”

“Let’s go!” Hajime screeches.

“Huh?” Ui looks up from CCG’s exit. HIs arm is around Hairu’s pregnant waist.

That will afford him no mercy.

“Now!” Brooke commands.

The Oggai leap to their feet and let the snowballs fly.

Ui howls with rage and Hairu howls with laughter. “Protect me, Ui.”

“Help!” Ui tries to yelp, but a snowball strikes his teeth.

Hairu doubles over, overcome by giggles. She slowly gathers more snow into her gloved hands.

Brooke would hate to pelt her with snow, but all’s fair in snow wars.

She’s about to alert Hajime when Hairu slips the snow down the back of Ui’s shirt.

Hajime collapses on the snow, laughing. He creates a snow angel, but Brooke immediately draws devil horns over his head.

“YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” Ui screams, whirling on Hairu. “Traitor! In my own squad! What’s next, you’re a ghoul?!”

Hairu bats her eyelashes. “You were too easy.”

“I’m cold,” Ui whimpers.

Hairu tackles him in a hug. “Well, there’s a cure for that.”

auntie koharu telling masanori and miki embarrassing stories about their dad when he was younger and ui is absolutely horrified

Koharu is from @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Hey kids, want to hear about the time Daddy was trying to cook for Mommy?” Koharu smiles and smoothes her hair.

“Yesssss.” Masanori rubs his hands together. Miki bounces up and down.

“Well, he wanted to make er a birthday surprise. What actually happened was he tried to make melon buns.” Koharu leans forward. “But Mommy got off work early that day. She entered the door and – whoosh! – he was so surprised he spilt the sticky mix right on her.”

She’d then come in to find them taking a shower together, but the kids didn’t need to know that part.

“When he was reaaaaaally young, like your age, Miki, he also tried to cook. He wanted to make ramen for me and him.” Koharu smirks. “But we didn’t have noodles. So I took worms and old him they were noodles, and he served it to our whole family.”

Masanori giggles. “Then what happened?”

“He was the only one who’d taken a bite. Of broth, not even the worms. But he cried, vomited, and ran around screaming for the rest of the night. Oh, I’ve never seen him cry so much or so hard.” Koharu nods as she hears a cough from behind her.

“Why would you tel that story? It’s disgusting!” Ui is properly horrified.

Hairu doubles over with laughter. “Ui, you ate worms?”

“I trusted her!” Ui points desperately at Koharu. His face burns.

“Don’t kiss me tonight,” Hairu says with a wink.

Crack head cannon: cochela doesn’t give prisoners haircuts, so when sasaki was released his hair was quite long and at first glance he could easily pass as a woman. During the tour around the ccg squad zero kids don’t help and further solidify to passerby’s that the new squad member is a girl much to Haises annoyance. Next day he comes in with a haircut. Everyone was left to believe the lady quit after her first day and tease Arima for years. Until Arima tells the story at Haises x mas party.

lollololololololllllllllllllllll

“Okay, okay, you think Hajime’s a brat, but do you know what the Squad Zero kids did?” demands Ui. His arm is almost, but not quite, around Hairu’s shoulders. Propriety. Yeah, that’s it.

“Do tell,” says Akira, clutching her seventh glass of wine.

“Please don’t,” says Sasaki.

“Arima, tell it.” Saiko winks. She’s heard Arima is a legendary storyteller, too.

Arima winces. “Well…”

“Come on, out with it.” Hairu giggles. Rikai, Yusa, and Shio bury their heads in their hands.

“So.” Arima sits down. “One long day, our Squad was gifted with a new investigator. Their hair was white and flowed to their shoulders. Shiny as a shampoo commercial.”

Sasaki’s face is now crimson.

“And then, our darling prodigies decided to introduce everyone to ‘the new woman in our squad.’”

“I was excited to have someone think we had three females,” Rikai insists.

“Was I not enough?” Hairu counters.

“Take me,” says Saiko.

“This new woman vanished the next day, and coincidentally, we replaced them wth Sasaki Haise.” Arima sips his tea. “Or so the Bureau Legend goes.”

Urie rolls his eyes. A grin spreads over Shirazu’s face.

“You mean that story isn’t true?” Mutsuki asks.

“Ask the lady.” Arima points to Sasaki. “Amazing what the power of a haircut can do.”

“You!” Akira doubles over laughing.

“You kids were such a handful!” Ui shakes his head at the three junior investigators.

“Don’t ruin our urban legend,” Shio begs. “Keep it quiet.”

“We are powerful masters of myth,” Yusa intones.

“Madam Sasaki, may I have this dance?” Shirazu sticks out his hand.

“Sure.” Sasaki grabs Shirazu and spins him in a circle as everyone laughs.

oh oh ui and hairu were planning on having a simple New Years party for just the two of them but brooke (my best girl) and the rest of her squad (and maybe the zero squad kiddies because something tells me they’d be all over this) totally crash their party by making it totally wild and fun much to ui’s displeasure.

Also based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Now this is my idea of a party,” says Ui, pouring two glasses of wine for Hairu and he. “Just us.”

“Hmmm, and what else can we do before New Years,” Hairu murmurs, a seductive grin on her lips.

Ui leans towards her. Her fingers unbutton his shirt.

“Surprise, elected hosts!” Their door crashes open. Ui gasps, and Hairu sloshes her wine onto her blouse.

“Oh my.” Brooke blinks at the sight of Ui desperately trying to mop Hairu’s blouse. “Kids, don’t look. This isn’t a sight for innocent eyes.”

“He’s just trying to clean her shirt,” Shio says in confusion.

“Let’s agree to that,” Brooke says quickly.

“It’s okay, Ui, it was an old shirt anyways.” Hairu smiles. She wasn’t planning on wearing it for long anyways, even it’s not exactly off for the reason she expected.

“We heard you weren’t coming to any parties, so we decided to bring the party to you,” Rikai says shyly, holding out an offering of cake.

“Apology accepted,” Hairu says, sniffing the pan.

“Ui, your fly is open,” Brooke says.

“What!” Ui gasps, but of course, it’s not true.

He glowers at her as the Zero Squad kids howl with laughter.

Their doorbell rings.

“Who else did you invite?” Ui asks with dread. Koharu’s on a date. Carma is moping, Marie is helping her, and Michiko is with Mizurou. That leaves…

“Surprise!” Brooke whips open the door as a dozen kids pour in.

“What a nice apartment!” shouts Hajime.

“Can you believe we get to stay up til midnight?” Mayazumi yells back.

“How do the Oggai have better manners than you?!” Ui fires at Brooke. He will have to inform Koharu about this. Definitely. New Year’s is canceled.

But when he turns around, Hairu is already cranking up the stereo, and Hajime’s asking her to dance…and even Ui Koori has to admit, they’re pretty cute.

Ui kneels in the office for whatever reason and Hairu thinks he’s proposing, while everyone is present

Yasssss.

Ui curses silently as his pen drops to the floor of their meeting room. How will he be able to take notes without it?

He drops to his knees before Hairu, who is distracted by her conversation with Hirako.

Hirako raises his eyebrows to cut Hairu off. She spins around and gasps. “Koori!”

He opens his mouth in confusion. “Huh?”

“Say yes!” Shio cheers.

“Yes, of course, yes.” Hairu’s face is as pink as her hair.

“Wait, what?” Ui’s mouth drops. “You all think – wait – Hairu – I’m not actually – I’m grabbing a pen.” He holds it up.

“Oh.” Her shoulders slump. Now her face is cherry red. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ui stands and leans in close. “I’d make it far more romantic than in a morning meeting.”

Hairu giggles.

“Wait, so you’re not engaged? Come on,” Yusa complains. “How long are you gonna keep us waiting?”

Ariam strides in. “We’re running on time, Yusa.”

“No, we’re talking about Ui and Hairu not being engaged,” Rikai says.

Arima frowns. “Come again?”

“You really haven’t noticed?” Hirako exclaims.

As the room descends into bickering chaos, Hairu leans over to Ui and plants a peck on his cheek. “Well, at least now you already know my answer.”

Mirumo. Dying. In front of Shu. e.g. blood from his mouth, collapsing, etc. Break my heart as freely as you can. Just Do It.

“Thank you, Daddy.” Tsukiyama draws close enough to embrace his father. With these metal detectors, they’ll save Kaneki. He just knows it.

He knows Mirumo’s been scared of his association with Goat, too scared of changing to world to help the. Until now. Because when it comes down, Mirumo loves his son.

“Remember my advice,” Mirumo says.

“Don’t die and eat well,” Tsukiyama repeats with a laugh.

Mirumo touches Tsukiyama’s cheek. “You’re so thin, my boy.”

“Yes, well, we’ve been starving a bit. We’ll be okay. I’m still better than I was when Kaneki died the first time,” Tsukiyama jokes.

“Shuu,” groans Mirumo. “Never put me through that again.”

He gasps then, and jerks.

“Dad?” Tsukiyama’s eyes widen. The salty, metallic odor of blood is unmistakable.

Tsukiyama pulls back to see a gaping hole in Mirumo’s chest.

“DAD!” he screams.

A cloaked agent of V stands behind Mirumo, quinque in hand. He chuckles, but he’s immediately run through by Ui Koori.

“Mr. Tsukiyama,” gasps Ui, scrambling forward.

Tsukiyama catches Mirumo as his father crumbles to the ground. Blood oozes from his lips. “Dad! Dad!”

“We need a medic!” Ui yells into his radio. “Come on, Mr. Tsukiyama, you can’t die yet! You haven’t gotten revenge on me!”

“I’m…not…Mr. Tsukiyama anymore,” Mirumo manages. His eyes fall on his son. “I’m so proud…of you…”

“Dad,” whimpers Tsukiyama.

Mirumo gasps in one last breath before falling limp.

“No!” wails Tsukiyama. Tears stream down his cheeks. “No! I called him. It’s my fault.” Dad died because of my love for Kaneki, for real this time.

“It’s not,” Ui assures him, seizing the gasping V agent. “I promise.”

First Karren, now Dad. Tsukiyama sniffles. “We need to find Kaneki. I can’t lose anyone else!”

some nsfw uihai and koharu accidentally walks in on them.

Ahhhhhh yassssssssssss.

Read @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign” for context. And for Uihai.

“Koori,” Hairu moans as Ui nuzzles between her legs.”You make me so happy.”

“So do you, princess.” Ui gasps as she bends over to leave a hickey on his shoulder. Should be easy enough to cover up so Arima doesn’t see.

“I don’t want to be a princess,” Hairu teases, rolling Ui over. Their bed creaks. “I want to be a knight.”

“A princess knight?” Ui suggests. “I’ll be your loyal sidekick.”

“Not sidekick. Partner. You’re my second half, Koori,” Hairu says, grunting a little as Ui enters her.

“We’re two halves to a whole,” he agrees. Sweat droplets beads his brow, and Hairu lifts her head to kiss them off.

They’re getting into a rocking rhythm, Hairu is squealing and Ui is gasping, they’re only focused on each other and –

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Koharu screams. For a second, her hair turns white.

“Oh, hi, Koharu.” Hairu waves. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“Clearly,” Koharu manages. Or they would have shut the door. “I’ll just, uh, let myself out now…”

She cackles to herself as she exits. She’s never going to let Ui hear the end of this. Oh, the blackmail she will have!

Ui moans, resting his head on Hairu’s chest.

“Now then, it’s not a big deal. Don’t worry so much, Koori.” Hairu kisses his nose. “Where were we?”

Crack head cannon (which is really just a contraction of a previous crack head cannon): Ui Koori doesn’t help with the rumors surrounding the Quinx mentor, and to anyone that askes, he’ll tell them it’s cruella deville’s psychotic cousin

It begins with an un-caffeinated Ui, out of cigarettes and fresh out of bed.

“Ui, who is Sasaki?” asks Yusa.

“Cruella DeVille’s psychotic cousin,” Ui grumbles.

Yusa’s eyes widen, and he races off. Ui slides into his seat, not thinking much of their exchange.

An hour later, Shio appears. “Ui sir, who is Sasaki?”

“The Quinx Leader,” Ui says simply.

Shio pouts. “Why are you boring with me? You told Yusa something funny!”

“I did?” Ui thinks for a second. “Hmm…okay, Sasaki is Maleficent’s brother. Complete with the dragon.”

Shio claps his hands in approval.

Rikai is only five minutes behind Shio. “Who is Sasaki?”

“The personification of decaf coffee and e-cigarettes,” Ui replies, staring straight into her eyes.

Finally, he can get back to work.

“Kooriiiiiii,” sings a voice. Hairu waltzes in, and Ui brightens immediately. “I have something for you.”

“Yes?”

Hairu holds out a sugar cube.

Ui takes it eagerly, but gags after it settles on his tongue. “Hairu!”

“It’s a salt cube! Just like you,” Hairu cheers.

“You heard what I was saying about Sasaki, didn’t you?” Ui complains, spitting out the cube.

“Yup.” Hairu softens. “Be nice, okay, Salt-senpai?” She offers him two more cubes. “I promise these are real sugar this time.”

Drunk Brooke insulting Koori and her squad

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.” Read it if you love OCs, Kanae, and Uihai. And if you don’t, you should. ;P

“We need to get you all home before you disgrace the Bureau,” Ui says. Hairu lifts Koharu and Marie off the karaoke stage they’ve been leaning against.

Ui offers his hand to Brooke, and a sober Carma lets Michiko lean against her.

“You’re the tattletale,” Michiko slurs towards Carma.

“I’m not sorry,” Carma admits.

“You shouldn’t be. They should be,” huffs Ui.

Brooke narrows her eyes. Koharu is her Squad Leader, and she’ll be damned if anyone speaks ill of her. “Koharu, did you shove a stick up your brother’s ass when you were little?”

Hairu chortles, and Ui turns red. “Investigator Akita.”

“No, but really.” The room spins as she takes a step. Brooke curses. “Koharu, I take it back. I blame you. Bad leader. Bad.”

“This is almost entertaining,” says Koharu.

“Carma, you wuss. I wanted to do shots with you. Now I’m sad.” Brooke sniffles.

“Michi!” Mizurou rushes into the karaoke bar to take his girlfriend’s hand.

“No, Michiko. You are a strong woman. Walk on your own!” Brooke thrusts her fist in the air, accidentally striking Marie. “Marie, you’re in my way!”

“Brooke, you’re drunk,” Ui pleads. “Koharu, say something!”

“Something,” says Koharu merrily. Hairu and Mizurou dissolve into giggles, and Ui’s glad the music is loud so no one can hear him scream.