What would the members of tokyo ghoul:re ccg do in tinder?

Quinx Squad

Sasaki Haise – Opens with a pun.

Urie Kuki – on tinder for Mutsuki

Mutsuki Tooru – these men are sending me creepy asks! STOP!

Shirazu Ginshi – Im a playerrrrr (okay not really)

Yonebayashi Saiko – You’re not.

Higemaru Touma – Is the polite message everyone dreams of.

Aura Shinsanpei – Why aren’t women liking me…

Hsaio Ching-Li – *browses for Saiko’s profile*

Squad Zero

Arima Kishou – am i using this right *accidentally clicks on profile of high-profile author Sen Takatsuki*

Hirako Take – deletes immediately from nerves

Ui Koori – Hairu, help me set it up! (maybe she’ll get jealous).

Ihei Hairu – Sure Ui. Do you think Arima’s on here?

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – DO YOU WANT TO EAT CANDY WITH ME *gets all the girls and boys*

Hanbee Abara – too nervous to swipe

Keijin Nakarai – Suave.

Mizurou Tamaki – Fancies himself a pro. Is actually pretty nice, but awkward.

Miyuki Mikage – opens up with a line about the stars

Other Members

Mado Akira – no one’s as handsome as Amon. I hate all of you.

Houji Kousuke – *clicks on everyone remotely his type, discovers they are all Tatara trolling him*

Marude Itsuki – none of these people are as cute as Chika.

Tanakamaru Mougan – Profile description: I have a higher mind. Wonders why he never finds anyone.

Washuu Yoshitoki – gets Tinder to spy on his son

Washuu Matsuri – accidentally finds his dad, screams

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – He’s the predator everyone warned you about.

Kuriowa Iwao – wouldn’t use it, because he loves his wife.

Kuriowa Takeomi – it’s how he met Yoriko.

Kuramoto Itou – creates a witty profile that is one of Tinder’s most popular.

Furuta Nimura – a pro, always has a new Tinder date that he won’t allow to get close to his true emotional wreck.

Au where the ccg create a time portal to the future and out comes touken child in their late teens (choose a name). The boy realizes what happened and refuses to talk to anybody there or answer and questions, only asking to speak to Haise Sasaki. They bring him in with the qs trailing behind and as soon as he sees has he barrels towards him in a bear hug exclaiming “Dad!”

Kaneki Hideyoshi cowers before Washuu Yoshitoki. He recognizes him from the portraits.

“Where are you from, son?” Yoshitoki’s voice is gentle, but Hide knows better. This man helped cover up Tsuneyoshi’s crimes.

He’s not trusting him.

And so Hideyoshi hunches over, arms crossed, glaring at the floor.

“You just appeared out of nowhere. And you’re part ghoul. We’d like to help you, but you need to help us first,” says Uncle Marude.

Someday you’ll take me motorcycling, Hide wants to tell him, but can’t just yet.

His best chance is finding his way back to the time portal, but to do that, he needs to get out of this interrogation room, and that’s not looking likely.

Mom is gonna kill him for messing with the portal, and he’s okay with that, so long as he’s back in his own time, when humans and ghouls cooperate.

“I need to…to speak to Sasaki Haise,” he manages.

“How do you know him?” Yoshitoki queries.

“I just do. Please.” Hide touches his chin, his famous I’m scared tell.

Yoshitoki sighs. “Marude, have Kuriowa escort him to the floor.”

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t think we’re getting anywhere otherwise.” Yoshitoki shrugs.

Hide gasps as Kuriowa Iwao, his girlfriend’s grandfather who died before either were born, enters the room. He’s larger than Hide imagined.

Iwao frowns at the lanky kid, who gawks at him as if they’ve met before. But Hide is too scared to say anything as Iwao leads him, handcuffed, to the elevators. Instead, he memorizes every move so he can relay this to his girlfriend.

Once they reach the offices, Iwao knocks on a door. “Sasaki?”

“Hmm?” A purple-haired grump yanks open the door.

Hide gasps. Uncle Urie! Uncle Mutsuki and Aunt Saiko behind them, and – the Uncle Shirazu he never got to meet.

“What is it?” A black-and-white, fluffy-haired investigator glances up.

Hide can no longer contain himself. He steps closer, wishing he wasn’t handcuffed, wishing he could reach out. “Dad.”

“Huh?” Saiko’s mouth falls open.

“Who?” Sasaki looks confused. But…but something about this kid seems familiar after all…

“I’m Hideyoshi, named after Nagachika, and I’m from the future. I know you won’t believe me, but I promise you I am,” Hide begs.

“Huh?”

“Has Takeomi asked Yoriko to marry him yet? Their daughter is my girlfriend,” Hide blurts out, turning to Iwao.

“This is bullshit,” Urie grumbles.

“You like Mutsuki,” Hide shoots back.

Urie turns the color of his hair, Mutsuki gasps, and Shirazu slips an arm around Hide. “I like this kid. He’s like a clairvoyant ghoul.”

“I’m part human, too,” Hide protests. He probably shouldn’t say Mom’s name, lest the CCG search for ghouls named Touka.

“Let’s listen.” Shirazu smiles.

Sasaki hasn’t moved. “Uh.”

“Is it that strange that CCG would build a time portal?” Hide protests.

“No,” Iwao says quietly, to Sasaki’s surprise.

“Fine,” says Sasaki, peering at the kid’s blue, familiar hair, “Let’s listen.”

My heart! (Juzzou one). I need some Juzzou fluff to heal it ;~;

Awww sorry!

Let’s talk about the time Juuzou and Haise had a dance-off.

It started with Shirazu and Saiko, who roped Mizurou and Mikage in. Eventually Sasaki entered and decided to show them how to really dance.

His moves were legendary, until Juuzou caught wind of this competition. High off sugar from Sasaki’s pudding, he showed off moves that no one would believe were it not for Mutsuki and Hanbee’s cameras.

They then convinced their entire squads to dance against each other. Urie and Hanbee both barely moved, so their squads were even.

And then Furuta Nimura waltzed in and for once was not a troll (except for the fact that he too recorded it). He allowed Haise and Juuzou to used him as their partner/springboard for the various leaps and spins they wanted to achieve.

In the end, they dragged Akira in. She was appointed the head judge.

She chose Furuta as the winner, because he wasn’t competing.

Which was, of course, exactly what Furuta had been counting on. -__-

But afterwards, Squads Suzuya and Quinx went out for ice cream and partied until the wee hours of the morning. Even Urie.

crack head canon: After the club night with everyone dressed as women, the party goers crash in the living room. Urie comes down stairs the next morning and doesn’t recognize anyone except saiko. He asks about what happened and shizaru replies. Relization hits him like a brick and he backs away to his room with a single “forget I even asked”

“L-O-L what even happened last night?” Urie gazes in shock at the ladies Saiko has invited over. “You should have told me you were planning a sleepover.”

“Oh shut up, Urie,” Saiko grumbles, rubbing her eyes from where she’s flopped across an orange-haired girl.

A sexy green-haired woman stretches on the floor, accidentally nudging the pale-haired girl asleep in their chair awake.

“You don’t wanna know,” says the orange-haired woman in Shirazu’s voice.

Urie’s mouth pops open. His eyes bug. That’s Mutsuki on the floor and Sasaki in the chair.

“You should have come with us, Urie,” Sasaki says. God dammit, how does their Squad Leader wear his makeup better than Saiko? And those are definitely fake eyelashes!

Urie’s breath comes quicker. His throat closes. “Ack – forget I asked!”

“Scareeeeeed?” Shirazu teases as Urie flies upstairs.

“Yes!” He screams.

Crack head cannon: cochela doesn’t give prisoners haircuts, so when sasaki was released his hair was quite long and at first glance he could easily pass as a woman. During the tour around the ccg squad zero kids don’t help and further solidify to passerby’s that the new squad member is a girl much to Haises annoyance. Next day he comes in with a haircut. Everyone was left to believe the lady quit after her first day and tease Arima for years. Until Arima tells the story at Haises x mas party.

lollololololololllllllllllllllll

“Okay, okay, you think Hajime’s a brat, but do you know what the Squad Zero kids did?” demands Ui. His arm is almost, but not quite, around Hairu’s shoulders. Propriety. Yeah, that’s it.

“Do tell,” says Akira, clutching her seventh glass of wine.

“Please don’t,” says Sasaki.

“Arima, tell it.” Saiko winks. She’s heard Arima is a legendary storyteller, too.

Arima winces. “Well…”

“Come on, out with it.” Hairu giggles. Rikai, Yusa, and Shio bury their heads in their hands.

“So.” Arima sits down. “One long day, our Squad was gifted with a new investigator. Their hair was white and flowed to their shoulders. Shiny as a shampoo commercial.”

Sasaki’s face is now crimson.

“And then, our darling prodigies decided to introduce everyone to ‘the new woman in our squad.’”

“I was excited to have someone think we had three females,” Rikai insists.

“Was I not enough?” Hairu counters.

“Take me,” says Saiko.

“This new woman vanished the next day, and coincidentally, we replaced them wth Sasaki Haise.” Arima sips his tea. “Or so the Bureau Legend goes.”

Urie rolls his eyes. A grin spreads over Shirazu’s face.

“You mean that story isn’t true?” Mutsuki asks.

“Ask the lady.” Arima points to Sasaki. “Amazing what the power of a haircut can do.”

“You!” Akira doubles over laughing.

“You kids were such a handful!” Ui shakes his head at the three junior investigators.

“Don’t ruin our urban legend,” Shio begs. “Keep it quiet.”

“We are powerful masters of myth,” Yusa intones.

“Madam Sasaki, may I have this dance?” Shirazu sticks out his hand.

“Sure.” Sasaki grabs Shirazu and spins him in a circle as everyone laughs.

Continuation of Mutsuki/Sasaki where Sasaki wants to get the Qs interested in reading/writing fiction after reading haiku’s with Mutsuki and having a great time and they’re not having it so Mutsuki persuades them into participating for his Sensei

“Ooh, are you sure?” Mutsuki grins. He loves reading fairy tales. He can’t believe Sasaki wants to read them, too.

“Yes,” says Sasaki. “It’d be great bonding time.”

“Would it?” Shirazu asks nervously. “I mean, some of those stories are dark shit.”

“Those are the best ones.” Saiko’s eyes sparkle. She, at least, is on board.

“Not a chance.” Urie crosses his arms. “I’m not reading little brat stories. Jesus.”

“Well, now we know who’s getting struck by lightning at the end of this story,” Sasaki jokes. Urie flushes.

“I’d like to. I think it’d be fun. Something lighthearted for after battle or something,” says Mutsuki, drawing his knees to his chest.

“Nah,” Urie says.

“Could we study the stories, then write our own?” Shirazu asks.

“Yes!” Mutsuki nods.

“Then I’m on board.”

“Have fun.” Urie stands.

“Wait,” Sasaki says.

“Urie,” begs Mutsuki. “Pleeeeeeease.”

“Nope.”

“Please.” Saiko falls prostate at Urie’s feet. Mutsuki clings to Urie’s legs. Shirazu even gets on his knees.

“It’d mean a lot to me,” Mutsuki stammers.

Urie sighs. “Fine. Just, fine. You better pick a good story, Sasaki.”

“Hurray!” Saiko and Mutsuki high-five. Sasaki smiles at Mutsuki with gratitude.

And now Mutsuki feels like he’s floating in a fairy tale.

During auction arc it’s Sasaki and not Mutsuki that gets stabbed through by Urie and rather than get mad Sasaki comforts him like Mutsuki did in the manga and this enables Urie to develop feelings for Sasaki rather than for Mutsuki

“Stop pitying me, you idiot!” In a fit of rage, Urie rams his kagune through Sasaki, his superior, the one who demoted him, the bastard ghoul.

“Ack,” Sasaki gasps, keeling over.

“No, wait.” Urie shakes. “I didn’t -” Goodbye promotion.

“I know it’s lonely being a Quinx. I know.” Sasaki wipes his eyes and wraps his arms around Urie.“So I don’t blame you. It’s okay, Urie. You’re okay.”

Urie shakes with relief. He won’t be jailed for this. Thank god.

But…what kind of person must Sasaki be, to not hate him? To not want him squashed for his toxic personality?

Urie feels loved by a kind person, and he isn’t sure he likes it.

But as time wears on, he finds himself drawn to Sasaki more and more. They white lies he tells to avoid hurting people, the patience he displays towards Saiko, the encouragement towards Mutsuki…

Sasaki, he realizes, is not only someone worth admiring…he’s worth sharing life with.

I’ll be grateful as his follower, Urie vows as he lifts more weights. That’s all.

The tingling in his stomach belies his resolve, however.

Urie wants more than to follow. He wants to walk by Sasaki’s side.

Mutsuki confesses his feelings for Kaneki to him and gushes to him while holding his hands how much he loves and adores him and how attractive he finds Kaneki no matter how Kaneki/Kaneki’s body changes due to his life’s trying circumstances/traumas. Kaneki is touched when he learns about the depth of Mutsuki’s feelings for him and how he’ll never betray or abandon him. This is before he leaves the CCG and it’s this scenario that convinces Kaneki to stay with the Quinx as he feels loved

“I’m headed to Rushima.” Inside an empty interrogation room, Mutsuki waits for the Black Reaper to acknowledge his presence. He shakes from head-to-toe. Don’t you love us anymore?

“Good luck,” says Sasaki dully. He meets Mutsuki’s eyes for a second before glancing away.

“Your hair looks good black. And the glasses suit you!” Mutsuki forces a smile. It’s true. It’s just this angry personality that doesn’t fit.

“Thanks.”

“You’d look attractive no matter what, actually,” Mutsuki says with a giggle. He turns to leave, but why? He might die on Rushima. He might never see Sensei again.

Mutsuki spins around to face Sasaki again. “You know we Quinx love you, right? Even Urie. And I – I adore you no matter what. Even though you’ve abandoned us.”

He chokes up. “We’ve all been through so much. I can’t – you know we’re a family, right? We’ll never leave you. That’s what families do! Right?”

Sasaki’s face whitens.

“I love you, Sensei. And I want to tell you that. I love you a lot, and you mean so much to me, I promise.” Mutsuki wipes his tears off his cheeks.

The reaper’s upper lip trembles. Mutsuki loves him? Urie doesn’t blame him? Saiko cares?

Mutsuki throws himself into Sasaki’s arms. “Please hug me.”

Sasaki obliges. Mutsuki hears him sniffling. “Mucchan, of course I love you all. I’m sorry I’ve been horrible.”

“It’s okay; we’re all horrible,” Mutsuki insists. “Please come back to us. We’re here for you. Always. No matter what.”

Sasaki clutches Mutsuki tighter. For a moment, Kaneki Ken feels loved and safe again, even in is broken family. “Thank you.”

This is all he’s ever wanted.

hi hello im in a big mood for some fluffy haisuzu sooo… maybe haise confessing his love to juuzou? and and maybe a first kiss or something..?? i dunno just make it as fluffy and sweet as possible thanks bye ヾ( 〃ω〃)ｯ

“You have something to tell me?” Suzuya asks Haise. He’s at the CCG Christmas party, surrounded by friends and twinkling lights and eggnog. Suzuya loves eggnog, because he remembers Mr. Shinohara giving him his first cup.

“Mmm-hmmm.” Haise smiles, backing up slowing until he’s directly under the mistletoe. “I love eggnog, don’t you.”

“Yes.” Suzuya waits.

“I, uh, just wanted to tell you. I think you’re amazing, brilliant, a good leader, a great fighter, and I really like you,” Haise says. His cheeks flush.

“Are you hot?” Suzuya asks with concern. Haise is wearing that ugly Santa sweater, after all.

“No, just nervous.” Haise bites his lip. “I really like you, Suzuya. Not just as a friend.”

“Oh – oh!” Suzuya is stunned. Mr. Shinohara told him crushes happened, but Suzuya hasn’t much thought about it.

Still. Sasaki likes him. Haise likes him! A warm tingling sensation unfolds in Suzuya’s belly.

Haise waits nervously.

“Hey!” Keijin points at Haise and Suzuya. “They’re directly under the mistletoe!”

Suzuya grins. With a snort, he stands on his tiptoes and plants a kiss directly on Haise’s lips.

Haise gasps with delight.

Crack head cannon (which is really just a contraction of a previous crack head cannon): Ui Koori doesn’t help with the rumors surrounding the Quinx mentor, and to anyone that askes, he’ll tell them it’s cruella deville’s psychotic cousin

It begins with an un-caffeinated Ui, out of cigarettes and fresh out of bed.

“Ui, who is Sasaki?” asks Yusa.

“Cruella DeVille’s psychotic cousin,” Ui grumbles.

Yusa’s eyes widen, and he races off. Ui slides into his seat, not thinking much of their exchange.

An hour later, Shio appears. “Ui sir, who is Sasaki?”

“The Quinx Leader,” Ui says simply.

Shio pouts. “Why are you boring with me? You told Yusa something funny!”

“I did?” Ui thinks for a second. “Hmm…okay, Sasaki is Maleficent’s brother. Complete with the dragon.”

Shio claps his hands in approval.

Rikai is only five minutes behind Shio. “Who is Sasaki?”

“The personification of decaf coffee and e-cigarettes,” Ui replies, staring straight into her eyes.

Finally, he can get back to work.

“Kooriiiiiii,” sings a voice. Hairu waltzes in, and Ui brightens immediately. “I have something for you.”

“Yes?”

Hairu holds out a sugar cube.

Ui takes it eagerly, but gags after it settles on his tongue. “Hairu!”

“It’s a salt cube! Just like you,” Hairu cheers.

“You heard what I was saying about Sasaki, didn’t you?” Ui complains, spitting out the cube.

“Yup.” Hairu softens. “Be nice, okay, Salt-senpai?” She offers him two more cubes. “I promise these are real sugar this time.”