Hirako tries to parent Shio, Yusa, and Rikai. Preferably with angst and fluff. Please write this before one of them dies my heart can’t take what I fear is coming.

Okay, none of the kids are allowed to die. 

“Rikai, why are you crying?” Hirako is tired and parenting is the last thing on his list of desired. 

The good news, as Arima reminded him, is that all the Squad 0 kids had such piss-poor parenting anything he fails at will still look good by comparison.

But Hirako doesn’t want to look good by comparison. He wants to be good. 

“B – because I’m having a bad memory,” sniffles Rikai. 

“Well.” Hirako settles next to Rikai, his hand on her shoulder. “It’s in the past, but sometimes it helps to talk about it. You want to?”

“We’re getting older.” Rikai clutches his hand instead of answering the question. She can’t divulge her memories, not yet. “We’re gonna die before everyone else. And I don’t want to – I don’t want to die!”

She covers her face and sobs. 

Shio is crying, too. “We’re supposed to be brave.”

“Bravery,” says Hirako softly, “means facing your fears. You know, I’m scared of dying, too.”

“You are?” Yusa gapes at him.

“Yes. And then I have to ask myself why.” Hirako shrugs. “And I’m afraid because I want my life to be worthwhile.”

“We like your life!” cries Shio.

“I know, and I’d say y life is worth it with you kids in it.”

Rikai coughs. “You mean – we’re not a burden?”

“Are you sure?” Yusa asks.

“Of course. I wouldn’t trade you all for the world.” Hirako grabs the kids and pulls them tight.

He doesn’t know how they’ll fix the aging issue, but they will. These kids deserve the world they’re fighting for. 

But consider all of the cast with lightsabers.

Oh my word

I’ve sorted the characters according to their introductory affiliation.

Anteiku/Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – After inheriting a very special bright red/Darth Maul two-sided saber from the fallen Rize Kamishiro, he finds himself hunted by the Dark Side.

Nagachika Hideyoshi – His is light blue, like Luke’s. 

Yoshimura Kuzen – He’s long retired his purple lightsaber, except when he brings it out to clean up after his daughter, Darth Owl. It used to be his lover Ukina’s, from whom he learned how to wield it. 

Kamishiro Rize – She was exceptionally skilled with her two-sided saber, but is currently saber-less. 

Kirishima Touka – Hers is dark blue and she wields it well. 

Koma Enji – Green.  

Irimi Kaya – Green. This is why she and Koma first fought in the 20th ward, before Yoshimura convinced them there was room for two green sabers.

Yomo Renji – Darksaber all the way.

Kosaka Yoriko – Yellow-green, but she would rather not use it. 

Hinami Feuguchi – Yellow, two-sided, and she possesses uncanny skill. 

Nishiki Nishio – green and cracked. 

Nishino Kimi – green (this is how she met Nishiki). He then cracked her crystal by accident, and learned the power of love by her forgiveness. 

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – the gourmet’s is indigo to match his hair, and he adores it to the point that he talks to it. Still, he pines after Kaneki’s two-sided saber.

Karren von Rosewald – Servants weren’t supposed to have sabers, but Shuu bought her a rose pink one for her birthday one year. She’s loved him ever since.

Matsumae – the family bodyguard possesses a darksaber. It still thrills her every time she lights it.

Mirumo – passed down the indigo saber to Shuu.

Chie Hori – her tiny green saber was so delectable she and Shuu had to be friends.

Clowns

Uta – Darksaber, but with a cracked crystal. He and Yomo used to make a fierce darksaber team. 

Itori – Hers is bright pink but rarely used, unless you’re counting when she gets drunk and waves it about Helter Skelter pretending she’s a Samurai. 

Hoito Roma – She seemed to have an ordinary red saber. Instead she literally has a four-sided saber she uses for utter destruction. 

Nimura Furuta – he started the series by pushing pipes onto Rize so he could steal her lightsaber, but now that Kaneki has inherited it, he hired Kanou to make a duplicate. Someday, though, he will get the real one. 

Rio/Shikorae – is not trusted with one. Probably for the best.

Nico – pink but cracked. 

Donato Porpora – Purple, cracked.

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – dark blue, just like Touka. *pouts*

Yamori – Sabers cauterize wounds. That’s boring. 

Tatara – Green – half of a two sided saber. 

Yoshimura Eto – Darth Owl has a fierce purple lightsaber and exceptional skill.

Noro – Darksaber. 

CCG

Amon Koutarou – Blue-white and pure. 

Takizawa Seidou – blue, but he cracked the crystal while insisting he could make his own.

Mado Akira – green. She made her own, nice and neat. 

Houji Kousuke- the second half of Tatara’s green saber is his. This is the root of their enmity. 

Mado Kureo – His fascination with lightsabers has lead him to have a collection of every color, plus every cracked version. He was missing a green one before Akira made hers. 

Marude Itsuki – It used to be yellow. Inspired by Yoshitoki, he also decorated the label. It did not turn out well, but thankfully, Juuzou Suzuya wrecked it. 

Washuu Yoshitoki – yellow. He’s decorated the label. 

Washuu Matsuri – spent half his childhood (literally half) whining for one. Now he has a yellow one and isn’t not as exciting as he hoped. 

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – He wishes it was purple, but alas, his is yellow. 

Kuriowa Takeomi – He got so good at beating ghouls up with his hands his dad was reluctant to hand down their family’s white saber. 

Kuriowa Iwao – He used to have a white saber. Now he has an orange one, because he gave the white one to Takeomi.

Aura Kiyoko – Blue and damn does she use it well.

Tanakamaru Mougan – Pink. He loves the color. 

Shinohara Yukinori – Green, “the color of life,” he used to remind Suzuya.

Hajime Hazuki – white. Someone take it away from him.

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – hers is lemon-colored, and she’s nicknamed it “Sunlight.”

Arima Kishou – His is ordinary light blue. But he can beat even the most powerful sabers with his technique. 

Ui Koori – His is green. Sometimes Hairu tells him they’re lemons and limes, and he enjoys this.

Take Hirako – he ordered light blue to match Arima. 

Ihei Shio – Pink. He and Yusa swapped colors. 

Arima Yusa – white. He didn’t care for the color, but Shio really wanted pink.

Souza Rikai – purple, which she’s very proud of. 

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – green and two-sided. He insisted on green to honor Shinohara. 

Keijin Nakarai – Yellow to match his hair.

Hanbee Abara – Darksaber. He feels silly with it.

Miyuki Mikage – Green, like his boss. 

Mizurou Tamaki – Orange

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – light blue, and she enjoys wielding it, because then she gets to pretend she’s someone from Feudal times. 

Shirazu Ginshi – orange, cracked, and he loved it for its imperfections. 

Urie Kuki – purple, but cracked, and the crack is growing bigger.

Mutsuki Tooru – green, and he’s determined to become as skilled as Kaneki. 

Hsaio Ching-Li – dark saber. Beware her skill.

Aura Shinsanpei – his is dark blue, and he’s either way too fierce or too timid with it. There is no middle ground.

Higemaru Touma – pink, and he likes to light it up for no reason other than he enjoys the sound. 

Scenario: Uncle Shio

Coming right up, Nonny-Mouse. I love that kid!

Side note: Shio’s nephew Masanori is featured extensively in @hamliet’s fanfic “The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT.” I’m, er, borrowing her character (with permission) for this! 

“Where is he?” Shio bursts in the door to the hospital room where Hairu and Ui and their child are staying. “My nephew!”

Hirako dashes up behind him, flanked by Rikai and Yusa.

“Can he be our nephew, too?” Rikai asks.

“No! He’s an Ihei!” Shio crosses his arms as he flounces towards the bed. 

“His name is Masanori,” Hairu says with pride. “Masanori Kishou Ui.”

“He has your hair!” Shio takes the bundle so quickly Ui nearly has a panic attack. He rubs the pink fuzz on the baby’s head and giggles. “I’m gonna be the best uncle ever, aren’t I, Hirako?”

“Undoubtedly,” Hirako says, exchanging a smirk with Ui.

“I love him. He’s perfect.” Shio kisses the baby’s nose. It whimpers.

“What does that mean?” Shio asks nervously.

“I don’t know!” Ui looks at Hairu, his face white.

“It means he’s dreaming,” Hairu says with a sleepy smile.

“Hopefully he’s dreaming of the future. When his best Uncle gives him the most fantastic playdate he’ll ever have.” Shio is clearly planning this, years in advance.

“Love you, Masanori.” Shio reluctantly hands the baby back to Hairu. 

He saves his questions for after they leave the hospital. “Hirako, how did Hairu and Ui make a baby?”

Ui finds out about the Garden whilst Hairu, Arima, and Furuta are still alive.

kill me

Ui was drinking coffee when hell came.

Hell, in the form of hundreds of mailed pictures. Pictures that seem to show Ihei Hairu and Hsaio Ching-Li as children, being cared for by none other than a teenaged Arima Kishou. Others show Nimura Furuta playing tag with a pretty purple-haired girl, and fetuses in test tubes. 

Others show the Washuu clan leader, Tsuneyoshi, having children with women half his age. Even he can see the fear in their eyes, behind their kakugans.

The room spins. Ui wants to vomit.

He hears sobbing behind him, and sees a suspiciously calm Hirako embracing Rikai, Shio, and Yusa. 

“All of you, too?” Ui rasps.

“Don’t hurt them!” Hirako shoves them behind him. 

“What!” Ui would never hurt a child. “Where’s Hairu? Where’s Arima?”

“We need to get them to his office before CCG thinks they need to be exterminated,” Hirako said grimly. “Come on.”

Ui takes Shio’s hand, because he doesn’t know what else to do, but helping kids seems a good idea. 

When they open the office door, Arima sits sullen at his desk, Hairu is crying in the center, and Hsaio leans against the wall, her face ashen. 

“Shio!” She opens her arms, and her relative falls into them.

“Arima!” Yusa hurls himself over the desk.

“Are we gonna die?” Rikai asks Hirako, who’s busy locking the door.

“No,” Ui assures him. 

“You sure?” Nimura Furuta stands in the corner, as far from everyone as he can. 

He wants to say yes, of course, you’re our allies. But he feels betrayed himself, and he knows them.

“I won’t let them hurt you.” Hairu lifts her head defiantly.

And it’s her spark that propels Ui forward. 

Yes, they’re ghouls. Everyone he loves is a ghoul.They’ve always been ghouls. And yet, their love has been real.

How can this be? Ui doesn’t know the right action, but he knows hugging Hairu isn’t wrong.

“Ui – I – I can explain -”

She’s beautiful. Arima is practically a god. They’re part ghoul.

His worldview is crashing, and he loves it. 

“I’m gonna help you. You’ll be safe.” All he regrets is not being someone they could trust before.

Speaking of trust.

“Wait!” His eyes narrow at Furuta, who is slowly inching towards the door. “Sasaki mentioned seeing you at the post office yesterday.”

“Yes?” squeaks the raven-haired boy.

In an instant, Arima is dangling him off the ground.

“Let me go!” whines Furuta. His tone turns panicked. “Please!” 

Arima drops him to the ground. “Why?”

Furuta pouts.

Hsaio comes over to glare at him. “Why?”

“Fun?”

“Your vengeance is myopic at best,” Arima tells him. He squats before the young man. “You know, you’re not the only one with a plan. A plan you just threw into danger.”

“A plan?” Furuta’s eyes widen, like he dares to hope that maybe he won’t have to be evil. No, I have to be

“I have no idea, but if it’s your plan, and if it keeps all of you safe, I’m game.” Ui nods. “Even you, Fruit.”

Hairu smiles at him through her long lashes. And especially you

Hirako brings his dog into Goat’s headquarters pre-raid. Shio, Rikai, and Yusa must care for it. Bonus if Hajime appears.

image

“Here we go, Mr. Owl.” Hirako tugs on the leash and can’t resist using his high-pitched baby-voice. “I know you don’t like underground, but there are people who need you here.”

Kaneki, meanwhile, is too busy conversing with Tsukiyama to notice their four-legged arrival. But then Shio streaks by screaming “PUPPER!”, and Rikai and Yusa nearly trample the Centipede and the Gourmet.

“The hell?” Tsukiyama straightens up, running a hand through his hair. “Oh – oh my!”

For now the children are being children, cuddling a fluffy Shiba Inu. 

“It’s so cute!” Tsukiyama launches himself at the dog.

“Thank you, Hirako,” sobs Shio. “I love Mr. Owl. He makes me happy.”

“You named your dog Mr. Owl?” Kaneki chokes.

Hirako flushes. “Guilty.”

“It loves me!” Rikai’s face is covered in slobber, and she’s 100% okay with this.

“Look, Shio, it’s Ui!” Yusa pinches the dog’s cheeks like Hairu used to do for Ui.

image

Kaneki bursts out laughing. It’s the first time in a while they’ve had anything to smile about.

In the distance, Hajime peers out his cell door. Is the king laughing

Oh. He’s seen Hirako’s puppy before. 

He used to have one like it.

He misses it.

For a second, he imagines giving up his mission to be loved by this dog. 

Scenario where Ui confesses his feeling to Hairu and her reaction.

*rubs hands together with glee*

Ui closes the door to the copy room. Hairu’s humming at the printer, which seems to be jammed again, but that hasn’t dampened her mood. Hairu’s not commonly annoyed by the little things, and that’s one of the reasons he loves her.

Speaking of love, that’s why he’s here. Alone. With her.

His heart beats fast as she looks up and smiles at him. “Koori!”

——————————————————————————————-

“What are you doing?” Arima Kishou stares at the sight of Hirako Take crouched at the copy room entrance, ear pressed against the closed door. Ihei Shio is giggling, Arima Yusa is trying to shhh him, and Souza Rikai has slid some sort of wire under the door.

Hirako turns bright red.

“Ui’s confessing to Hairu,” hisses Shio. “C’mon.”

And so Arima finds himself engaged in the childhood shenanigans he never had time for, as he presses his ear to the door for snippets of young love. 

——————————————————————————————-

“Hi.” Ui waves. His other arm has a rose behind his back. A pink rose to match her hair.

“Hi.” She waves back. “We’re out of colored ink. It’s so sad!”

“Your hair is colorful enough,” he jokes.

Hairu gasps. “Did you just – just make a joke?”

Ui flushes. “Maybe.”

“You’re so cute, Koori!” She dances over to him and kisses his cheek. 

“H-hairu, I have to tell you something.” His voice is now a squeak. His eyes are glassy and unfocused and he’s quite possibly more terrified than he has been in battle.

Hairu’s eyes grow. “What’s wrong? Koori, you can tell me anything.”

“I – I – I…” He fumbles for the words stuck in his throat. As a last ditch effort, he holds out the rose. 

Hairu pales.

And then an avalanche falls. “I think you’re beautiful and happy and kind and sexy and the world is better for you in it and I love you and I’ve loved you for a long time but been too afraid to say anything -”

Hairu tackles him in a hug. “You’re the cutest thing ever!”

“Huh?” The thorns prick his flesh.

“No!” she gasps, taking the rose. “Bad rose! Don’t hurt Koori!” 

She looks into his eyes, smiling so brightly he really should wear sunglasses.

“I’ve never had someone love me before.” 

“You have, you just didn’t know,” he croaks. His heart pounds. Why isn’t this easier?

“Why aren’t you smiling? I love you, too, silly!” Hairu tugs his lips into a smile. “Are we dating now?”

“Yes, if you’d like to.” Ui’s eyes fill with tears. 

“Yay!” Hairu twirls him around. “This makes fighting the stupid printer worth it!”

“I tell you, it’s worse than a ghoul,” Ui says.

“You made a second joke! I’m so good for you.” Hairu kisses him, because aren’t people supposed to kiss when they’re in love?

Ui nearly falls over, but he hangs on to her – or her lips, really. She tastes like melons and bubblegum, and he can’t get enough.

The door falls open.

Ui shrieks, but Hairu just blushes and keeps on smiling.

“Congratulations,” Hirako says. Shio waves from his position on a cramped pyramid of Yusa and Rikai.

Arima stands behind them and holds his thumb up.

Hairu glows even more.