Content note: homophobia.
What are you scared of?
Furuta grinds his teeth as he stumbles home, like he’s drunk, and he wishes he was but he isn’t.
His earnest face, those overly large green eyes, and those pale pink lips, leaning oh-so-close to Furuta. Not a trace of makeup, and a collared shirt like he’d gone straight to the bar from work.
“Nothing,” Furuta told him, pretending to sip his beer. Really, he’s looking for a girl, any girl who reminds him of Rize, so he can fuck her and pretend she’s Rize.
Everyone here is scared of something.
Furuta struggles with the lock to his apartment. As soon as he’s inside, he slams his fist into the wall.
“Then, idiots like you.”
Why? Aren’t you here to drown your sorrows in alcohol and women? The young man sipped his soda. You’re too young for that.
Furuta snorts. He’s young, yes, but for his kind, he’s getting old. He’s plenty old enough for waste. “Why are you here?”
The young man shrugs. “Looking for love.”
Furuta forces himself to eat the rotten rice in his refrigerator, the rotten rice that would even make a human vomit. Just to get the taste of his lips off his tongue.
Furuta shoved him outside, into the alley, which was bathed in moonlight. He bit his lips, which tasted like salt and aftershave.
The man’s arms frantically grab Furuta’s shoulders as he pushes his tongue into Furuta’s mouth, like he is eager to know him, like he is free.
And Furuta feels lost in possibilities, in a new idea, in the idea of spending his life with this gentle man.
Furuta gags into his toilet bowl.
“Wait!” cries the man at last, pushing Furuta back. “It’s wrong – I don’t even know your name!”
He looks beautiful, and hopeful, and yet –
and yet –
Furuta’s name is his undoing.
“I have many.” Furuta steps back. If he does this, he’ll be a pariah like Matsuri. He’s not like Matsuri, not at all.
If he does this, he’ll be stained forever, unable to live the normal life that’s impossible anyways.
“I can’t do this.”
“But -”
“I hate you!” Furuta sounds like a child as he spins around to flee home.
Furuta stares at his bloodshot eyes in his mirror as he cleans the vomit off his shirt.
What are you scared of?
Myself.


