shio discover memes

Glory be.

“One does not just simply walk into GOAT’s layer,” Shio lectures Hajime.

“What the fuck, kid?”

“You can’t be undermine by your own youth if you insult me over mine.” Shio points to his head with a smirk.

“Are you meming me?” Hajime is aghast.

“Shio!” Hirako, Yusa, and Rikai burst into the cell. “What on earth are you doing.

Shio holds his hands out. “Memes.”

“I have discovered memes, and I must use them!” cries Shio. “Hajime knows they’re the best. Yusa, Rikai; you must know the beauty.”

“Look!” He holds out picture’s he’s saved on his phone.

“I hate you,” mutters Hajime.

“Shio, that’s enough.”

“He can make memes of us too,” Shio pleads. “Hirako, these are the best way to communicate ever.”

Hajime snatches Shio’s phone, which of course has no service. In two seconds he displays his own meme.

“Yesssss!” Shio giggles, and Hirako groans.

Suzuya and choses not to fight Touka please!

~~What do you mean this isn’t canon~~

Suzuya gasps. The ghoul he hit with the knife – she’s the – the one –

She brought Mr. Shinohara flowers!

But why? Is she like Sasaki, a nice ghoul?

She meets his eyes, dragging the knife out of her flesh.

Why do I have to kill her?

“Why did you do it?” Suzuya’s voice trembles. “Why did you bring him flowers?”

“Because no one deserves to die, of course!” Yotsume activates her kakugan, shoving Kirishima Touka behind her.

“But you kill us for food.”

“We don’t. We eat corpses, don’t you see?” Touka rasps. Her own ukaku flies out behind her. No way is she letting this kid – the one Kaneki spoke of so fondly – kill any of her kids here.

Her eyes fill with tears as she recognizes the quinque he wears. “Kaneki loved you, you know.”

Suzuya feels Arata restrict his movements. “What…”

“That’s my father’s armor,” Touka spits at him. “Good luck killing me with it. How would you like if I killed you with your precious Shinohara?”

But she didn’t kill him with Shinohara. She gave Mr. Shinohara flowers.

Her father…Arata is her father…Does she miss him, too?

“What are you waiting for?” bellows Furuta. His eyes gleam.

He knows what Arata is.

Suzuya sends a knife straight into Furuta.

The director gags.

“Suzuya!” screams Hanbee.

“He’s tricking us!” Suzuya points at CCG’s Director. “Capture him!”

“What – you – no!” cries Furuta, but Keijin and Mizurou are already on it.

“We’re going to talk this out,” Suzuya decides.

I’ve read about Ui and Hairu But…. what if Shirazu and Urie switch bodies?

Hehehe.

Dr. Kanou snickers to himself as he mixes his concoction into two of the Quinx’s drinks. He doesn’t know who will suffer a body switch, or if it will be permanent, but he’s excited to find out.

“To us!” Saiko holds out her glass, and Sasaki cheers.

“To us,” Shirazu and Mutsuki echo. Mutsuki elbows Urie, who begrudgingly says, “To us.”

To everyone’s shock, Shirazu gags as if he’s choking, then falls down.

“Shiragin?” Saiko cries.

“What’s his – his – deal?” Urie clutches his own throat.

“Urie?” Sasaki turns to him in alarm.

When he opens his eyes, he’s on the floor and Sasaki is peering down at him.

And so is Urie, slumped against the wall.

“Huh?” He must have hit his head hard.

“Urie?” asks the wall Urie.

“I’m Urie,” he insists from the floor.

“Then why do you look like me?” yells the fake Urie.

“Who are you, then?” Mutsuki pats Urie tentatively.

“I’m Shirazu, aren’t I?” He grabs his hair. “Why am I purple? What did I do?!”

“You son of a bitch, you took my body.” Urie tries to stand, but Sasaki holds him back. “Let me punch him!”

Saiko grabs the drinks and sniffs them. “There’s something strange in both of yours, but I don’t know what it is.”

“Wait.” Sasaki is horrified. “You’re saying they’re serious? This isn’t an elaborate joke? Shirazu is Urie and Urie is Shirazu?”

“Of course it’s not, you ghoul,” hisses Urie-as-Shirazu.

“Yup, that’s Urie.” Saiko nods. “Don’t call Mama that.”

“Fuck off.”

“Urie.” Mutsuki pats his shoulder. “You’ll be okay.”

“Mutsuki, my teeth are weird.”

“Hey!” Shirazu-as-Urie stomps his foot. “You have very fine pointy teeth. You are proud of them.”

Sasaki isn’t sure what to do. “Uh – uh…”

“Help us,” whines Shirazu-as-Urie. “I can’t have dainty fairy marks on my eyes.”

“I’m trying!” Sasaki wracks his brain.

“Fairy marks?” Urie-as-Shirazu clamors to his feet. “You’re the fairy!”

“Punch me and it’ll mess up your body!”

“Why you -” Urie-as-Shirazu is interrupted by Saiko splashing his drink into his mouth. He immediately slumps over again.

“Maybe this is good,” Mutsuki says brightly, grabbing Shirazu-as-Urie in preparation. Saiko offers him the drink.

When they awake a few minutes later, Sasaki asks weakly, “So which one are you?”

“I’m Urie,” says Urie’s body.

“I’m myself again, with my beautiful teeth.” Shirazu sticks out his tongue.

“Who could have done this?” Saiko looks around the room.

“We should leave,” Sasaki says uncomfortably.

As they file ou, Sasaki worries whether to file a report, Mutsuki feels like he’s being watched, and Saiko whistles with pleasure that her quick thinking actually worked.

Shirazu leans over and whispers in Urie’s ear. “I never noticed before until you had my body, but you’re way too obvious when you look at Mutsuki.”

Urie yelps.

Irimi and Koma comfort each other during a lonely Christmas (Irimi and Koma anon is back!)

Yessssssssss.

Irimi Kaya trudges into their small apartment, ignoring the gaggles of children singing Christmas songs behind them. She doesn’t feel hopeful today. The manager is dead, her old squad is dead, and she’s lonely.

“Hi there, Black Dog.”

Irimi stops short. Koma Enji is there, along with a twinkling Christmas tree decorated with angels and lights, topped with an owl.

“I don’t think that’s a typical tree topping,” Irimi says wryly.

“Seems fitting, though.” Koma rubs his hands together. “Now that we don’t have a shop to set this in.”

“Touka will have a place soon enough. I have faith in her.” Irimi smiles and steps closer to the tree. She breaths i the smell of fresh pine and life.

“Feel a little better?” Koma steps closer to her.

“Yes.” Irimi cranes her neck to kiss him. “You really are the sweetest Devil Ape around.”

He’s the only Devil Ape around anymore, but that’s okay. Irimi treasures his kisses and loses herself to these brief moments of comfort.

Until, that is, she sees he’s hung mistletoe above them. “You fiend!”

“I was merely getting in the spirit. What say you we invite Yomo and Uta over and manipulate them into standing here, eh?” Koma grins.

Irimi jumps on him. “After we’re done lovemaking.”

Hi! Hope you’re having a nice day! I’m the one who is always asking for platonic Suzuhan I have an Au where they are dance partners (it all started with sia’s music video elastic heart)

Oooh me likey. I think they’d be awesome dance partners.

Suzuya hates dancing. Actually, that’s not true. He loves it, and he loves the annual CCG balls because he can eat all the sweets he wants for free and dance like crazy.

But then they all look at him like he really is crazy, and parents pull their children away, and he hates that.

So today he’s standing by the table instead of the dance floor, stuffing his face with gooey brownies.

“Don’t make yourself sick.” Hanbee Abara comes over.

Suzuya swallows a mouthful. “Uh.” He did teach Hanbee how to dance in their house.

How to crazy dance.

Hanbee holds out his hand. “Keijin told me to formally ask like this.”

Suzuya giggles. Hanbee is too tall to look graceful dancing. Really, he was the perfect partner to train with.

“Come on.” Hanbee pouts. “You, uh, can’t just teach me and desert me.”

Suzuya gasps. “A leader never deserts his partners!”

“I know.” Hanbee drags him out onto the floor. His face is already red. What will they think? He’s a terrible dancer.

But they won’t think of him at all. They’ll only see Suzuya.

He hopes they don’t judge Suzuya if they see a second investigator dancing like a monkey.

The music starts, and the dance begins.

Could you do something for Urie confronting Haise about cochlea, Arima, and Mutsuki dying (?) because of him.

In the words of our great lord Hideyoshi Nagachika: it may not be stylish, Mutsuki, but live.

“You – you!” Urie splutters. All he can manage is rage. “Sasaki Haise, Kaneki Ken, Centipede, whatever your fucking name is!”

He marches forward and punches Kaneki straight in the nose.

“That seems violent.” Serpent watches curiously.

“You left us! You left Mutsuki – don’t you remember asking me to save him? It was the last thing you fucking said to me! And now he might die thanks to your Raven over here!” Urie flips off Yomo, who winces.

“In Yomo’s defense, Mutsuki was overly fond of knives,” Kirishima Touka snaps.

“Shut up, Rabbit.” Urie whirls back to Sasaki. Kaneki. Sasakaneki. “You killed Arima. You loved Arima. What the fuck?!”

Sasakaneki (Urie feels quite clever for the name) bows his head.

“Are you not going to answer?” screams Urie. “We need answers!”

“I know!” Sasakaneki raises his head to reveal tears in his eyes. “I know! God, what can I say -”

“You can start with ‘I didn’t kill Arima Kishou,’” suggests Hirako Take.

Urie does a double-take. “What?”

Kaneki swallows. “No – I did.”

Hirako shakes his head. “He wanted you to, but I saw. He killed himself and should have never asked you to pretend you did. You’re not betraying him if you tell the truth.”

Kaneki swallows.

“Why?” Urie is thoroughly confused.

“There was a ghoul family running CCG,” Kaneki says.

“I know.”

“Arima was one of Demon Tsuneyoshi’s offspring,” says Itsuki Marude.

“He joined with Eto Yoshimura to take down the world,” Kaneki says. His voice wobbles. “And gave me his inheritance: the One-Eyed King.”

“Okay, first Arima killed himself, then he’s a ghoul, now he’s the One-Eyed King?” Urie growls.

“Yes. He was all of those, and my friend.” Kaneki shivers. “I miss him.”

“Did you miss us?”

“Of course I did!” Kaneki cries out, and Urie, for once, believes him.

“You hurt us all.” Urie shakes his head. “You can’t be a king if you lie to your people.”

“Then join GOAT and be an advisor,” Tsukiyama Shuu, that rotten Gourmet, finally sees a chance to speak. “It’s lonely doing it all by myself.”

“All by yourself?” Touka barks. “Excuse you?!”

Urie looks around this crazy, dysfunctional family that reminds him so much of the Chateau, yet he doesn’t belong here.

Kaneki places a hand on his shoulder. Urie remembers framing out. Maybe he does belong, after all.

He’s not ready to hug his leader, but he is willing to learn. “Tell me everything.”

Tsubaki figuring out Furuta’s plan and so one night she snuggles up with him in his bed and keeps repeating something like “I don’t want you to die” and he has a //realization// like “holy shit she really really cares about me”. Lots of crying and cuddling on both side? If you don’t mind writing the prompt, of course!

*Clutches my heart and my soul.*

Furuta has good word that Urie and Kuriowa will be appearing in his office tomorrow. Rio and Roma will be ready, and so shall he.

But tonight, sleep.

If all goes well, this will be his last sleep.

Furuta snuggles into bed, clutching the rubber ducky Tsubaki gave him “for good luck” before he left the garden. He curls up in a fetal position and drifts asleep. He dreams Tsuneyoshi recognizes him, and when he awakens at 3 am, for some reason he’s crying.

“Soutaaaaaaaaa,” whispers a voice.

“What?” Furuta shrieks and bolts upright.

“Bro!” His little sister – tonight of all nights – tackles him. “Souta.”

“I’m Kichimura now,” he protests.

“No, you’re still Souta to me. And to yourself.” Tsubaki snuggles beside him. “I need you.”

“You’re strong enough.”

“Am I?” Tsubaki’s eyes widen. “But you’re going to leave me. I don’t want you to die.”

Furuta squirms. “I’m not gonna die, kid. I’m Director of the CCG. I’ve got plenty of guards.”

“You want to die,” she accuses. “Don’t deny it! I’ve heard all your stupid plans with your clowny friends.”

“No you haven’t!” Furuta gasps.

“You taught me how to spy on people. Please.” Tsubaki starts crying. “I love you. I don’t want you to die. I didn’t have a father or a mother. I need my brother.”

“Tsubaki, everything will be okay.” If you die, you can be cured, you know.

“Not if you die.” Tsubaki pokes his nose. “I don’t want you to hurt people. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Or incite people to hurt yourself, which is your plan. I want you to be happy.” Her voice cracks. “Why can’t I make you happy?”

Furuta looks stricken. “I …”

“Don’t lie, for once, Souta!” Tsubaki wails. “You think you’re all alone, but I don’t want you to be! I will care if you die. I love you.”

“Dad didn’t! Dad didn’t even recognize me!” Furuta yells back. A tear slips down his cheek, and he rubs it away.

“I’m not Dad!” Tsubaki shakes him. “Not everyone is Dad. Not everyone will hurt you. If you go, right now, to CCG and bow down and say I am a ghoul, the world needs help, I promise you many will curse you, but many more will help you. You could have been friends with almost all of them. You still can.”

Furuta narrows his eyes. “You stole that from somewhere.”

“Crime and Punishment,” she admits glibly. “But I’m your Sonja.”

“Tsubaki, Raskalnikov marries Sonja.”

His sister rolls her eyes. “Because she loves him. And he loves her. I love you, and you love me, although we have familial instead of sexual love.”

“You’re to young to know about sex!” Furuta shouts.

“Souta-chan, I read a lot.” Tsubaki nods. “You have to stay alive, or I’ll read all the worst things.”

“You will whether I die or not, and you know it.” Furuta pouts.

“Don’t die,” she pleads, crying again.

She wraps her arms around him, and Furuta allows himself, for one moment, to feel recognized. To feel loved.

Holy shit.

He’s done too much. He’s broken. He’s so broken. There is only death for him.

There’s only death for everyone, right? Furuta squeezes his arms around her and begins to cry. “What am I gonna do?”

“Hug me,” she responds.

It’s a start.

But like an ember, the possibility of a future begins to burn in his mind. By morning, he’s ready to face Urie and Kuriowa – and ask for help.

Arieto/Cinderella

Anonymous asked: After that Mulan-Mutsurie mashup, I dare you to write Disney-film mashups for: Ayahina, Touken, Takirona, Akiramon, Uihai, Nishikimi, Tsukikana, Arieto, and Shiraiko. Ty and good night.

I’ll be posting these once a day (probably) until the list is done!

Mutsurie/Mulan: here.

Ayahina/Sleeping Beauty: here.

Uihai/Tangled: here.

Akiramon/The Hunchback of Notre Dame: here.

Tskukikana/The Little Mermaid: here.

Nishikimi/Snow White: here.

Takirona/Frozen: here.

Shiraiko/Beauty and the Beast: here.

“Kishou, what are you doing?” Tsuneyoshi’s voice drips disapproval.

“I’m coming, too.” Arima approached the squad of special investigators. He lowers his eyes in respect. “You’ll need someone able to scope out the kids in the room. We can’t assume the owl is an adult, sir.”

“No, I don’t think you are.” Tsuneyoshi scoffs. “You’re not even dressed properly. You may be a prodigy, but the owl is not made for kids. Besides, Yoshitoki will join us.”

Yoshitoki, while happy to be attending the elite ball, is disquieted by his brother’s worry. Arima is the best young investigator they have, and everyone knows it.

But Tsuneyoshi only sees him as a means to an end – exterminating their own kind. Tsuneyoshi sweeps out the doors, and Yoshitoki reluctantly follow.

“Why did you insist on going?” Mado Kureo and his fiancee Kasuka appear behind him.

Arima shrugs. He can’t explain the feeling that he’s needed.

“Intuition?” Kasuka winks at Kureo.

“You should always follow intuition.” Kureo winks. “Hasn’t led me wrong yet.”

“I…”

“Here. Kureo just bought a tuxedo for our wedding. He’ll lend it to you.” Kosaka grabs Arima’s arm. “Just make sure Tsuneyoshi doesn’t see you until you’ve captured the Owl.”

————————————————

Eto Yoshimura is bored. If those Washuus think they’re subtle, they’re stupid enough that CCG might self-destruct before she can really act against them.

But she’s been kept busy, dancing with partner after partner. Some, like the young Washuu, are sweet. Some are dirty old men. No one suspects a tiny teenage girl of being the One-Eyed Owl.

Movement in the corner of the room catches her eye. A tall young man enters, dressed impeccably in a glossy black tuxedo. His dark blue hair flows loose to his shoulders, and he’s even wearing glasses. As someone nearsighted herself, Eto immediately likes him.

She sashays over. “Hi, stranger. You’re my dance partner.”

He’s surprisingly adept. “I’m Eto. And you are?”

“Arima Kishou.” He blushes when he tips her back, because he’s never been his close to cleavage before.

“Oh, are you?” Eto teases. This is gonna be fun. Noro will kill her, but oh well. “You’re a celebrity!”

She cocks her head. “I’ll let you in on a secret. I am, too!”

“Are you?” The music starts again, but neither change partners. Something about Eto feels perfect and natural.

“Have you read Sen Takatsuki?”

“No, though I’ve seen Dear Kafka in all the bookstores.”

“I’m offended. Read it. I’m Sen.” Eto gasps. “Come with me! I have a copy with my coat. I’ll give it to you, free!”

She scribbles Dear Kishou on the inside of the cover before handing him the book. “Enjoy it. Do tell me what you think?”

“I’d love to.” Arima’s heart pounds. He should be focusing on the Owl, but Eto – what if his intuition just knew he would meet Eto, and that was enough?

“I’d love you.” Eto has to jump to plant a kiss on his cheek.

“Come along, Yoshitoki.”

Arima starts. The Washuus are about to enter the coatroom. “I have to go.”

“Wait, why?” Eto’s eyes narrow. “Wait!” She chases after them, shoving Tsuneyoshi into the wall. As the mysterious Arima clatters down the stairs, his book drops.

“Oh!” Arima turns around, but he sees the Washuus exiting, and takes off running instead.

Eto snatches the book off the ground. So this kid is a Washuu, too. What a shame. She actually liked him.

——————————————-

Two months later, Arima finds himself facing the Owl. All other investigators are dead or ding around him, but he will not lose. He gave up Eto for this investigation, and it’s silly he thinks of her still, but he does.

He knocks it sideways and hears a familiar laugh.

The kakuja tosses something into his face.

Dear Kafka opens to Dear Kishou.

Arima chokes. She – she can’t –

Eto Yoshimura emerges from the kakuja. “Now we know all each other’s secrets.”

“You’re so young,” whispers Arima. He doesn’t want to kill Eto. “Why are you doing this?”

He’s clutching her book. This is a good sign. Eto smiles, “Tell me your apartment address and you’ll find out.”

She leaves him with a kiss – on his lips this time.

Character they’re most like-

Perrrrfect.

I’ve sorted the characters according to their introductory affiliation.

Anteiku/Re Affiliates

Kaneki Ken – Quasimodo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Nagachika Hideyoshi – Charlotte, The Princess and the Frog

Yoshimura Kuzen – Mufasa, The Lion King

Kamishiro Rize – Megara, Hercules

Kirishima Touka – Nala, The Lion King

Koma Enji – Pumba, The Lion King

Irimi Kaya – Timon, The Lion King

Yomo Renji – Phil, Hercules

Kosaka Yoriko – Princess Anna of Arendelle, Frozen

Hinami Feuguchi – Princess Snow White, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Nishiki Nishio – Mushu, Mulan

Nishino Kimi – Jane Porter, Tarzan

Tsukiyama Family

Tsukiyama Shuu – Lumeiere, Beauty and the Beast

Karren von Rosewald – Mulan, Mulan

Matsumae – Mrs. Potts, Beauty and the Beast

Mirumo – Fa Zhou, Mulan

Chie Hori – Merida, Brave

Clowns

Uta – Hades, Hercules

Itori – Merryweather, Sleeping Beauty

Hoito Roma – Stepmother Tremaine, Cinderella

Nimura Furuta – Prince Hans, Frozen

Rio/Shikorae – Thomas, Pocahontas

Nico – Iago, Aladdin

Donato Porpora – Frollo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Aogiri Tree

Kirishima Ayato – also Merida, Brave

Yamori – Shan Yu, Mulan

Tatara – Jafar, Aladdin

Yoshimura Eto – Maleficent, Sleeping Beauty

Noro – Floatsom or Jetsom, The Little Mermaid

CCG

Amon Koutarou – Captain Phoebus, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Takizawa Seidou – Prince Naveen, The Princess and the Frog

Mado Akira – Esmeralda, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Houji Kousuke- General Li, Mulan

Mado Kureo – Professor Porter, Tarzan

Marude Itsuki – Zazu, The Lion King

Washuu Yoshitoki – King Stefan, Sleeping Beauty

Washuu Matsuri – Prince Phillip, Sleeping Beauty

Washuu Tsuneyoshi – The Horned King, The Black Cauldron

Kuriowa Takeomi – Kristoff, Frozen

Kuriowa Iwao – King Hubert, Sleeping Beauty

Aura Kiyoko – Queen Eleanor, Brave

Tanakamaru Mougan – Chien Po, Mulan

Shinohara Yukinori – Maximus, Tangled

Hajime Hazuki – Grumpy, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Arima Squad

Ihei Hairu – Rapunzel, Tangled

Arima Kishou – Kida, Atlantis

Ui Koori – John Smith, Pocahontas

Take Hirako – Flora, Sleeping Beauty

Ihei Shio – Bambi, Bambi

Arima Yusa – Pascal, Tangled

Souza Rikai – Kahn, Mulan

Yasuhisa Kurona – Tiana, The Princess and the Frog

Suzuya Squad

Suzuya Juuzou – Rapunzel, Tangled

Keijin Nakarai – Flynn Rider, Tangled

Hanbee Abara – also Thomas, Pocahontas

Miyuki Mikage – Milo, Atlantis

Mizurou Tamaki – Nakoma, Pocahontas

Quinx Squad

Yonebayashi Saiko – Ariel, The Little Mermaid

Shirazu Ginshi – Sebastian, The Little Mermaid

Urie Kuki – Hercules, Hercules

Mutsuki Tooru – Elsa, Frozen

Hsaio Ching-Li – Pocahontas, Pocahontas

Aura Shinsanpei – Scar, The Lion King

Higemaru Touma – Flounder, The Little Mermaid

Masanori wants a pet!

More Masanori asks! Hurrah! featuring the Uihai hellion from @hamliet‘s “The (Mis)Adventures of GOAT.”

“Mommy, can I have an owl?” Masanori peers up at Hairu.

“An owl?” Hairu laughs. “Why would you want that?”

“Because Aunt Eto says she was an owl and Aunt Eto is fun.” Masanori hops up and down. “I want fun.”

“Aren’t we fun?” Ui is appalled.

“Daddy, you are very fun.” Masanori giggles. “But I want something feathery. Please? It’s my birthday soon.”

Hairu hesitates. “We’ll see what we can do.”

As soon as Masanori has skipped off, Ui hisses, “You know he can’t have an owl!”

“He can have a parrot or something!” Hairu grins. “It will be pretty!”

Ui’s shoulders slump. Birds are messy. Pets are messy.

But it will make his wife and child happy, and therefore, Ui will get them a parrot.

———————————————-

“Fuck,” says the parrot after Ui presents the bright yellow creature to his family.

Hairu yelps.

“Don’t say that,” Ui protests.

“Don’t say that, don’t say that,” sings the bird. “Fuck.”

“What does fuck mean?” Masanori inquires. He’s so excited his entire body shakes.

Even as a cursing hooligan, the bird is worth it. Hairu shakes her head. “Tell you when we’re older. For now, don’t say that.”

“Why?” Masanori smells fear.

“Because it’s mean,” Ui says quickly. “The bird just doesn’t realize it.”

“The bird is named GOAT,” declares Masanori. “I like him.”

As their child squeals with delight, Hairu and Ui exchange glances. What have they done?

“Fuck,” says the parrot.

“I love you,” Masanori warbles back.

Hairu smiles. Masanori is more important than one dirty word.