Please be advised that this contains references to Mutsuki’s sexual assault, and his self-imposed victim-blaming. 😦
Mutsuki hasn’t bled this month.
He paces his room in the Chateau. No, he needs to escape this – everyone’s going to know he’s a girl. Everyone will grab him and use him, over and over and over.
He can’t have Torso’s kid.
He hasn’t been eating properly, either. What if it’s because he’s incubating a fucking ghoul baby?
Mutsuki doubles over to release a silent scream.
One thing will settle this, but he can’t – he’s a male. He can’t walk into a store to buy a test. He just can’t.
He sits at his laptop, printing out advice on homemade test after homemade test. Maybe not as reliable, but right now he doesn’t care.
His door flies open. The printouts fly every which way. Mutsuki yelps.
“Would you like to get curry?” Urie asks gruffly. Saiko wanted him to “help Mucchy,” so here he is. “Oh, sorry.”
He grabs the papers. “Here.”
Sugar Test vs. Toothpaste Test.
Urie freezes.
Mutsuki cries out.
“Mutsuki?” Urie whispers.
Mutsuki trembles. He stares ahead, into nothing. He wants to break apart and die.
Urie places the papers on Mutsuki’s desk and, awkwardly, places a hand on Mutsuki’s shoulder. Suddenly, the demolition of Torso’s corpse seems too kind an end for that creature. “Are you sure?”
Mutsuki bursts into tears. He claps a hand over his mouth to cover his wails.
“It’s not your fault. It’s not, Mutuski. Tooru.” Urie is shaking with horror.
“Help me,” Mutsuki gasps. “Please.”
“I will!” Urie fights back tears. He’s always suspected, but, to know that Torso raped Mutsuki…He wishes he could light Saeki on fire.
“It’s my fault, it’s my fault, please help me. I’m so evil. I want to die.” Mutsuki recalls his parents, his father, his lies, the cat… He’s as evil as they come. Someone like him is raped twice because he deserves it, right?
“Stop it.” Urie shakes him. “It’s not your fault. I wish – I would have rather it been me, Mutsuki. I am going to help you. Now, have you taken a legitimate test?”
Mutsuki shakes his head.
“Okay.” Urie blushes. “I’ll buy you one. Can you hold on for 20 minutes?”
Mutsuki nods.
Urie hugs him. It’s awkward and passionate and oh-so-Urie. Mutsuki’s heart rate slows.
When Urie returns, he sees that Mutsuki hasn’t moved. “I, uh, bought three. Just in case.”
Mutsuki has to laugh. “Of course you did.”
Urie smirks, pleased that Mucchan can joke right now. He hands him the bag. “Here. I’ll wait outside. And, uh – Mutsuki – if it’s positive, I will help you end it if you want.”
Mutsuki nods, miserable again.
But when he emerges, his hands are shaking. “It’s – negative. All three.”
Urie gasps. “Tooru!” He holds out his hands. “I’ll hide the boxes.”
“Thank you.” Mutsuki smiles slightly. He feels embarrassed that Urie knows, and for nothing.
“Tooru. It isn’t your fault.”
“This is the second time I’ve been raped, Urie.” Mutsuki dissolves into more tears.
Urie feels cold. “Second?!”
“My – my dad.” Mutsuki shakes with memories. “There has to be something I did.”
“Not in the slightest.” Urie now wants to cheer on the ghouls who killed Mucchan’s family. Fuck this shit. “Fuck the patriarchy. Fuck the world. This isn’t your fault. It’s Torso’s and your Dad’s and maybe mine for not getting there sooner. Tooru, you deserve the world.”
Mutsuki shakes his head. “I can’t see it.”
“I can. Let me show you.” Urie smiles down at Mutsuki. His eyes are kind, smart, and sincere. He doesn’t want to prey on Mutsuki.
Mutsuki feels safe with Urie.
“Curry?” Urie offers his hand.
“I can’t eat!” Mutsuki blurts out. Kill me.
Urie blinks rapidly. Does misery never end for Mutsuki? “Okay. One problem at a time. Let me dispose of these – I’ll find Takeomi’s trash or something. Then I’ll be back and we’ll talk more.”
“I’m not abandoning you, not ever,” he adds.
And Mutsuki – he can’t help but believe Urie.
Mercy and Magic 