Hehehe. 

Dr. Kanou snickers to himself as he mixes his concoction into two of the Quinx’s drinks. He doesn’t know who will suffer a body switch, or if it will be permanent, but he’s excited to find out.

“To us!” Saiko holds out her glass, and Sasaki cheers.

“To us,” Shirazu and Mutsuki echo. Mutsuki elbows Urie, who begrudgingly says, “To us.”

To everyone’s shock, Shirazu gags as if he’s choking, then falls down.

“Shiragin?” Saiko cries.

“What’s his – his – deal?” Urie clutches his own throat.

“Urie?” Sasaki turns to him in alarm.

When he opens his eyes, he’s on the floor and Sasaki is peering down at him.

And so is Urie, slumped against the wall.

“Huh?” He must have hit his head hard. 

“Urie?” asks the wall Urie.

“I’m Urie,” he insists from the floor. 

“Then why do you look like me?” yells the fake Urie.

“Who are you, then?” Mutsuki pats Urie tentatively. 

“I’m Shirazu, aren’t I?” He grabs his hair. “Why am I purple? What did I do?!”

“You son of a bitch, you took my body.” Urie tries to stand, but Sasaki holds him back. “Let me punch him!”

Saiko grabs the drinks and sniffs them. “There’s something strange in both of yours, but I don’t know what it is.”

“Wait.” Sasaki is horrified. “You’re saying they’re serious? This isn’t an elaborate joke? Shirazu is Urie and Urie is Shirazu?”

“Of course it’s not, you ghoul,” hisses Urie-as-Shirazu.

“Yup, that’s Urie.” Saiko nods. “Don’t call Mama that.”

“Fuck off.”

“Urie.” Mutsuki pats his shoulder. “You’ll be okay.”

“Mutsuki, my teeth are weird.”

“Hey!” Shirazu-as-Urie stomps his foot. “You have very fine pointy teeth. You are proud of them.”

Sasaki isn’t sure what to do. “Uh – uh…”

“Help us,” whines Shirazu-as-Urie. “I can’t have dainty fairy marks on my eyes.”

“I’m trying!” Sasaki wracks his brain.

“Fairy marks?” Urie-as-Shirazu clamors to his feet. “You’re the fairy!”

“Punch me and it’ll mess up your body!”

“Why you -” Urie-as-Shirazu is interrupted by Saiko splashing his drink into his mouth. He immediately slumps over again.

“Maybe this is good,” Mutsuki says brightly, grabbing Shirazu-as-Urie in preparation. Saiko offers him the drink. 

When they awake a few minutes later, Sasaki asks weakly, “So which one are you?”

“I’m Urie,” says Urie’s body. 

“I’m myself again, with my beautiful teeth.” Shirazu sticks out his tongue. 

“Who could have done this?” Saiko looks around the room.

“We should leave,” Sasaki says uncomfortably.

As they file ou, Sasaki worries whether to file a report, Mutsuki feels like he’s being watched, and Saiko whistles with pleasure that her quick thinking actually worked.

Shirazu leans over and whispers in Urie’s ear. “I never noticed before until you had my body, but you’re way too obvious when you look at Mutsuki.”

Urie yelps.

Saiko whistles as Urie enters the pounding nightclub. She’s dressed in an outfit defined more by what’s not there than what is. 

“I hate these places,” he grumbles, adjusting his purple gown. 

“You look hot,” Shirazu says. He’s clad in a glittery body-con dress, plus a fake chest. He kinda likes it.

Mutsuki mumbles agreement. His face is red, just like the vampirish punk outfit he wears. 

Sasaki shakes his head at them. He looks like a child in his lacy getup.

“Next time, we should play strippers,” Saiko says, lounging against the bar.

“I will kill you first,” Urie hisses.

“We should dance to blend in,” Sasaki decides. “Mutsuki, you and Urie get on the floor. Saiko, stay at the bar. Shirazu, with me. We’ll have girly conversations in the restroom.”

“Mutsuki,” Urie whispers as they head – tentatively – onto the dance floor. “My boobs are slipping.” 

“I’ll prop them up.” Mutsuki pushes against Urie’s chest. 

“Can you not be all over each other?” sniffs a woman.

Mutsuki gasps. He looks like he wants to die. 

Urie rolls his eyes. “Come on. Like Shirazu said, at least you got to second base with someone hot.”