Do you think that maybe when Ui was younger he used to watch He-Man? That maybe that inspired him to be all into the ‘justice’ thing? As well as the hair style!

OMG

“Ui, he looks like you!” Shio points towards the screen. He quivers with excitement.

“Uh, how?” Ui blushes. He-Man. His favorite hero. Prince Adam was his favorite character growing up. He never quit. He always fought for justice.

“You have the same hair,” Rikai says, smoothing her own bob.

“But he’s blonde,” Shio says.

“Can we be your Masters of the Universe?” Yusa asks.

Ui chokes. “I…”

“Where’s your Power Sword?” Shio demands.

“It’s only half,” Ui retorts, then catches himself. Shoot.

“So you do know He-Man!” Yusa cackles.

“Stop!” Ui gulps.

“Does that make Hairu Skeletor? Since they’re partners, she can be the second half of the sword.” Shio rubs his hands together.

“She would be Teela!” Ui insists. He’s already deep in this hell. might as well descend more.

“Not Adora? I could see her as Adora,” Rikai muses.

“No!” Ui is appalled. Then Hairu would be his sister…and she definitely isn’t. Even in fictional games.

“What’s going on?” Hairu and Hirako race up to see Ui sputtering nonsense and the kids giggling.

“He’s reverted back to his Prince Adam state,” Shio says mysteriously.

Hairu frowns, not understanding, but Hirako collapses to the floor in laughter, as tears stream down his face.

Crack head cannon: cochela doesn’t give prisoners haircuts, so when sasaki was released his hair was quite long and at first glance he could easily pass as a woman. During the tour around the ccg squad zero kids don’t help and further solidify to passerby’s that the new squad member is a girl much to Haises annoyance. Next day he comes in with a haircut. Everyone was left to believe the lady quit after her first day and tease Arima for years. Until Arima tells the story at Haises x mas party.

lollololololololllllllllllllllll

“Okay, okay, you think Hajime’s a brat, but do you know what the Squad Zero kids did?” demands Ui. His arm is almost, but not quite, around Hairu’s shoulders. Propriety. Yeah, that’s it.

“Do tell,” says Akira, clutching her seventh glass of wine.

“Please don’t,” says Sasaki.

“Arima, tell it.” Saiko winks. She’s heard Arima is a legendary storyteller, too.

Arima winces. “Well…”

“Come on, out with it.” Hairu giggles. Rikai, Yusa, and Shio bury their heads in their hands.

“So.” Arima sits down. “One long day, our Squad was gifted with a new investigator. Their hair was white and flowed to their shoulders. Shiny as a shampoo commercial.”

Sasaki’s face is now crimson.

“And then, our darling prodigies decided to introduce everyone to ‘the new woman in our squad.’”

“I was excited to have someone think we had three females,” Rikai insists.

“Was I not enough?” Hairu counters.

“Take me,” says Saiko.

“This new woman vanished the next day, and coincidentally, we replaced them wth Sasaki Haise.” Arima sips his tea. “Or so the Bureau Legend goes.”

Urie rolls his eyes. A grin spreads over Shirazu’s face.

“You mean that story isn’t true?” Mutsuki asks.

“Ask the lady.” Arima points to Sasaki. “Amazing what the power of a haircut can do.”

“You!” Akira doubles over laughing.

“You kids were such a handful!” Ui shakes his head at the three junior investigators.

“Don’t ruin our urban legend,” Shio begs. “Keep it quiet.”

“We are powerful masters of myth,” Yusa intones.

“Madam Sasaki, may I have this dance?” Shirazu sticks out his hand.

“Sure.” Sasaki grabs Shirazu and spins him in a circle as everyone laughs.

oh oh ui and hairu were planning on having a simple New Years party for just the two of them but brooke (my best girl) and the rest of her squad (and maybe the zero squad kiddies because something tells me they’d be all over this) totally crash their party by making it totally wild and fun much to ui’s displeasure.

Also based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Now this is my idea of a party,” says Ui, pouring two glasses of wine for Hairu and he. “Just us.”

“Hmmm, and what else can we do before New Years,” Hairu murmurs, a seductive grin on her lips.

Ui leans towards her. Her fingers unbutton his shirt.

“Surprise, elected hosts!” Their door crashes open. Ui gasps, and Hairu sloshes her wine onto her blouse.

“Oh my.” Brooke blinks at the sight of Ui desperately trying to mop Hairu’s blouse. “Kids, don’t look. This isn’t a sight for innocent eyes.”

“He’s just trying to clean her shirt,” Shio says in confusion.

“Let’s agree to that,” Brooke says quickly.

“It’s okay, Ui, it was an old shirt anyways.” Hairu smiles. She wasn’t planning on wearing it for long anyways, even it’s not exactly off for the reason she expected.

“We heard you weren’t coming to any parties, so we decided to bring the party to you,” Rikai says shyly, holding out an offering of cake.

“Apology accepted,” Hairu says, sniffing the pan.

“Ui, your fly is open,” Brooke says.

“What!” Ui gasps, but of course, it’s not true.

He glowers at her as the Zero Squad kids howl with laughter.

Their doorbell rings.

“Who else did you invite?” Ui asks with dread. Koharu’s on a date. Carma is moping, Marie is helping her, and Michiko is with Mizurou. That leaves…

“Surprise!” Brooke whips open the door as a dozen kids pour in.

“What a nice apartment!” shouts Hajime.

“Can you believe we get to stay up til midnight?” Mayazumi yells back.

“How do the Oggai have better manners than you?!” Ui fires at Brooke. He will have to inform Koharu about this. Definitely. New Year’s is canceled.

But when he turns around, Hairu is already cranking up the stereo, and Hajime’s asking her to dance…and even Ui Koori has to admit, they’re pretty cute.

Ui kneels in the office for whatever reason and Hairu thinks he’s proposing, while everyone is present

Yasssss.

Ui curses silently as his pen drops to the floor of their meeting room. How will he be able to take notes without it?

He drops to his knees before Hairu, who is distracted by her conversation with Hirako.

Hirako raises his eyebrows to cut Hairu off. She spins around and gasps. “Koori!”

He opens his mouth in confusion. “Huh?”

“Say yes!” Shio cheers.

“Yes, of course, yes.” Hairu’s face is as pink as her hair.

“Wait, what?” Ui’s mouth drops. “You all think – wait – Hairu – I’m not actually – I’m grabbing a pen.” He holds it up.

“Oh.” Her shoulders slump. Now her face is cherry red. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ui stands and leans in close. “I’d make it far more romantic than in a morning meeting.”

Hairu giggles.

“Wait, so you’re not engaged? Come on,” Yusa complains. “How long are you gonna keep us waiting?”

Ariam strides in. “We’re running on time, Yusa.”

“No, we’re talking about Ui and Hairu not being engaged,” Rikai says.

Arima frowns. “Come again?”

“You really haven’t noticed?” Hirako exclaims.

As the room descends into bickering chaos, Hairu leans over to Ui and plants a peck on his cheek. “Well, at least now you already know my answer.”

shio and rikai should try to help out Yusa with trying to win over marie but she only sees him like a younger brother.

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Okay, we need a game plan.” Shio paces back and forth in their room.

“We don’t, not really,” Yusa mumbles, his face red.

“We absolutely do!” Rikai is appalled. “You need a girlfriend.”

“I asked Arima,” says Shio, “but he says the only girl he’s ever dated, he also tried to kill first, which seems weird.”

“Maybe he was joking?” Yusa frowns. If Arima Kishou’s only dated one girl, Arima Yusa is doomed.

“Maybe. But the point is, if Arima can’t help us, we need to do this on our own!” With a fake scowl, Shio points at Yusa.

“Sasaki said to buy them books and Ui said to trip them,” Rikai adds. “Also unhelpful.”

“So here’s what you do…” Shio rubs his hands together with glee.

—

“Isn’t this sweet?” Kitami Marie skips into the office of the beta-Quinx, holding a red rose in her hand.

“Wow, you’ve gotten flowers every day, haven’t you.” Brooke winks.

“I have! It’s so amazing.” Marie giggles. “I wonder who they’re from.”

“Maybe ask someone observant…like Yusa,” Ui Koharu says with a wink.

“Ha! Yusa’s like a kid brother. I bet he’d get protective.” Marie giggles. “That’s a great idea.”

Outside the office, Yusa jerks his ear away from the door, sorrow on his face.

He’s not going to stop with the flowers, though. She deserves them.

Crack head cannon (which is really just a contraction of a previous crack head cannon): Ui Koori doesn’t help with the rumors surrounding the Quinx mentor, and to anyone that askes, he’ll tell them it’s cruella deville’s psychotic cousin

It begins with an un-caffeinated Ui, out of cigarettes and fresh out of bed.

“Ui, who is Sasaki?” asks Yusa.

“Cruella DeVille’s psychotic cousin,” Ui grumbles.

Yusa’s eyes widen, and he races off. Ui slides into his seat, not thinking much of their exchange.

An hour later, Shio appears. “Ui sir, who is Sasaki?”

“The Quinx Leader,” Ui says simply.

Shio pouts. “Why are you boring with me? You told Yusa something funny!”

“I did?” Ui thinks for a second. “Hmm…okay, Sasaki is Maleficent’s brother. Complete with the dragon.”

Shio claps his hands in approval.

Rikai is only five minutes behind Shio. “Who is Sasaki?”

“The personification of decaf coffee and e-cigarettes,” Ui replies, staring straight into her eyes.

Finally, he can get back to work.

“Kooriiiiiii,” sings a voice. Hairu waltzes in, and Ui brightens immediately. “I have something for you.”

“Yes?”

Hairu holds out a sugar cube.

Ui takes it eagerly, but gags after it settles on his tongue. “Hairu!”

“It’s a salt cube! Just like you,” Hairu cheers.

“You heard what I was saying about Sasaki, didn’t you?” Ui complains, spitting out the cube.

“Yup.” Hairu softens. “Be nice, okay, Salt-senpai?” She offers him two more cubes. “I promise these are real sugar this time.”

What the TG characters want for Christmas

I’ve sorted the characters according to their introductory affiliation.

Anteiku/Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – to be safe

Nagachika Hideyoshi – to see Kaneki again

Yoshimura Kuzen – Eto’s forgiveness

Kamishiro Rize – freedom and food

Kirishima Touka – Kaneki to be free of the worm

Koma Enji – to be alive

Irimi Kaya – a puppy

Yomo Renji – His niece and nephew safe

Kosaka Yoriko – To see Touka again

Hinami Feuguchi – for everyone she loves to be happy

Nishiki Nishio – to kiss Kimi

Nishino Kimi – a world where ghouls and humans live in harmony

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – A taste of Kaneki

Karren von Rosewald – Tsukiyama’s love

Matsumae – the family’s safety

Mirumo – his son’s happiness

Chie Hori – another camera

Clowns

Uta – eyeball snacks. Maybe a kiss from Yomo.

Itori – blood wine!

Hoito Roma – to belong

Nimura Furuta – his father’s approval

Rio/Shikorae – his brother

Nico – makeup

Donato Porpora – a reunion with Amon

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – Hinami’s coffee. Maybe Hinami.

Yamori – kagune pliers

Tatara – Houji’s head, but really his siblings back

Yoshimura Eto – the world’s obedience

Noro – life

Miza Kusakari – nothing bad to happen anymore

Naki – to see Yamori again

Hakatori – a new quinque

Banjou Kazuichi – a hug

CCG

Amon Koutarou – to be a good person

Takizawa Seidou – to be human again

Mado Akira – internal peace

Houji Kousuke – a break from murder investigators

Mado Kureo – to kill the one-eyed owl and make their kagune into his quinque

Marude Itsuki – assurance that Yoshitoki was actually his friend

Washuu Yoshitoki – a vacation

Washuu Matsuri – Urie

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – nothing good.

Kuriowa Takeomi – Yoriko’s cooking

Kuriowa Iwao – his son’s happiness

Aura Kiyoko – Aura to calm down

Tanakamaru Mougan – hairspray

Shinohara Yukinori – to see his family again

Itou Kuramoto – a practical joke book

Kurona Yasuhisa – Shiro

Hajime Hazuki – to be a renowned badass

Mayazumi – eyebrow liner

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Arima’s smile

Arima Kishou – atonement

Ui Koori – Hairu resurrected

Take Hirako – Shio and Rikai’s resurrection

Arima Yusa – a peaceful world

Ihei Shio – a pet reindeer

Souza Rikai – flowers

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Mr. Shinohara to awaken

Keijin Nakarai – recognition

Hanbee Abara – to marry Suzuya

Miyuki Mikage – an alien encounter

Mizurou Tamaki – a girlfriend

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – no one dying anymore

Shirazu Ginshi – Haru’s healing

Urie Kuki – Mutsuki’s safety

Mutsuki Tooru – to be safe and happy

Hsaio Ching-Li – Saiko’s affection

Aura Shinsanpei – Kaneki’s head, or his aunt’s approval

Higemaru Touma – to save the world

TG characters as Christmas Songs 🎄

I’ve sorted the characters according to their introductory affiliation.

Anteiku/Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – O Holy Night

Nagachika Hideyoshi – Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Yoshimura Kuzen – What Child Is This?

Kamishiro Rize – All I Want for Christmas Is You

Kirishima Touka – Angels We Have Heard on High

Koma Enji – Frosty the Snowman

Irimi Kaya – The First Noel

Yomo Renji – The Holly and the Ivy

Kosaka Yoriko – Love Came Down

Hinami Feuguchi – Silver Bells

Nishiki Nishio – We Three Kings

Nishino Kimi – O Christmas Tree

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – The 12 Days of Christmas

Karren von Rosewald – Last Christmas

Matsumae – Good King Wenceslas

Mirumo – We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Chie Hori – What Child is This?

Clowns

Uta – Ding Dong Merrily on High

Itori – Mele Kalikimaka

Hoito Roma – Wonderful Christmastime

Nimura Furuta – You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Rio/Shikorae – Up on the Housetop

Nico – Santa Baby

Donato Porpora – Here Comes Santa Claus

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24

Yamori – Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Tatara – White Christmas

Yoshimura Eto – Carol of the Bells

Noro – Silent Night

Miza Kusakari – I Saw Three Ships

Naki – Jingle Bells

Hakatori – Making Christmas

Banjou Kazuichi – O Little Town of Bethlehem

CCG

Amon Koutarou – O Come All Ye Faithful

Takizawa Seidou – O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

Mado Akira – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Houji Kousuke- Away in a Manger

Mado Kureo – Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Marude Itsuki – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Washuu Yoshitoki – Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

Washuu Matsuri – Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – The Christmas Shoes, because it pains everyone else

Kuriowa Takeomi – Ave Maria

Kuriowa Iwao – Angels from the Realms of Glory

Aura Kiyoko – Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

Tanakamaru Mougan – Go Tell It on the Mountain

Shinohara Yukinori – Happy Christmas (War is Over)

Itou Kuramoto – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Kurona Yasuhisa – I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Hajime Hazuki – All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

Mayazumi – Run Rudolph

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – The Wassail Song

Arima Kishou – O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

Ui Koori – Little Drummer Boy

Take Hirako – Let It Snow

Arima Yusa – It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

Ihei Shio – Deck the Halls

Souza Rikai – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Once in a Royal David’s City

Keijin Nakarai – Silver and Gold

Hanbee Abara – Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Miyuki Mikage – Holly Jolly Christmas

Mizurou Tamaki – Jingle Bell Rock

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – Joy to the World

Shirazu Ginshi – Feliz Navidad

Urie Kuki – Do You Hear What I Hear?

Mutsuki Tooru – Please Come Home for Christmas

Hsaio Ching-Li – Sleigh Ride

Aura Shinsanpei – Blue Christmas

Higemaru Touma – Little Drummer Boy

Please. A scenario in which Arima bursts out laughing that no one is allowed to talk about for fear of First Rate Hunk™

First Rate Hunk, eh? 😉

Arima walks into his office with a sigh. The lights are dimmer these days, and he can barely see out of his right eye.

He’s very tired and allows himself to slump over at his desk.

“Knock, knock.” Hirako, Ui, and Hairu hurry in. “Arima, we have all this paperwork and -”

“HELL ALMIGHTY.” Hairu swears and points to Arima’s cabinets, the cabinets he hasn’t really been able to see because they’re on his right.

“Oh, hello.” Shio waves. He’s standing atop Yusa, who stands atop Rikai, who strains on her hands and knees.

His hands are in Arima’s candy drawer.

“Whoa!” Yusa wobbles, and RIkai lets them all fall.

Arima bursts out laughing.

“Did you just freeze when he came in?” Hirako cries.

“How did you not notice?” Ui exclaims.

“Shio, Yusa, Rikai.” Arima wipes his eyes.

“You told us to practice stealth,” Yusa says.

“That I did.” Arima shakes his head in amusement. “If any of you mention this, I swear you’ll discover the true meaning of IXA.”

“Not even to Sasaki?” Shio whines. “Because I just texted him while we were talking.

I’ve seen the daddy kink is quite popular in this fandom, so what if Hairu started calling Ui like this but it’s too much to handle for ui boi

Oh dear.

“Can you put these papers on Arima’s desk?” Ui smiles at his girlfriend.

“Okay, Daddy.” She kisses him before dancing away.

Ui wheezes. What? Huh?

Laughter sounds from across the room. Furuta Nimura can’t stand properly. Hirako is bright red.

“Why’d she call him Daddy?” Shio’s eyes are even wider than normal.

“Let’s go practice!” Hirako waves the Squad Zero children away.

“Hairu,” Ui hisses when she returns. “You can’t call me that.”

“Why, Daddy?” Hairu smirks.

Ui’s certain he’s going to melt into a puddle on the floor. Gurgles come out of his mouth. Sweat runs down his forehead.

Hairu draws him closer. “Why don’t you be my daddy tonight, hmm?”

A crash catches both their attention. Furuta whistles innocently as he steps aside to show Arima, who’s dropped IXA and his jaw to the floor.