Hakatori gets to know the Qs. Higetori.

“Hi.” Hakatori waves at the Quinx, who are gathered in the living room to the Chateau. Plus Kaneki Ken and Touka Kirishima. “Well, I know you two already.”

“But you don’t know meeeeeee.” Saiko rolls over to her. “Hi, I’m Saiko, and I have an awesome rinkaku.” In less than five seconds, she has molded her kagune into a skeleton.

“That’s amazing.” Hakatori gasps.

“I’m Hsaio.” A dark-haired girl smiles tentatively at her.

“The half-human.” Hakatori nods.

“I’m Aura.” A figure half-waves from the corner.

“He’s a grumps,” Higemaru whispers. She giggles.

“What’d you say?” Aura demands.

“Nothing untrue,” Hakatori replies with a gleam in her eyes.

“We’ve kinda met.” Mutsuki waves from the couch, where he snuggles against Urie.

“Well, I got to take on at least one Quinx bikaku now.” Hakatori grins at Higemaru. “But I’m always up for another.”

Mutsuki snorts. “I can mold mine too.”

“Wait, really? Teach me!” She looks thrilled. “Wait, teach both me and Hige.”

Higemaru grins. “We’ll be the bikaku terrors.”

“I’m already terrified,” Urie mutters as Higemaru pecks Hakatori on the lips in front of them all.

“Let’s spar together!” Higemaru wraps his arms around Hakatori. “Please?”

“If only to get you two off each other,” Touka teases.

“I can handle it.” Mutsuki waves his hand. “Saiko, help me teach them the art of kagune manipulation.”

At the end of the day, Hakatori has pinned Urie to the floor, Touka has Aura on his knees, Hsaio, Higemaru, and Mutsuki are at a standstill, and Kaneki has given up against Saiko, because she made her kagune into Haise Sasaki and he can’t stop laughing.

“Your family is wonderful,” Hakatori says, leaning over to whisper in Higemaru’s ear.

Higemaru buys Hakatori some bottles for her collection and flowers for her to sketch and the Qs tease him about his crush.

“Higemaru, what are you doing?” Saiko peers into the kitchen.

“Nothing,” he says quickly, as he continues scrubbing the glass bottles he dug up from the dumpster. He will ensure they’re sparkling by the time he gives them away.

“It’s clearly something,” Aura says dryly.

“Flowers, too.” Hsaio whistles at the a bouquet of tropical, imported, expensive flowers in a vase. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Shut up!” Higemaru blushes as pink as his hair.

“I know,” Mutsuki pipes up behind the rest of them. “I think it’s a good thing!”

“You do?” Higemaru grins.

“Me, too.” Urie folds his arms. “I think Hakatori will love it.”

“Urie!” Mutsuki’s mouth drops. He can’t believe Urie told them.

“What?”

Higemaru squeaks. His arms flap around, scattering soap suds across the floor.

“Is she coming over here for a RC dinner? When?” Saiko demands.

Higemaru moans. He scrubs the bottles harder.

“Here.” Mutsuki hurries closer. “We’ll help you.”

Higemaru brightens. “Really?”

“Yeah. It figures, with two of us framed out and one of us a half-human, someone would fall for a ghoul at some point,” says Aura. “Didn’t expect you, but hey.” He hands him a thumbs up. “You got this.”

“When does she come over?” Hsaio asks.

“She doesn’t,” Higemaru says with surprise. “I’m, uh, just leaving these on her doorstep.”

The room falls silent.

“Saiko, I’ll leave this to you,” says Urie.

The next morning, the rest of the Quinx hide in bushes as Higemaru knocks on Hakatori’s door.

“What?”

“I bought you flowers to draw. And bottles! Hi!” Higemaru thrusts the gifts at her.

“Huh?” The goth girl blinks at the pink wunderkind. She’s sparred with him a few times – they both have bikakus – but she had no idea. “Hi.”

“Do you want to get dinner sometime, Hakatori? Or do you prefer Yumitsu?”

“Hakatori is fine,” she says slyly. “And sure.”

Higemaru claps his hands together. “Thank you!”

Saiko’s vine account is called boobsweat or pikapikabitch

It’s called boobsweat of pikapikabitch.

She also hands out advice for boob attacks to calm guys down, the best ways to avoid work, recovering from abusive parenting, and, recently, how to save your distraught friends and family.

Occasionally, she uses her kagune to show elaborate sculptures, too. Those ones aren’t as popular peoples humans are squicky about kagunes, but Saiko’s proud of herself for combating Quinx stigma…and now ghoul stigma.

She also reviews push-up bras, which Touka and Hsaio have taken advantage of more than once.

Except when Touka told Kaneki she got the idea from Saiko, that kinda killed his sex drive for the night.

Saiko has a vine account where she films funny moments in the chateau and Touka finds it. They later bond over it

“What is this?” Touka peers over Saiko’s shoulder, at her computer screen.

“Oh this? This is my vine account. Watch!” Saiko clicks on a video.

Urie lifts a giant weight. But then Mutsuki passes by, and in a daze Urie drops the weight onto his foot.

Touka bursts out laughing. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not. Watch this one.” Saiko clicks on another. It’s Aura giving Higemaru a piggyback ride, chasing first Urie, then Mutsuki.

The human tower then turn to Hsiao.

“Onward!” yells Higemaru, thrusting his fist in the air.

Hsaio kicks Aura straight between the thighs.

Higemaru screams louder than Aura as he tumbles to the ground.

Touka doubles over. “I can’t – catch me breath – oh my god.”

“This is my favorite.” Saiko selects an image of Sasaki Haise strolling down the hallway.

“Boooooo!” Someone wearing a sheet leaps in front of Haise.

Her husband screams louder and higher than she’s ever heard.

“That was Shirazu,” Saiko says softly. “I like seeing him happy.”

“I wish I’d seen him more,” Touka says sympathetically.

Saiko smiles at her. “Me too. He’d be a big fan of you, I’m sure. We all are still, you know.”

“Thanks.” Touka smiles gingerly. She still feels like an interloper, as much as she loves the Quinx.

Saiko wraps her in an embrace.

Crack head cannon: After kaneki is extracted from dragon, q squad encounters the women they saw aura and mutsuki try to kill earlier now at the hospital and witness her punch a doctor ( that nobody liked cause he was more interested in dissecting kaneki then saving him). Saiko suggests they should go talk to her cause she might know her maman, which they do and it’s leads to a whole bunch of revelations.

“There they are.” Saiko and the rest of the Quinx have finally arrived at the hospital. Tokyo’s controlled enough that they can visit Maman for an hour.

She waves at Hide, Tsukiyama Shuu, and the manager of :Re. They all wave back, though their attention remains on the white-haired doctor talking to them.

“Perhaps he might better serve the world in a lab,” says the creaky old doctor, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Oh, hell no!” The pretty ukaku the Quinx saw from earlier leaps to her feet and punches him square in the jaw. “Not on my watch, you’re not.”

“Amen.” Hide claps.

“Miss -”

“We saw nothing,” Tsukiyama says innocently.

The doctor scowls before scurrying away.

“I’ll call Dad and find a proper doctor.” Tsukiyama leaps to his feet and hurries off in search of better phone service.

“Do you know Saiko’s Maman?” Hsaio asks.

Mutsuki turns red. He and Aura exchange glances.

“I’m his wife,” says the ghoul with a shrug.

“Wait – what?” Urie sputters.

“Seriously?” Higemaru grins.

“AIEEEEEEEE!” Saiko launches herself into the ghoul’s arms. “Hi! Hello! I’m Saiko! I’m your daughter, kind of, I guess!”

The ghoul laughs nervously. “I’m Touka.”

“We should talk,” Mutsuki says nervously.

Touka nods. “That sounds good to me. It’s nice to meet Ken’s family.”

crack head cannon: ken kaneki’s full name is kenneth kaneki and touka calls him kenneth when she is mad, annoyed, or as a last resort when she repeatedly tries to get his attention. Quinx squad witness it for the first time and they think its the funniest shit cause he’s never heard of sasaki’s real full name before that.

“I’m hungry,” Touka mumbles, rubbing her swollen belly. She reclines on the sofa in the Chateau, feeling like a beautiful whale. She’s eight months pregnant and not very happy right now. But Saiko and Hsaio just did her toenails, and she’s never had nail polish before.

Mutsuki leaps to his feet, but Touka shakes her head. “Let Ken handle it.”

Kaneki is conferring with Higemaru and Urie across the room.

“Ken?” Touka calls.

He doesn’t appear to hear over Higemaru’s excited chatter.

“He’s literally showing Kaneki his monster drawings,” Aura says.

“Ken.” Touka narrows her eyes and clears her throat. “KENNETH!”

Kaneki jumps. “Touka? Is it time? What’s wrong?”

“I want Rc chips.” Touka pouts.

“Coming right up!” He putters into the kitchen, and Saiko finally releases her peals of laughter.

“Kenneth?” Aura cries in disbelief. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Like the Barbie doll?” Urie grins wickedly.

“Yup.” Touka holds a finger to her lips. “Don’t tell him I told you.”

So of course, the moment Kaneki hurries back into the den, all the Quinx chime in, “Hiiiiiii Kenneth.”

crack head canon: After the club night with everyone dressed as women, the party goers crash in the living room. Urie comes down stairs the next morning and doesn’t recognize anyone except saiko. He asks about what happened and shizaru replies. Relization hits him like a brick and he backs away to his room with a single “forget I even asked”

“L-O-L what even happened last night?” Urie gazes in shock at the ladies Saiko has invited over. “You should have told me you were planning a sleepover.”

“Oh shut up, Urie,” Saiko grumbles, rubbing her eyes from where she’s flopped across an orange-haired girl.

A sexy green-haired woman stretches on the floor, accidentally nudging the pale-haired girl asleep in their chair awake.

“You don’t wanna know,” says the orange-haired woman in Shirazu’s voice.

Urie’s mouth pops open. His eyes bug. That’s Mutsuki on the floor and Sasaki in the chair.

“You should have come with us, Urie,” Sasaki says. God dammit, how does their Squad Leader wear his makeup better than Saiko? And those are definitely fake eyelashes!

Urie’s breath comes quicker. His throat closes. “Ack – forget I asked!”

“Scareeeeeed?” Shirazu teases as Urie flies upstairs.

“Yes!” He screams.

Crack head cannon: cochela doesn’t give prisoners haircuts, so when sasaki was released his hair was quite long and at first glance he could easily pass as a woman. During the tour around the ccg squad zero kids don’t help and further solidify to passerby’s that the new squad member is a girl much to Haises annoyance. Next day he comes in with a haircut. Everyone was left to believe the lady quit after her first day and tease Arima for years. Until Arima tells the story at Haises x mas party.

lollololololololllllllllllllllll

“Okay, okay, you think Hajime’s a brat, but do you know what the Squad Zero kids did?” demands Ui. His arm is almost, but not quite, around Hairu’s shoulders. Propriety. Yeah, that’s it.

“Do tell,” says Akira, clutching her seventh glass of wine.

“Please don’t,” says Sasaki.

“Arima, tell it.” Saiko winks. She’s heard Arima is a legendary storyteller, too.

Arima winces. “Well…”

“Come on, out with it.” Hairu giggles. Rikai, Yusa, and Shio bury their heads in their hands.

“So.” Arima sits down. “One long day, our Squad was gifted with a new investigator. Their hair was white and flowed to their shoulders. Shiny as a shampoo commercial.”

Sasaki’s face is now crimson.

“And then, our darling prodigies decided to introduce everyone to ‘the new woman in our squad.’”

“I was excited to have someone think we had three females,” Rikai insists.

“Was I not enough?” Hairu counters.

“Take me,” says Saiko.

“This new woman vanished the next day, and coincidentally, we replaced them wth Sasaki Haise.” Arima sips his tea. “Or so the Bureau Legend goes.”

Urie rolls his eyes. A grin spreads over Shirazu’s face.

“You mean that story isn’t true?” Mutsuki asks.

“Ask the lady.” Arima points to Sasaki. “Amazing what the power of a haircut can do.”

“You!” Akira doubles over laughing.

“You kids were such a handful!” Ui shakes his head at the three junior investigators.

“Don’t ruin our urban legend,” Shio begs. “Keep it quiet.”

“We are powerful masters of myth,” Yusa intones.

“Madam Sasaki, may I have this dance?” Shirazu sticks out his hand.

“Sure.” Sasaki grabs Shirazu and spins him in a circle as everyone laughs.

Continuation of Mutsuki/Sasaki where Sasaki wants to get the Qs interested in reading/writing fiction after reading haiku’s with Mutsuki and having a great time and they’re not having it so Mutsuki persuades them into participating for his Sensei

“Ooh, are you sure?” Mutsuki grins. He loves reading fairy tales. He can’t believe Sasaki wants to read them, too.

“Yes,” says Sasaki. “It’d be great bonding time.”

“Would it?” Shirazu asks nervously. “I mean, some of those stories are dark shit.”

“Those are the best ones.” Saiko’s eyes sparkle. She, at least, is on board.

“Not a chance.” Urie crosses his arms. “I’m not reading little brat stories. Jesus.”

“Well, now we know who’s getting struck by lightning at the end of this story,” Sasaki jokes. Urie flushes.

“I’d like to. I think it’d be fun. Something lighthearted for after battle or something,” says Mutsuki, drawing his knees to his chest.

“Nah,” Urie says.

“Could we study the stories, then write our own?” Shirazu asks.

“Yes!” Mutsuki nods.

“Then I’m on board.”

“Have fun.” Urie stands.

“Wait,” Sasaki says.

“Urie,” begs Mutsuki. “Pleeeeeeease.”

“Nope.”

“Please.” Saiko falls prostate at Urie’s feet. Mutsuki clings to Urie’s legs. Shirazu even gets on his knees.

“It’d mean a lot to me,” Mutsuki stammers.

Urie sighs. “Fine. Just, fine. You better pick a good story, Sasaki.”

“Hurray!” Saiko and Mutsuki high-five. Sasaki smiles at Mutsuki with gratitude.

And now Mutsuki feels like he’s floating in a fairy tale.

Saiko/Hsiao sfw and nsfw headcannons

Omg did you read the latest chapter? “Saiko’s the cute one.” omgomgomg hsaiko is canon please yes Ishida?

SFW

– Hsaio is constantly trying to make Saiko eat healthier. Saiko is constantly trying to make Hsiao eat junk. In the end, they balance each other quite well.

– Hsaio loves how close Saiko snuggles to her at movie nights with the Quinx, but she doesn’t think they’re dating until Saiko loudly asks her one day.

– Their first kiss was one morning they had to awaken before dawn for a meeting. Saiko was grumpy, but then she saw Hsaio, pecked her on the lips, and thanked her for making their morning a little less horrible.

– Hsaio was giggly the entire meeting and no one knew why, though Hide deduced it had something to do with Saiko.

– Hsaio is very protective of Saiko once she learns about Saiko’s family situation. Once they accidentally run into Saiko’s mother, and Hsaio glared at her the entire time she lavished praise on Saiko.

– Once Saiko found out about the garden, she is determined to make up for Hsaio’s childhood by introducing her to every manga and movie she missed. She couldn’t care less about the half-ghoul factor.

NSFW

– Hsaio definitely commented on how squishy Saiko’s boobs were the first time she touched them.

– Saiko’s mouth dropped at the sight of Hsaio’s 6-pack as Hsaio undressed.

– Hsaio usually tops, but they switch it up on occasion.

– Saiko leaves hickeys all over Hsaio’s body. Urie noticed once and died a little bit internally.

– They joke a lot about how they’ve probably gotten each other pregnant. Aura overheard once, so he tried to burst his eardrums.