crack head cannon (takes place after the conference for stopping kaneki and everyone is kinda just mulling around): touka is sitting quietly, sipping on decaf coffee when 3 nameless ccg start harassing her. She ignores them and tries to shoo them away with “i have a husband” but they get cocky and insult him while asking where he is. Her answer: pointing out the nearest window at kaneki wrapped around a building and muttered something about how much of a dumbass he is. They get scared and leave

Okay but this is awesome. 

Content note for sexual harassment. 

“Hey, cutie.” A CCG official sidles up to the Rabbit ghoul, who’s sipping decaf coffee with a gloomy look on her pretty face. “You should smile more.”

Akira Mado glances up from behind the pretty ghoul, eyes blazing. 

That goddamn feminist traitor is offended over a ghoul now? Apparently so. “Say what?” 

“I just mean she’s really pretty,” he says quickly.

“Thanks.” The rabbit doesn’t even glance at him.

He feels aggravated. Doesn’t she know she’s in CCG, on his hospitality? 

“You hardly look like the ghoul I expected,” he tries again.

“Oh, you were expecting monsters?” challenges Miza of the Three Blades. God, why are there so many women here? He just wants to talk to the pretty one.

“No, but I wasn’t expecting someone so beautiful.”

The rabbit looks up in exasperation. “I have a husband.” 

“Who doesn’t even have the balls to stick by his wife in hostile territory?” scoffs the man. “I wouldn’t leave you, sweetie.”

“He’s preoccupied.” Touka points towards the writhing dragon outside. “That’s him. He’s a fucking dumbass with great balls, thank you very much, goodbye.” 

The man’s eyes widen. Kaneki Ken is married to the rabbit? What the hell? 

He scuttles away. Maybe Kaneki will die or something. 

Hopefully he won’t eat him. The man gulps. 

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and Kaneki will eat a few misogynists,” Akira says dryly. Touka and Miza snicker. 

In this situation, they all need humor.