All of Kaneki’s implied and canon admirers talk about how much they love Kaneki, what they want to do with Kaneki if they got into a relationship with him and what they love about him, what made them fall in love with him: so this includes Roma, Mutsuki, Hajime, Hinami, Touka, Rize, Tsukiyama, Hide, Saiko, Eto, etc (side comment: Boy Neki has himself a hell of a lot of admirers!)

Like how does Ken get and maintain these admirers I’m jealous.

“I’ll go first.” Touka sighs. She can’t believe Urie and Marude’s solution was a group therapy session for all of Kaneki’s admirers.

“Now that he’s recovering in the hospital, you can all work out your problems,” Marude said. What a dumbass.

“I first fell in love when he told me he’d care if I died, even though I was a murderer,” Touka says, a sad smile on her face. “I just want to raise our kid together and give them…the childhood we never had.”

“I fell in love with his scent,” says Tsukiyama. “And convinced myself I wanted to eat him instead of love him. Now I just want him to stay alive.”

“Tsukiyama is a bad example for ghouls,” Hinami says quickly. “I love how Onii-chan taught me to read. That’s why I want happiness for him.”

“He was tasty,” Rize says dreamily, still somewhat dead inside after being held captive for years. “I’d still like to eat him.”

“I like Maman because he always loved us when we were brats,” Saiko says, crossing her arms. “Now I just want to hug him and tell him he’s okay every day.”

“I find him fascinating.” Eto grins. “So much potential. I’d torment him day and night.”

“Potential tragedy. People who try to be good because they hate themselves are my weakness.” Roma giggles. “I love sitting back and watching.”

“This is why you don’t have friends, old maid,” Eto shoots back.

“I like him because he’s what I want to be, only I’ll be better because I won’t betray CCG,” Hajime declares.

Hide shakes his head. “Kid.“

“What?!” Hajime huffs.

“Never mind.” Hide sighs. “You know, I’m not sure. I think I always have, but I haven’t recognized it until it was nearly too late. Now I just want him to be happy.”

“What about you?” Hide turns to Mutsuki, who swallows hard.

“Uh…ummm…I like that he showed me kindness when I was a gross murderer,” Mutsuki whispers.

Saiko coughs. “That’s, uh, close to Touka’s.”

“I know.” Mutsuki stares at the floor.

Touka slides closer to Mutsuki. “Ken’s a great guy.”

Mutsuki smiles, tentatively, at her.

Maybe, Touka thinks, Marude wasn’t such a doofus after all.

would you fuck your clone tg re edition

Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – No, my clone makes me sad.

Nagachika Hideyoshi – It’d be fun.

Kamishiro Rize – Yes please.

Kirishima Touka – I’d rather fuck Kaneki.

Koma Enji – Ab-sol-ute-ly!

Irimi Kaya – I’m sorry, did you say something?

Yomo Renji – No way.

Kosaka Yoriko – No?

Hinami Feuguchi – Uh…ummmmmm…

Nishiki Nishio – I’d rather fuck Kimi.

Nishino Kimi – I’d do it for science.

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – I’d do it while eating myself.

Karren von Rosewald – If I could pretend it was Master Shuu.

Matsumae – Nah.

Mirumo – 100x yes.

Chie Hori – No.

Clowns

Uta – I’ve already done it. Kagune clone.

Itori – Hell yeah. I’m hot.

Hoito Roma – *giggles* obviously

Nimura Furuta – My answer is a resounding yes.

Rio/Shikorae – ?!

Nico – It’d be so tragic, since you couldn’t be in love with yourself…

Donato Porpora – Technically, that’s not against the Bible…

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – I’m gonna decline to answer this

Tatara – What is wrong with you people

Yoshimura Eto – Never say never

Noro – Why am I alive.

Miza Kusakari – Yep.

Naki – Huh?

Yumitsu Tomoe/Hakatori – Probably

Banjou Kazuichi – I’m scared and my answer is no.

CCG

Amon Koutarou – Amon.exe has ceased to function

Takizawa Seidou – No, because I hate myself.

Mado Akira – I’d rather fuck a kakuja ghoul.

Houji Kousuke- Shh don’t tell.

Marude Itsuki – Hell no.

Washuu Yoshitoki – Hell yes.

Washuu Matsuri – No. Give me Urie.

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – Over and over.

Kuriowa Takeomi – Uh – uh – n – no?

Kuriowa Iwao – Nope.

Aura Kiyoko – I’m not even dignifying that with a response.

Tanakamaru Mougan – I wish.

Itou Kuramoto – Tee-hee. Yes.

Kurona Yasuhisa – I used to have a clone. My identical twin. Sometimes I can still hear her voice…

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Probably

Arima Kishou – Did Eto send you to ask this?

Ui Koori – It’s unethical.

Take Hirako – Who can say?

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Why not?

Keijin Nakarai – I’d rather have someone else interested in me besides me.

Hanbee Abara – Nooooooo.

Miyuki Mikage – OMG YES.

Mizurou Tamaki – Possibly.

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – hahahaha of course.

Shirazu Ginshi – Why the fuck are you asking this?

Urie Kuki – indubitably.

Mutsuki Tooru – I’m grotesque 😦

Hsaio Ching-Li – lol no.

Aura Shinsanpei – That sounds melodramatic, so yes.

Higemaru Touma – lol. lol. lol. uh. Come back later after I’ve thought about it.

HIDE AND YORIKO MEETING HIDE AND YORIKO MEETING HIDE AND YORIKO MEETING

It’s like the collision of two suns!

“So you’re Touka-chan’s best friend.” Hide slides besides Yoriko. Across the room, Takeomi’s eyes narrow.

Yoriko rolls her eyes at her husband before turning to Hide. “And you’re Kaneki’s. I’m so glad they’re married. I’ve been teasing her about them since I first saw him in her apartment!”

“I told him to date her the first time he took me to Anteiku!” Hide cackles, then sighs. “Unfortunately, he was interested in Rize at the time, and we all know how that one worked out.”

“Eh,” says Yoriko. “If he hadn’t become a ghoul, would he and Touka be happy right now?” She grins. “I hope you’re prepared for me being the crazy aunt.”

“I’m going to be the fun uncle. All the toys!” Hide rubs his hands together.

He likes Yoriko. She hands him smiles and sunshine, and doesn’t flinch at his scars. They should have met and intervened for their friends years earlier.

“That’s okay. Takeomi can be the boring, dependable one,” Yoriko jokes. “I’ll take the baby on adventures. And, somehow, I’ll find something they can eat and bake it for them.”

“This sounds important,” Hide agrees.

“Ooh, what do you like to eat?” Yoriko tilts her head. “See, I can’t help with fighting or anything. So I will feed you all in the meantime.”

You know who could really use some unconditional affection/love? Hide. And you know what came to mind? Kaneki + dogs. Remember how he was dressed as a cat in the calendar? how about Kaneki dressing as a cute fluffy dog for Hide and lick him all over his face, nuzzling him and the mask out of the way while licking and looking at him with adoration and curl up in his lap/cuddle with him and running on all fours before tackling him to greet him and lick him and hugging him. Cause I need this bad.

Meep.

Hide trudges into his apartment and slowly closes the door behind him. He just saw the most fluffy Samoyed on the street, and he desperately wants one. Dogs won’t look at his scars funny. He needs a Samoyed!

Too bad his bank account disagrees.

“Heya, Hide.” A voice rings out from his kitchen.

Hide starts. “Kaneki?”

“Woof.” Kaneki looks embarrassed to be on all fours, dressed as a fluffy brown mutt, but he is all the same.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t buy you a dog, so I thought I’d dress up as one.” Kaneki nuzzles Hide’s ankles.

Hide has to laugh.

Kaneki rises and uses his mask to nudge Hide’s scarf away. He licks the scars ever-so-slightly, like a timid puppy.

Hide giggles. “You’re so silly.”

“I figured it was the least I could do,” Kaneki whispers.

“This, uh, actually means a lot to me.” Hide wipes his eyes as Kaneki pulls him to the floor and curls up next to him.

“You’re my best friend, and you deserve a dog.”

Kaneki and Hide reunite and Hide confesses his feelings for him (like he did in Chpt 148). But since Kaneki is married with a child on the way, he also says he is ready to let Kaneki go and be happy even if he can’t have him. In comes our queen, Touka, who introduces them to the idea of polyamory ;)

“Why would you go this far? I took your mouth,” Kaneki whispers. He’ll never hear Hide’s laugh again.

Hide rolls his eyes “Kaneki, half an hour ago you thought you’d never hear me again because you’d killed me. Isn’t this infinitely better?”

“I…suppose.”

“Anyhow, I love you. Kaneki, I’ve loved you for years.” Hide looks at the ground. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. It took me…well, until you vanished to realize.”

“Hide.” Kaneki blinks back tears. “I love you, too.”

He takes Hide’s cheeks in his. “But I can’t be with you. I’m with Touka. We’re having a baby.”

“Do you love her?” Hide asks, desperately.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Hide breathes a sigh of relief. He can handle heartbreak if Kaneki is happy.

“Hold up, you two.” Touka stomps over. “Go ahead and kiss him, Ken.”

“Huh?” Kaneki sputters.

“Polyamory is a thing, you know.” Touka flutters her lashes at both men.

Hide feels impressively attracted to her. “Uh.”

Kaneki tackles his missing mouth in a kiss, and Touka kisses both of their cheeks.

“Welcome to the family. I’ll leave a bite mark not on your face for marriage,” Touka whispers in Hide’s ear.

He laughs, and even Kaneki has to chuckle.

He feels so happy, surrounded by and married to his best friends.

Hide and pre Yamori torture Kaneki (so the most innocent pure Kaneki) nsfw with Hide exuberantly topping and being all complimentary and sweet towards his best friend and being excited as hell at getting to finally experience this with his most important person and Kaneki is too and Kaneki is all smiles and affectionately calls Hide “idiot” after Hide praises him

“Are you sure about this?” Kaneki lifts his eyes to Hide’s. His beloved friend lies stretched atop him. Their skin is bare and sweaty. Their nerves tingle. Kaneki can feel Hide’s humid breath on his lips and he’s embarrassed to admit it, but he wants Hide even more now.

Hide nods. “Kaneki, of course.” He laughs. “You might actually have more muscle than I do.”

Kaneki snickers. “We’re both pretty spindly.”

“And we’re both beautiful.” Hide smiles down at Kaneki. “And we’re both in love.”

He tightens his grip. “Ready?”

Kaneki nods, scared and excited and overwhelmed. He can’t believe he gets to do this with Hide. This is better than he ever dreamed. Certainly better than the horror novels he adores.

Their bodies rock back and forth.

“You feel so good,” Hide moans. “How did you get so talented at this?”

“Idiot,” Kaneki laughs. “Though I could ask the same of you.”

Hide kisses him again. Kaneki tries not to cry out with excitement, and this makes Hide even happier.

This is a happy moment, and if he has his way, Kaneki will have many more.

TG characters as Christmas Songs 🎄

I’ve sorted the characters according to their introductory affiliation.

Anteiku/Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – O Holy Night

Nagachika Hideyoshi – Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Yoshimura Kuzen – What Child Is This?

Kamishiro Rize – All I Want for Christmas Is You

Kirishima Touka – Angels We Have Heard on High

Koma Enji – Frosty the Snowman

Irimi Kaya – The First Noel

Yomo Renji – The Holly and the Ivy

Kosaka Yoriko – Love Came Down

Hinami Feuguchi – Silver Bells

Nishiki Nishio – We Three Kings

Nishino Kimi – O Christmas Tree

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – The 12 Days of Christmas

Karren von Rosewald – Last Christmas

Matsumae – Good King Wenceslas

Mirumo – We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Chie Hori – What Child is This?

Clowns

Uta – Ding Dong Merrily on High

Itori – Mele Kalikimaka

Hoito Roma – Wonderful Christmastime

Nimura Furuta – You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Rio/Shikorae – Up on the Housetop

Nico – Santa Baby

Donato Porpora – Here Comes Santa Claus

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24

Yamori – Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Tatara – White Christmas

Yoshimura Eto – Carol of the Bells

Noro – Silent Night

Miza Kusakari – I Saw Three Ships

Naki – Jingle Bells

Hakatori – Making Christmas

Banjou Kazuichi – O Little Town of Bethlehem

CCG

Amon Koutarou – O Come All Ye Faithful

Takizawa Seidou – O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

Mado Akira – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Houji Kousuke- Away in a Manger

Mado Kureo – Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Marude Itsuki – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Washuu Yoshitoki – Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

Washuu Matsuri – Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – The Christmas Shoes, because it pains everyone else

Kuriowa Takeomi – Ave Maria

Kuriowa Iwao – Angels from the Realms of Glory

Aura Kiyoko – Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

Tanakamaru Mougan – Go Tell It on the Mountain

Shinohara Yukinori – Happy Christmas (War is Over)

Itou Kuramoto – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Kurona Yasuhisa – I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Hajime Hazuki – All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

Mayazumi – Run Rudolph

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – The Wassail Song

Arima Kishou – O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

Ui Koori – Little Drummer Boy

Take Hirako – Let It Snow

Arima Yusa – It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

Ihei Shio – Deck the Halls

Souza Rikai – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Once in a Royal David’s City

Keijin Nakarai – Silver and Gold

Hanbee Abara – Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Miyuki Mikage – Holly Jolly Christmas

Mizurou Tamaki – Jingle Bell Rock

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – Joy to the World

Shirazu Ginshi – Feliz Navidad

Urie Kuki – Do You Hear What I Hear?

Mutsuki Tooru – Please Come Home for Christmas

Hsaio Ching-Li – Sleigh Ride

Aura Shinsanpei – Blue Christmas

Higemaru Touma – Little Drummer Boy

( a continuation of the mutsuki and touka reunion? at the ccg) The whole time mutsuki is flipping out, touka is just calming drinking her decaf coffee (cause i don’t think pregnant ladies can have caffeine) and says “man, i always heard about people hating their inlaws but this just takes the cake” which is overheard by several q-squad members and just adds to the confusion

Touka sips the terrible decaf coffee Hide brewed just for her. “Man, I always heard about people hating their in laws but this just takes the cake, you know?”

“You can eat cake?” Saiko asks.

“In laws? You mean, you really are married?” Takizawa laughs. “Holy shit!”

“Does that make you my mother?” gasps Higemaru. “Because I am down with that. She’s a badass.”

“I hate her! I hate her! She’s not our mother!” cries Mutsuki. “She – she stole Sensei away! That slut!”

Ayato rises, but Hinami yanks him back.

“Touka is actually pretty cool for the rabbit who killed my dad,” Akira says, tossing her a wry smile. Akira keeps her hands massaging Mutsuki’s shoulders.

Aura spits out his coffee. “She what?”

“Say it, don’t spray it,” says Nishiki with a glare.

“Oh come off it, we’re all killers here.” Kurona primly lifts her mug.

“Mutsuki, Kaneki left you because he couldn’t face himself,” Tsukiyama says quietly. “He’s never been good at that. Not that I have either. He craves a family but fears the hurt that comes with love. It was his failing, not yours. Not Touka’s.” He smiles slightly. “He told me the list of people he cared about once. Believe me, you Quinx were included.”

Mutsuki sniffles. “Really?”

But I am awful. I kill families. But Akira is rubbing his back, and Urie has approached him, and Saiko looks at him with kindness he doesn’t deserve. Did he leave the Quinx home, too?

“Really.” Tsukiyama nods.

Mutsuki lets out a little sob, and that does it. Saiko springs up and embraces him. Even Touka has to smile.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Ayato stands up. “Touka! Does that mean you really are – the rumors – the decaf -”

He turns purple. “I CAN’T HELP HIM!”

“Sit down and shut up,” Yomo mumbles.

Ayato sits.

hide rounded up those who wanted to help kaneki and they were all in a separate meeting room. In stumbles mutuski and Aura who iare late don’t really know what is going on, they see touka and just intensely stare (cause they’re like “wtf is she mocking us or just has mega lady balls”) And touka is all like “are you finally gonna be joining us” (definitely mocking) and mutsuki flips out much to the confusion of everyone else (pls include multiple pov if you can) thanks!!!!!!!

“Ar you sure this is a good idea?” Urie mutters.

“I think it’s fantastic.” Saiko beams at Touka, who feels a strange fondness for this other blue-haired girl.

“I think it’s necessary,” mutters Serpent. Nishiki, he calls himself.

The Gourmet giggles besides a goateed ghoul who calls himself Banjou. A short woman, Three Blades’ Miza, swats Tsukiyama on his shoulder. Higemaru looks at Akira and Amon with wonder, his heroes finally within reach. Hsaio and Hakatori exchange tentative smiles. Yomo Renji, still dazed, leans on Fueguchi HInami and former Aogiri executive Kirishima Ayato for support. Takizawa Seidou, Yasuhisa Kurona, and Urie sulk in their own respective corners.

And Hide is charged with controlling these crazy messes.

“Hi,” he croaks out, for once understanding Kaneki’s shyness.

The door bangs open. “We came as quick as we could!”

Aura Shinsanpei hurries in, Mutsuki Tooru behind him.

Yomo groans. Not again.

Mutsuki stares at Touka, who refuses to budge from her position besides Hide, at the head of the table. She won’t give him the satisfaction.

“Is this mockery of CCG? And everything we stand for?” Aura clenches his fist.

“So good of you to finally join us,” Touka says stiffly.

Mutsuki’s mouth opens and shuts without a word. He wanted to help Sensei. He came to help Sensei, not to see her. “She isn’t helping Sensei!”

He’s jealous of her. Urie tries to push the thought from his mind. No, Mutsuki can’t be.

“Mucchy, why would you say that? They’re married!” Saiko claps her hands.

“I’ll beat your asses again,” Miza warns them.

“You did this! You made sensei into this!” screams Mutsuki.

“Furuta did, which means technically, your CCG did, on the bodies of a hundred little kids,” Akira snaps.

He looks hurt.

“Look, this isn’t easy for me either, considering you razed my family,” says Tsukiyama. “But we all love Kaneki, and we all have to work together if we want to save him.”

“She took him,” whimpers Mutsuki, tears in his eyes.

Akira frowns. Mutsuki isn’t well. Maybe – maybe he didn’t turn on her as easily as she thought.

“Mutsuki, this isn’t like you,” she says. Amon tightens his grip on her arm.

“Pah,” says Seidou.

“Helpful,” Kurona shoots at him. He rolls his eyes.

“Mutsuki?” Akira stands and approaches him again.

Urie’s hands sweat. He should be the one comforting Mutsuki. Asking the hard questions.

But because he’s Urie Yuki, he can’t do it in that order. “What the hell is going on?!”

Kaneki and Hide Reunite with Kaneki being insecure about his arms and looking down in shame and Hide being insecure about his face but he tilts Kaneki’s face up pulls down his mask and kisses him while tenderly rubbing his hands down Kaneki’s arms. Kaneki tenderly kisses Hide and caresses/kisses his scars while both tell each other lovingly they are as beautiful as ever

Aw this is cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.

“Kaneki. Hey. Been a while.” Hide tries to smile with his eyes. His voice comes out garbled.

Kaneki flushes. Hide’s face. Did he – has he done this?

He stares down in shame. His arms are red and scaly, like lizard arms. Like dragon arms. “I’m a monster, Hide.”

Hide shakes his head. Of course, Kaneki would panic over his face. Hell, he panics over his face.

But he doesn’t blame Kaneki.

What was Kaneki always telling him while giving him literary lessons? It’s better to show than tell?

Hide approaches slowly. He tilts Kaneki’s face up to his and tugs down his mask.

Kaneki cries out at the mangled mouth without lips, the mottled throat, the lack of a full tongue.

And then Hide presses his mangled mouth against his, running his hands up and down Kaneki’s scales.

Kaneki gasps. He – he is loved by the person hurt worst.

He kisses Hide back where his mouth should be. “You’re still beautiful, Hide.”

“So are you,” Hide manages, and he means it, and Kaneki knows it.

In this moment, he feels more human than he’s ever been.