Aw thank you Nonny-Mouse! I live and die by Mutsurie.
“I think we deserve a drink.” Urie stops Mutsuki on his way out of CCG. It’s been a few days since the wedding, and he’s still pissed at himself for not telling Mucchan how he feels.
And he’s not the only one. Saiko’s been glaring at him ever since, and Higemaru and Hsaio are starting to notice.
“Okay,” Mutsuki says uncertainly. “Just one, though.”
When they arrive at the bar, Urie chugs whiskey instead of talking. Mutsuki orders a gin and tonic and sips it. He wants to ask for something sweet, but he also feels like that isn’t masculine enough. He feels ridiculous.
“Let me order you another drink. I though you liked daiquiris? You seem like a daiquiri person.” Urie waves the bartender over.
“Huh?”
“How’s training the Oggai?” Urie orders a Long Island Iced tea, and Mutsuki is now concerned.
Is he drinking to avoid concern over Mutsuki? He shouldn’t be. Mutsuki feels anger rising, along with an alcohol-induced flush in his cheeks.
“I’ll be better than Sasaki. I won’t abandon them. I’m gonna be better.”
Urie’s sober enough to realize mistakes have been made, but not enough to stop them. But after three hours of Mutsuki ranting on Sasaki, and a few drunk texts with Saiko, Urie’s courage has rallied.
“Mucchan.” He interrupts his colleague with a grin.
“What?”
“I love you. I’ve loved you since the auction. You’re the sweetest man I know and I want to kiss you and marry you and live happily ever after with you.” Urie slams his glass down on the counter. It shatters.
“No more for you,” says the bartender in alarm.
Mutsuki leans forward. “I’m ugly. In my soul. I am grotesque.”
“You’re better than me.” Urie throws his arms around Mucchy. “Mut-shuki. Mucchy. Mucchan.”
“You don’t know.” Mutsuki begins crying. “You don’t know what I’ve done!”
“Then tell me!” Urie sweeps Mutsuki off his chair, into his arms.
Something warm explodes in Mutsuki’s heart. He feels safe and happy with Urie. Like Sasaki, but Urie really likes him. Urie didn’t abandon him.
And then Urie falls flat on his face, on top of Mutsuki, just as Saiko, Hsaio, Aura, and Higemaru arrive as reinforcements after Urie’s very strange messages.
Urie regains consciousness through the searing pain of a pounding headache. His room stinks. “Uh?”
“You’ve been vomiting half-unconscious for hours.” Mutsuki is holding him half-above the trash can.
“I said things to you.”
“You never let me finish.” Mutsuki’s massaging his neck. “Saiko will bring water, and when you’re ready I’ll start.”
@mikotofubar Here you go!
TW for discussions of sexual assault
Aura opens the door with to piling plates of fries and crispy chicken. “Saiko said to bring these to you.”
“Thanks,” mumbles Urie, taking the plate. He shovels fries into his mouth. “Dignity is overrated.”
“I’m scared.” Mutsuki looks at Aura. He’s too nauseated too eat. “Tell him…about the clowns.”
“Me?” Aura looks horrified.
“Please?” He can’t break Urie’s heart.
“He thought it was Sasaki.” Aura avoids Urie’s eyes.
“Thought what was Sasaki?”
“A kagune. It was transformed to look like him.” Aura is dead white now.
“I humped it. During battle.” Mutsuki doubles over. “When Aura found me, I was blinded by everything else and topless and … he really helped me.”
“Did he?” Urie glares at Aura. You told no one?
“Bye!” Aura squeaks, shutting the door.
Urie hisses.
Mutsuki is now rocking back and forth, whimpering. “I killed Torso.”
“I know.” Urie’s heart breaks for the broken boy before him. “He deserved it.”
“He raped me. Like my dad raped me and like my dad, I killed him.” Mutsuki wails into his hands. “I am the killer! Remember the cat that was killed on campus at the academy? That was me!”
Urie blinks. “Mutsuki?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so evil.” Mutsuki curls up in a ball besides Urie. “You don’t know me; I’m so evil!”
Urie struggles to reconcile the sweet, gentle boy he knows, the boy who hates blood, with a vicious killer. He can’t, until he realizes that they are the same, they’ve always been the same, for as long as he has known Mutsuki. And he loves them.
“Leave me before I kill you, too.” Mutsuki sobs.
“No!” Urie wraps his arms around Mutsuki, like Mucchan did for him as the auction. “I love you. I don’t care what you’ve done. You’re safe with me. I promise.”
Mutsuki hiccups, but he relaxes somewhat. He’s terrified of himself. “Don’t let me go.”
“Never again,” Urie promises, kissing the top of Mutsuki’s head. “You’ll always have me. I won’t leave. I just … I love you, Tooru. You don’t have to feel the same. I just want you to be happy.”
Mutsuki feels Urie’s strong arms around him, and wonders if maybe he does feel the same.
At any rate, with Urie, he does not feel grotesque.
Mutsuki wakes up secure in Urie’s warm arms, a mountain of blankets covering them both. His eyes still burn from all the crying he did last night, and though all they did was talk, he feels naked.
Because Urie knows.
Urie stirs. “Mutsuki.”
He reaches out to pat Mucchan’s head. “Did you sleep well?”
“I’m scared.” Mutsuki admits. “There’s so much I need to do.”
“Well, I’ll do it with you. As much as I can,” Urie promises, wrapping his arms around him. “This doesn’t bother you, does it? I promise I’m just hugging you as a friend.”
“You can hug me as a lover, too.”
Urie looks horrified. “No, Mutsuki! I mean – you know how I feel. But I won’t unless you want me to.”
Mutsuki smiles slightly. “You really don’t hate me.”
“Never.”
Mutsuki swallows. “Kiss me.”
“I – you just -”
“I want you to kiss me,” Mutsuki says, “Because if I need to change, you’re the person I need. And I – I love you. I’d love anyone who didn’t hate me, but you – know everything, and you still don’t.”
“As if I could.” Urie’s hesitant, but Mutsuki tugs him closer, so he leans forward and slowly merges his lips with Mutsuki’s.
Mutsuki isn’t sure what he expected, but Urie’s kiss is tender and careful, yet wild all at once. He feels secure and happy and hopeful – emotions he’s always been grasping at.
He feels them now, with Urie.
Urie opens his mouth and lets Mutsuki’s tongue explore. He loves this man os much he worries this isn’t real.
But then their teeth clack together, and Mutsuki giggles, and Urie realizes that this is better than any promotion.
He breaks away to whisper so to Mutsuki, and the two of them fall over laughing. Urie’s past isn’t nice either, but they can work through it, together.
Mercy and Magic 