“Okay, this is how Suzuya taught me.” Mutsuki sidles up to Urie. “Hold it like this. Stand with your legs slightly farther apart – yeah, that’s right.” 

Urie feels electricity where Mutsuki touches his hands. 

“Just be confident,” Mutsuki assures him, somewhat confused at the sudden nervousness on Urie’s face.

“I’m always confident,” he snaps.

“Are you?” Mutsuki grins and positions Urie’s legs a bit more.

Now is not the time to go knobbly-kneed, Urie. Urie nods. “I’m ready.”

“Throw,” Mutsuki commands.

The assuredness in Mutsuki’s voice distracts Urie. How can he focus when Mutsuki’s changed so much? When Mutsuki is right next to him?

“Urie!” Mutsuki cries out as the knife shatters a window. “That’s Takeomi’s window.”

“Is it? I had no idea.” Urie whistles. 

Mutsuki narrows his eyes. “You didn’t even do that on purpose. You went ninety degrees off the mark.”

“Yes, I did.”

“You’re too distracted.” Mutsuki pats Urie’s shoulder. Urie sucks in his breath.

Oh. Mutsuki narrows his eyes. “Would it help if I stand closer?”

“I mean, define help,” Urie says as his heart hammers. 

Mutsuki wraps his arms around Urie. “Like this?”

“N – now I can’t throw,” Urie whimpers.

“If you can throw around me, you can throw around anyone.” Mutsuki runs his hands up Urie’s chest. “Mmm. Yes. You smell good. Now, pretend your next promotion depends on it.” 

“The Oggai have been such a handful,” Mutsuki murmurs as he snuggles besides Urie. “They are not adjusting to civilian life as well as I hoped.”

Guilt settles over him. He might not have indoctrinated them, but he let them run wild, and now their peers call them killers and treat them like shit, and it’s not fair.

“They’ll get there. We’ll have to demonstrate it for them, I suppose.” Urie draws Mutsuki closer to him. 

“I was such a bad father to them.” He gulps.

“You were the best you knew.”

“It wasn’t enough.” Mutsuki sighs and rests his chin on Urie’s chest.

“We can make up for it.” Urie runs his fingers down Mutsuki’s back. “I’d still love to father children with you.”

Mutsuki chokes. “Kuki?”

“Uh, uh, uh – I mean – Tooru – you’re – I think together, we’d be good dads. And we’d have beautiful children.” Urie flushes. He’s always wanted his own children. He’s always wanted to never abandon them, to stay up late rocking them asleep and wake up early to play. And now he wants Tooru’s tanned-skinned babies. 

“You’d want that…with me?” Mutsuki looks terrified. But also entranced.

“Yes, if you’d like to. I understand the…issues with it.”

Mutsuki pulls Urie atop him. “I think that would be beautiful.” 

TW for discussions of sexual assault.

“Mutsuki, what’s wrong?” Urie runs into the training gym at CCG, led by two of the Oggai.

Sensei is screaming.

Sensei doesn’t know where he is.

Please help Sensei.

“Auuuughhhhh!” Mutsuki tears at his own flesh. Aura is desperately trying to stop him.

“Mutsuki!” Urie shoves Aura aside to shake him. “Wake up! It’s me! It’s Urie, your family grump!”

The Oggai snicker behind him. He ignores them. 

Mutsuki’s eyes finally focus. “Urie!” 

“What happened?”

Mutsuki looks around him. The Oggai look afraid and amused. They know he’s crazy now, don’t they? No Aura to save him now. He collapses into Urie’s arms. “I – I’m just like my dad!”

“Dad?” Urie looks pointedly towards Aura, who promptly leads the Oggai out of the building. 

“Tell me, Tooru.” Urie sits next to Mutsuki. 

Mutsuki whimpers at the use of his familiar name. It sounds so right with Urie. “I…Mayazumi yelled out ‘don’t go too far’ and I remembered something.”

Urie waits.

Mutsuki wrings his hands. “At the auction arc, that’s what Suzuya told me. Right before No-face detached a kagune and transformed it into Sensei so he could escape.” Urie knows he loves Sensei, but does he know this? “I stabbed it and tried to have sleep with it.”

Urie’s shocked into silence.

“I did to that kagune what my dad did to me. I raped my dad figure like my real dad raped me.” Mutsuki speaks in monotone. “I’m just like him. I am just like Torso. I am grotesque.”

Do something, imbecile! Urie pulls Mutsuki close to him. “No, Tooru, you’re beautiful. I -” He chokes up. “I am so sorry your father did that to you. And for what Torso did, too. If I could have endured it instead of you, I would.”

Mutsuki shakes his head violently. “No, Urie!”

“Tooru.” Urie strokes Mutsuki’s hair. “Look at me, please.”

Mutsuki meets his eyes, defeated.

“You aren’t your father. If the rumors are true, you killed him because you knew somewhere that what he did was wrong. You lost control and re-enacted your suffering on a kagune, not a person. You recognize that. You’re not too far gone. You can always come back. I’m here for you. Saiko would be, too, if she knew.” Tears leak down Urie’s cheeks as he recalls framing out. “You’re not too far gone. You’re never too far gone.” 

“Please,” Mutsuki begs, “help me.”

“I will. Tooru, I love you.” Urie holds Mutsuki close to his chest. 

This is precious.

Mutsuki stirs and stretches, but his eyes remain closed. Urie watches the early morning sunlight dance across his face and savors every moment.

Mutsuki’s eyes fly open. “K – kuki.”

“Hi there.” Urie brushes a Mutsuki’s wispy green strands away from his forehead. “You’re beautiful when you sleep.”

“I…um…” Mutsuki gulps. “Are you feeling okay?”

Urie blushes and nods. He, uh, found sex funnier and most beautiful than he imagined. “I’m very happy. There’s no one else I wanted to do that with.”

“Me too.” Mutsuki remembers the feeling of Urie’s body entangled with his, the way Urie kissed him from his feet to the top of his head, the desire to have Urie cover every inch of his body with Urie. The feeling of being loved, the feeling that sex might truly be making love at last.

“No bad dreams?” Urie watches him carefully.

Mutsuki shakes his head. “No. Not with you.”

Urie laughs. “Thank you. It – it means a lot to me that you want…to do this with me.”

“It means a lot that you don’t think I’m gross.”

Urie gasps. “Tooru! You’ve never been gross. I, uh, was probably more gross because neither of us have any idea what the hell we’re doing. It’s fun though.”

“Yes, it is,” Mutsuki agrees, snuggling closer to Urie. He feels Urie harden, and instead of reacting with fear, he feels joy. “Kiss me.”

“Gladly.” Urie leans in close and allows Mutsuki to straddle him. “I wanted to make you pancakes for breakfast, but I realized I might accidentally poison us both.”

Mutsuki giggles. “We can go out.”

“We have plenty of time.” Urie pulls Mutsuki down for another kiss. 

Okay was I the only one who got very emotional when Aura called him Tooru after he was electrocuted? 

“I think you’re wonderful, Mucchan.” Urie traces Mutsuki’s face with his fingers. “I love your green hair. I love your eyepatch. Your nose is little and cute.”

Mutsuki giggles. They’re on a park bench at sunset, and Urie has insisted on showering Mutsuki with praise. He’s not sure he deserves it.

“Your lips are lovely and they kiss very well.” Urie sniffs, but Mutsuki can see the color on his face. “Your cheeks are blushing!”

“So are yours!”

“True,” Urie allows. “Um, you have very expressive eyes. And I love you, Tooru.”

Mutsuki’s breath catches. Urie’s told him he loves him before, but he’s never called him Tooru. 

He feels as if that one name means more. 

“Is it okay to call you that?” Urie probes.

“Yes.” Mutsuki sniffles. He loves him, he really does. “If I can call you Kuki.”

Urie gasps. “Yes. Please do, Tooru. you have a beautiful name.”

“So do you, Kuki.” Mutsuki draws him closer. The sun dips below the horizon.