Soooo sweet, Nonny-mouse. TW for references to torture and sexual assault.
Why does this always happen? I hate me. Mutsuki pinches his eyes shut, praying that maybe he can die.
He feels Torso breathing besides him, and hates himself because he pities him.
“Get away from him!” A thick rinkaku pierces Torso through his heart. Mutsuki scrambles up to see Sensei holding Torso’s lifeless body aloft.
Sasaki tosses him away and turns to Mutsuki, who doubles over in a frantic attempt to make himself small. Sasaki knows. Sasaki sees.
“Mutsuki.” Sasaki’s voice breaks. He approaches his student tentatively.
“Go away,” Mutsuki cries. “I’m disgusting.”
“No!” Sasaki wraps his arms around him. “It’s okay. You’e okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”
Mutsuki heaves a sob. “I’m not. I’m – you don’t know what I’ve done!”
“Then tell me. But first, you need to eat.” Sasaki holds out his arm. “This will grow your limbs quicker. I’m your leader and I okay this.”
Mutsuki’s kakugan gleams, and he dives in.
As Mucchan chews on him, Sasaki swallows. “I’ve been kidnapped and tortured, too. You know what I thought about, as Jason – the same one Suzuya killed – kept cutting off my toes and fingers, over and over and over? I kept thinking about how this was my fault. I kept thinking about my mom used to hit me. How she told me it was better to be hurt than to hurt. And that just couldn’t work in my situation anymore and I wanted it to work so bad.”
Mutsuki swallows. “Your family hurt you, too?”
Sasaki nods. Tears stream out from his eyes.
“My dad…hurt me. Like Torso did. My mom watched.” Mutsuki lets out a sob. Maybe if he confesses, Sasaki will understand. Maybe Sasaki will relive his pain by killing him. “And I…ghouls didn’t kill them, Sasaki. I did.”
“Mutsuki.” Sasaki looks sick.
“Please let me die.” Mutsuki stares at his regrowing hands.
“No.” Sasaki channels his inner Touka – whatever that means – and shoves more flesh into Mutsuki’s mouth. “I love you, Mutsuki. You’re my family. We’re…we’re a new family, of abandoned and abused kids and we suck a lot. But we love each other, and we help each other.”
“You don’t – hate me?” Mutsuki sniffles. “I’m as bad as Jason. As Torso.”
“You are not! You were more sinned against than sinned,” Sasaki quotes. “I told you, you’re okay, Mutsuki, you’re okay. I’ve got you. I’m not giving up, and neither should you.”
Mutsuki wails and grabs Sensei in a hug. “Help me.”
“Always.”