Can I please request Hajime and Mayazumi babysitting the GOAT children? (From ScapeGOAT) Except that they loose them at some point and have to try and cover it up until they find them again?

Oh my goodness. Based on @koyuki-tan‘s ScapeGOAT, which I highly recommend after reading her first entry, Peace Sign.

“Hajime, help.” Mayazumi’s idea of make-up to tame the children has backfired more than he ever dreamed. He sits on a chair, held down by Tamaki Mizuki, as Ui Masanori jabs his eyes with eyeliner.

Hajime does a double-take before laughing so hard he falls down. “That’s amazing.”

“He’s down,” says Mizuki, an evil light in her eyes.

Hajime scrambles away, but soon the children overwhelm him, too.

“MAKEUP!” screams Higemaru Nagisa, the littlest one, brandishing pink lipstick like a quinque. She and Takeo Shouhei pile atop Hajime, as a vengeful Mayazumi films.

Hajime, though, unlike Mayazumi, continues to struggle. He will not give in. He will not wear makeup – no one can know – everyone should think he’s so tough –

When Hajime has a proper clown face, Mayazumi clicks “post.”

“You did not!” Hajime leaps to his feet, furious.

“I did, traitor!” Mayazumi waves his phone. “That’s for not helping me!”

“You bastard!” Hajime doesn’t care if there are children present! He rushes to the bathroom, determined to clean his face before anything else can happen – but Mayazumi races him, and beats him there. “God dammit!”

At the lack of laughter, Hajime turns his head. The kids usually love his potty mouth, and he loves that they love him.

He feels as though Uncle Yomo has electrocuted him. “Maya! They’re gone!”

“Like hell they are!” Mayazumi hollers from inside.

“I’m not kidding!” Hajime tries not to panic as he searches the entire house. When Mayazumi, taking his sweet time, finally stumbles out, he turns green.

“I don’t know where they are,” Hajime gasps.

The phone rings.

Hajime jolts. “It’s – Koharu.”

No way Koharu can know her Shouhei is missing.

“I have an idea.” Mayazumi grabs Hajime’s arm. “Stay here.”

He switches to video. “Hi, Koharu!”

“Hi Mayazumi. Ryo wanted me to see if the kids are too much for you,” Koharu says.

“Not for me,” says the clean-faced Mayazumi. “For Hajime, though…” he swivels so that Koharu can see his decorated face.

Koharu struggles not to laugh. “I see.”

“I think they’re all tired now,” Mayazumi adds brightly.

“Great. We’ll be home in half an hour.” Koharu ends the call, and Mayazumi slumps over.

“Fuck you,” Hajime says. “And fuck us. Because we need to find these brats!”

The doorbell rings.

Mayazumi and Hajime trip over each other and they rush the door.

Kaneki Touka stands there, surrounded by children. “I think you were missing these minions?”

“Sorry,” says Mizuki, nibbling her lip, as Shouhei and Nagisa hang their heads. Mayazumi, naturally, wears his eat-shit grin. Completely unrepentant.

“They tried to steal Yoriko’s treats and I showed them the power of an SS ghoul,” Touka says.

“We weren’t stealing for ourselves. We have a friend. His name is Ryuu and he lives in an underground garden!” Shouhei says innocently.

“He’s an imaginary friend,” Nagisa adds quickly.

“Then why did he need food?” Touka puts her hands on her hips, and to Hajime and Mayazumi’s amazement, the children are actually cowed.

“Come on.” Touka points them all inside. “Time to have a talk with your parents when they return.”

“But…” Hajime whimpers.

Touka claps a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. The worst they’ll do is eat you.”

Since it’s Mizurou’s birthday, I’d love to see how Mizuki, Michiko, Mayuzumi, and the Suzuya Squad help him celebrate!

Based on characters from @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

– If Squad Suzuya doesn’t buy him a beef steak for his dinner, they should all be fired.

– So of course they will.

– Hanbee will compose a poem to tell him how much he means to him.

– Suzuya will buy him candy.

– Mikage will give him his horoscope.

– Keijin will congratulate him on not dying this year, and then give him a new comic book.

– Mizuki insists on baking Daddy’s birthday cake.

– Michiko, after helping Mizuki bake, probably has something special planned for night time. 😉

– Mayazumi insists they have a surprise party for him. He will do the makeup.

erica akita (brookes little sister) dislikes hajime and mayuzumi bc she thinks that they both have cooties.

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Hi Erica, do you want to sit with us?” Mayazumi anxiously waves from the table he’s sharing with Hajime. His hand holds a sandwich that promptly flies apart.

Erica shakes her head. “No, thank you.”

Mayazumi looks crushed.

“Of course she didn’t. She’s a girl,” sneers Hajime, trying to cover up the existential crisis he’s currently experiencing. Erica turning Mayazumi down? Mayazumi’s even more handsome than he is.

“And you’re a boy with cooties,” Erica fires back.

“I’ll give you cooties!” Hajime leaps to his feet, firing forth his kagune.

Erica rolls her eyes. “Now you’re gonna get in trouble.”

Hajime growls. “Shut up.”

“Hajime Hazuki, what are you doing?” calls Aura Shinsanpei, striding across the room.

“Getting in trouble,” Erica answers sweetly. She prances away to leave Mayazumi and Hajime dejected before an aggravated Aura.

oh oh ui and hairu were planning on having a simple New Years party for just the two of them but brooke (my best girl) and the rest of her squad (and maybe the zero squad kiddies because something tells me they’d be all over this) totally crash their party by making it totally wild and fun much to ui’s displeasure.

Also based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Now this is my idea of a party,” says Ui, pouring two glasses of wine for Hairu and he. “Just us.”

“Hmmm, and what else can we do before New Years,” Hairu murmurs, a seductive grin on her lips.

Ui leans towards her. Her fingers unbutton his shirt.

“Surprise, elected hosts!” Their door crashes open. Ui gasps, and Hairu sloshes her wine onto her blouse.

“Oh my.” Brooke blinks at the sight of Ui desperately trying to mop Hairu’s blouse. “Kids, don’t look. This isn’t a sight for innocent eyes.”

“He’s just trying to clean her shirt,” Shio says in confusion.

“Let’s agree to that,” Brooke says quickly.

“It’s okay, Ui, it was an old shirt anyways.” Hairu smiles. She wasn’t planning on wearing it for long anyways, even it’s not exactly off for the reason she expected.

“We heard you weren’t coming to any parties, so we decided to bring the party to you,” Rikai says shyly, holding out an offering of cake.

“Apology accepted,” Hairu says, sniffing the pan.

“Ui, your fly is open,” Brooke says.

“What!” Ui gasps, but of course, it’s not true.

He glowers at her as the Zero Squad kids howl with laughter.

Their doorbell rings.

“Who else did you invite?” Ui asks with dread. Koharu’s on a date. Carma is moping, Marie is helping her, and Michiko is with Mizurou. That leaves…

“Surprise!” Brooke whips open the door as a dozen kids pour in.

“What a nice apartment!” shouts Hajime.

“Can you believe we get to stay up til midnight?” Mayazumi yells back.

“How do the Oggai have better manners than you?!” Ui fires at Brooke. He will have to inform Koharu about this. Definitely. New Year’s is canceled.

But when he turns around, Hairu is already cranking up the stereo, and Hajime’s asking her to dance…and even Ui Koori has to admit, they’re pretty cute.

Hiii, i love your writing style and all your brilliant ideas!! :D they really make my day whenever i feel like crap. Would it be ok to request some Aura Shinsanpei angst

San-chan angst is always welcome, Nonny-Mouse.

“Look, Aura-san, I’m you!” Mayazumi leaps up from the chair. Several Oggai girls have been cutting his hair for what seems like hours – into a style that looks precisely like Aura’s.

Mayazumi adopts a brooding face. “Does this look right?”

Aura feels miserable. Does he really always look so sad? So pathetic? Aunt Kiyoko is probably ashamed of him.

Mayazumi’s face falls at Aura’s lack of response. He scuttles away quietly.

“Aura!” Sakura, another Oggai, stomps her foot. “You can at least be nice to Mayazumi.”

“Huh?” Aura is confused. How was he not nice?

“He’s imitating you,” says Sakura, as if it’s obvious. “He likes you.”

She stalks away, leaving Aura more confused than ever.

When he finds the child, he says stiffly, “Want to come for a walk with me?”

Mayazumi brightens. “Okay!”

Aura leads him to the hospital. “I’m visiting my aunt. I thought she might like to see one of the Oggai.”

“I’ll tell her you’re the best squad leader ever.” Mayazumi smiles at Aura. “You remind me of my dad, you know. He was quiet and sad a lot. I loved him very much.”

“Oh.” Aura is confused. He’s admired? The Oggai like him?

Kiyoko showers Mayazumi with praise, and even Aura for once feels cheerful in her hospital room. She’s happy. He’s happy. Everything is good.

“I’ll find justice for you,” Aura promises her as they leave, just as he always does.

Mayazumi clutches Aura’s arm. “Aura-san, I want to be just like you.”

The mutsurie anon is back :’) mucchan invites urie for dinner on his new house w the oggais and the children notice urie is not only just a former team mate

Mutsurie Nonny-Mouse is always welcome. 😀

“Why do I have to cook,” grumbles Hajime Hazuki.

“Because Urie used to be our Squad Leader, is a brilliant investigator, and we want to impress him.” Aura Shinsanpei pokes his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” grumbles Hajime.

“Am I doing well?” Mayazumi has been slicing up fish with more care than he usually slices up ghouls, and honestly he kinda prefers this.

“Yes,” Mutsuki assures him. In another life, he would have been a good parent. But there’s no chance of that now.

The doorbell rings, and Mutsuki squeaks. “He’s early!”

“He’s Urie,” Aura replies.

When Urie appears in the kitchen, Hajime is disappointed with how predictably stiff this First-Class Investigator is. But Mayazumi smells a chance for mischief.

“Hi.” Urie waves at the Oggai. He’s trying, for Mucchan. He just wishes he could have these kids with Mutsuki.

Mutsuki beams at him, longing for approval. “How was your day?”

That’s it? We’re really talking about our days? Urie clears his throat. “Fine. Another day of listening to the director’s shenanigans.”

“He does have a lot of crazy ideas,” Mutsuki admits. He worries what that means for Sensei.

Urie’s hand twitches, like he wants to take Mutsuki’s, and Mayazumi’s eyes narrow.

The kids serve them dinner and keep the conversation flowing at dinner, but every so often, they catch Urie staring at Mutsuki. Hell, even Aura notices.

It’s noticing that Aura has noticed that propels Hajime to open his mouth.

“Okay, what’s up with you two?”

“Huh?” Mutsuki frowns.

Urie’s face looks like a tomato.

“He’s making mooney-eyes over you,” sings another Oggai.

“He’s my friend!” mutters Urie.

“Sure, and Ihei Hairu was Ui Koori’s friend,” says Mayazumi sarcastically.

“Ar they always like this?” Urie turns to Mutsuki desperately. No, no, no, these kids aren’t blowing his secret.

“Uh.” Mutsuki is embarrassed by their behavior. Urie could never love him.

“Aura! I’m behaving normal, right?” Urie points down the table.

“If normal means moon-eyes at Mutsuki,” says Hajime.

“It does,” Aura confirms, clamoring to his feet. “Now, who wants dessert?”

Mutsuki stares at Urie, who’s covering his blushing cheeks – until two Oggai wrestle his hands away.

“Confess!” chirps Hajime.

“Wait – wait, do you really?” Mutsuki is scared. He likes Urie, and Urie knows he loves Sasaki.

Urie also makes him feel safe. Urie can be trusted, even more than Sasaki.

“Oh my god, they’re both blushing!” cheers Hajime. “Mucchan likes him too!”

The Oggai shove Mutsuki and Urie closer together. “Now kiss!”

“Can’t we talk first?” shrieks Mutsuki.

Urie looks frightened. He did not intend his secret to leak.

“How long?” Mutsuki dares to ask.

“The auction.” Urie surmises that lying is pointless. “I – I hope this doesn’t ruin anything; I would never upset you.”

Mutsuki feels as though a window has opened, a window he hadn’t seen before. Jumping in may not be wise, but he isn’t wise.

He wants Urie to kiss him, so he kisses him first.

After Furuta and the CCG go down, Hajime, Mayuzumi, and the other Oggai have to be dealt with. Which is to say, Goat should try to rehabilitate them, since they won’t be expecting that.

I’m like 95% sure most of the Oggai are getting out of this alive. Hopefully Ishida agrees.

Hajime stares at the carnage before them. Today they’ve lost Furuta and Kanou, the closest two they’ve had to a father, and now they’re public enemies number one. Human experiments. Abominations.

“Doesn’t matter. We were made to die, right?” Mayazumi laughs. Hollow laughter.

“You know you’re screaming inside,” Hajime mutters. But he’s not ready to go down without a fight. If they try to exterminate them – and they will – he’ll make sure some of them die, too.

Someone taps his shoulder, and he looks up to see the One Eyed King himself, Kaneki Ken. He’s backed by Kirishima Touka, Hirako Take, those bratty Squad 0 kids, and Ui Koori.

“Hi,” Kaneki says.

“Remember me?” A tall, dark-haired man Hajime doesn’t recognize appears behind the rest of them.

“No?” He grins. “Are you an executioner?”

“I’m Amon Koutarou. I was there the day you came into CCG.” The man lowers his eyes. “Kids like you were why I stayed with CCG so long.”

“Sucks to suck,” Hajime replies.

Amon crouches down to his level. “Yeah, it does. It especially sucks to have your family killed by ghouls. To have them take everything from you.” He swallows. “And yet, they gave me back my life. They gave you your powers – which are pretty spectacular, by the way.”

“What are you saying?” Mayazume crosses his arms.

“Get to the point,” Hajime says.

“Would you Oggai like to live with me and Mado Akira? Since we know best what you’re going through?”

Hajime laughs. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? When are you gonna kill us?”

“Never,” Kaneki says, exchanging glances with Amon. “We want to help you. We like you.”

“No, you don’t,” Mayazumi says.

“You can’t.” Hajime scowls.

“Try me.” Amon smiles wryly as he holds out his hand. “I know a thing or two about handling lots of kids. So try all of us. Try life a little longer.”

“I’ll kill you if you’re lying.” But Hajime grabs his hand all the same. What else can he do?