If it’s not to uncomfortable to do, headcannons about the males of Anteiku and Aoigiri (plus Uta) Manhood headcannons? Please, thanks!

Kaneki Ken – average and probably not something he maintains or thinks about, except for rare occasions.

Nishiki Nishio – smaller than he’d ever admit. (But it’s enough for Kimi, so, like, it’s fine).

Koma Enji – he loves to boast about how big it is. It’s probably normal sized, though, and Irimi probably knows this. 😉

Tsukiyama Shuu – perfectly perfumed, his pride and joy.

Yoshimura Kuzen – unsure how he had Eto, because he never had sex. Nope. My word is final. The end.

Yomo Renji – he’s probably, er, much larger than average. Sometimes Uta likes to make him uncomfortable by telling him he should use that fact more.

Uta – he’d 100% tattoo an eye or something on the end just to troll his partner.

Tatara – He meticulously grooms himself.

Kirishima Ayato – once he tried to shave that area… let’s just say he was in an even angrier mood for the next week.

Noro – probably long and more lively than the rest of him. 😉

Naki – He tries to convince everyone to compare their manhoods, and then tells them they’ll never be as perfect as Big Bro.

Fav sex positions with Goat. <3 ya!

Ooooh la la. ❤ ya too!

Kaneki Ken – missionary, top

Touka Kirishima – cowgirl

Nishiki Nishio – cowgirl

Tsukiyama Shuu – I don’t think there’s one position that could ever satisfy him

Chie Hori – sitting

Yomo Renji – spooning

Take Hirako – what is sex.

Ayato Kirishima – butterfly 😉

Hinami Fueguchi – sit and straddle

Irimi Kaya – doggy style

Koma Enji – 69

Banjou Kazuichi – missionary, bottom

Takizawa Seidou – doggy style

Kurona Yasuhisa – wall sex

Naki – waterfall

Miza Kusakari – up and over

What are some characters’ sleeping positions?

Let me know if you want any others! These were the first I thought of. 🙂

Kaneki Ken – fetal position

Kirishima Touka – knees bent

Fueguchi Hinami – cuddling her pillow

Kirishima Ayato – whatever looks the least comfortable so he can brag about it later. He’s tried standing more than once

Tsukiyama Shuu – arms spread out

Kanae Von Rosewald – falls asleep on her knees praying for Master Shuu

Yomo Renji – on his side

Uta – arms above his head

Amon Koutarou – on his back

Akira Mado – on her back, a pillow under her knees to support her muscles

Takizawa Seidou – fetal position

Mutsuki Tooru – curled into a ball

Urie Kuki – stick-straight, on his back

Yonebayashi Saiko – on her stomach

Higemaru Touma – snow-angel pose

Aura Shinsanpei – crushed against the wall

Hsaio Ching-Li – she’s not fond of pillows

Shirazu Ginshi – on his back

Ui Koori – on his stomach

Hairu Ihei – drowning in a sea of pink pillows

Arima Kishou – knees bent

Yoshimura Eto – constantly tossing and turning, so really ALL THE POSITIONS

Suzuya Juuzou – fetal position

From @sweetgm2

Mutsuki decides to share Kaneki with Touka and Tsukiyama, because he realized being violent and jealous won’t win him his sensei’s love

Hahahahahahahha, oh my.

“Sensei.” Mutsuki tugs on Kaneki’s arm. “Shuu and I have an idea.”

“It’s a great idea, if I do say so myself,” Tsukiyama adds.

Touka scowls. “Oh really?”

“We’ll share you,” Mutsuki says eagerly.

Kaneki drops his coffee. “Pardon?”

“I don’t think being jealous helps. Tsukiyama told me his story, too.” Mutsuki hesitates, still kinda hoping the fact that he didn’t want to devour Kaneki puts him slightly ahead of Tsukiyama.

“Does that mean you help us with child-raising?” Touka asks.

“Absolutely.” Tsukiyama nods.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Just please let us be part of your life,” Mutsuki says.

Kaneki’s face melts. “Mutsuki, you’ll always be part of my life. You too, Tsukiyama.”

Tsukiyama exclaims in French and grabs Kaneki in an embrace. “We’ll be like our own little family!”

Request! A cute little story about how the other q-squad members meet Touka for the first time when they inevitably pair up to fight dragoneki and they think she is beautiful. Then later the find out she is Sasaki’s wife and they’re all like “HOLY FUCK” except Saiko who is screaming “FUCK YEAH!” (Couldn’t get this scenario out of my head lol)

“She’s so cute,” Hsaio whispers to Saiko, watching the little ghoul bark out orders to the rest of Sasaki’s GOAT.

Saiko nods eagerly. She’ll gladly follow this badass lady into battle.

“Alright, Yonebayashi.” Touka puts her hands on her hips. “Let’s save your Maman.”

Higemaru giggles and blushes like a fool.

“What are you staring at? Go back up your squad,” Touka orders. But Higa can see relief in her eyes, relief that they too care about her friend Kaneki.

“What should I do?” Urie Kuki approaches.

“You stay with me and Tsukiyama. We’re gonna distract this beast while Yonebayashi uses her kagune to cut it out.” Touka and Tsukiyama activate their kagunes.

“Oh, and please do something about your green hair friend and his dramatic counterpart!” Touka adds.

“Mutsuki?” Urie’s eyes widen. “I haven’t seen him all day.”

“He’s not back?” Touka looks unsettled. Relieved, but unhappy all at once.

“Let’s focus.” Tsukiyama lifts his koukaku. “Let’s see if Quinxes are all they cracked up to be.”

“My kagune is bigger,” Urie snaps.

Touka can’t resist a laugh, even in all this despair. She sends shards of Rc cells into the dragon. I’ll rescue you yet. “Ken was right about you.”

Hsaio and Higemaru swoop in and deal the first blows to the dragon’s neck.

Saiko fashions her kagune into a claw and sinks deep, deep into the dragon’s flesh. It screams, but Touka keeps firing Rc shards, and Tsukiyama and Urie protect her from any falling debris.

“GOT HIM!” Saiko howls. She rips Kaneki Ken’s limp body from the dragon. It begins to fall, and Hsaio and Higa grab for her.

“Look out!” Touka uses her ukaku to fly for Saiko, at the same time –

no –

Aura Shinsanpei flies for her. “Get the asshole. I’ll get her!”

Touka obeys as Mutsuki scrambles up to Urie. “What happened?! Why are you working with – with her? Don’t you know she’s the reason Sensei left?”

Tsukiyama laughs as Touka and Aura touch back onto the ground, one cradling Kaneki, the other holding Saiko. “She’s not the reason at all. But she may be the reason he lives thus far.”

“Huh?” Urie frowns.

“Tsukiyama!”

Tsukiyama, of course, ignores her. “Touka and Kaneki are married.”

Mutsuki gulps and has the decency to look guilty. Aura flushes.

“HOLY FUCK!” yells Urie.

“No way!” Higemaru does a happy dance.

“That gives me hope,” says Hsaio.

“FUCK YEAH!” Saiko wraps Touka and Maman in a hug.

Touka laughs. Perhaps, so long as Mutsuki isn’t still trying to kill her, she can get used to Kaneki’s strange, strange family.

When they learn of their Romanian heritage, the Kaneki trifecta decide to get in tough with their roots, starting with learning the Romanian language, cause having a secret language is awesome. (One phrase they could exchange is “Fratele Meu (means “my brother”- for Rin to her brothers) and “Sora Mea” (meaning “my sister”))

Do you know Romanian? That’s awesome.

“Fratele Meu, can you pass the sugar.” Rin waves at Kaneki.

“What does that mean again?” Suzuya frowns.

“Of course, Sora Mea.” Kaneki winks and hands her three sugar packets. “What do you think it means, Juuzou?”

Suzuya sighs. “Brother and sister?”

“Yup.” Rin empties the sugar packets in her coffee.

“Multumesc,” says Suzuya. “See, I am learning!”

“You are indeed.” Rin nods.

“What are we learning?” Tsukiyama Shuu pirouettes into the room.

“That you’re a gurmand,” says Suzuya, stuffing his mouth full of chocolate.

“Sacre bleu! That sounds like an insult,” cries Tsukiyama.

“Ţine-ţi limba după dinţi,” replies Rin sweetly.

“My heart!” Tsukiyama clutches his chest.

“He’s politely declined your command,” Kaneki says to Rin.

“When the fuck did I move to Europe?” Touka storms into Re. “You guys, yelling in all sorts of languages is going to scare off all my customers!”

The gay/bi boys’ reactions to seeing a penis for the first time?

Nagachika Hideyoshi – blushing like mad

Tsukiyama Shuu – SWEEEET HARMONYYYYYYYY

Urie Kuki – Mine is bigger

Suzuya Juuzou – Cute! Want to see mine?

Hanbee Abara – sweating like Bertolt Hoover in the sun

Tatara – Hello, yes, may I marry you?

Houji – licks lips

Naki – screams (again)

Yamori – let’s make hate

Yomo Renji – embarrassed at both them and himself for liking it

Uta – I want it in my mouth. *rips it off* Oh that’s not what you thought I meant?

Washuu Yoshitoki – Oh. Oh my. Oh my god.

Washuu Matsuri – strips right then and there

Marude Itsuki – short of breath

If you headcanon anyone else, let me know and I’ll add them.

The straight/bi boys’ reactions to seeing boobs irl for the first time?

Kaneki Ken – “They’re so squishy.” (canon)

Nagachika Hideyoshi – CAN I HOLD THEM

Nishiki Nishio – spills coffee on himself

Koma Enji – eyebrow wiggle

Tsukiyama Shuu – Why can’t boys have something so fabulous

Urie Kuki – I wonder how they’d look on Mutsuki

Shirazu Ginshi – giggles uncontrollably

Higemaru Touma – spends the next day drawing large-breasted monsters

Aura Shinsanpei – crawls into corner

Amon Koutarou – prays

Takizawa Seidou – squeals with glee

Suzuya Juuzou – huh? those look heavy

Hanbee Abara – faints

Miyuki Mikage – I wonder if aliens have boobs

Keijin Nakarai – I’ve just met my future wife

Mizurou Tamaki – closes himself in his room for the rest of the day

Shinohara Yukinori – it was his wedding night with his wife. He was very gentle and she was rather fierce and it was beautiful.

Tatara – *draws Houji with boobs, mails it to him*

Houji – what the fuck Tatara – oh my, these look rather nice

Naki – screams

Yamori – do they hurt if you cut them

Ayato Kirishima – Ayato.exe has stopped working

Yomo Renji – stops breathing

Uta – thinks of them as interesting art/places for tattoos

Arima Kishou – speechless, but a small smile grows on his lips

Nimura Furuta – hello, I’m the bureau director. i like your boobs; can I dominate you?

Kuriowa Takeomi – “Y- Yoriko – you’re – like – beautiful – and – ah – so many feelings!”

Kuriowa Iwao – That’s nice.

Ui Koori – blubbering, red-cheeked mess

Hirako Take – am I supposed to be seeing this?

Washuu Yoshitoki – dazzled

Marude Itsuki – clears throat, smooths hair. Hi there.

Tanakamaru Mougan – Higheerrrrrrrrrrrrr boobs!

Rio – Poke

tokyo ghoul boys as commercials

Kaneki Ken – A trailer for the latest thriller novel from Takatsuki Sen.

Nagachika Hideyoshi – Come to Hawaii, where it’s sunny all the time!

Nishiki Nishio – The latest pharmaceutical. “If you feel like eating human flesh, talk to your doctor. Nishikimiazole may be right for you.”

Koma Enji – An infomercial on how to make the Devil Ape’s Best Coffee.

Tsukiyama Shuu – L’Oreal, because he’s worth it.

Urie Kuki – Advertising firm for career building.

Mutsuki Tooru – Mental health awareness.

Shirazu Ginshi – He and Haru star in a new ad for a research study on for Rc cell over-secretion.

Higemaru Touma – Firefighter appreciation.

Aura Shinsanpei – A trailer for the latest melodrama.

Amon Koutarou – Dunkin’ Donuts

Takizawa Seidou – Antidepressant medication.

Suzuya Juuzou – Skittles commercial.

Hanbee Abara – Social anxiety medication.

Miyuki Mikage – Science museum ad.

Keijin Nakarai – Can you hear me now? Smartphone service.

Mizurou Tamaki – The best beef steak in Tokyo!

Shinohara Yukinori – Be a mentor or child sponsorship.

Tatara – Spy thriller movie.

Naki – Rent your best white suit ever.

Yamori – Creepy ad for an undefined “research study.” Pulled after 1 air.

Ayato Kirishima – Axe Body Spray.

Yomo Renji – Visit Re Cafe!

Uta – Tattoo shop.

Arima Kishou – Glaucoma PSA.

Nimura Furuta – Maybe it’s Maybelline! Or maybe it’s ghoul regeneration!

Kuriowa Takeomi – Lumberjacking, or eyebrow styling.

Kuriowa Iwao – Sports ad.

Ui Koori – NicoDerm.

Hirako Take – Sad, abused animal PSA set to moving music.

Ihei Shio – the best ice cream in Tokyo.

Yusa Arima – martial arts studio.

Mayazumi – eyebrow styling.

Hajime Hazuki – PTSD medication.

Washuu Matsuri – A dating app.

Washuu Yoshitoki – Hiking!

Marude Itsuki – the next gun show.

Tanakamaru Mougan – Hairspray.

Classroom shenanigans with Black Reaper Kaneki as the teacher. Possible students being Touka, Takizawa, Kurona, Amon, Akira, Juuzou, and Quinx kids! (Bonus points for involving Principle Eto!)

“Juuzou, you can’t eat candy in class.” Reaperneki raps on Suuzya’s desk.

Suzuya stares up at him with horror. The lollipop remains in his mouth. “But why?”

“Because it’s disruptive.”

“Not if you do it the right way.” Saiko pops a chocolate square into her mouth. “Just be quick about it, Suzuya.”

“Yonebayashi, do you want to go to the principle’s office?”

She thinks for a moment. “Principle Eto does have a nice couch.”

“Can I go to the principle’s office?” Urie raises his hand. “I’m tired of all your faces.”

Mutsuki frowns.

“Not yours,” Urie assures him.

“Awwwwww,” Shirazu teases.

“All of you: SILENCE!” Reaperneki shouts. “Now, Amon, tell me your initial thoughts on Egg of the Black Goat.”

Amon looks up, guilt plastered over his face like the donut crumbs on his lips.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” growls Reaperneki.

“I got him the donut; it’s my fault.” Akira rolls her eyes. “You know, it’s not the food that makes us inefficient; it’s you.”

Reaperneki seethes. “Aura?”

“I was too busy visiting my sick aunt to do the reading,” he replies sweetly.

Higemaru raises his hand. “I loved it!”

“I found the wording fascinating,” Hsaio adds.

“I couldn’t be bothered to read it.” Ayato yawns.

“Feet off your desk, Kirishima.”

“Which one?” Ayato grins as Hinami gently pushes his feet back to the floor.

“Teacher, you’re kinda weak at teaching literature,” Touka comments.

“You’re weak at literature,” Reaperneki counters.

“You’re weak, period,” she shoots back.

Takizawa passes a note to Kurona.

“Really? At this point, you could just talk,” says Reaperneki.

“Can I talk about how attractive you are, Teach?” whimpers Tsukiyama.

“THAT’S IT! ALL OF YOU! I AM ESCORTING ALL OF YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE!” Reaperneki roars.

When they arrive, Eto blinks. “You got the entire class here? I’m so impressed.”

Reaperneki growls.