Suzuya Squad members as classmates, Shinohara as their teacher maybe (? I need something funny besides all the tragedy ;-;

“Suzuya, you don’t need to threaten Seidou with needles. Frankly, I’m surprised we don’t have a policy against those.” Mr. Shinohara sighs.

“Okay.” Suzuya giggles. He always sits in the front row, eager to answer questions, even though he’s distractible and occasionally attacks the other students.

Mizurou Tamaki smiles up at Shinohara. He’s a mischievous one, always passing notes to Suzuya and Miyuki Mikage.

Mikage, however, never pays attention. He doodles constellations and looks up his horoscope in class.

Now Mizurou slips a note to Keijin Nakarai, who responds with a glare. Nakarai wouldn’t dare disrespect Shinohara to his face.

And then there’s Hanbee Abara, Suzuya’s best friend and enabler. He sneaks Suzuya pudding, and in return, Suzuya helps coach him how to answer questions in class without freezing up.

Shinohara breaks out into a smile. He loves these kids and their ridiculous idiosyncrasies.

“Take your seats. We have a pop quiz!” Mr. Shinohara announces.

Suzuya groans, Nakarai pales, and Mikage shrugs his shoulders, as if to say well I’m not passing, so I don’t care.

But Suzuya will try his best, Shinohara knows. Even if he doesn’t know the math, he’ll find some unique way to figure it out.

He loves these kids like his children.

Platonic Suzuhan Anon is back again ;;)) I miss my boys too much Can I have some good cuddles on the sofa during a freezing cold night? Please???

Yes, please.

Suzuya scurries inside the home he shares with his Squad. Mizurou and Mikage pile behind him.

Hanbee looks up from the kitchen. “Did you have fun?”

“Mmm-hmmm.” Suzuya’s teeth chatter. “We made snowmen.”

“And now I’m going to warm up in the shower to regain half the feeling in my limbs,” Mizurou announces.

“I didn’t need to picture you in the shower,” Mikage retorts. The two laugh as they head upstairs.

“Do you want some cocoa?” Hanbee offers.

Suzuya nods eagerly. He practically leaps with excitement as Hanbee also takes out their container of marshmallows.

“You’ve been into them again.” Hanbee observes the nearly empty container.

“They’re yummy.” Suzuya yanks off his snowshoes and plops onto the sofa. “I hope you’re drinking cocoa, too.”

“Of course.” Hanbee pulls two mugs out of their cabinets.

After a few minutes, Hanbee nestles besides Suzuya.

Suzuya slurps his chocolate. “Ow.”

“You know it’s hot. You can feel it! Why did you drink it?” Hanbee cries.

“I’m too excited,” Suzuya complains, leaning against Hanbee. He loves his friend’s warmth. He feels safe here.

“Me too, but you don’t see me burning myself,” Hanbee teases, sipping his cocoa.

“You have a chocolate mustache.” Suzuya giggles. “Still looks better than Mougan’s.”

Hanbee nearly spits out his drink. “Don’t make me laugh so hard. I’ll spill.”

“Oh, you have better motor control than that,” Suzuya says with a roll of his eyes.

They grin at each other, two friends warming together on a cold night.

Shinohara wakes up and meets Hanbee

Hanbee holds his breath as Suzuya and he enter the stark hospital room, which smells of limp food and cleaning fluids.

Suzuya wants to stop, to run away, but he can’t, so Hanbee will hold his breath in his leader’s place.

Suzuya steps in full view of the bed, where Shinohara Yukinori sits, awake and smiling at his wife and not-so-little kids.

Suzuya’s heart beats wildly. Is there still a place for him with Mr. Shinohara?

Shinohara stills as soon as he spies Suzuya. Then he holds out his hands, as emotion clouds his ability to speak.

“Mr. Shinohara!” Suzuya wails and launches himself into Shinohara’s arms. “You’re here, you’re really here.”

“I am,” says Shinohara, embracing Suzuya. “Juuzou, you’ve become a great man.”

“T-thank you,” says Suzuya, wiping his eyes.

“Who is this?” Shinohara’s eyes flit over to the doorway, where Hanbee stands.

“That is Hanbee Abara, my squad member. He’s…very special to me,” says Suzuya, flushing.

“Hanbee.” Mr. Shinohara smiles at him. “I’m glad Suzuya found someone like you.”

Hanbee gasps. “Thank you, sir! Suzuya is – well, he’s the most amazing leader we have. And I – I love him.”

“I’m glad,” says Shinohara, squeezing Suzuya’s shoulder. “Nothing could make me happier.”

I FREAKING LOVE SUZUYA SCENARIOS HELP Please Bless me with a christmas one where all the Suzuya Squad members celebrate together like a real family

❤ ❤ ❤

“Hanbee, can you straighten the star?” asks Keijin. “You’re the only one tall enough.”

Hanbee sighs, but rises from his position on their couch besides Suzuya. He reaches up to adjust the crooked, rainbowed star. “There.”

“Yay!” Suzuya claps his hands. “Is it present time yet?”

“Yes, it’s present time.” Mizurou agrees.

“I’ll play Santa!” Suzuya swipes Mikage’s fuzzy red and white stocking off his head.

“Hey!” cries Mikage, but he’s laughing to show he doesn’t really mind.

“This is for Hanbee.” Suzuya hands his best friend a small box. “From me!”

“And to Mikage, from Keijin.” A large, heavy package nearly topples Mikage.

“And Keijin, from Mizurou.” A tall, heavy box.

“To Mizurou, from Mikage.” A small, light wrapping.

“And to me, from Hanbee!” Suzuya crows, looking at the large box peppered with holes.

“One – two – three – go!”

Wrapping paper flies everywhere as the young men tear into their presents.

Hanbee leaps a mile at the Jack-in-the-box. “Suzuya! You would.”

“An astronomy encyclopedia? This is phenomenal,” gasps Mikage.

Keijin beams at his small falcon statue. “I love it, Mizurou.”

“Good.” Mizurou waves tickets to the next gaming convention. “Mikage, you’re the best.”

“Suzuya?” Keijin leans forward with anticipation.

Suzuya stares down into the box. A squeak emanates from his lips. “Hanbee!”

He bends down to lift out a snowy white kitten with red eyes.

“It’s a Suzuya cat!” offers Hanbee. “Also albino.”

“I love it!” Suzuya shrieks as the cat buries its face in his shoulder. “I love it! It’s so cute! Oh my goodness!”

“What will you name it?” asks Mikage.

“Mischief,” says Suzuya, stroking it with tears in his eyes.

What the TG characters want for Christmas

I’ve sorted the characters according to their introductory affiliation.

Anteiku/Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – to be safe

Nagachika Hideyoshi – to see Kaneki again

Yoshimura Kuzen – Eto’s forgiveness

Kamishiro Rize – freedom and food

Kirishima Touka – Kaneki to be free of the worm

Koma Enji – to be alive

Irimi Kaya – a puppy

Yomo Renji – His niece and nephew safe

Kosaka Yoriko – To see Touka again

Hinami Feuguchi – for everyone she loves to be happy

Nishiki Nishio – to kiss Kimi

Nishino Kimi – a world where ghouls and humans live in harmony

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – A taste of Kaneki

Karren von Rosewald – Tsukiyama’s love

Matsumae – the family’s safety

Mirumo – his son’s happiness

Chie Hori – another camera

Clowns

Uta – eyeball snacks. Maybe a kiss from Yomo.

Itori – blood wine!

Hoito Roma – to belong

Nimura Furuta – his father’s approval

Rio/Shikorae – his brother

Nico – makeup

Donato Porpora – a reunion with Amon

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – Hinami’s coffee. Maybe Hinami.

Yamori – kagune pliers

Tatara – Houji’s head, but really his siblings back

Yoshimura Eto – the world’s obedience

Noro – life

Miza Kusakari – nothing bad to happen anymore

Naki – to see Yamori again

Hakatori – a new quinque

Banjou Kazuichi – a hug

CCG

Amon Koutarou – to be a good person

Takizawa Seidou – to be human again

Mado Akira – internal peace

Houji Kousuke – a break from murder investigators

Mado Kureo – to kill the one-eyed owl and make their kagune into his quinque

Marude Itsuki – assurance that Yoshitoki was actually his friend

Washuu Yoshitoki – a vacation

Washuu Matsuri – Urie

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – nothing good.

Kuriowa Takeomi – Yoriko’s cooking

Kuriowa Iwao – his son’s happiness

Aura Kiyoko – Aura to calm down

Tanakamaru Mougan – hairspray

Shinohara Yukinori – to see his family again

Itou Kuramoto – a practical joke book

Kurona Yasuhisa – Shiro

Hajime Hazuki – to be a renowned badass

Mayazumi – eyebrow liner

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Arima’s smile

Arima Kishou – atonement

Ui Koori – Hairu resurrected

Take Hirako – Shio and Rikai’s resurrection

Arima Yusa – a peaceful world

Ihei Shio – a pet reindeer

Souza Rikai – flowers

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Mr. Shinohara to awaken

Keijin Nakarai – recognition

Hanbee Abara – to marry Suzuya

Miyuki Mikage – an alien encounter

Mizurou Tamaki – a girlfriend

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – no one dying anymore

Shirazu Ginshi – Haru’s healing

Urie Kuki – Mutsuki’s safety

Mutsuki Tooru – to be safe and happy

Hsaio Ching-Li – Saiko’s affection

Aura Shinsanpei – Kaneki’s head, or his aunt’s approval

Higemaru Touma – to save the world

Suzuhan???

– Hanbee is the fashionista of the two. He picks out all of Suzuya’s dark, pretty outfits.

– Suzuya sometimes swings from the fan in their ceiling so he can surprise attack Hanbee.

– Suzuya frequently tackles Hanbee, demanding cuddles. Hanbee happily obliges.

– Shinohara’s family is very supportive of their relationship. Hanbee teared up when Shinohara’s wife told him that Mr. Shinohara would have loved him for making Juuzou so happy.

– Hanbee has a habit of talking in his sleep, which Suzuya has filmed more than once, to his Squad’s delight. Well, his Squad except Hanbee.

– Suzuya often falls asleep in Hanbee’s arms. Hanbee adores this. The first time it happened, he cried with joy.

– Suzuya loves playing with Hanbee’s hair.

would you fuck your clone tg re edition

Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – No, my clone makes me sad.

Nagachika Hideyoshi – It’d be fun.

Kamishiro Rize – Yes please.

Kirishima Touka – I’d rather fuck Kaneki.

Koma Enji – Ab-sol-ute-ly!

Irimi Kaya – I’m sorry, did you say something?

Yomo Renji – No way.

Kosaka Yoriko – No?

Hinami Feuguchi – Uh…ummmmmm…

Nishiki Nishio – I’d rather fuck Kimi.

Nishino Kimi – I’d do it for science.

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – I’d do it while eating myself.

Karren von Rosewald – If I could pretend it was Master Shuu.

Matsumae – Nah.

Mirumo – 100x yes.

Chie Hori – No.

Clowns

Uta – I’ve already done it. Kagune clone.

Itori – Hell yeah. I’m hot.

Hoito Roma – *giggles* obviously

Nimura Furuta – My answer is a resounding yes.

Rio/Shikorae – ?!

Nico – It’d be so tragic, since you couldn’t be in love with yourself…

Donato Porpora – Technically, that’s not against the Bible…

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – I’m gonna decline to answer this

Tatara – What is wrong with you people

Yoshimura Eto – Never say never

Noro – Why am I alive.

Miza Kusakari – Yep.

Naki – Huh?

Yumitsu Tomoe/Hakatori – Probably

Banjou Kazuichi – I’m scared and my answer is no.

CCG

Amon Koutarou – Amon.exe has ceased to function

Takizawa Seidou – No, because I hate myself.

Mado Akira – I’d rather fuck a kakuja ghoul.

Houji Kousuke- Shh don’t tell.

Marude Itsuki – Hell no.

Washuu Yoshitoki – Hell yes.

Washuu Matsuri – No. Give me Urie.

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – Over and over.

Kuriowa Takeomi – Uh – uh – n – no?

Kuriowa Iwao – Nope.

Aura Kiyoko – I’m not even dignifying that with a response.

Tanakamaru Mougan – I wish.

Itou Kuramoto – Tee-hee. Yes.

Kurona Yasuhisa – I used to have a clone. My identical twin. Sometimes I can still hear her voice…

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Probably

Arima Kishou – Did Eto send you to ask this?

Ui Koori – It’s unethical.

Take Hirako – Who can say?

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Why not?

Keijin Nakarai – I’d rather have someone else interested in me besides me.

Hanbee Abara – Nooooooo.

Miyuki Mikage – OMG YES.

Mizurou Tamaki – Possibly.

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – hahahaha of course.

Shirazu Ginshi – Why the fuck are you asking this?

Urie Kuki – indubitably.

Mutsuki Tooru – I’m grotesque 😦

Hsaio Ching-Li – lol no.

Aura Shinsanpei – That sounds melodramatic, so yes.

Higemaru Touma – lol. lol. lol. uh. Come back later after I’ve thought about it.

Totally sure Hanbee is the one who bought that Dark lolita dress and stiled Suzuya for the auction.

“Wow, you like pretty dresses, Hanbee.” Suzuya slides his fingers around the silky black fabric. His squad is gathered around in their living room, watching to see if Hanbee came through on his promise to find the perfect outfit for their leader.

“It seemed your style. Delicate and deadly.” Hanbee’s cheeks burn. Mizurou gives him a thumbs up.

Suzuya giggles. He skips towards his room, hollering over his shoulder. “I’ll put it on, but then you help me with my makeup!”

“Does Hanbee even know how to do that?” Keijin jokes.

“Hopefully more than we do,” Mikage says.

Hanbee clears his throat and stares at the ground. He’s not that obvious, is he?

When Suzuya appears, Mikage whistles and Mizurou elbows Hanbee.

Apparently he is that obvious. Oops.

He’s soon captivated with how dazzling Suzuya looks. His leader practically sparkles in his Dark Lolita style dress. It goes perfectly with the twisted smile he’s pasted on.

“Here. Let me get my makeup.” Hanbee hurries to his room, and returns carrying glossy hair extensions, red ribbons, and a makeup kit.

Hanbee applies creamy foundation first before lifting crimson lipstick.

“Ooh, like blood,” Suzuya says eagerly.

“I think it’ll look beautiful on him, right Hanbee?” Keijin grins wickedly.

“R- right.” Hanbee’s hands tremble as he applies the stain to Suzuya’s lips.

Next is eyeshadow and eyeliner. Suzuya doesn’t even flinch as Hanbee traces over his lids, crafting points as sharp as any quinque.

“We should take pictures. You look wonderful. I almost forget we’re going into battle.” Mizurou chuckles as Hanbee puts the finishing touches on Suzuya’s hair.

Suzuya smiles up at Hanbee. “Thank you, Hanbee.”

“You’re welcome, Squad Leader,” Hanbee whispers back as his heart accelerates.

Everyone’s reaction at Suzuya saying fuck ???

Kaneki/Sasaki: You – You shouldn’t – s-s-s-ay that…Hahaha…Uh…Help.

Mutsuki: *scared*

Urie: *stunned silence*

Shirazu: *chokes*

Saiko: Hey fucker, wanna fucking go? I fucking love it.

Hanbee: *turns bright red, gets very antsy*

Keijin: *impressed* *makes a mental note that swearing may be okay in front of his squad leader*

Mizurou: OMFG

Mikage: the constellations have aligned. The planets have united as one. The world is ending and it is beautiful.

Shinohara: Suzuya, sometimes that word upsets people. I’ve found it helpful to try saying what is making you so angry, rather than saying that word.

Hanbee has a niece, his brother’s 4 year old daughter called Misaki, and one day his brother and his wife can’t find a babysitter so the Suzuya squad offer to take care of Misaki for the weekend. What happens?

“Does Misaki like candy?” Suzuya looks at his pockets, which he has stuffed with Skittles, M&M’s, and chocolate.

Hanbee pales on his way to answer their door. “My brother is super-strict on sugar.”

“So the answer is yes,” Mizurou says.

Keijin opens the door.

“Hiiiiiiiiii!” Misaki races in, giggling. “I memorized all your names! Suzuya! Mikage! Mizurou! Keijin! Uncle Hanbeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

Keijin looks ill already as Hanbee’s brother and his wife hand over instructions.

“No sugar,” they emphasize before leaving.

Suzuya looks horrified, but he doesn’t want to interfere with her upbringing. So he tries to shove his jacket in the hall closet.

“Is that candy?” Misaki’s eyes focus, like lasers, on his pockets.

“Yes, but -”

Suzuya has to dive out of the way as Misaki barrels towards him. “Please! Please! Uncle Hanbee!”

Hanbee sighs as Suzuya climbs onto the furniture, away from this four-year-old human monster. “We’re screwed.”

“Give it,” Mikage says.

Suzuya sighs with relief and dumps the candy onto the child’s head. It rains down upon her like amazing rain.

“I love you!” she cheers, mouth full of sugar. “Can I see your quinques?”

“Hell no,” Keijin exclaims.

“You swore.”

Hanbee whimpers. She’ll tell her parents, won’t she? “Uh, sure.”

“Yessssss!” Misaki claps her hands innocently.

“Here’s Beef.” Mizurou opens his briefcase.

“Eek! I want one.”

“No,” Hanbee declares.

“Fine.” She pouts. She’s immediately distracted by the sea of candy surrounding her. “Can we make a piñata with all this candy?”

“Yes!” cheers Mikage.

“Good idea,” Suzuya adds.

Paper-mache. Hanbee winces, but he has to admit, he kinda wants to do this too.

When Misaki’s parents return two days later, they find the Suzuya Squad’s living room coated in plaster and dyes, and candy wrappings in Misaki’s hair.