crack head canon: After the club night with everyone dressed as women, the party goers crash in the living room. Urie comes down stairs the next morning and doesn’t recognize anyone except saiko. He asks about what happened and shizaru replies. Relization hits him like a brick and he backs away to his room with a single “forget I even asked”

“L-O-L what even happened last night?” Urie gazes in shock at the ladies Saiko has invited over. “You should have told me you were planning a sleepover.”

“Oh shut up, Urie,” Saiko grumbles, rubbing her eyes from where she’s flopped across an orange-haired girl.

A sexy green-haired woman stretches on the floor, accidentally nudging the pale-haired girl asleep in their chair awake.

“You don’t wanna know,” says the orange-haired woman in Shirazu’s voice.

Urie’s mouth pops open. His eyes bug. That’s Mutsuki on the floor and Sasaki in the chair.

“You should have come with us, Urie,” Sasaki says. God dammit, how does their Squad Leader wear his makeup better than Saiko? And those are definitely fake eyelashes!

Urie’s breath comes quicker. His throat closes. “Ack – forget I asked!”

“Scareeeeeed?” Shirazu teases as Urie flies upstairs.

“Yes!” He screams.

How urie would treat mutsuki on their first date.

Like royalty.

“You look like royalty,” Urie says, nodding at Mutsuki’s silky black suit. It fits him perfectly.

“So do you.” Mutsuki giggles. He wishes he could think of a more clever line!

“We’re having an expensive dinner. Thanks to Nishino’s RC research, we can actually eat food again.” Urie smiles. “And we’ll have dessert.”

“You don’t like sweets,” Mutsuki says with worry.

“But you do, and you deserve them.” Urie smiles. “May I hold your hand?”

Mutsuki sputters. “I’ve never had anyone ask that before.” Color rises to his cheeks. “Yes, Urie, you may.”

Urie trembles with excitement as they walk to the restaurant.

“This is…the most expensive one in Tokyo.” Mutsuki goggles at the door.

“I want to show you how much I care for you,” Urie admits, casting his eyes towards the floor.

“Hey.” With his free hand, Mutsuki taps Urie’s chin to get his attention. “I already do.”

For a moment, they stare into each other’s eyes.

“Uh, excuse me?” the hostess asks hesitantly. “Do you have reservations?”

“Yes!” Urie nods, jolted out of his reverie. As the hostess leads them to their seats, he whispers in Mutsuki’s ear, “But no reservations about you.”

He knows Mutsuki like puns. And indeed, Mutsuki turns back to him and gives his hand another squeeze.

At the end of their evening, with their stomachs full and their taste buds satisfied, they walk slowly back to the Chateau, hand-in-hand. Neither wants this evening to end.

Finally they go inside, and Urie walks Mutsuki to his door. “Good night.”

“Wait.” Mutsuki moves closer to kiss a stunned Urie. “There. Now tonight is perfect.”

Yomo, Uta and Tsukiyama watching a horror movie with their so. Like their so getting scared and clinging onto them whenever a jump scare happens.

Yomo

You clutch Yomo’s hand in your sweating palms by the time ten minutes have passed. When you jump violently again, he wordlessly opens his jacket and wraps you inside.

“Thank you,” you mumble, enjoying the feeling of his mighty arms around your shoulders.

“I’ll protect you,” he says, a serious light in his eyes. You plant a kiss on his cheek before turning back to the TV.

“Aieeeee!” you scream.

Uta

“Hon, nothing’s happened yet.” Uta spies sweat beading your brow. It’s cute and kinda attractive.

“I know, but…something’s going to,” you whisper. Uta has, of course, insisted on turning out all the lights in your apartment. For theatrical effect.

“Don’t you think I’m strong enough to protect you?” He bends over to tickle your feet.

“OR to hurt me!” you shriek.

He chuckles and draws you closer. “Just watch. We’re gonna have a great time. What’s life without a few scares?”

Tsukiyama

“Wait.” You narrow your eyes. You’re shaking even under the blanket Tsukiyama has wrapped the two of you in, and you certainly won’t sleep tonight, but –

“This was your idea.”

“Indeed, ma chérie.” Tsukiyama smiles thinly.

“You’re trembling. You’re scared, too!”

“What?” Tsukiyama gasps. “Non. Never.”

“You are too!”

On the screen, another demon clown bursts out of a door.

“Yipes!” Tsukiyama throws his arms around you. “Kill me, clown, not them!”

You both look at each other. Your grins grow and grow, until both of you throw your heads back and scream in unison.

Crack head cannon: cochela doesn’t give prisoners haircuts, so when sasaki was released his hair was quite long and at first glance he could easily pass as a woman. During the tour around the ccg squad zero kids don’t help and further solidify to passerby’s that the new squad member is a girl much to Haises annoyance. Next day he comes in with a haircut. Everyone was left to believe the lady quit after her first day and tease Arima for years. Until Arima tells the story at Haises x mas party.

lollololololololllllllllllllllll

“Okay, okay, you think Hajime’s a brat, but do you know what the Squad Zero kids did?” demands Ui. His arm is almost, but not quite, around Hairu’s shoulders. Propriety. Yeah, that’s it.

“Do tell,” says Akira, clutching her seventh glass of wine.

“Please don’t,” says Sasaki.

“Arima, tell it.” Saiko winks. She’s heard Arima is a legendary storyteller, too.

Arima winces. “Well…”

“Come on, out with it.” Hairu giggles. Rikai, Yusa, and Shio bury their heads in their hands.

“So.” Arima sits down. “One long day, our Squad was gifted with a new investigator. Their hair was white and flowed to their shoulders. Shiny as a shampoo commercial.”

Sasaki’s face is now crimson.

“And then, our darling prodigies decided to introduce everyone to ‘the new woman in our squad.’”

“I was excited to have someone think we had three females,” Rikai insists.

“Was I not enough?” Hairu counters.

“Take me,” says Saiko.

“This new woman vanished the next day, and coincidentally, we replaced them wth Sasaki Haise.” Arima sips his tea. “Or so the Bureau Legend goes.”

Urie rolls his eyes. A grin spreads over Shirazu’s face.

“You mean that story isn’t true?” Mutsuki asks.

“Ask the lady.” Arima points to Sasaki. “Amazing what the power of a haircut can do.”

“You!” Akira doubles over laughing.

“You kids were such a handful!” Ui shakes his head at the three junior investigators.

“Don’t ruin our urban legend,” Shio begs. “Keep it quiet.”

“We are powerful masters of myth,” Yusa intones.

“Madam Sasaki, may I have this dance?” Shirazu sticks out his hand.

“Sure.” Sasaki grabs Shirazu and spins him in a circle as everyone laughs.

Continuation of Mutsuki/Sasaki where Sasaki wants to get the Qs interested in reading/writing fiction after reading haiku’s with Mutsuki and having a great time and they’re not having it so Mutsuki persuades them into participating for his Sensei

“Ooh, are you sure?” Mutsuki grins. He loves reading fairy tales. He can’t believe Sasaki wants to read them, too.

“Yes,” says Sasaki. “It’d be great bonding time.”

“Would it?” Shirazu asks nervously. “I mean, some of those stories are dark shit.”

“Those are the best ones.” Saiko’s eyes sparkle. She, at least, is on board.

“Not a chance.” Urie crosses his arms. “I’m not reading little brat stories. Jesus.”

“Well, now we know who’s getting struck by lightning at the end of this story,” Sasaki jokes. Urie flushes.

“I’d like to. I think it’d be fun. Something lighthearted for after battle or something,” says Mutsuki, drawing his knees to his chest.

“Nah,” Urie says.

“Could we study the stories, then write our own?” Shirazu asks.

“Yes!” Mutsuki nods.

“Then I’m on board.”

“Have fun.” Urie stands.

“Wait,” Sasaki says.

“Urie,” begs Mutsuki. “Pleeeeeeease.”

“Nope.”

“Please.” Saiko falls prostate at Urie’s feet. Mutsuki clings to Urie’s legs. Shirazu even gets on his knees.

“It’d mean a lot to me,” Mutsuki stammers.

Urie sighs. “Fine. Just, fine. You better pick a good story, Sasaki.”

“Hurray!” Saiko and Mutsuki high-five. Sasaki smiles at Mutsuki with gratitude.

And now Mutsuki feels like he’s floating in a fairy tale.

oh oh ui and hairu were planning on having a simple New Years party for just the two of them but brooke (my best girl) and the rest of her squad (and maybe the zero squad kiddies because something tells me they’d be all over this) totally crash their party by making it totally wild and fun much to ui’s displeasure.

Also based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Now this is my idea of a party,” says Ui, pouring two glasses of wine for Hairu and he. “Just us.”

“Hmmm, and what else can we do before New Years,” Hairu murmurs, a seductive grin on her lips.

Ui leans towards her. Her fingers unbutton his shirt.

“Surprise, elected hosts!” Their door crashes open. Ui gasps, and Hairu sloshes her wine onto her blouse.

“Oh my.” Brooke blinks at the sight of Ui desperately trying to mop Hairu’s blouse. “Kids, don’t look. This isn’t a sight for innocent eyes.”

“He’s just trying to clean her shirt,” Shio says in confusion.

“Let’s agree to that,” Brooke says quickly.

“It’s okay, Ui, it was an old shirt anyways.” Hairu smiles. She wasn’t planning on wearing it for long anyways, even it’s not exactly off for the reason she expected.

“We heard you weren’t coming to any parties, so we decided to bring the party to you,” Rikai says shyly, holding out an offering of cake.

“Apology accepted,” Hairu says, sniffing the pan.

“Ui, your fly is open,” Brooke says.

“What!” Ui gasps, but of course, it’s not true.

He glowers at her as the Zero Squad kids howl with laughter.

Their doorbell rings.

“Who else did you invite?” Ui asks with dread. Koharu’s on a date. Carma is moping, Marie is helping her, and Michiko is with Mizurou. That leaves…

“Surprise!” Brooke whips open the door as a dozen kids pour in.

“What a nice apartment!” shouts Hajime.

“Can you believe we get to stay up til midnight?” Mayazumi yells back.

“How do the Oggai have better manners than you?!” Ui fires at Brooke. He will have to inform Koharu about this. Definitely. New Year’s is canceled.

But when he turns around, Hairu is already cranking up the stereo, and Hajime’s asking her to dance…and even Ui Koori has to admit, they’re pretty cute.

wouldn’t it be funny if hajime made fun of yusa’s crush on marie but marie would still defend yusa even if she still didn’t truly understand his feelings for her?

Omg he totally would.

Characters from @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Aw, is someone hiding behind a girl…or are you really hiding?” Hajime wiggles his eyebrows at Yusa, who cowers behind Kitami Marie. He just caught Yusa rushing alongside the beautiful Quinx, and this is too good an opportunity to pass up. Besides, he wants to impress Marie himself.

“Shut – shut up,” stammers Yusa.

“Hey, Hajime, knock it off.” Marie puts her hands on her hips. “You don’t have to be mean to Yusa.”

“Aw, I’m just trying to play evil matchmaker,” Hajime says, twirling a pretend mustache.

“What?!” cries Yusa, horrified. His secret is out!

Marie, however, merely laughs. “Hajime, you’re a terrible matchmaker.”

“Hey.” Hajime pouts.

“Now run back along to your Oggai friends, and be nice to Yusa. He’s a sweet, smart boy, and we’re all blessed to know him,” Marie declares.

Yusa’s face is now as red as the iris in Hajime’s kakugan.

“Uh-huhhhhhhh.” Hajime winks at Yusa before skipping away. He immediately whips out his phone.

Yusa’s buzzes, and he winces as Marie smiles at him. “Don’t let Hajime get to you. He’s probably just jealous that you’re in Squad Zero, Yusa.”

“Okay,” Yusa rasps. She walks away, and with relief Yusa yanks out his phone.

I hope you realize what a favor I just handed you, doofus – Killer H.

Yusa scowls. It’s not a favor unless I wanted it.

But before he presses send, he recalls the warm, tingling feeling of Marie praising him. Maybe, just maybe, this was worth it after all.

Scenario with pregnant Touka at the beach

“I feel like a whale,” Touka mutters, stretching out on the sizzling sand.

“You’re beautiful!” Kaneki cries, rubbing more sunscreen into her shoulders.

“Meh.” Touka pokes her seven-months-pregnant belly. “Well, the kid’s awake, so they must love the beach.”

“Good.” Kaneki pats her stomach.

“Touka!” Hinami and Ayato race back from the boardwalk. “Here, we got you ice.”

Hinami shoves a snow cone in Touka’s face. It hasn’t been more than two weeks that ghouls have been able to eat human food. And Touka has, correspondingly, not been able to get enough of sugar.

“Isn’t it good?” Kaneki asks eagerly as his wife takes a bite.

Touka closes her eyes with pleasure. “This is amazing. Humans are so creative.”

Ayato snorts, but he’s also nursing his own chocolate ice cream cone, so he can’t tease her too much.

“Want to go for a walk in the surf, Onee-chan?” Hinami asks.

“Ayato, when are you going to make Touka officially Hinami’s Onee-chan?” Kaneki whispers as his wife saunters off with Hina.

“Not before I stab you.” He sticks out his tongue.

———————————-

Touka sniffs the salty, sweet air as surf pounds around her ankles. “The water feels good on my feet.”

“Good.” Hinami smiles.

“I’m still gonna play volleyball when Akira and Amon get here,” Touka grouses.

“Obviously. With your ukakus, you and Ayato will dominate,” Hinami says with a smirk.

“I don’t know, if the Quinx show up to help Akira, we’re done,” Touka jokes. Her snow cone dribbles around her lips, red as blood.

Hinami giggles as two figures wave from down the beach. “That’ll be Akira and Amon.”

Touka grins as they draw closer. “Hey there.”

Amon nearly chokes.

“Huh?” Touka’s eyes widen with the realization.

Akira elbows him with a laugh. “Amon, dear, it’s a snow cone.”

“I’m sorry!” Amon exclaims. He doesn’t want to make her feel any worse. Really.

Touka flicks cherry syrup onto his face. “There. Now we’re even.”

Can we get some uta and Yomo fanfic pleaseeee

It’s an Uta and Yomo day on the blog, apparently. Excellenttttttt.

“It’s been a while,” says a voice when Uta exits HySy.

He turns around to see Yomo standing there. “Renji.”

Yomo’s arms are crossed. “We’re moving to the 24th Ward before your friend gets us all slaughtered.”

“He’s not my friend,” Uta says.

Renji’s kakugans ignite. “I know you work with him, Uta.”

Uta’s shoulders slump. “So?”

“So – how can you – people are dying, and you’re helping him, for what? A laugh?” Yomo approaches, grabs Uta by his shoulders, stares into his eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Many things,” Uta replies after a pause.

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Trust issues?” Uta grins.

“Uta, I’m one of the few in your life you can trust, and you know that,” Yomo says wit an ironic smile. He releases Uta and steps back.

“I do, and I’m grateful.” Uta stares at the ground. “You can stay here tonight. You’ll be safe.”

“I’m late already to meet up with Ayato. The nephew I don’t trust to know that.” Yomo laughs bleakly.

“I see.” Uta knows this isn’t a break-up. He and Yomo will never forsake each other. But it still hurts. Yomo’s disappointment.

“Hey.” Yomo steps closer and sweeps him towards him. He plants a passionate kiss on Uta’s lips. “I’ll see you again.”

“Don’t get yourself killed.” Uta sighs. “Promise me.”

“I promise.” Yomo steps back. “But when I return, when it’s safe, we’re going to talk.”

“Are we?” Uta winks.

“Yeah.” And then Renji is gone, and Uta feels lonelier than ever.

ooh can you do nsfw with irimi and koma?

OH MY GOD YES.

“You really are annoying, you know that.” Irimi gives the Devil Ape her most withering glare.

“Sure I am. That’s why you love me.” Koma winks.

“Brat!” Irimi fumbles with her keys to open the door to her apartment complex.

“I just wanted to make sure you got home safe. There’s doves around these days.”He approaches her sheepishly.

“I know that. I’m perfectly capable of handling myself.” Irimi scowls more. She was hoping he was following her to come up to her apartment.

Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. She leans over to kiss his lips. Only a softie would go for the cheek, and Irimi is not a softie.

Koma’s mouth falls open.

“What?” Irimi crosses her arms.

He dives closer, encapsulating her in an embrace.

“Want to come upstairs?” she whispers.

He nods, and soon they’re in her room.

“If anyone had predicted this…” Koma grins.

“I’d probably have stabbed them with my ukaku.” Irimi flashes her kakugans at him. She drags him to her bed, where they fall in an ungainly heap.

He frowns as she lifts her shirt. “Whoa.” Her bra unhooks in the front? Who is this marvelous female? She’s amazing.

“I’m saving you the trouble.” Irimi wiggles her eyebrows as she tears off his vest.

Koma laughs as she plants a kiss in the midst of his chest.

“God dammit, I love you,” Irimi mutters as she yanks off her tights.

“I love you too.” He kisses her cheek, and she has to chuckle.

Their fingers explore each other’s bare bodies for a long while. Once enemies, now best friends and more. Koma can’t believe this incredible woman was ever someone he hated. And Irimi is rabid for her Devil Ape, for the extraordinary, funny, kind heart she once dismissed as a brute.

Afterwards, they lie in each other’s arms until daylight.