Masanori playing with Nerf guns with the zero squad kids!

“Look out!” Masanori leaps around the corner and presses a Nerf gun to Shio’s head.

“I am killed!” cries Shio, falling at his nephew’s feet.

“We will avenge you!” Rikai promises, whipping out her own Nerf gun. 

Masanori giggles. “Never!” 

He fires at her, but Yusa hits him in the chest. “I got your heart!”

“Then give it back!” Masanori sticks out his tongue and peppers Zero Squad with foam bullets.

“Reload!” Shio reawakens from ‘death’ and stuffs more bullets into his gun. Ui and Hairu have no idea he gave Masanori a Nerf gun for his birthday, and Hirako has no idea he paid for it, but hey, as long as the kid is happy, no one should protest.

The door opens, and Masanori shoots his father straight between the eyes. 

Ui blinks for a moment, but Hairu leaps into action. “No, not my Ui! God, bring him back!”

She presses her lips against his.

“Ew!” screams Masanori as Shio yells, “Aw!”

Masanori is the Uihai child from @hamliet’s “The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT.”

Masanori risking his life out of something ridiculous

“Masanori, I don’t think your parents will approve.” Nimura Furuta cannot believe he has to be the voice of reason here. 

Well, he’s still being selfish. Masanori dies and he’ll get blamed and who needs that.

“I know!” Masanori creeps out further onto the tree branch. He is going to rescue Furuta’s tie. Dad just talked to him about being responsible, and throwing Uncle Clown’s tie onto a tree in the prison yard probably isn’t responsible

He just wanted to see Furuta’s kagune retrieve it, but apparently Furuta can’t use his kagune here.

“The guards won’t approve either.” Now Furuta’s getting nervous. The brat’s directly over barbed wire.

“Masanori!” screams Ihei Hairu.

Fuck. Furuta winces.

“Mom!” Masanori waves. 

Ui Koori is right behind her. He freezes upon seeing Masanori. “Oh my god.”

The branch cracks, and with a yelp, Masanori finds himself clinging to a bark-held tree limb above rows and rows of toothy wire. “Uh. I’m scared.”

“Okay, calm down, Ui,” Ui mutters to himself.

“Get on my shoulders,” Furuta says.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m tall. You climb on me, Hairu climb on you, and we reach the kid before he gets impaled.” Furuta sounds cross, like he still hates that he actually likes the GOAT children.

When Hairu finally reaches her son, Masanori is crying and so are the adults.

“No I’m not,” snaps Furuta.

“Are too!” Now safely back behind the prison walls, Masanori stomps his foot. 

“Masanori, what were you thinking?” Hairu demands.

“I wanted to be responsible. I tried to bring out Uncle Fruit’s kagune and then when it failed I wanted to get him his tie back.” Masanori’s lips tremble. “But it’s still up there.”

“We’ll buy him a new one,” Ui assures his son, wrapping his arms around him.

Hairu hugs her family. “Masanori, your life is worth much more than a tie.”

Masanori is from @hamliet’s “The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT.” 

uihai adventures on Father’s and Mother’s Day!

Featuring Masanori as their demon child, from @hamliet‘s “The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT.”

“Do you think Mommy will like it?” Masanori holds up a painting of cherry blossoms. 

“I think it’s perfect,” Ui tells him, marveling at his paint-splattered son. Urie, the one whom Masanori begged his art lessons from, nods.

“Goody.” Masanori has another idea, but he’ll do it later so Daddy doesn’t get scared.

Daddy doesn’t like scary things, but Masanori does, and Auntie Eto loves telling him scary things.

The next day, Masanori holds out his picture to Hairu. “Look!“

Cherry blossoms. Hairu squeals and hugs him. “You’re such a talented boy.”

“I made you another drawing, too. I had to sneak into Urie’s studio later.” Masanori radiates pride.

Hairu rolls her eyes at Ui. “Sure. What is it?”

“Look!” Masanori waves a picture of Hairu – probably – lying down, with Ui kissing her. “Auntie Eto said you died once and Daddy brought you back wth a kiss, just like the movies!”

Hairu’s mouth drops open, and Ui looks ready to murder Arima’s mischievous wife. 

“Is that okay?” Masanori senses his parents are upset, and he didn’t mean to hurt them. He loves them.

“Of course.” Hairu has to laugh. If Masanori wants to view her past through the fairy-tale sense, she won’t stop him. “I’m dressed like a princess, after all.”

“We do look cute, don’t we?” Ui smirks at Hairu, and she kisses him.

“Ew.” Masanori knows he drew them kissing, but still. Real life is sometimes scary.

————————————————————————

 “Daaaaaaaaaadddyyyyyy!” Masanori flies into his parent’s room. “It’s father’s day!”

Ui gasps, and Hairu immediately leaps off her husband. “Masanori! Good morning!”

Her suggestions to make Ui a father again were perhaps ill-timed. Her husband now looks catatonic.

Hairu smiles from under the covers. “Go get Daddy breakfast food, and I’ll be right down.”

“Okay!” he sings. 

“That was close,” Hairu whispers to Ui. “I’ll make it up to you later, once your heart rate is back to normal.”

“With this child, that will never happen.” Ui struggles out of bed and reaches for his pajamas. “Hirako was right. It’s karma.”

He smiles at Hairu. “The best kind of karma.” 

Pregnancy scenarios for Hairu and Ui?

Omg yas

The moment of truth

Ui paces outside CCG’s medical unit. Hairu collapsed on Arima Squad’s latest mission, and now he, Arima, Hirako, and the kids are gathered in the waiting room.

A nurse appears.”Are you the boyfriend of Ihei Hairu?”

Ui colors. “Well, I, uh – yes.”

“Come with me.”

Now Arima looks truly concerned, and Shio opens his mouth to ask something, but Ui’s already running after the nurse. 

But instead of a dying Hairu on life support, he finds her sitting at the foot of her bed, eating a melon bun and chatting with a doctor.

“H – Hairu. Are you okay?”

“Better than okay.” Hairu stands and takes his hands in hers. She smiles from ear-to-ear. “I’m pregnant, Koori.”

Now Ui nearly faints. Hairu catches him. 

“I – I know it’s a surprise, but I’m really happy. We’re having a baby, Koori.” 

“I’m scared,” he whispers, clinging to her. But her excitement is damn contagious. 

Someone taps his shoulder, and Ui turns around to see Arima and Hirako staring down at him. “You better be.” 

———————————————————————

Two Months

“I’m the luckiest girl alive.” Hairu has to say before she finishes her vows and kisses Ui.

All of CCG claps, and bridesmaids Saiko and Hsaio hurry forward to fix her train. 

Ui looks out to see Arima glowing with pride for his squad members, and he knows that if Hairu is the luckiest girl, he’s the luckiest boy.

———————————————————————

Three months

“Ooh, it’s cold.” Hairu giggles and grabs Ui’s hand. She’s lying on a table with her mostly flat belly exposed. 

A nurse slides an ultrasound along. “Well, it looks like you’re having a baby boy.”

Ui gasps, and Hairu cheers. 

He doesn’t deserve this level of happiness. Ui fights tears. 

Hairu turns her head to him, and he sees she’s crying, too. 

“Happy tears,” he assures her.

“I know.”

———————————————————————-

Five months

“Koori!” Hairu gasps. She bolts upright in the bed they share.

“What’s wrong?” Ui wakes up immediately. What if she’s dying? Losing Masanori? 

“Here.” Hairu presses his hand to her belly.

His son kicks him. Ui cries out and presses his face against her stomach. Masanori will know he is loved.

———————————————————————

Six months

Hairu slides into her desk chair. “I feel like a whale, Koori.”

She frowns. “An ugly whale.”

Ui gasps. “You’re beautiful!”

“I can’t stop eating.” Hairu blinks. Her voice tears up. “I’m a whale. Worse, I’m like the binge eater from all those years ago.”

“Hey there, human, you’re not eating people.” Ui rubs her shoulders and makes  a mental note to insist Saiko bring her makeup kits over for his wife.  

———————————————————————

Seven months

“What do you mean, our baby is part-ghoul?” Ui freezes.

Arima closes his office door. Hirako stands outside, guarding.

“I’m a failed ghoul,” Hairu sobs, sinking to the floor. “We all are. All the Washuus.”

“Me too,” Arima says, hoping Ui will understand. He advised Hairu against revealing the truth, but she was insistent.

“I’m sorry.” Hairu looks up at her husband. “I hurt you.”

Ui sees his wife kneeling on the office floor, fat tears rolling down her lovely cheeks, her belly swollen with their child.

He can’t believe it.

But he couldn’t believe it when she told him she was pregnant, either. This is really how life changes – in an instant. 

He kneels beside her and – tentatively – touches her shoulder. “Tell me everything.”

————————————————————————

Eight months

“Our baby will be part-ghoul in a world that hates him,” Ui sobs. “Someday we’ll need to tell him what we did.” 

“He’ll forgive us.” Hairu swallows. What if he doesn’t? “If you can learn to forgive me, he can forgive us.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. You can’t help how you were born.” Ui knows it’s logical and believes it with all his heart.

But he can’t help regretting it took Hairu and their baby to show him his bigotry.

————————————————————————

Nine months

“Ui, you might want to come pick up your wife.” Saiko sounds like she’s enjoying this. “We think she’s in labor.”

Ui shrieks and throws the phone across the room.

“Go!” Arima doesn’t even need to ask what’s happening, from the streaking figure leaving his office, Ui didn’t even wait for permission. 

At the hospital, Hairu crushes his hand in hers. “Why did we do this again?”

“Because we love each other?”

“Masanori’s trying to eat my lady parts.”

“Hairu!” Ui cringes. He wishes he were the one in pain. 

And then another nurse is here, telling her to push, and Ui is crying already. 

A new wail joins the room, and in an instant, Ui is a father and Hairu a mother.

Scenario: Uncle Shio

Coming right up, Nonny-Mouse. I love that kid!

Side note: Shio’s nephew Masanori is featured extensively in @hamliet’s fanfic “The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT.” I’m, er, borrowing her character (with permission) for this! 

“Where is he?” Shio bursts in the door to the hospital room where Hairu and Ui and their child are staying. “My nephew!”

Hirako dashes up behind him, flanked by Rikai and Yusa.

“Can he be our nephew, too?” Rikai asks.

“No! He’s an Ihei!” Shio crosses his arms as he flounces towards the bed. 

“His name is Masanori,” Hairu says with pride. “Masanori Kishou Ui.”

“He has your hair!” Shio takes the bundle so quickly Ui nearly has a panic attack. He rubs the pink fuzz on the baby’s head and giggles. “I’m gonna be the best uncle ever, aren’t I, Hirako?”

“Undoubtedly,” Hirako says, exchanging a smirk with Ui.

“I love him. He’s perfect.” Shio kisses the baby’s nose. It whimpers.

“What does that mean?” Shio asks nervously.

“I don’t know!” Ui looks at Hairu, his face white.

“It means he’s dreaming,” Hairu says with a sleepy smile.

“Hopefully he’s dreaming of the future. When his best Uncle gives him the most fantastic playdate he’ll ever have.” Shio is clearly planning this, years in advance.

“Love you, Masanori.” Shio reluctantly hands the baby back to Hairu. 

He saves his questions for after they leave the hospital. “Hirako, how did Hairu and Ui make a baby?”