Crack head cannon (which is really just a contraction of a previous crack head cannon): Ui Koori doesn’t help with the rumors surrounding the Quinx mentor, and to anyone that askes, he’ll tell them it’s cruella deville’s psychotic cousin

It begins with an un-caffeinated Ui, out of cigarettes and fresh out of bed.

“Ui, who is Sasaki?” asks Yusa.

“Cruella DeVille’s psychotic cousin,” Ui grumbles.

Yusa’s eyes widen, and he races off. Ui slides into his seat, not thinking much of their exchange.

An hour later, Shio appears. “Ui sir, who is Sasaki?”

“The Quinx Leader,” Ui says simply.

Shio pouts. “Why are you boring with me? You told Yusa something funny!”

“I did?” Ui thinks for a second. “Hmm…okay, Sasaki is Maleficent’s brother. Complete with the dragon.”

Shio claps his hands in approval.

Rikai is only five minutes behind Shio. “Who is Sasaki?”

“The personification of decaf coffee and e-cigarettes,” Ui replies, staring straight into her eyes.

Finally, he can get back to work.

“Kooriiiiiii,” sings a voice. Hairu waltzes in, and Ui brightens immediately. “I have something for you.”

“Yes?”

Hairu holds out a sugar cube.

Ui takes it eagerly, but gags after it settles on his tongue. “Hairu!”

“It’s a salt cube! Just like you,” Hairu cheers.

“You heard what I was saying about Sasaki, didn’t you?” Ui complains, spitting out the cube.

“Yup.” Hairu softens. “Be nice, okay, Salt-senpai?” She offers him two more cubes. “I promise these are real sugar this time.”

The quinx squad tries to force Shirazu and Urie to get along without arguing/fighting

“This is a fucking joke, right?” Urie is too horrified to move.

“Nope,” says Sasaki. Mado and Arima stand behind him, arms crossed like they mean business.

“No!” wails Shirazu.

“Keep in mind, you had chances to avoid this.” Akira steps closer, and Saiko presses her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.

Urie shoots her a murderous glare. She squeaks and hides behind Mutsuki. “There’s no way. No fucking way.”

Takeomi will see me.

“Well, there’s no way you’ll ever do anything from desk work from now on,” says Sasaki sweetly. “Unless.”

He waves the monstrosity in his hands about. A giant shirt reading This is Our Get Along Shirt.

“I thought that existed only in memes,” Shirazu wails.

“Not anymore.” Sasaki waves the two doomed Quinx forward.

It’s tight and awkward. Urie can’t believe he’s going to spend the rest of today chained by cotton to this mouth-breather.

Saiko doubles over laughing, no longer afraid of either of them. “And here you all thought I was the problem!”

“That reminds me,” says Sasaki. He snaps his fingers.

Akira holds out a This is Our Hard Work Shirt, and Arima waves a This is Our Face Our Fear Shirt.

“You’ll each be paired with Akira and Arima, respectively. It was only fair,” says Sasaki.

Could you possibly do a continuation of your Nico and the adopted human child please. Thank and have a good holiday.

Happy Holidays to you, too! ❤

“Kid, how much sugar have you had?” Nico may not know what sugar tastes like, but she knows it makes kids hyper. And she’s never quite seen a child hyper like this one.

“I ate all the cookies you bought me.” The girl, Reiko of no discernible surname, giggles. “They’re delicious.”

“Chocolate is still better than vanilla,” calls Souta. He remembers chocolate enough to be offended whenever anyone prefers vanilla. Which this brat does.

“It is not!” She stomps her foot.

“I’ll side with her,” says Itori, casually sipping her wine.

“You know,” Uta says slyly, “we could decorate his face green to make him look like the grinch.”

“Jesus Christ,” says Souta.

“Don’t swear in front of kids,” cries Nico.

“I’ve heard worse,” says Reiko.

“Still,” says Donato, holding up a cross towards a scandalized Souta.

“Are you all – you’re all seriously going to – wait -” Souta dives for the door, but Roma wrestles him back. “Uta, touch me and you will pay for this.”

“I’m not going to,” Uta replies, handing Reiko the face paint he gave her for Christmas this morning. She cackles with joy, and Nico gives Souta a stern glare.

Nimura Furuta hangs his head and lets Reiko smear green all over his beautiful skin.

“The problem is your heart is three sizes too small,” sings Reiko.

All of us have that problem. Nico watches Reiko soberly. Maybe this kid is exactly what she and the rest of the clowns need.

Au where Kureo is still alive and Amon and Akira want to tell him they’re getting married but as much as he loves his daughter and Amon he can’t process it

“Hi, Dad.” Akira speaks into the throwaway cellphone she purchased from the convenience store across the street from their motel.

“Akira.” Kureo sounds hesitant.

She knows she broke his heart during their last conversation, when she confessed to saving Seidou, to betraying her humanity and family and her mother’s memory. He probably didn’t expect to hear from her again.

“I’m calling because Amon and I have some news.”

“Amon?!”

“He’s alive too, Dad. Same as Seidou. Would you kill him?” Akira blinks back tears. Amon slips his hand into hers.

“Come back,” Kureo whispers. He can’t bear to answer the question; it could tear his world apart.

“Anyhow.” Akira hardens her voice. “Amon and I are getting married.”

“Akira!” Kureo often dreamt about Akira happy with Amon, of grandchildren. But now? “He’s a ghoul. And you’re -”

“A traitor,” Akira cuts in. “I know, Dad.”

She hangs up, shaking.

“I’m sorry,” Amon says, stroking her hair.

“You’re worth it. Ghouls are worth it, actually.” Akira laughs a little. “Shall we get ready?”

When they return from their drive-through wedding, Akira is focused on on her husband. In his arms, she feels freer than she’s ever been.

“What’s this?” Amon carries her into their motel room before hurrying back into the hallway, where a card lies.

Daughter and son-in-law.

Akira starts. She opens it gingerly.

Congratulations to you both. I love you.

Akira’s mouth falls open. “He…he knows where we are.”

“And he hasn’t told anyone.” Amon smiles. “There’s hope for him.”

“And we have his blessing,” Akira jokes as she pulls Amon in for another kiss.

Urie confessing to mutsuki during the fight ((give us need more feels for chapter 154 oh lord))

BUT THERE IS ALREADY SO MANY FEELS.

(MOST OF THEM INVOLVE SCREAMING).

Mutsuki spreads his lips in a wide grin. “I couldn’t care less if you died, Urie-kun.”

Urie stiffens. Saiko sees the blood drain from his cheeks as Mutsuki’s bikaku grows and grows.

“Oh yeah?” she calls out. “Then why’re you calling him Urie-kun? Weren’t we your family too, Mutsuki? Aren’t we still?!”

Mutsuki swings at her, and she dodges. “All you boys! You suck! You don’t have to be all cold and strong!”

Mutsuki hesitates. She called me a boy.

Saiko glares at Urie. “Say something, dummy.”

“Well – well I would care if you died, Mutsuki!” Urie blusters.

Saiko tries not to roll her eyes.

Urie can see Mutsuki’s kagune beginning to overtake his body. He framed out, too, didn’t he? “Don’t freak out, Saiko.”

“Excuse the fuck me?” Saiko stumbles back as Mutsuki slaps her back to the surface of the giant goddamn worm they’re fighting on.

Urie unleashes his own kagune. This is my only chance. He feels his tongue grow as both kakugans light. “Tooru! You’re not alone! I LOVE YOU!”

Mutsuki stumbles, his mouth falling open. Saiko beams at Urie.

Urie feels tears running down his full-ghoul face. “Tooru…” He falls to his knees. “And I’m so sorry I failed you. Over and over. And I was mean to you. But I love you, I swear it, Tooru.”

“No one can love me!” screams Mutsuki, clapping his hands over his ears as two kakugans emerge in his eyes. “I am grotesque! I – all I do is kill!”

“You saved me!” Urie yells back.

“You protected me from Shirazu and Urie,” Saiko adds.

Mutsuki’s lips tremble. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

“It won’t change how we feel,” Urie pleads.

“There’s a way forward. With us. Especially Urie-kun,” Saiko says, stepping forward and holding forth her hand.

Mutsuki hesitates, but he doesn’t try to fight her.

“You two suck.” Saiko uses her kagune fists to drag Urie over to Mutsuki. “There. Now, it’s hug time.”

“I don’t think -” Mutsuki begins.

Urie throws his arms around Mutsuki. His cheeks are still wet.

Mutsuki jumps. “Urie, are you actually crying?”

Drunk Brooke insulting Koori and her squad

Based on @koyuki-tan‘s “Peace Sign.” Read it if you love OCs, Kanae, and Uihai. And if you don’t, you should. ;P

“We need to get you all home before you disgrace the Bureau,” Ui says. Hairu lifts Koharu and Marie off the karaoke stage they’ve been leaning against.

Ui offers his hand to Brooke, and a sober Carma lets Michiko lean against her.

“You’re the tattletale,” Michiko slurs towards Carma.

“I’m not sorry,” Carma admits.

“You shouldn’t be. They should be,” huffs Ui.

Brooke narrows her eyes. Koharu is her Squad Leader, and she’ll be damned if anyone speaks ill of her. “Koharu, did you shove a stick up your brother’s ass when you were little?”

Hairu chortles, and Ui turns red. “Investigator Akita.”

“No, but really.” The room spins as she takes a step. Brooke curses. “Koharu, I take it back. I blame you. Bad leader. Bad.”

“This is almost entertaining,” says Koharu.

“Carma, you wuss. I wanted to do shots with you. Now I’m sad.” Brooke sniffles.

“Michi!” Mizurou rushes into the karaoke bar to take his girlfriend’s hand.

“No, Michiko. You are a strong woman. Walk on your own!” Brooke thrusts her fist in the air, accidentally striking Marie. “Marie, you’re in my way!”

“Brooke, you’re drunk,” Ui pleads. “Koharu, say something!”

“Something,” says Koharu merrily. Hairu and Mizurou dissolve into giggles, and Ui’s glad the music is loud so no one can hear him scream.

Niji meets one of the other girls her age in Goat at the kagune lessons and gets a crush on her, but this girl is cis and Niji is nervous to introduce herself just in case the girl thinks she’s weird, so she talks to Shuu about it (even though she’s a little embarrassed)

Some nights, Niji finds herself dancing in the tunnels. If she closes her eyes, she can pretend she’s holding hands with Junko – pretty, blonde, pigtailed Junko.

Those nights, she feels happiest.

“Daydreaming when you should be dreaming?” A voice interrupts her leaps.

“Oh!” Niji stumbles.

“Whoa, be careful.” Tsukiyama catches her. “What are you thinking about, Niji?”

Niji blushes.

“Is it a boy?” Tsukiyama winks.

“No,” Niji says truthfully.

But Tsukiyama is no fool. “A girl?”

Niji gulps.

“Oooh, which one? Hmm.” Tsukiyama taps his chin. “Junko? You’re always pairing up for kagune spars.”

“I like her,” Niji blurts out.

“If she’s smart, she’ll like you too,” Tsukiyama assures her.

“Do you think so?” Niji bites her lip. “I mean…I look kinda like a boy, but I’m not a boy. She might think I’m a freak.”

Tsukiyama inhales. “You’re not a freak, Niji.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. I hope you understand that you’re a treasure. And Junko will probably appreciate someone who doesn’t follow the norm. After all, do I act like a stereotypical guy? I think not. And you all like me as your teacher.” Tsukiyama winks.

“But she might not like like me,” Niji says sadly.

“It’s best just to be honest. And, honestly, I wasn’t very good at recognizing when I had a crush. So I’m proud of you for facing it. And I’ll be even prouder when you act on it.” Tsukiyama grins. “Now, off to bed?”

Niji throws her arms around him. “You’re like the best brother I never had.”

crack head cannon; when sasaki was first released from chochela, koori ui still called him by his prison id and Arima told him to play nice with the other kids while haise stared off at the security cameras like he was on the office

“Number 240,” Ui says, “do you have the paperwork ready? I can help you fill it out.”

Sasaki frowns at him, as if he knows there’s something wrong with what Ui just said, but can’t for the life of him figure it out.

“No, think you,” says Sasaki.

Ui does not trust him. He still knew enough to recognize his prison code. How can Arima really trust him? He’s a ghoul.

“Sassan, would you like a melon pun?” Hairu skips into their office, a large, sweet-smelling bag in her hand. “I bought them for the kids, but there’s plenty for us, too.”

“We love you, Hairu,” says Shio, rushing towards his cousin.

“Thank you,” says Sasaki as everyone, even Arima, crowds around Hairu.

“Ui, are you not hungry?” Hairu turns to him with her eyes wide.

“I just…don’t trust 240,” Ui complains.

“Ui, play nice with the other kids,” Arima says before returning to his desk with a melon bun clutched in his hand.

Sasaki forces a smile. Not that he entirely understands, but he knows Ui doesn’t like him and Arima has apparently defended him.

the first time kyou calls shuu by his first name please

“I – I can’t believe – Kaneki is that – that thing!” Tsukiyama throws himself to the ground. He pounds the dirt and stones and waters the plants with his tears.

Chie snaps a picture.

Kyou is disappointed, devastated even – she would have rather been wrong. She would have rather Kaneki Ken triumphed instead of digging further into tragedy. And pulling Tsukiyama with him.

“Hey, you.” She shakes Tsukiyama’s shoulder lightly.

He sobs harder.

“Look at me, Shuu. Please,” she says. Her voice is gentler than normal.

Tsukiyama gasps slightly. She called him Shuu. And it sounds lovely on her tongue.

“You were right,” he mumbles, lifting his eyes to hers.

“I wish I wasn’t,” she tells him, using her fingers to scrape away his tears. “But right now, Shuu, what we need are strong leaders. We have Touka, but she needs your support. We can’t be strong on our own, remember? Come on. We can cry and scream after we survive this, mmkay?”

Tsukiyama nods. “Help me, Kyou.”

“Always.” Kyou hoists him up.

Click, snaps Chie’s camera.

……..tsukikyou is like basically my otp rn….

“Tres bien!” hollers Tsukiyama.

Kyou blows you a kiss as her overexcited boyfriend spins her around and kisses her neck.

Then they both invite you to their wedding. Which Tsukiyama almost wanted Donato to officiate because ‘he’s a real priest” but Kyou put her foot down.

They had Amon do it. Dressed in full kakuja. Kyou wore a rainbow dress and Tsukiyama a glittery suit. Kyou consented to Kaneki as the best man and Chiharu, Touka, and Niji were the bridesmaids.