“Shira – Shira – Sha-gu-gu,” Urie slurs, grabbing his Quinx friend.

“Urie, have you been drinking?” Shirazu struggles not to fall over. 

“No.” Urie giggles.

Urie doesn’t giggle. Shirazu groans. 

“Let’s get you to bed.” Shirazu half-guides, half-drags Urie into his room. “I’ll leave the trash by your bedside.”

“Sho nice.”

“I’ll get water, too.”

“Wait!” Urie snatches Shirazu’s wrist. “Do you know why I went out sloshing? ’Cause I love you all and I can’t handle it. I…I know I shay I hate you all, but I don’t and is very confushing. Mutshuki is cute and shweet and Shaiko is funny and you are jusht sho generoush and Haish is a good cook.” 

“Urie, we love you too.” Shirazu swallows the lump in his throat and hugs his friend.

Urie promptly vomits on his shirt, but Shirazu doesn’t care. 

The next morning, Urie staggers out of his room. “Huh? What time is it?”

“You’re hungover, so it’s sleepy time for you.” Shirazu has been waiting with aspirin. 

“Huh. Why are you being nice? Do you want something?” Urie sniffs before crawling back into bed.

Shirazu curses silently that he didn’t press record. 

Hehehe. 

Dr. Kanou snickers to himself as he mixes his concoction into two of the Quinx’s drinks. He doesn’t know who will suffer a body switch, or if it will be permanent, but he’s excited to find out.

“To us!” Saiko holds out her glass, and Sasaki cheers.

“To us,” Shirazu and Mutsuki echo. Mutsuki elbows Urie, who begrudgingly says, “To us.”

To everyone’s shock, Shirazu gags as if he’s choking, then falls down.

“Shiragin?” Saiko cries.

“What’s his – his – deal?” Urie clutches his own throat.

“Urie?” Sasaki turns to him in alarm.

When he opens his eyes, he’s on the floor and Sasaki is peering down at him.

And so is Urie, slumped against the wall.

“Huh?” He must have hit his head hard. 

“Urie?” asks the wall Urie.

“I’m Urie,” he insists from the floor. 

“Then why do you look like me?” yells the fake Urie.

“Who are you, then?” Mutsuki pats Urie tentatively. 

“I’m Shirazu, aren’t I?” He grabs his hair. “Why am I purple? What did I do?!”

“You son of a bitch, you took my body.” Urie tries to stand, but Sasaki holds him back. “Let me punch him!”

Saiko grabs the drinks and sniffs them. “There’s something strange in both of yours, but I don’t know what it is.”

“Wait.” Sasaki is horrified. “You’re saying they’re serious? This isn’t an elaborate joke? Shirazu is Urie and Urie is Shirazu?”

“Of course it’s not, you ghoul,” hisses Urie-as-Shirazu.

“Yup, that’s Urie.” Saiko nods. “Don’t call Mama that.”

“Fuck off.”

“Urie.” Mutsuki pats his shoulder. “You’ll be okay.”

“Mutsuki, my teeth are weird.”

“Hey!” Shirazu-as-Urie stomps his foot. “You have very fine pointy teeth. You are proud of them.”

Sasaki isn’t sure what to do. “Uh – uh…”

“Help us,” whines Shirazu-as-Urie. “I can’t have dainty fairy marks on my eyes.”

“I’m trying!” Sasaki wracks his brain.

“Fairy marks?” Urie-as-Shirazu clamors to his feet. “You’re the fairy!”

“Punch me and it’ll mess up your body!”

“Why you -” Urie-as-Shirazu is interrupted by Saiko splashing his drink into his mouth. He immediately slumps over again.

“Maybe this is good,” Mutsuki says brightly, grabbing Shirazu-as-Urie in preparation. Saiko offers him the drink. 

When they awake a few minutes later, Sasaki asks weakly, “So which one are you?”

“I’m Urie,” says Urie’s body. 

“I’m myself again, with my beautiful teeth.” Shirazu sticks out his tongue. 

“Who could have done this?” Saiko looks around the room.

“We should leave,” Sasaki says uncomfortably.

As they file ou, Sasaki worries whether to file a report, Mutsuki feels like he’s being watched, and Saiko whistles with pleasure that her quick thinking actually worked.

Shirazu leans over and whispers in Urie’s ear. “I never noticed before until you had my body, but you’re way too obvious when you look at Mutsuki.”

Urie yelps.