Oh my goodness.  Based on @koyuki-tan‘s ScapeGOAT, which I highly recommend after reading her first entry, Peace Sign. 

“Hajime, help.” Mayazumi’s idea of make-up to tame the children has backfired more than he ever dreamed. He sits on a chair, held down by Tamaki Mizuki, as Ui Masanori jabs his eyes with eyeliner. 

Hajime does a double-take before laughing so hard he falls down. “That’s amazing.”

“He’s down,” says Mizuki, an evil light in her eyes.

Hajime scrambles away, but soon the children overwhelm him, too. 

“MAKEUP!” screams Higemaru Nagisa, the littlest one, brandishing pink lipstick like a quinque. She and Takeo Shouhei pile atop Hajime, as a vengeful Mayazumi films.

Hajime, though, unlike Mayazumi, continues to struggle. He will not give in. He will not wear makeup – no one can know – everyone should think he’s so tough –

When Hajime has a proper clown face, Mayazumi clicks “post.” 

“You did not!” Hajime leaps to his feet, furious.

“I did, traitor!” Mayazumi waves his phone. “That’s for not helping me!”

“You bastard!” Hajime doesn’t care if there are children present! He rushes  to the bathroom, determined to clean his face before anything else can happen – but Mayazumi races him, and beats him there. “God dammit!”

At the lack of laughter, Hajime turns his head. The kids usually love his potty mouth, and he loves that they love him.

He feels as though Uncle Yomo has electrocuted him. “Maya! They’re gone!”

“Like hell they are!” Mayazumi hollers from inside.

“I’m not kidding!” Hajime tries not to panic as he searches the entire house. When Mayazumi, taking his sweet time, finally stumbles out, he turns green. 

“I don’t know where they are,” Hajime gasps. 

The phone rings. 

Hajime jolts. “It’s – Koharu.” 

No way Koharu can know her Shouhei is missing. 

“I have an idea.” Mayazumi grabs Hajime’s arm. “Stay here.”

He switches to video. “Hi, Koharu!”

“Hi Mayazumi. Ryo wanted me to see if the kids are too much for you,” Koharu says.

“Not for me,” says the clean-faced Mayazumi. “For Hajime, though…” he swivels so that Koharu can see his decorated face. 

Koharu struggles not to laugh. “I see.”

“I think they’re all tired now,” Mayazumi adds brightly. 

“Great. We’ll be home in half an hour.” Koharu ends the call, and Mayazumi slumps over.

“Fuck you,” Hajime says. “And fuck us. Because we need to find these brats!”

The doorbell rings. 

Mayazumi and Hajime trip over each other and they rush the door.

Kaneki Touka stands there, surrounded by children. “I think you were missing these minions?”

“Sorry,” says Mizuki, nibbling her lip, as Shouhei and Nagisa hang their heads. Mayazumi, naturally, wears his eat-shit grin. Completely unrepentant.

“They tried to steal Yoriko’s treats and I showed them the power of an SS ghoul,” Touka says.

“We weren’t stealing for ourselves. We have a friend. His name is Ryuu and he lives in an underground garden!” Shouhei says innocently.

“He’s an imaginary friend,” Nagisa adds quickly.

“Then why did he need food?” Touka puts her hands on her hips, and to Hajime and Mayazumi’s amazement, the children are actually cowed. 

“Come on.” Touka points them all inside. “Time to have a talk with your parents when they return.”

“But…” Hajime whimpers.

Touka claps a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. The worst they’ll do is eat you.”