Lmao virgin old man Uta. Crank scenario when Kaneki and Touka tell Uta she’s pregnant and him being super awkward yet somehow smooth like “oh uh I’m still a vrigin” and yomo is there for some reason and no one knows what to say so touka blurts out something embarrassing about kaneki

“Thanks for rescuing Yomo,” Touka says. She sits besides Kaneki’s bedside in CCG’s infirmary. Yomo stands behind her. 

Uta waves his hand. “Of course.”

Touka sighs. She still feels awful for leaving Yomo. Although he pushed it. Although he wanted her to run. “I can’t wait until this baby is born and I can return to guarding my old uncle.” 

Kaneki snorts, and Yomo scowls. “Fat chance, kid.”

Uta chokes. “Baby?”

“Yeah.” Touka points at her stomach.

“Kaneki?” Uta’s eyes pop. He doubles over laughing. 

“It’s not funny. It’s beautiful,” Yomo snaps.

“It’s funny because I can’t believe you kids had sex before I managed to seduce someone,” Uta jokes.

Yomo pales. Kaneki sits up, looking more alive – with fright – than he has since Dragon. Touka turns bright red.

“What?” Uta demands.

“Gosh, he’s so much more nonchalant about being a virgin than you were, Kaneki,” Touka says.

“Hey,” Yomo whispers. “Uta, why did you rescue me again?”