crack head cannon: ken kaneki’s full name is kenneth kaneki and touka calls him kenneth when she is mad, annoyed, or as a last resort when she repeatedly tries to get his attention. Quinx squad witness it for the first time and they think its the funniest shit cause he’s never heard of sasaki’s real full name before that.

“I’m hungry,” Touka mumbles, rubbing her swollen belly. She reclines on the sofa in the Chateau, feeling like a beautiful whale. She’s eight months pregnant and not very happy right now. But Saiko and Hsaio just did her toenails, and she’s never had nail polish before.

Mutsuki leaps to his feet, but Touka shakes her head. “Let Ken handle it.”

Kaneki is conferring with Higemaru and Urie across the room.

“Ken?” Touka calls.

He doesn’t appear to hear over Higemaru’s excited chatter.

“He’s literally showing Kaneki his monster drawings,” Aura says.

“Ken.” Touka narrows her eyes and clears her throat. “KENNETH!”

Kaneki jumps. “Touka? Is it time? What’s wrong?”

“I want Rc chips.” Touka pouts.

“Coming right up!” He putters into the kitchen, and Saiko finally releases her peals of laughter.

“Kenneth?” Aura cries in disbelief. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Like the Barbie doll?” Urie grins wickedly.

“Yup.” Touka holds a finger to her lips. “Don’t tell him I told you.”

So of course, the moment Kaneki hurries back into the den, all the Quinx chime in, “Hiiiiiii Kenneth.”

Saiko/Hsiao sfw and nsfw headcannons

Omg did you read the latest chapter? “Saiko’s the cute one.” omgomgomg hsaiko is canon please yes Ishida?

SFW

– Hsaio is constantly trying to make Saiko eat healthier. Saiko is constantly trying to make Hsiao eat junk. In the end, they balance each other quite well.

– Hsaio loves how close Saiko snuggles to her at movie nights with the Quinx, but she doesn’t think they’re dating until Saiko loudly asks her one day.

– Their first kiss was one morning they had to awaken before dawn for a meeting. Saiko was grumpy, but then she saw Hsaio, pecked her on the lips, and thanked her for making their morning a little less horrible.

– Hsaio was giggly the entire meeting and no one knew why, though Hide deduced it had something to do with Saiko.

– Hsaio is very protective of Saiko once she learns about Saiko’s family situation. Once they accidentally run into Saiko’s mother, and Hsaio glared at her the entire time she lavished praise on Saiko.

– Once Saiko found out about the garden, she is determined to make up for Hsaio’s childhood by introducing her to every manga and movie she missed. She couldn’t care less about the half-ghoul factor.

NSFW

– Hsaio definitely commented on how squishy Saiko’s boobs were the first time she touched them.

– Saiko’s mouth dropped at the sight of Hsaio’s 6-pack as Hsaio undressed.

– Hsaio usually tops, but they switch it up on occasion.

– Saiko leaves hickeys all over Hsaio’s body. Urie noticed once and died a little bit internally.

– They joke a lot about how they’ve probably gotten each other pregnant. Aura overheard once, so he tried to burst his eardrums.

Everytime Hsiao walks into a room, the rest of the Quinx can’t help but slip compliments about her thighs and hips into every sentence. To which she never notices.

“Hello Hsaio.” Saiko’s eyes are wide as Hsaio strides into the kitchen one morning. “You look beautiful this morning – I mean how could you not, with those legs.”

“Thanks!” Hsaio says brightly.

“Hsaio where can I get nylons like yours?” Higemaru waves his hands. “Or legs, for that matter.”

“Why do you want nylons?”

“Aura and I want to see who looks better in them.” Higemaru crosses his arms. “Hsaio will win, of course.”

“Higemau is crazy,” Aura begins. “And God dammit your hips are better shaped than my aunt’s.”

“Aura, you’re a little obsessed with Kiyoko,” Hsaio says. “It’s uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable like I feel with her legs,” Saiko whispers to Urie, who flushes.

“I’m sure Mutsuki’s legs are better,” he grumbles. Although it’s hard to have sexier legs than Hsaio Ching-Li.

“What are we all standing around for?” Mutsuki enters. “Hot damn Hsaio could turn me straight.”

“Saiko, do you have the coffee ready?” Hsaio smiles. “We have to get going or we’ll be late.”

Because to Hsaio, the only sexy legs worth talking about are Saiko’s.

HIGE SHIPPING HSIAO AND SAIKO

HE WOULD.

Higemaru Touma knows Hsaio Ching-Li quite well. Which is why he’s fairly certain he knows what’s up when, instead of returning to her usual nightly workout routine, Hsaio agrees to watch a movie with Saiko.

“Hsaio, can I talk to you?” he says lightly.

She nods. “Sure. I’ll be there in a minute, Saiko.”

“Okay!” Saiko skips back up the stairs.

“What’s up?” Hsaio crosses her arms.

“Youuuuu have a crushhhhh,” Higemaru sings softly.

“I do not!” Hsaio swats him on the shoulder.

“You do. I can see it.” Higemaru grins. “I think it’s adorable. I ship it. We’ll call it Hsaiko.”

Hsaio stares at him, open-mouthed. “You wouldn’t dare tell her.”

“No, that’s for you.” Higemaru giggles. “I am so excited. This is the most fun since Urie talked to Mutsuki at the wedding.”

“You set that up? That didn’t go so well.” Hsaio glares at him.

“Well, this will go better. Now head upstairs and have fu with your lady love,” Higemaru sings again.

“I’m gonna smash your face,” Hsaio warns.

“Nah, just Saiko’s?” Higemaru ducks before Hsaio can punch him. “Okay, okay, I deserved that.”

Hsiao and Saiko doing something (idk pick something) and Saiko is being herself and suddenly Hsiao can’t handle all the cute

Aieeee more Saiko/Hsaio!!! (Someone pick a ship name please – Hsaiko, maybe?).

“Hsaio, we have tonight off. Watch anime with me,” begs Saiko.

Hsaio nods, trying to control her excitement. “I’d love to!”

Saiko drags Hsaio into her room and immediately rummages under her mattress. “I’ve hidden all my cookies and candy here. Chips are in the closet so they don’t get crushed.”

Hsaio’s mouth falls open. “You’re a genius.”

“A hungry one.” Saiko tosses an Oreo towards Hsaio. “Catch an Urie Kuki.”

“Delicious.” Hsaio bites into it. “Mmmmm. What anime do you want to watch?”

“Fullmetal Alchemist. You remind me of Long Fan.” Saiko smiles.

“I do?” Hsaio brightens. “You think of me?”

“Of course, silly. You’re my cutest friend.” Saiko readies her computer. She drags a sea of pillows behind her and pats the bed beside her. “Come sit.”

Hsaio leaps into the pile of blankets. “Ooh, so comfortable.”

“I’m comfortable with you!” Saiko teases.

Hsaio claps her hands to her cheeks. “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Saiko, you’re so adorable!”

Saiko is a genius, a food hoarder, and thinks of Hsaio as an anime hero. Hsaio loves this cute girl. She tackles her in a hug that Saiko gladly returns before shoving another Oreo in Hsaio’s mouth.

What the TG characters want for Christmas

I’ve sorted the characters according to their introductory affiliation.

Anteiku/Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – to be safe

Nagachika Hideyoshi – to see Kaneki again

Yoshimura Kuzen – Eto’s forgiveness

Kamishiro Rize – freedom and food

Kirishima Touka – Kaneki to be free of the worm

Koma Enji – to be alive

Irimi Kaya – a puppy

Yomo Renji – His niece and nephew safe

Kosaka Yoriko – To see Touka again

Hinami Feuguchi – for everyone she loves to be happy

Nishiki Nishio – to kiss Kimi

Nishino Kimi – a world where ghouls and humans live in harmony

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – A taste of Kaneki

Karren von Rosewald – Tsukiyama’s love

Matsumae – the family’s safety

Mirumo – his son’s happiness

Chie Hori – another camera

Clowns

Uta – eyeball snacks. Maybe a kiss from Yomo.

Itori – blood wine!

Hoito Roma – to belong

Nimura Furuta – his father’s approval

Rio/Shikorae – his brother

Nico – makeup

Donato Porpora – a reunion with Amon

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – Hinami’s coffee. Maybe Hinami.

Yamori – kagune pliers

Tatara – Houji’s head, but really his siblings back

Yoshimura Eto – the world’s obedience

Noro – life

Miza Kusakari – nothing bad to happen anymore

Naki – to see Yamori again

Hakatori – a new quinque

Banjou Kazuichi – a hug

CCG

Amon Koutarou – to be a good person

Takizawa Seidou – to be human again

Mado Akira – internal peace

Houji Kousuke – a break from murder investigators

Mado Kureo – to kill the one-eyed owl and make their kagune into his quinque

Marude Itsuki – assurance that Yoshitoki was actually his friend

Washuu Yoshitoki – a vacation

Washuu Matsuri – Urie

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – nothing good.

Kuriowa Takeomi – Yoriko’s cooking

Kuriowa Iwao – his son’s happiness

Aura Kiyoko – Aura to calm down

Tanakamaru Mougan – hairspray

Shinohara Yukinori – to see his family again

Itou Kuramoto – a practical joke book

Kurona Yasuhisa – Shiro

Hajime Hazuki – to be a renowned badass

Mayazumi – eyebrow liner

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Arima’s smile

Arima Kishou – atonement

Ui Koori – Hairu resurrected

Take Hirako – Shio and Rikai’s resurrection

Arima Yusa – a peaceful world

Ihei Shio – a pet reindeer

Souza Rikai – flowers

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Mr. Shinohara to awaken

Keijin Nakarai – recognition

Hanbee Abara – to marry Suzuya

Miyuki Mikage – an alien encounter

Mizurou Tamaki – a girlfriend

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – no one dying anymore

Shirazu Ginshi – Haru’s healing

Urie Kuki – Mutsuki’s safety

Mutsuki Tooru – to be safe and happy

Hsaio Ching-Li – Saiko’s affection

Aura Shinsanpei – Kaneki’s head, or his aunt’s approval

Higemaru Touma – to save the world

Touka and Mutsuki fight after 152 and then both decide to shoot for a peaceful solution. Mutsuki decides he doesn’t care if Kaneki loves someone else as long as he can also be loved by him. He helps Touka and Hide and everyone get Kaneki out of Dragon with Touka and Kaneki and the others all move into the Chateau with the rest of the Quinx. Mutsuki gets the pure genuine love he always wanted from his Sensei and Touka and the others watch on while smiling

Can this, like, happen?

“Why do you think love is so cheap?” Touka fires Rc shards into Mutsuki’s arm. God dammit, she knows Ken loves this kid, but if he ain’t testing her patience now. “What, you think if Kaneki loves me he can’t love you? Love isn’t a math game, Eyepatch! Kaneki left you because he was afraid of you! And he was afraid because he loved you all! It had nothing to do with me!”

“Then why didn’t he come back?!” Mutsuki screams.

“Because Kaneki wants to hide when he feels like he’s done something wrong – like leaving you!” Touka yells back.

Mutsuki hesitates. He wants to hide. He’s very good at hiding.

“Mucchan!” shrieks a voice. Touka whirls around to see the rest of the Quinx. The screaming one is the blue-haired girl, the first one to agree to work with ghouls. Saiko, if Touka recalls Kaneki’s descriptions correctly.

“What?” sobs Mutsuki. “Go away! She – stole him!” He points wildly at Touka.

Aura appears. “And we’re going to finish this.”

“Oh my god, really,” Higemaru mutters.

“No, Mutsuki. Sasaki – Kaneki – Maman, if you will – he left us because he was too cowardly to face us. Just like you, leaving us for the Oggai, right? Because you don’t want to admit you have problems?” Urie steps forward, tears in his eyes. “Just like me, ignoring all of you at the start? And you – you were the one who hugged me at my lowest. And kept me from damaging myself more. Now I’m returning the favor.”

Urie steps forward and wraps his arms around Mutsuki. “It’s awful being alone. You do it, I do it, Sasaki does it, Saiko does it, Hsaio is part ghoul so we’ll say she does it too, Aura clearly does it.”

“What about me?” demands Higemaru.

“You’re the balm to the rest of us,” Urie tells him. Higa brightens and prances over to Aura. He hugs him, and Hsaio joins in.

Aura looks like he’s never been hugged before.

Saiko rushes over to join Urie and Mutsuki. Touka and a recovering Miza tiptoe closer.

“Is this where Maman is?” Saiko whispers to Touka.

She nods.

Saiko fastens her kagune into a drill and stabs into the flesh of the giant worm.

Touka gasps as Saiko rips forth a bloodied Kaneki with ease. His arms are no longer scaled. He looks whole.

“Ken!” she cries. She and all of the Quinx rush forward as Saiko lays him down atop the kagune.

“He’s unconscious,” says Miza.

Kaneki, however, cracks open one eye. He sees Mutsuki – Touka – Urie – Saiko – Miza and the new quinx, all standing there.

“Family,” he mumbles before losing consciousness.

Mutsuki bawls and Touka hugs him. For Kaneki’s sake, she’ll forgive this poor kid.

Three months later

Mutsuki opens the door to the Chateau. “After you.”

“Thanks,” says Touka, stepping inside to see all of the Quinx, Hide, and her husband gathered in their living room. Aura still sulks in a corner, but he’s inching closer to the rest of them day by day.

“Well? What did the doctor say?” Kaneki wasn’t able to accompany Touka to her ultrasound this morning, because he’s still under house arrest at the Chateau.

Mutsuki exchanges a smile with Touka.

“It’s a girl,” Touka blurts out.

Saiko shrieks, Higemaru cheers, and Mutsuki claps. Kaneki stumbles forward to wrap his arms around Touka. “Another girl in our family.”

would you fuck your clone tg re edition

Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – No, my clone makes me sad.

Nagachika Hideyoshi – It’d be fun.

Kamishiro Rize – Yes please.

Kirishima Touka – I’d rather fuck Kaneki.

Koma Enji – Ab-sol-ute-ly!

Irimi Kaya – I’m sorry, did you say something?

Yomo Renji – No way.

Kosaka Yoriko – No?

Hinami Feuguchi – Uh…ummmmmm…

Nishiki Nishio – I’d rather fuck Kimi.

Nishino Kimi – I’d do it for science.

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – I’d do it while eating myself.

Karren von Rosewald – If I could pretend it was Master Shuu.

Matsumae – Nah.

Mirumo – 100x yes.

Chie Hori – No.

Clowns

Uta – I’ve already done it. Kagune clone.

Itori – Hell yeah. I’m hot.

Hoito Roma – *giggles* obviously

Nimura Furuta – My answer is a resounding yes.

Rio/Shikorae – ?!

Nico – It’d be so tragic, since you couldn’t be in love with yourself…

Donato Porpora – Technically, that’s not against the Bible…

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – I’m gonna decline to answer this

Tatara – What is wrong with you people

Yoshimura Eto – Never say never

Noro – Why am I alive.

Miza Kusakari – Yep.

Naki – Huh?

Yumitsu Tomoe/Hakatori – Probably

Banjou Kazuichi – I’m scared and my answer is no.

CCG

Amon Koutarou – Amon.exe has ceased to function

Takizawa Seidou – No, because I hate myself.

Mado Akira – I’d rather fuck a kakuja ghoul.

Houji Kousuke- Shh don’t tell.

Marude Itsuki – Hell no.

Washuu Yoshitoki – Hell yes.

Washuu Matsuri – No. Give me Urie.

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – Over and over.

Kuriowa Takeomi – Uh – uh – n – no?

Kuriowa Iwao – Nope.

Aura Kiyoko – I’m not even dignifying that with a response.

Tanakamaru Mougan – I wish.

Itou Kuramoto – Tee-hee. Yes.

Kurona Yasuhisa – I used to have a clone. My identical twin. Sometimes I can still hear her voice…

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Probably

Arima Kishou – Did Eto send you to ask this?

Ui Koori – It’s unethical.

Take Hirako – Who can say?

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Why not?

Keijin Nakarai – I’d rather have someone else interested in me besides me.

Hanbee Abara – Nooooooo.

Miyuki Mikage – OMG YES.

Mizurou Tamaki – Possibly.

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – hahahaha of course.

Shirazu Ginshi – Why the fuck are you asking this?

Urie Kuki – indubitably.

Mutsuki Tooru – I’m grotesque 😦

Hsaio Ching-Li – lol no.

Aura Shinsanpei – That sounds melodramatic, so yes.

Higemaru Touma – lol. lol. lol. uh. Come back later after I’ve thought about it.

What does each kagune user think of their kagune?

Kaneki Ken – I don’t feel human. 😦

Kamishiro Rize – it’s sexy and pretty and, well, goodbye to you.

Kirishima Touka -Pretty proud of my wings. Trying to accept Kimi’s words that I’m beautiful.

Kirishima Ayato – Dang thing doesn’t last enough.

Yomo Renji – Confident in my intimidation skills.

Uta – It’s a work of art.

Itori – Ain’t it sexy?

Nishiki Nishio – This is how I get the girls.

Tsukyama Shuu – Smooth and strong, just like me.

Karren Von Rosewald – It’s pretty useful for retrieving Master Shuu.

Matsumae – I’m a boss and I know it.

Koma Enji – Look how mighty I am!

Kaya Irimi – Bet you weren’t expecting a winged puppy, were ya?

Fueguchi Hinami – Mom, Dad, I will make you proud.

Yoshimura Kuzen – Triggers guilt for Eto.

Yoshimura Eto – Dis fun. Rawr. MISCHIEF MANAGED.

Tatara – Bow down, bitches.

Noro – Keeps him alive.

Yamori – Another torture tool.

Naki – wow!

Miza Kusakari – Feels dangerous, and she likes feeling dangerous.

Hakatori/Yumitsu Tomoe – cool, but using quinques is cooler.

Rio – Knows it’s special, but still hesitant.

Hoito Roma – my kagune is cyuuuuuuuttteeeee

Donato Porpora – it’s murder time.

Nico – pretty, pretty

Furuta Nimura – finally I have one

Takizawa Seidou – I fucking hate it I fucking hate all of this shit

Amon Koutarou – Kagune? What kagune? Me?

Yasuhisa Kurona – I miss Shiro.

Urie Kuki – outta my way, badass coming through.

Mutsuki Tooru – I don’t like this much.

Shirazu Ginshi – Uh, am I doing this right? Am I cool yet?

Saiko Yonebayashi – using for battle is boring. Using to create anime sculptures is priceless.

Higemaru Touma – I mean I like it, do you? Urie, do you like it? Do you?

Aura Shinsanpei – I hope wings don’t make me look silly.

Hsaio Ching-Li – And here’s a WHAM! And a BAM! On your feet, minion!

Washuu Yoshitoki – What are you talking about?

Washuu Matsuri – Urie…will you show me yours if I show you mine?

Hajime Hazuki – I feel so goddamn grown *voice cracks* up

(Edited to add Hajime)

Mood: Mutsuki’s butt :)

Mutsuki’s butt, eh?

Urie likes Mutsuki’s butt. He thinks of it a wee bit more than he’ll admit.

Kaneki should appreciate Mucchy’s finely sculpted rear end, but he doesn’t because he’s Kaneki and oblivious.

Saiko thinks it’s attractive.

Hsaio has eyed it more than once, but she prefers girls, so Mutsuki’s a no.

Aura feels embarrassed because his is misshapen by comparison.

Higemaru is determined that if he does enough squats, he will get an ass shaped like Mutsuki’s.