SCREAMS INTO VOID
WHY
“You – you want to spend the day with me?” Hairu blinks. “There’s no more medicine for me, Koori.”
“I won’t let you be alone,” he insists. “Anything you want, I’ll do it for you.”
“You shouldn’t have to. You shouldn’t have given up your ethics for me,” Hairu tells him.
“I know, but you’re here, even for a day – and it’s worth it.” Ui cringes. “I shouldn’t think that way, but I lov – I mean, I missed you so much.”
She cocks her head. “Why not Arima?”
“I don’t love Arima in that way.” He hunches over. Last days are too short for awkward rejections.
Hairu gasps. “Koori.”
Her hands brush back his hair, and she’s crying. “I love you, too. I wish I could be with you. It’s not fair.”
“I’d take your place at death’s altar if I could,” Ui pleads.
“I wouldn’t let you.” She sticks out her tongue, just like normal. “Let’s go to the fair?”
“Sure.” He allows her to lead him on all the crazy rides, until he’s vomiting from the spinning swings and she’s smearing sticky cotton candy over his cheeks. He buys her a giant stuffed unicorn, even though she’ll lose it in eight hours.
“Something to remember me by,” she tells him.
How does someone dying glow like this?
She spins him in dance and eats her favorite melon buns with him for dinner. Six hours.
When it’s evening, Hairu turns her face to him. “This was a perfect day.”
“I’m glad.” Ui wants to scream. Not yet. She has four hours.
Hairu smiles up at the stars. “You know how I want to die, Ui Koori?”
“How?” he can barely whisper.
“Tangled up in the arms of someone I love. Warm, happy. Under a dozen blankets.” There are tears in her eyes.
No. She oughtn’t cry, not on her last day. Ui dares himself. “Are you asking me to make love to you?”
“Only if you want.” Hairu smiles, her cheeks wet.
He takes her to his apartment, and there he learns that life and sex are awkward and fun and emotional no matter what you intend. And he loves her so much it hurts.
One minute.
He wraps his arms around her and tries not to cry, but she’s already sniffling. They sob together, and just before the clocks strikes midnight, she whispers, Thank you.
She passes the unicorn to him.