Squads 0 and S3 versus bras? I had this idea last night at four it’s weird. Thanks

Oh. Oh dear.

Squad Zero

Arima Kishou – I’ve seen kagunes less complicated. NO ONE CAN KNOW THAT THE WEAKNESS OF ARIMA KISHOU IS A BRA.

Hairu Ihei: I hate this contraption. Sports bras all the way. 

Ui Koori: his entire vision goes red with embarrassment and he forgets there’s a bra in the first place.

Take Hirako: Insists his partner not move until he can figure out how to unbutton it. When they suggest they can just pull it off, he’s offended. He wants to learn, dammit.

Squad Three

Suzuya Juuzou: He knows exactly how it works and how to remove it. 

Keijin Nakarai: smoothly tugs the bra over his partner’s head instead of unfastening it.

Mizurou Tamaki: Mizurou vs. bra is a gigglefest that no one in S3 Squad avoided hearing.

Miyuki Mikage: what sort of satanic aliens designed this? 

Hanbee Abara: he melts as soon as he sees a bra. 

You know who I haven’t seen on this blog in a long time? The Uihai family! Do you have any fluffy headcanons to share?

– Hairu was as boisterous as Masanori when they visited Disneyland. Her favorite ride was the teacups. 

– Masanori preferred the swings, and Ui, the Haunted Mansion.

– Hairu then teased Ui about having a dark side.

– Ui vomited after the teacups, after he went on them over and over for Hairu’s sake.

– Hairu and Masanori have discovered a new addiction: cotton candy.

– Until Ui discovers that he’s addicted, too.

– The Uihai parents decide they cannot have it in their home. Because it’s dangerous.

– But every time Masanori sneaks it in (and he does, thanks to his many mischievous friends), they are secretly delighted. 

First kiss for Uihai ;)

It happened unexpectedly, because Hairu was always unexpected. 

Hairu was running along a fence, balancing with exceptional skill, and Ui was rushing below her. 

And then she slipped , and he tried to catch her – and accidentally found her chest in his face.

“I’m sorry!” UI squawked, stumbling backwards.

“For what? You caught me.” Hairu smiled and leaned forward, and then her lips were on his.

Ui froze, but just for a moment. Then he kissed her back with all the passion Ui Koori had ever possessed in his life.

Ryo planning to propose to Koharu but Ui and Hairu accidentally interrupt.

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

Ryo draws Koharu closer as they stumble off the merry-go-round. 

“Even ghouls get dizzy,” he jokes.

“Apparently.” Koharu smiles at him, and his palms begin to sweat. Because there’s a ring in the back of his pocket.

He pulls her beside the ride. Gaggles of children race by, followed by their beleaguered parents. 

He wants that. He wants to be those parents. With Koharu.

“I, uh, Koharu,” he fumbles.

“What’s wrong, Ryo?” Koharu eyes him.

“Koharu! Ui won’t go on the teacups with me!” Hairu races up towards them. The cute woman Ryo wants for a sister-in-law.

And the brother-in-law follows her, shakings head. “I’ll throw up.”

“Us Uis aren’t made for spinning rides,” Koharu says with a grin. “But, Ui, you’ll get to slide into Hairu.”

“Do’t you want to slide into me?” Hairu pleads.

“I mean, I do, but I also don’t want to vomit on you,” Ui exclaims. 

“Pleeeeeease,” Hairu begs.

Ui’s shoulders slump. “Fine.”

His eyes narrow at Ryo’s hand, which is in his back pocket. “You look nervous, Ryo.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you really going to send us away?” Ui threatens.

“Fuck off!”

“No!”

“What’s going on?” Hairu asks, puzzled.

Koharu gasps. “Ryo, you’re not -”

“Pretty sure he is!” Hairu claps her hands.

Ryo’s face is now scarlet as he drops to his knees. This is totally not what he expected, but with this family, unexpected seems the norm. “Ui Koharu, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Koharu whispers before he even finishes his question. 

I could use some humorous Hairu and Koharu friendship scenarios.

– Hairu re-introduced Koharu to melon pan. Koharu liked it, but didn’t often favor it before Hairu. But Hairu’s constant gushing about melon pan has made Koharu crave it.

– Koharu definitely searched their parents’ house for Ui’s most embarrassing childhood photos. She promptly handed them to Hairu. 

– Hairu has nicknamed Ryoichi “FBIL,” short for “future-brother-in-law.”

– Hairu insists on sometimes helping Koharu pick out date-night outfits. Koharu returns the favor whenever she and Ryoichi babysit Masanori.

– Koharu has educated Hairu on every Disney movie ever made “for Masanori’s sake.” Hairu’s favorite is Sleeping Beauty; Koharu’s is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. 

– They have occasionally gone, er, lingerie shopping together. It’s a tad awkward for Koharu (because, her brother), but she handles it well.

– They sometimes have more fun playing with Masanori’s toys than Masanori. 

masanori kidnaps oscar the otter

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.”

“Masanori, what is this?” Hairu holds up a brilliantly fluffy, well-loved animal her son has hidden under his bed.

“Nothing,” Masanori says evasively.

“It looks like Brooke’s missing toy.”

Masanori pouts. “It’s not.”

“Masanori, are you lying?” Ui asks sternly, coming up behind Hairu. 

Their child squeaks. “Yes.”

“Well, at least you admit it.” Ui sighs. “Hairu, can you call Brooke?”

“But I like otters! I wanna cuddle it!” Masanori grabs the animal.

“We can get you your own otter,” Hairu assures him. “But we don’t steal, Masanori.”

“Why?” Masanori frowns. “I wanted it more.”

“Are you sure?” Ui asks slowly. He’s never had someone ask why stealing is wrong before. He just assumed everyone knew that. 

“Yes.” Masanori sticks out his lip.

Ui chuckles. “Then…then you could have asked Brooke. I’m sure she’d let you borrow it, but without asking she thought he’d vanished and she was very worried.”

“Oh.” Masanori looks concerned, to Ui’s relief. Maybe he is breaking through, after all.

Kids. They make him continually question morality. 

Ui is afraid of spiders!

“Oh my god, get it away from me!” Ui bursts out, skittering behind Hairu. 

“Huh?” She looks up in puzzlement. “Oh!”

Hairu laughs at the spider gracefully descending from the ceiling. “I think it’s lovely.”

UI shakes his head. “One of you brave ghoul investigators, kill it.” 

“Nah,” says Hirako, leaning back in his chair. “Spiders don’t bother me.” 

“Are you crazy?” Ui hisses.

“I’m a child and you’re the adult,” Shio protests.

“I like it,” says Yusa.

“Ui, save us,” says Rikai.

Hairu rolls her eyes. “How about I capture it and take it outside?”

It’s weird, she thinks, as she coaxes the creature onto a paper towel. She’s showing more mercy to an arachnid than a ghoul.

She waves the captive spider before Ui, who blanches.

“Can we keep him?” Yusa asks.

“NO.” Ui shivers.

Would he shiver at me? Hairu wonders.

She turns to leave, onto to run into Arima. “Say hello to our spy, Arima!”

Arima scrambles back. “Get – it – away!”

Hirako chortles. “We’ve found Arima Kishou’s secret kryptonite!” 

I’m lowkey shipping Yusa and Niji after that little bit you wrote please may I ask for a confused Yusa asking Ui for advice?

Lol yessss I am too.

“Ui?” Yusa asks Ui a few days after the attack Tokyo. Kaneki Ken is recovering in Tokyo’s best hospital, and ghouls and humans are negotiating. 

“Yes?” Ui hesitates. He still feels guilty that he kept condemning ghouls in the presence of a half-ghoul like Yusa. He was so ignorant.

“How did you know you liked Hairu?” 

Ui stills. “Uh…You knew that?”

“You weren’t trying to get Arima back, but you trying for Hairu. Besides, Shio has been convinced for over a year,” Yusa admits. 

Ui colors. “Well, Yusa…yes, I love Ihei Hairu. It hasn’t even stopped with her gone.”

“What is love like?”

“Love is…” Ui sighs. “Well, it can start with a fluttering in your chest, or a tingling in your stomach. Or a realization that you are interested in spending the rest of your life with them. Or the desire to do everything in your power give them the best in life. Love can be like a lot of things.” 

“But what is it?” Yusa presses. He definitely gets heart flutters when he sees Niji, the rainbow ghoul who’s charmed even CCG’s staunchest.

“A deep, affectionate feeling for someone,” Ui says. “According to the dictionary. Magic, according to Disney. Drugs. Fire. Who knows.”

He wishes love was magic enough to raise the dead.

“Is this person a ghoul?” Ui asks with a knowing smile.

“It’s…yeah…” Yusa mumbles, his face red. 

“I think love is magic enough to give you a chance with them.” Ui pats his shoulder. “You’ll feel better if you tell her, I assure you.”

Magic. Somewhere, there’s still a part of him that thinks if Yusa can date a cute rainbowed ghoul, Hairu can return. 

brooke and hajime probably would have a blast throwing snow balls at Ui

Absolutely. Brooke is from @koyuki-tan’s mesmerizing “Peace Sign.” 

“Let’s go!” Hajime screeches. 

“Huh?” Ui looks up from CCG’s exit. HIs arm is around Hairu’s pregnant waist.

That will afford him no mercy. 

“Now!” Brooke commands.

The Oggai leap to their feet and let the snowballs fly.

Ui howls with rage and Hairu howls with laughter. “Protect me, Ui.”

“Help!” Ui tries to yelp, but a snowball strikes his teeth.

Hairu doubles over, overcome by giggles. She slowly gathers more snow into her gloved hands.

Brooke would hate to pelt her with snow, but all’s fair in snow wars. 

She’s about to alert Hajime when Hairu slips the snow down the back of Ui’s shirt.

Hajime collapses on the snow, laughing. He creates a snow angel, but Brooke immediately draws devil horns over his head. 

“YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” Ui screams, whirling on Hairu. “Traitor! In my own squad! What’s next, you’re a ghoul?!”

Hairu bats her eyelashes. “You were too easy.” 

“I’m cold,” Ui whimpers.

Hairu tackles him in a hug. “Well, there’s a cure for that.”

The adventures of my odd brotps: Mutsutou, Haikarren, Mutsuhina, and Ayaurie.

Mutsutou 

– Once Mutsuki and Touka reconciled, he first began to appreciate her as a mother figure before as a friend. 

– Mutsuki apologized to Yomo, and Touka overheard. She then invited Mutsuki for a cup of coffee and entertained him with stories of Ken at Anteiku, and her wild past. That’s how they became besties.

– One night, Kaneki and Urie came home from a meeting to discover Touka and Mutsuki giggling over an empty bottle of blood wine (which does not hurt ghoul babies). They became alarmed before Touka opened her mouth and began to spill all the embarrassing Sasaki stories Mutsuki had told her. The two couples stayed up all night talking.

– Mutsuki accompanies Touka to any doctor appointments Kaneki can’t make, which is also how he became close to Hinami.

Haikarren

– Once, Karren and Hairu got wigs to look like each other’s hair. Tsukiyama and Ui were very confused and scared.

– Hairu took Karren out shopping for lingerie Shuu would like. It was fun for her, too, because Karren is very generous with the Tsukiyama’s money. Hairu bought plenty of outfits to make Ui faint.  She immediately texted a picture of him on the floor to Karren. 

– Tsukiyama, of course, will not let Ui forget that.

– They both work for the Human-Ghoul alliance, and they make a devilish pair – hyper Hairu, dramatic Karren. No one is ever bored, not even the ghouls or humans arrested by them.

– Matsumae got to know Hairu through her friendship with Karren. She then forgave Hairu and once threatened Ui that if he hurt Hairu, she’d break the law to eat him.

– Karren had Hairu as her Maid of Honor, and vice versa. 

Mutsuhina

– Hinami began the friendship. She held Mutsuki as he cried about his parents, and she gave him encouragement that there are good parents out there, too.

– Mucchy loves hearing stories about Hinami’s parents. Good parents are fairy tales to him. 

– Hinami insisted on doing Mutsuki’s makeup for a double date with Urie and Ayato. Subtle, masculine makeup. Mutsuki was pleased. Urie was very flustered. 

– They often high-five with their kagunes. Once Mutsuki even used his bikaku to copy Hinami’s kagune. She was flattered. 

Ayaurie

– they are like two shaken soda bottles of chaos and salt. 

– most conversations end with them yelling. Not due to fighting, just their personalities and PASSION. 

– Their friendly greetings for each other include “Dumbass” and “imbecile.” 

– Mutsuhinatou have had to shut them down more than once. Once by calling Kaneki, who threatened to break 206 bones between the two of them. But the second time…

– They invoked Saiko’s method. And forewarned the bois. But when Ayato and Urie responded with eagerness for boob attacks, it was not Mutsuki and Hinami who began to slowly pull up their shirts. 

– The bois then began screaming for a different reason.