Part 3 of the dreams) Hajime and the Squad zero kids have the same dreams as the others, only back to back. This prompts them to bond further with Kaneki, for Hajime to think things through and for Kaneki to gain four new members to his family.

“No, stop, Arima! Arima!” wails Shio.

“Shio, Shio, Shio!” Hirako shakes the child awake. “What happened?”

“Arima – was holding me down – and driving IXA through my eye.” Shio sobs.

“You’re okay. We’ve got you. And Arima loved you.” Yusa hugs his friend, and Rikai nods solemnly.

They drift back to sleep, but this time it’s Yusa sobbing awake. “Mom, stop – I won’t do it again, I promise!”

“Yusa?” Rikai tiptoes closer. “Yusa, you don’t know your mother.”

“Well, I did, and she was hitting me.” Yusa wipes his eyes.

Shio slips under the covers with him. “Here, let’s snuggle. Rikai, join us.”

“I’m fine.” Rikai smiles uncertainly before falling asleep.

“My TOES!” Rikai bolts upright with a shriek. “I was – in a chair – and Jason was chopping off my toes. They kept regrowing, and he kept cutting them off!”

Shio drags her into bed with he and Yusa. “I wonder why we’re all having nightmares.”

“Have you looked at our life?” Yusa asks.

They’re awakened not twenty minutes later by a scream from the cell a few blocks down.

“CENTIPEDES IN MY EARS!”

Hirako, Yusa, Shio, and Rikai bolt for Hajime’s cell. The child is flailing about, frothing at the mouth. He lets out bloodcurdling scream after bloodcurdling scream.

“Hajime!” Shio launches himself into the cell before Hirako can stop him.

“AHHHHHHHHH!”

“Wake up!” Rikai spits into Hajime’s face.

“Pah!” The brat awakens. Sweat beads adorn his forehead. “Huh?”

“Please tell me that’s not how you woke me up,” Yusa says. She smirks in response.

“Did you have the dreams? The torture dreams?” Shio asks.

“I was Kaneki Ken, and Jason putting – centipedes in my ears.” Hajime shakes. He fucking hates bugs.

“I was Kaneki in my nightmare, too,” says Yusa.

“Jason kept cutting off my toes,” says Rikai quietly. “Was the room in a mall, with a vaulted ceiling?”

Hajime nods.

“Did you smell flowers when you dreamt, Shio?” asks Yusa.

“Yeah.” Shio turns to Hirako. “What’s happening to us?”

“You’re having the Kaneki dream, monsieur!” Tsukiyama Shuu waltzes in before Hirako can answer. “We’ve all experienced it at one point or another.”

“Did those – did that really happen to him?” Shio touches his eye unconsciously.

“Indeed,” Tsukiyama says grimly.

Shio begins to cry. “Why? Why would Arima do that?”

“Why would anyone put bugs in someone’s ears?” howls Hajime.

“Where is Kaneki?” Yusa demands.

The king peers around the corner, flanked by Touka and Ayato and – Mutsuki?

“Thought you were at CCG!” Hajime shrieks.

“Thought you said you wouldn’t get caught,” Mutsuki cries back.

“Kingggggggggggg.” Shio flies into Kaneki’s arms, and Yusa and Rikai follow.

Kaneki gingerly pats their heads.

“Don’t be embarrassed. It wasn’t your fault,” says Yusa.

Mutsuki notices Hajime watching them enviously. He inches into the cell and loosens the chains just enough to pull Hajime into the love circle.

Hirako frowns, but accepts the kid.

“I’m sorry that happened. Why do you still like ghouls?” Hajime demands.

Kaneki touches Hajime’s chin. “That’s a long story.”

“I’ve got no where else to be, considering my captain is apparently here now.”

All the people with canon feelings and implied feelings fight over Kaneki/Sasaki’s affection in true harem fashion

Hahahahaha I love it.

“Sensei is mine,” cries Mutsuki, snatching a knife.

“He’s my Onii-chan. You can’t have him.” Hinami releases her butterfly kagune.

“I am hands-down the cutest,” Hajime calls, sprawling across a sofa.

“You’re like 12, bebe.” Tsukiyama holds up a rose.”I am the older, star-crossed lover. I have mystique.”

“I have bite marks from my husband.” Touka pulls down her shirt to reveal her shoulder. “Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

Hinami smiles at her. “You see?”

“Valid point, valid point.” Tsukiyama sighs. “But can we all agree that if you weren’t here, I would be number one?”

“No!” Mutsuki tackles him.

“This is fun.” Hajime watches Tsukiyama pull Mutsuki’s hair, and Mutsuki claw Tsukiyama’s face.

“Now my face is the prettiest!” Hajime races towards Touka. “I can mess up yours now!”

Hinami wraps him in her petals. “Down, baby.”

“If my kid turns out half as annoying as you…” Touka threatens.

“Kaneki loves Touka!” cries HInami. “I’m his little sister. Shuu’s his friend. Mutsuki’s his kid. You’re…a…”

“Twerp,” Touka finishes.

“Shut up!” Hajime clamors free. “I am adorable!”

The door opens.

“Huh?” Kaneki blinks.

“Sensei!” shrieks Mutsuki, launching himself at Kaneki.

“Ken!” Touka uses her ukaku to reach him first.

Hinami uses her petals to pull him closer to her. Tsukiyama grabs Kaneki by the ankles and is dragged along. Hajime leaps atop Kaneki’s shoulders.

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?”

“Eh?” Ayato peers into see the One-Eyed King buried under a mountain of frantic admirers.

Furuta is captured by Goat. Angst.

“Eat up, little baby!” Furuta remembers spreading his arms wide as death soared for him.

So how is he waking up – not in nothingness or hell, but in a cell?

“Bonjour, Souta. Remember me?”

Furuta sits straight up. Oh, his circulation to his arms and legs has been cut off by chains that bind him to a wall.

Tsukiyama Shuu lounges across the cell.

“Are you my guard?” Furuta bares his teeth.

“For now. That was a dirty trick. I lost my student and two little admirers, you know.” Tsukiyama holds up a card.

To Mr. Tsukiyama,

you’re so cute!

Love,

your secret admirers.

Tsukiyama fights back tears. Shio and Rikai and Yusa were no doubt behind that. And now two are gone, along with Naki.

And it hurts.

“Where’s your king? Or should I say kings?” Furuta snickers.

“Resting.” Tsukiyama chuckles. “See, my dear, you miscalculated. Our king fails in many respects, but he loves us. His rampage stopped at stopping CCG. My, my, we had quite a time deciding whether to eat you all or not. In the end, we settled for keeping you all alive.” He displays his kakugans. “Suitable vengeance, isn’t it? Living with yourself.”

“Why?” Fury begins to bubble in Furuta. He isn’t going to waste away here from accelerated aging. He’s going to be executed by a vengeful Kaneki, who will destroy CCG and everyone who partook in this godforsaken war. “Get me Kaneki! Get me him! Let him kill me! I know he wants to – fuck you!”

“Nah.” Tsukiyama nods. “This was definitely the right choice.”

“Kill me!” screams Furuta. “Kill me! Please! Ha, ha – what if I told you I had your Rose’s body in a freezer? Would you kill me then?”

Tsukiyama’s face remains cold. “Karren deserves better than me killing you.”

“No, please!” Furuta shrieks.

“He’s right.” Ui’s voice comes from next door. “We deserve this.”

“I deserve to die!” Furuta bellows.

“Just a question, ever tried deserving to live? Because I think that’s what I deserved.” Hajime calls out from across the hall.

Oh great. The twerp lived. Furuta flops over.

“Someone wants to talk to you.” Tsukiyama opens the door to let in Arima Yusa.

“Lonely?” Furuta asks.

Yusa’s eyes are bloodshot. “You know, you used to be Shio’s hero. What you did for Rize gave him hope long before we knew Arima had a plan.”

Furuta glowers.

“I’m going to forgive you,” Yusa croaks. “Because that’s what Shio would do. And I bet it’s what Kaneki does, too.”

Furuta is terrified. “I’ve become unforgivable.”

“Not to me. Maybe I’m a dumb child, but I have to be, right?” Yusa’s voice cracks, and Furuta stares at him.

“Souta – slap – why did you let her go?”

Souta shrugged. “Because I’m a dumb child. I have to be, right?”

Hajime, in addition to his canon fanboying of Kaneki’s strength and implied unhealthy attachment, has a crush on him, and the reason he’s mad Kaneki didn’t take him with him when Kaneki and Touka were getting married is because he wants to be at Kaneki’s side even if he can’t have him

This is one of the funniest asks I’ve gotten. I adore this!

Hajime crouches besides Kaneki’s limbless body. “Why didn’t you invite me to your wedding?”

Kaneki snaps back to reality. In his mind, all his past selves are flabbergasted. “Huh?”

“I wanted to marry you. It’s not fair; you could’ve at least invited me!” Hajime crosses his arms.

Furuta halts his walk away. Oooookay, this wasn’t the plan.

Furuta and Kaneki’s eyes meet each other, and for once, both of them share the same emotion: bewilderment.

“Hajime, are you feeling okay?” Furuta asks delicately.

“Isn’t my face beautiful, too?” Hajime cries, stroking his cheeks. “You were – you were supposed to be the ghoul who helped people – I wanted to be a part of that – but you’re just weak – and you don’t even care about me!”

He kicks Kaneki. “Take that! And that!”

“Hajime…I’m sorry,” Kaneki lies.

Furuta doubles over with laughter. “You’re a horrible liar, baby.”

Hajime summons his kagune and shoves it in Kaneki’s mouth. “Now you can’t lie.”

Kaneki bites down, and Hajime gasps. “He’s eating me!”

He feels kinda honored.

“Finally,” mutters Furuta.

But instead of a rampage, instead of flying body parts, Hajime keeps regenerating his kagune and feeding more to Kaneki.

Furuta waits. “I order none of you to attack him. Let’s see how far this goes.”

Kaneki throws back his head and laughs. His centipede kakuja is now complete.

“You calculated well, Furuta, I’ll give you that. But you weren’t counting on the power of love, were you?”

“We’re gonna troll you together,” Hajime says, rubbings hands together with anticipation.

A scenario where Mutsuki and Aura don’t exactly “bury Yomo six feet under in style” but they defeat him (because I like my son Mutsuki an dont want him too evil) meaning that Mutsuki isn’t fried and Aura doesn’t have his neck snapped, enough so Mutsuki can continue on to reunite with Kaneki and Aura fights off any enemies that tries to hinder him

This fight keeps dragging on and on, and Yomo can’t stop thinking about Touka and Hinami. Have they escaped yet? And what of Naki, Miza, and the others?

A blow from the eyepatch investigator – the one who insulted Touka! – sends him backwards. The tall kid raises his quinque.

“I wouldn’t do that, were I you.” Uta’s smooth voice slithers out from above.

“Who are you?” spits the tall kid.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that if you continue on, and leave the Raven to me, you can reunite with your beloved Kaneki and maybe save your Oggai, too.” The masked ghoul jumps between the investigators and Yomo.

Mutsuki hesitates, but Aura sounds frantic. “The Oggai?”

“Like I said.”

“Let’s go.” Aura drags Mutsuki away.

They race towards the sounds of battle, and when they reach the rest of CCG, Mutsuki screams.

Kaneki is there, a limbless torso.

No – they did it to Sensei too! Mutsuki clutches his face. How could we?

Aura, however, feels vindicated that Kaneki knows what loss of limb feels like.

Mutsuki steps closer. Furuta directs Hajime towards Kaneki, a sly smile on his beautiful face.

Save the Oggai. Aura has a horrible epiphany. “Mutsuki, wait!”

But Mutsuki races forward, shoving investigator after investigator aside. “Sensei!”

He falls to his knees, crying.

“Huh?” Hajime frowns, but within a moment, Aura has grabbed him and yanked him away.

“Let go!”

“Sensei, it’s not fair,” cries Mutsuki.

Kaneki can’t leave him now. He can barely move.

But he’s hurting, hurting in ways Mutsuki understands, and Mutsuki can’t bear it.

“No – no – no.” Mutsuki activates his bikaku and shoves it in Kaneki’s mouth. “Eat.”

“Tooru!” cries Aura.

“Furuta did this!” screams Mutsuki. “He set us all up!”

“I know, but do you really think helping that thing is worth it?” Aura yells, still wrestling Hajime.

“Yes. I love him.” Mutsuki’s eyes stream as Kaneki finally bites down on his bikaku. “That’s it, Sensei. I’ll help you. Let me help you.”

Masanori’s Trick or treating adventure!

“Look at me, Daddy!”

Masanori twirls around, showing off his black bobbed wig. “I’m YOU! Uncle Uta helped me.”

“You look just like Daddy,” Hairu says with a grin. She’s Rapunzel, and Ui is Flynn Rider.

“Yay!” Masanori claps his hands.

Ui is too happy to speak, so he hugs his child instead. “Now, be safe out there.”

“I will!” Masanori hurries outside to join the other GOAT children.

“Trick or treat!” Masanori first rings Touka and Kaneki’s door.

“Yes?” Touka, dressed like a fortune teller, falls back. “It’s a CCG investigator! AHHHHH!”

Masanori giggles. “No, it’s just Masanori!”

Kaneki, having been forced into a purple dragon costume, hands Masanori sugar tubes.

“Thank you!” Masanori skips to Ayato and Hinami’s next.

“Rawr!” Ayato is dressed like a pirate; Hinami, a yellow parrot. They hand Masanori chocolate.

Naki is Frankenstein and Miza his bride.

“Oo-oooooh.” Miza zombie walks towards the children, and they shriek.

“What tasty children!” Pennywise Itori greets them next, with angel Yomo and devil Uta behind her.

“Watch out, I’ll use my quinque,” teases Masanori. “Wait, Uncle Yomo, are those your ukaku wings.”

“With some help from Uta,” Yomo says uncomfortably.

Nishiki is dressed as a spider and Kimi a butterfly, connected by a web, and they hand out homemade cupcakes to thrill the children.

The Quinx mansion is next, and Saiko greets them as Gintoki. Hsaio as a ninja and Shirazu as a shark appear behind her, followed by Aura as perhaps a ghost – a white sheet, as any rate – and Higemaru as some monster of his own devising. Urie and Mutsuki join as Cookie Monster and a cat, respectively.

Cinderella Yoriko and Prince Charming Takeomi hand out more baked goods, and then it’s on to the Tsukiyama’s.

Chie as a bat hangs in a tree, snapping as many pictures as she can.

“Greetings, mortals!” Tsukiyama thrusts open his front door, dressed in rich wizarding robes. Kanae as an elf holds up ring pops.

Arima opens his door, mortified. He’s dressed as a black goat, and sexy witch Eto looks all too pleased with herself.

The children plod over to Hirako’s, where the three Musketeers pretend to attack as a giant Shiba hands them Kit-kats. Hajime appears to chase off the Musketeers, complete as Superman.

Kurona as a vampire and Seidou as a greek god provide Masanori with his favorite gift yet: caramel, the sticky stuff Mommy and Daddy don’t often buy after he smeared it across the entire kitchen.

An enormous version of Maris Stella answers the door at Akira and Amon’s, and the Suzuya Squad as Robin Hood and his merry men – including Hanbee as Maid Marion – swoop in to deliver Skittles.

When Masanori turns around, he sees all the parents gathered. “All right, off to our last stop.”

“Where?” Masanori asks.

“You don’t think your other uncle would miss this, do you?” Hairu asks lightly.

The adults are still wary as they enter the jail. But their reserve soon gives way to laughter when Haise Sasaki greets Kaneki in Furuta’s voice. “Hi, me! We look cute today!”

“I hate you,” Kaneki says.

“I love us,” says Haise. He showers the children with chocolate, and Masanori thinks himself the luckiest kid alive.

Hirako forgives Hajime.

My face is gone.

Hajime Hazuki staggers around the tunnels, feeling a floor slimed with blood, feeling his entrails hanging out of him, feeling but not seeing.

His face is a hole, and it horrifies him.

He hears the Oggai screaming as Kaneki Ken bites them.

My beautiful face…he sees Dad and Mom when he looks at his face. And he was too fucking weak to save his last memento of them. Death would serve him right.

I want to see. He can’t even cry now because his eyes are just a hole.

He collapses on the floor and feels laughter bubble up, though he has no mouth to laugh with.

Then arms grab him, and he’s being whisked off God knows where. Took you long enough, CCG.

He hopes the rest of the Oggai recover, too.

Hajime awakens to feel – his eyes again! He tries to sit, to touch his face, but his limbs are restrained. Huh?

He’s scared, but he forces open his eyes.

“He’s awake.” Arima Yusa stares sullenly at him.

“Hah?” Hajime squints. He’s in some makeshift medical center. Other Oggai are tied to beds, tight enough that their circulation is cut off. A few human investigators are chained less tightly.

“You lost, kid.” Hirako crosses his arms.

“So did your kids,” Hajime sneers.

Yusa squeals. He bursts into tears again, and Hirako too sniffles.

“Pathetic,” Hajime taunts.

“No. What’s pathetic is living only for revenge.” Hirako kneels by Hajime’s bedside. “Hajime Hazuki, I forgive you.”

“I don’t want your pity, weakling!”

“Forgiveness isn’t weak. Shio loved you, you know, and he would forgive you. So would Rikai.” Yusa says through sobs.

“You had parents once,” Hirako says quietly. “The reason I fought was for people like them – killed by ghouls when they deserved more from life. I’m not forsaking their son. They loved you and wanted more for you, and so do I.”

“I killed them! I killed Shio and Rikai!” Hajime screams. “Stop lying!”

“I’m not lying.” Hirako stands. “By the way, if you’re wondering: that’s how Kaneki won against CCG. By fighting for something other than revenge.”

Oh my please i need happy uncle Shio headcanons to distract me from the canon pain™

Don’t we all.

Uncle Shio once brought watercolors to Hairu and Ui’s house. He wanted to introduce Masanori to painting. When Ui and Hairu returned, they found their walls covered in color and Shio with a very guilty expression. Masanori, however, did not look guilty.

Shio taught Masanori all his favorite elaborate flips and spins while fighting.

On the eve of Masanori’s birthday, Uncle Shio once snuck himself, Rikai, and Yusa into the Uihai house to decorate the entire place with glitter, confetti, a piñata, a cake, and more. Ui and Hairu nearly ruined it when they grabbed the quinques, mistaking the three for intruders.

Once, Shio introduced Masanori to his snarky friend Hajime. Hajime dutifully taught Masanori allllll the curse words, which embarrassed innocent Shio. Ui’s hair turned white for a day after that.

Shio has found Masanori scooping ice cream out of a carton not to eat, but to arrange in a swirl that resembles Shio’s hair.

When Masanori was two, he was drop-dead tired and sniffly, as kids do. Shio carried him back home and Masanori whispered “I love you, Uncle Shio,” in his ears. Hairu opened the door, and was puzzled to see Masanori fast asleep and Shio crying.

Ui decides to intervene and save Shio and Rikai and runs away with them and Hirako and Yusa. (Don’t kill Hajime though please.)

Ishida might as well have beheaded me instead; it would be less painful am I right?

A scream catches Ui’s attention. He turns his gaze away from Yusa as Hajime’s kagune hurtles through Shio’s knee.

Rikai is diving forward, but another tentacle aims for her throat.

“I taught you better!” yells Ui, and then he stabs Hajime.

The Oggai’s eyes widen. Blood spurts from the child’s mouth. “You…”

I just stabbed a child. Ui wishes he were dead.

Hirako recognizes the look on Ui’s face – the dead look, the look he wore after Hairu was killed.

Shio scrambles back on his feet and hacks off Hajime’s kagune while Hirako tends to his leg. “Mister Ui, you saved me!”

“You do love us,” says Rikai. Shio throws his arms around Ui, who remains frozen.

“Ui, will you hear us out?” asks Hirako.

“I can’t leave him.” Ui watches Hajime writhe on the floor, growling and wailing in language that deserves its own spot in hell.

“Then let’s help Hajime.” Shio grabs the kid’s arm.

“Don’t touch me!” shrieks Hajime.

“Poke him,” hisses Yusa. Hajime nearly killed his best friends. His family.

Shio acquiesces, and Hajime hisses. His hands are bound behind him, and Ui can’t believe those are his own hands doing the binding.

Whose side am I on? Who do I fight for?

He sees Shio and Rikai’s faces. Oh right, them.

“Let’s go.” Hirako lifts Hajime by his shoulders, and Ui takes his legs.

“Jesus fucking Christ put me down! AHHHHHHHHH!” Hajime howls. “Ui, you traitor! You son of a bitch! I hate you!”

“We don’t hate you,” says Shio sadly. “I wouldn’t have tried to cut off your head.”

“Liar!”

“You really think Shio would lie? You know you’ve had better training than that,” scoffs Ui.

Where is he going? Why is he following Hirako to treason? To hell?

He sees Shio, Rikai, and Yusa, feels Hajime thrashing against him. These kids will be the death of him, but honestly…

He can see Hairu doing the same thing.

Hajime regretting that he killed his two friends

“They made me work for it,” Hajime says with a grin.

And in that moment, he truly feels proud. He didn’t hesitate, even when Ui Koori did, even when Yusa screamed Rikai and Ui stepped in front of him. And then Shio had dove in front of Ui, yelling don’t touch her, and it happened so fast, but he won. Hajime won.

Would Mom and Dad be proud of him?

He doesn’t fucking care.

In the next week, though, Hajime finds himself crying himself awake at night. He remembers Shio’s awkward hugs and Yusa telling him about the realms of Narnia, Middle Earth, and the Wizarding World. He remembers Rikai’s shy smiles.

They were weak. He was strong. Why does he care?

Because now there’s no one left to love him, though Hajime will never admit this to himself.

Ui hasn’t looked at him the same since. Now his expressions might as well say you ghoul, ghoul, ghoul.

Hajime throws back his head and laughs. He can’t afford emotion. Furuta taught him well. The Bureau Chief likes him.

When he finally drifts back asleep, he’s awoken to two dark figures in his room.

“Who the fuck are you?” His voice, which has only just begun to deepen, cracks. Fuck.

It’s Hirako and Yusa, isn’t it, come to kill him.

“Do you remember me, Hajime?” A flashlight turns on, and Amon Koutarou stands there, flanked by Mado Akira.

“Traitor!” Hajime snarls at Akira.

“When everything came down, I didn’t betray my friends,” she replies stonily.

Hajime snarls.

“We’re not here to hurt you.” Amon extends a hand. “I was transformed by Dr. Kanou, too. We’re here to take you home.”